by Leia Shaw
If the news was so good, why didn’t he feel comforted by it? And that Emerson knew so much about her felt weird. Like two worlds colliding. Not to mention the guilt. Not only that he was spying, seriously spying, but he was also having these wacky, unpredictable feelings for Em. This projection shit was out of control. Was there a pill for this? His mother would know. She took enough vitamins and prescription medication to fill a pharmacy. She swore it relaxed her but if she were any more uptight, she’d pop like an overfilled water balloon.
“Have you asked her about any of this?” Em questioned.
“No. I was waiting until I had more evidence to confront her so I would know if she was lying again. Now that I have an address, I think I’m going to drive out to see her. I want to do it in person, so I can look in her eyes.”
She nodded. “Well, she’s not a registered gun owner so I think you’re safe.”
He flicked his gaze to hers, looking for signs she was joking. Her expression stayed neutral. Typical Emerson – always pragmatic. He burst out laughing.
Her brow furrowed. “What?”
“Nothing.” His laughter died down to just a chuckle. “I just like you.”
Pink painted her cheeks as she stared down at the table. He cringed. Stupid move. What the hell was wrong with him?
“Um. I mean, you’re doing a good job.”
He watched her nod then look anywhere but at him. A wave of affection swept over him. Though she didn’t put out warm fuzzy vibes, there was a certain sweetness about her, different from other girls. It was subtle but still there – in the way she blushed, her smiles that were reserved for real moments of happiness, and the fact that she seemed to care about him, even if it was only a little.
With a small smile, and a soft gaze he said, “Thank you, Emerson.”
“For what?”
“Not judging me.”
After heaving a breath, she lifted her head. The pink had gone from her cheeks, sadly. He’d liked the slightly embarrassed look on her face. It reminded him of that after-glow women got after a good fuck. He hid a grin. If she knew what he was thinking, she’d probably turn bright red.
“I judge you,” she said, smirking. “I just don’t do it out loud.”
He chuckled. “Well, thanks for that then.” The mischievous twinkle in her eye said she was teasing, but he’d learned Emerson didn’t hold back her opinions often. “I know you must think I’m stupid for falling for this girl.”
She shrugged, but looked away. Was she planning to lie? “It’s not my business. I’m just doing my job.”
“You’ve never fallen in love?”
“No,” she said with a sardonic laugh. “I’m too driven with my work. I don’t know. It’s probably impossible.” She almost looked sad about it. “It’d be like having to split myself in two. I can’t focus on work and a person at the same time. There’s just not enough time or energy.”
“That’s silly. Love isn’t quantifiable.”
Her brows shot up. “Everything is quantifiable.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.” He scowled, feeling irritated though he didn’t understand why. “Feelings can’t be counted up and divided.”
“Sure they can. Relationships require attention. I’d have to spend x amount of time on the emotional stuff, then y on pragmatic stuff. A huge amount of time is spent on communication, let’s say that’s x squared, plus there’s bound to be fights over misunderstandings, so x squared plus y for that. All these hours added up are time away from my research. So love equals, modestly, three x squared plus y.”
He stared for a moment, trying to wrap his head around all of that. Mathematician. Figured. “Wow. I had no idea love could sound so boring.”
“It isn’t all flowers and poetry, you know. At least not for long.”
“Oh, I know how you feel. Anyone can betray the ones they love. Such an optimist.”
She shrugged, looked totally unapologetic. “It’s true. I’ve seen it a dozen times.”
“You’re jaded.”
“You’re idealistic.”
They had a brief staring contest then Emerson looked away. “Anyway, I’ll send you everything I uncovered. Unless you need anything else, I guess we’re done.” Her face fell. “Um, I’ll email an invoice with the final report.”
What? Already? He was reluctant to part. If he read her right, she didn’t seem too eager to get rid of him either. Maybe they could stay friends. Did she even like him like that?
