by Leia Shaw
“You need to stop dating smart guys and pick up some dumb jock instead.”
“Gram!”
“A simple, kind man. Like your grandfather.”
He died when Em was in middle school. She’d only met him a handful of times. “I don’t remember him.”
She smiled, the lines in her face showing she’d been smiling for many years. That her hair was still its blondish color instead of all gray like other women her age spoke of a lifetime of relatively stress-free enjoyment. “He’d have liked you.”
Em wished her dad valued his parents more. Even if they didn’t live close by, they could’ve at least visited around holidays more than once every few years. If she’d had the chance to get to know her grandma earlier, she probably wouldn’t have spent most of her childhood wondering if she’d been adopted.
“Are there any other boys you’re interested in?” Narrowing her eyes, she added, “Or girls?”
“I’m not a lesbian, Gram.”
“Well, you never know.”
Jess had made the same assumption. Did she look like one? What did a lesbian look like anyway? She never thought much about her wardrobe, despite Jess bringing her attention to it constantly with tips about dressing for her body, whatever that meant. Emerson wore what she liked while making sure she wasn’t too out of style. Maybe her short, uneven bob was butch? Or the fact that she only wore studs in her ears and a hoop in her nose, and she didn’t wear make-up or girly stuff either.
Crap. Maybe she was putting off lesbian vibes.
It wasn’t that she had a problem with being a lesbian, she just wasn’t attracted to girls. In fact, she was barely attracted to boys. She was attracted to numbers. Chuckling to herself, she wondered if there was a pathology for that.
There were times – not many but they were there – when something struck her as particularly hot. It usually had to do with attitude, not appearance. Strength, confidence. A certain look or walk.
She gave her head a shake and focused back on the present. No need to go there. Not with her grandma in the room. After placing a teabag in the mug, she handed it to her grandmother.
“Thank you, dear. So what’s your newest project?”
“I’m looking for –”
“Prime numbers,” she said, annoyed. “Yes, I know. But what are you doing for money?”
Levi’s face popped into her mind. His wide smile, dusty blond hair that curled a bit on the top. That hadn’t been the first thing she’d noticed though. It’d been his biceps under the fitted t-shirt. Why did she have a thing for muscles? It wasn’t as if she valued sports and she’d never even set foot in a gym. Jocks and gym rats held no interest for her. Too bad her libido didn’t feel the same way. Just the peek at Levi’s arms got her going in ways Jonah never could. She pictured them pinning her down on the bed as he thrust into her, his strength controlling her movement, his voice commanding her when to come.
Yeah. Maybe there was some secret lust deep down inside she hadn’t explored yet. But that didn’t mean she wanted to now. Or ever.
She and Jonah made a predictable pair, but just because she looked like a nerd didn’t mean she was attracted to that in someone else. Levi had swagger. The walk, the talk, the attitude. His smile was charming, yes, but his eyes were wicked. And his low-rise jeans, so worn in they hugged his ass perfectly, had made her almost drool on her keyboard. Not that she’d looked. On purpose.
Whoa. Now she was getting ahead of herself. Why was she even thinking of him that way? He was a client. Not only that but he was already involved with someone. Someone. Jury was still out on who that person was.
“I’ve got some projects on the side,” she said then closed up the cookie box. “Speaking of which, I should probably get going.”
She had a catfish to find.
Chapter 5
Levi stared at the computer screen. His gut twisted as he read through the conversation for the second time. Something wasn’t right.
Hope: I’m sorry, sweetheart. Tonight just isn’t good.
Levi: Again?
Hope: You know it’s hard for me to video chat. But we will soon. I promise.
Levi: You always promise. I don’t even know why I bother asking anymore.
Hope: I’m sorry
Levi: Do you take this seriously? Or is this a joke to you? Am I not important?
Hope: What? Of course you are! This has nothing to do with you.
Levi: I’m beginning to doubt that.
Hope: Please don’t be mad. You know you mean the world to me.
Nice words. It was just nice words meant to lure him into complacency. “Who are you?” he whispered.
He wanted to scream it. He wanted to reach into the computer and grab a hold of her, first to shake her then he’d kiss the hell out of her. Frustration rose and he grinded his teeth together. He would put every ounce of angst he’d felt in the last four months into that kiss. And if he had his way, he’d fuck her against the wall too.
In his head, he’d imagined it many times. Undressing her, taking his time perusing her body. He realized that he’d never appreciated just looking at his past girlfriends. But with Hope, he’d be happy to just sit there and watch her. He’d take her slow first, enjoying every moan, every sound that left her lips. Then he’d let loose and take out his frustration on her – for all the times she’d cancelled video chat. He’d make her come so hard, she’d never forget to video chat again.
But she was more than just an object of lust. Yes, he wanted to possess her, but he wanted to dote on her too. He wanted to play the song he wrote about her and watch her smile light up her face. He desperately wanted to hear her laugh. In his head, her laugh was amazing, her voice feminine but not too girly.
“Like little bells and fairy giggles,” he muttered then pushed back in his seat with a sigh.
Fuck Me. I’m lost.