Sometimes he caught her staring at him in a mysterious way. Not creepy, like Mrs. Miller, but as if she were confused by him. He wasn’t exactly hard to figure out – not too smart, not too dumb. Though compared to her, his intelligence was lacking so maybe that was why she gave him strange looks. He squirmed a bit, somewhat self-conscious now.
Last time they’d been at Starbucks together, she’d barely looked at him. Now she not only made eye contact, but showed him a variety of expressions. Sly when she was being funny. Confused when he laughed at her bluntness. Adorable when she… She was always adorable.
“So what are you gonna do now?” she asked.
It took him a moment to switch gears, away from Emerson and back to Heidi. This wasn’t good. Forcing himself to focus, he pictured what he’d been dreaming of doing for months.
“I’m going to drive to her house.” Pull her into his arms – Heidi, with the brown hair and crooked teeth – then kiss her hard. After that…a happily ever after, he supposed. That was the best case scenario. But Emerson didn’t need to know all that.
“Just drive to her house and talk to her.”
“Well.” She shrugged. “Good luck.”
“Hang on.” He put up a hand. An idea formed in his mind and he held back a grin. “You’re driving to Chicago next week.”
“Yeah. So?”
“I’m headed to Ohio. We should ride together.”
Her eyes grew wide in a horrified expression. “What?”
As he thought it through, the plan seemed more and more brilliant. “It’s a long way to drive by yourself. If we ride together, we can split the driving time. I’ll drive to Cleveland, it’s practically on the way, and you can drop me off. Then you only have to drive half of the way. You can pick me up on the way back and I’ll drive again. It’s a perfect plan. We’ll split the gas and it saves us both the hassle of driving alone.”
“No.”
He should’ve known she’d say that. Of course she’d rather spend twelve hours alone in the car than with an actual living, breathing person. Emerson, the jaded math geek who managed to write an equation for love. Frustration made him growl a little.
“Bad idea. Sharing a small space for that long? We’d kill each other.”
Rolling his eyes, he leaned back. “No, we wouldn’t. We get along fine.”
Her face scrunched up in a look of disgust. Again, he felt somewhat offended. Was he that unappealing? He wasn’t used to people being repulsed by him.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.”
At least she was considering it. That was almost a yes. If he pushed, she’d probably cave. He just had to turn on the charm, find the right angle.
“Come on,” he coaxed. “I’ll let you control the radio. I’ll stock up on candy and caffeine. I’ll even buy you dinner.”
“That makes twice and a coffee. I owe you.”
He shrugged. “If we take your car, I owe you for the mileage you put on it. We could take mine but it’s not very reliable.”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “Going through Toledo isn’t exactly a straight shot to Chicago.”
“Is it so far out of the way that it’s not worth it to have a driving buddy?”
She arched a brow. “I don’t do buddies.”
He tried a different angle. “Think of the work you could get done if I drive. I promise to leave you alone. You can spend the whole way to Cleveland working on your laptop. That’s like…eight hours or something, isn’t
it?”
“Ten.” She sighed. “Maybe it’s not such a bad idea. You sure you’re okay with being stuck at a stranger’s place for four days?”
“Hope isn’t a stranger.”
She stared at him blankly, making him rethink what he’d just said.
“I mean, Heidi isn’t a stranger.” The irony of the slip up caught him off guard.
Emerson’s lips quirked up in a challenging smirk.
He scowled at her, but it was himself he was mad at. How did he let this lie go on for so long? He hadn’t meant their relationship to go this far. It was fun in the beginning – someone to flirt with, talk music with. It kept him from getting bored with his life. They encouraged each other’s dreams and imagined happily ever afters. When they talked online, it was as if nothing could reach them. They were in their own world, untouchable by life’s stress. It wasn’t easy to break out as a composer, especially in the niche he wanted to get into. With Hope, he could do anything, be anything, even if it was just pretend. There was something disturbing yet comforting about that.