Maybe he should write another song and call it Fuck me, I’m Lost. He chuckled at himself. Or Fairy Giggles.
The chat alert dinged and he checked his messages.
Hope: I’m looking at dates to come to Boston.
He shot up in his chair. Was she serious? She’d talked about coming here but never anything as concrete as deciding on a date. He typed back.
Levi: When?
Hope: Memorial Day weekend?
That was two months from now. It was farther away than he wanted but it was better than nothing.
Levi: Really? You’re not messing with me, are you?
Hope: As long as nothing comes up between now and then.
Why did that sound conditional instead of enthusiastic? God, this girl really knew how to keep him on edge. If he wasn’t so addicted to her, he’d do the smart thing and demand she meet him this weekend or end the relationship.
Hope: You mean so much to me, Levi. You’re in my thoughts all the time. Every little thing makes me think of you. Our song was on the radio yesterday and I almost broke down and cried. I want to see you so bad.
Yes! It was about damn time. Months ago would’ve been about damn time. So why was it taking so long? If he knew where she lived, he’d hop in the car and drive there tonight.
Levi: You know I’ve been waiting to see you. It’s not me that’s taking so long.
Hope: I know. And someday you’ll understand.
Understand? Was she catfishing him? He felt so torn about this hacking stuff. On the one hand, he deserved to know. The more he thought about it, the more the red flags popped up. But trust went with love. And by spying on her, he was admitting he didn’t trust her. But how could he trust her when she wouldn’t video chat, seemed so private even after almost a year, and made these cryptic comments all the time?
Levi: Understand what?
He held his breath, eyes glued to the screen. Please don’t say you’re a dude. Please don’t say you’re eighty. A long moment later, a message finally came up.
Hope: You’ll understand why it’s taking so long. After we meet, you can d
ecide if you still want me.
If? Why was she even thinking he’d dump her? He squeezed his eyes shut. Why didn’t he just ask her straight up? It wasn’t like him not to be forward. This girl got him so twisted up inside. He was pretty sure this wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t stop. He was too obsessed to end it.
Levi: You’re not a dude, are you?
Hope: Lmao! No!
He exhaled in relief though it didn’t ease his anxiety that much. Something still wasn’t right.
Hope: Seriously, it’s nothing like that. You know me. I’ll always be me. Your Hope.
His Hope. The name seemed ironic now. His hope. He sighed and dropped his head in his hands. Maybe he should bug Emerson to do this faster. He wasn’t sure how much more uncertainty he could take. The computer beeped and he looked up.
Hope: I adore you, Levi Morrison.
He took a deep breath and set his fingers on the keyboard. Did she know how much he cared about her? Could she feel it through these little black words on the screen? If so, she should want to meet him sooner. Maybe she thought it was a game. It was anything but a game to him. God, if they clicked as well in person as they did online, he’d marry her.
He swallowed hard and made his fingers move.
Levi: I adore you too, Hope Love.
“Whatever your name is,” he said to the screen, feeling like a big dork, “I still like you.”
Chapter 6
A boy was coming to the apartment.
Em threw six nearly-empty mugs of coffee into the sink. She’d spent the last thirty minutes cleaning up the sitting area and kitchen. It was a bit of an afterthought that she’d roomed with someone as messy as she was. Not that she was in any position to be picky. It was hard to find someone who’d put up with an anti-social night owl who didn’t cook, clean, or host house parties. Except for the mess, Jess was a perfect fit. She left Em alone to do her work, didn’t expect a lot of small talk, and screwed at her girlfriend’s place instead of theirs.
Ugh! She threw a t-shirt she found tucked into the couch cushions into her bedroom then shut the door. Too bad they couldn’t afford a maid. Cleaning was a waste of perfectly good research time. But that didn’t mean she wanted the rest of the world to know she lived like a slob.
Her gaze flew to her work station. The desk was covered in notebooks, loose paper, and unopened mail – probably unpaid bills. Straightening it would ruin everything. Right now, amidst the clutter, she knew exactly where everything was. Yes, it wasn’t a perfect system but it worked for her. If she touched even one stack of papers, she’d lose track of everything.
With a sigh, she left it and wiped down the coffee table with Mr. Clean. Maybe the sparkling surface would distract from the clutter on her desk. A knock on the door startled her from her cleaning frenzy. She placed the spray bottle and roll of paper towels on the breakfast bar straddling the kitchen then went to the door.
Meeting clients at the apartment felt too personal but Levi had insisted on privacy to go over the details. He was already feeling guilty about invading his dream girl’s life so she’d conceded out of pity. The poor guy was in for a shock tonight.
After plastering a small smile on her face, she opened the door. There stood Prince Charming, looking as lickable as ever. Butterflies took off in her belly.
Really, Em?
Now she was nervous? If she turned into a giggly school girl around this guy, she was going to quit. It wasn’t a real crush anyway. She didn’t like him for his personality or anything. It was purely physical. It’d been a long time since she’d been laid. And self-pleasuring wasn’t exactly high on the priority list when she had research to do.
Fuck. Why was she thinking about masturbating while her love-sick idiot of a client stood in her doorway, waiting for her to say something?
“Uh, come in.” God, a silly boy crush was the last thing she needed right now.
Though he smiled, she could tell his nerves were getting to him. His fingers twitched at his sides and his smile seemed forced. In the coffee shop, he’d flashed her wide toothy grins that reached his eyes. Now it fizzled once he walked through the door.
“Have a seat.” She gestured to the overstuffed couch they’d picked up at a thrift shop. Her grandma had given her a recliner and the old coffee table so the apartment was decently furnished. But where others would place a TV, she had four monitors, a keyboard, and a giant messy desk.
Levi’s brows shot up when he spotted the desk. “Wow. That’s some set up you got there.” He sunk into their couch, shifting to sit up a little. It did tend to suck people in.
She sat on her desk chair and swiveled to face him. “Yeah. It’s a little messy but…” Her cheeks heated and she shrugged. “I’m pretty busy.”
Having someone analyze her work space was surprisingly uncomfortable. They didn’t have visitors in the apartment so she wasn’t used to people looking at her stuff, even from a distance. It made her feel vulnerable and she fought the urge to cover it with something. But that would be silly. She had nothing to prove to him.
“I get it,” he said. “You should see my bedroom slash studio. When I get in writing mode, you can’t even find the floor. It gets buried in staff paper.”
Staff paper? So he was a musician. No wonder he was in love with a figment. He’d probably already written her poetry. This was going to end in disaster. For the first time since she’d started hacking for people, she considered finding a way to get out of this. Was there another option that didn’t include breaking this guy’s heart?
“Though it’s a temporary mess. I’m a bit of a neat freak otherwise. I blame my mom.”
“I wish I could say this is temporary.” She turned to her desk and spotted a Starbucks paper cup she’d missed when she’d been cleaning. She picked it up. “I think this is from when we first met a week ago.”
He grimaced, making her chuckle. “Where I grew up, that sort of infraction would get you severely punished.”
She arched a brow. “Really? Sounds strict.”
“Yup. You’d get a stern lecture about what appearances mean to outsiders.” He mimicked a high-pitch motherly voice. “And what will people think if they see trash littered around your house like a frat party?”
She snorted. “Sounds like my mom. But not about the house. She’s more concerned with personal appearance.”
His gaze swept over her then he smiled. “And how’s that working out for her?”
Scowling, she pulled her sweatshirt closed, concealing her t-shirt that read Sarcasm loading, please wait. Her mother so wouldn’t approve.
Levi laughed.
“Shut up.”
He put up his hands in a peaceful gesture. “Stand down, killer. I’m not judging. Some of the best people turn out to be the opposite of their parents. I’m pretty sure my dad’s aspirations for me didn’t include struggling musician.”
“Ha. I can beat that. My mom wanted me to be Miss Blushing Blueberry.” She pointed to herself. “Do I look like pageant material to you?”
His chest rumbled in a sexy laugh. “You’d certainly shake things up. It might be fun.”
“Try funny. And no. Not happening.”
“I’m already picturing it in my mind.” He closed his eyes, exaggerating a thinking face. “Black lace, dangly sleeves, those big platform boot things.”
When he opened his eyes, she arched a brow, trying to hold back a smile. “You’re ridiculous.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes.”
“And I don’t dress like that.”
“I know. But it’s funny in my head.”
This was a different side of him. At Starbucks, he’d been demanding about eye contact and lecturing about manners. Now she was surprised to find him somewhat silly. Most guys she knew were pretty one dimensional. This Levi had layers.
“So.” He leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “Do you have good news for me?”
At least he looked a little more relaxed now, though he woul
dn’t for long. For some reason, she felt especially sad about this situation. People paid her to give them information, not to have opinions or feel bad for them. Normally, she didn’t stray from that. But there was something about this one that changed things, made her feel. And it wasn’t just his hot ass.
The news wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great either. She thought for a moment about where to start. With a sigh, she decided on the bad news. “Well, I planted a Trojan on her computer –”
“Trojan?”
“Yes, I used your email account to send her one of those stupid cat videos so when she opened the attachment it planted a bug that gives me access to her desktop.”
His face paled as he stared at her. “You used my email to plant that?”
“Well, she wasn’t going to open it if it was from a stranger.”
“I’m so not okay with that.” He wiped his palms on his jeans. “This doesn’t feel right. A cat video? And she opened it?”
She nodded. “It was a funny one. This little kitten found a fan and it kept attacking the air, like, trying to catch it with its paws –”
“I betrayed her,” he muttered to himself.
“Actually.” She turned toward the computer and fired up one of the screens. “She betrayed you first.” A picture she’d saved appeared on the monitor. “The pictures on her desktop don’t match the one you gave me. Neither does the name.”
“Who’s that?” He stood up and moved behind Emerson.
“That’s Heidi Jacobs. AKA, Hope Love.” It didn’t look like the sunny blonde with the perfect body he showed her a week ago. Heidi had plain brown hair, slightly crooked teeth, and an average body. Still prettier than Em but she didn’t look like the cheerleader he’d fallen in love with. That had to be a bit of a shock.
She turned to see his face.