Hope was different than other girls his age. While they seemed shallow, Hope was a mystery – a fountain of depth that intrigued him. Now he understood just how much of a mystery. Did he even know her at all? He’d spent the last few nights pouring over past conversations, trying to figure out how much was real. To his disappointment, it was no clearer than when he’d started. No wonder he needed coffee.
He gulped down most of the espresso Em had picked out for him. It was a little bitter for his taste, but it did the trick. He was feeling energized already. Or maybe it was adrenaline from the prospect of finally meeting Hope…
Emerson shifted her attention to her computer screen. “She doesn’t have anything on her calendar for that weekend. You should probably ask to be safe though. It’d be a waste of time if she was away.”
Nodding, he made a mental note to fit it into their conversation. For now, it seemed Emerson was interested enough to at least consider his carpooling idea. His reasons were mostly selfish. Who wanted to drive ten hours alone? He looked at Em. Other than anti-social math geeks. But part of him was worried for her as well. His brother-in-law worked as a police officer and he’d seen plenty of accidents from overtired drivers.
“Have you done this trip before by yourself?” he asked her.
“No, but I’ve driven to my parents’ house by myself. It’s five hours less. I figured I’d drive two days with a hotel stop overnight.”
“If we ride together it might be a good idea to stop too, so you can rest up for the second part of your journey.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Hmm. Next you’re going to say we should share a room to save money. And conveniently there’ll only be rooms with one bed available. I see your game.”
Was Emerson flirting? Miss Quantifiable Love? He’d bet she had an equation for flirting too. “Not a bad plan, but no. We probably shouldn’t share a room. I’m committed to Hope.”
“Heidi.”
“Right.”
Silence stretched on for a moment. Finally, Em sighed and said, “I’ll think about it and let you know.”
He knew he’d won her over already, but he nodded solemnly as he rose from the table. “I gotta run. I have a crazy stalker mom to deal with.” He sucked down the last two sips of his drink then looked at Emerson. “I’ll convince you yet. Even if I have to email you over and over until you agree.”
“Don’t do that.”
“It’s much easier to just do what I want, Emerson. I’m used to getting my way.” He winked then walked away with a chuckle.
As he left Starbucks, a cold sense of dread that had nothing to do with the chilly April morning hit him. He’d rather sit with Emerson and drink that poison all day than deal with the man-eater, Mrs. Miller.
His phone buzzed in his jeans pocket. The chat alert. He pulled it out, already knowing who it was. Hope’s message didn’t surprise him. He’d been distant lately, still unsure of how to act natural.
Hope: Are you up yet, sleepy head? You usually say good morning and it’s 10am already.
He typed back a response as he turned the corner toward his studio.
Levi: Sorry. I had an early appointment today. Mrs. Miller is up next. I’ll be back in an hour.
Instead of waiting for a reply then giving a mushy goodbye, he turned off his phone and stuffed it back in his pocket. The distance was killing him, but as soon as they met in person, and she assured him she was still his Hope, things would go back to normal. Then he could give himself fully. And maybe even start a life together. One week. He had to hold on just one more week.
Chapter 11
Emerson stared at the open suitcase sitting on her bed.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
She thought through items she might be forgetting. Of course she’d already packed most of her research, text books, and electronics. For things like this, it was clothing she packed last. Last year at this same convention, she’d forgotten to pack a single pair of pants. She’d had to wear the same ones she’d arrived in all weekend.
Toothpaste! That was it!
She opened the door and stepped out of her bedroom. Jess and Dani were in the living room, play-wrestling on the couch. Em ignored the giggling and shouts for help coming from Jess, who was pinned under Dani’s body. She grabbed a travel-size toothpaste from the drawer in the bathroom then walked by the two creepy love birds again.
Jess squealed as Dani bit her neck. “Wait! Stop,” she begged as she panted and laughed. “I wanna talk to Em for a sec.”
Emerson sighed but stopped in the living room and gave Jess an expectant look. Reluctantly, Dani let her up then glared at Em as if it was her fault their playtime got interrupted. In the beginning of their relationship, Emerson had assumed Dani hated her. The bored looks and sometimes rude comments caught her off guard. But she’d learned quickly they weren’t just reserved for her. Dani was pretty much like that with everyone. Except for Jess. Her roommate had opened something inside of Dani that no one else did.
“So?” Jess asked, grinning. “Is Levi coming for the ride or not?”
God she wished she could disappear right now. The man had somehow convinced her to carpool. The fucker. This was why she hated people. They were always trying to…socialize. And if she told Jess the truth, well, that was squee material.
With a sigh, she got ready to cover her ears. “Yes, he’s coming.”
Her eyes grew wide, along with her grin. Just as she looked about ready to squee, Dani pinched her thigh. “Stop that.”
Still grinning, she managed to hold back. “But they’re road tripping together! Don’t you know what that means?”
“Yeah,” Dani answered. “They’ll probably argue about music, where to stop to eat, and inevitably one of them will fart in the car and the illusion of whatever chemistry you think they have will be gone.”
Emerson grimaced.
“You’re such a spoilsport,” Jess complained, scowling at her girlfriend. “They do have chemistry. You haven’t seen them as much as I have.”
“Oh yeah?” Dani turned and gave Jess a challenging look. “What do you know about chemistry?”
“I knew you and I had it from the moment I saw you.” She pecked Dani on the nose. “You were wearing a blue button down shirt and a pair of boyish suspenders, looking all cute.”
“Cute?” She scrunched her nose.
“Yeah, I know you like being badass. But you were cute to me.”
They gazed at each other adoringly, making Em almost throw up in her mouth.
“Didn’t you flunk chemistry?” Dani whispered against her lips.
Jess chuckled then moved in for a kiss. Dani wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s neck and kissed her earnestly. Eyes closed, they moaned as they moved against each other’s mouths.
Why was she standing here watching this? She turned to leave.
“Wait!” Jess yelled.
With a deep brea
th, she turned back around. “I have to pack.”
“Just one more thing,” she said. “Keep an open mind, okay? And an open heart.”
Dani chuckled. “An open heart? You sound like a really lame Hallmark card.” She looked at Emerson. “What she means to say is…car sex can be fun, but remember, safety first. Pull over on the side of the road, ‘kay?”
She rolled her eyes. This was ridiculous. Without a word, she turned and walked to her bedroom.
Behind her, she heard Dani murmur, “What? That bit of wisdom was from experience.”
Closing the door, she shut out the bickering couple. Car sex? No way. She tossed the toothpaste into her bag, self-conscious of the sloppiness of her packing. Road tripping with Levi was already throwing her off balance. Not that she cared about making a good impression, between the apartment mess and her disorganized suitcase, he was probably disgusted. The fact that he seemed to be a neat freak made it worse.
She shoved a few more necessities into her bag then zipped it closed. She checked the clock. Three in the afternoon. Levi’s friend was dropping him off at the apartment after his last student. He’d be here any minute. Just in time to get out of the city before traffic hit.
“Loverboy is here!” Jess called from the living room.
Shit. She jetted out of the room before her roommate could get to Levi and embarrass her. When she saw Jess still on the couch with Dani, she exhaled in relief.
“Shush,” she scolded. “You better hope he didn’t hear that!”
On the other side of the door, she was surprised to find Levi with company. A taller guy with big eyes and slicked back hair gave her a small smile.
“This is Darren.” Levi pointed to his friend. “Darren, this is Emerson. See? She’s real. Has a body and everything. Can I go now, asshole?” At Em’s quizzical look, he explained, “Darren insisted on proof that you were a real person.”
His friend shrugged. “Your judgment is questionable.” Addressing Em, he stuck out a hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m glad you’re real.”
Ignoring his outstretched hand, she opened the door wider and stepped to the side. “Is he coming in?” she said to Levi, too annoyed to waste energy on pleasantries.