by Leia Shaw
Half of the space, in the back, was still used for storage. The other half, her parents had refurnished with a plush carpet, a used couch, a few bookshelves, and there was even a small TV. She started pulling the cushions off the couch to set up the pull-out.
“Nice space you got down here, Emmy,” he said.
She chucked a pillow at his head. He dodged it and laughed. “Don’t start a pillow fight with me. I’m a pro and I’ll beat your ass.”
She arched a brow. “With a pillow? Am I supposed to be scared?”
“Yup.”
With a grunt, she yanked open the pull-out. Levi dropped the blankets and rushed to help.
“I got it,” she told him, but he nudged her out of the way and finished unfolding it for her. They put the sheet on together then stood at the foot of the bed, staring at it awkwardly. What now?
“I’ll give you some privacy.” She turned to leave but he grabbed her arm.
“No. Stay.” His eyes were pleading.
Bad idea. The only seat there was a bed. Being in the same room with him made her feel hot with sexual tension, but sharing a bed, even innocently, would push her over the edge. It was clear he didn’t feel the same way, but she only had so much control. She wasn’t into making a fool of herself over a guy so tackling him onto the bed and having her way with him wasn’t an option.
“You’re not gonna leave me all alone in your parents basement, are you?” he said, with exaggerated big eyes. “It’s scary down here.”
She chuckled, but her resolve was cracking. They’d make a terrible couple just for the fact that she’d never be able to resist him. He could charm a nun out of her habit.
“I need your protection,” he persisted.
“You need protection from the skinny girl with glasses?”
He narrowed his eyes. “You have a vicious streak. All women do.”
All except her. “I’m barely a woman.”
His brow furrowed as he stared at her. “Then what are you?”
She shrugged. Good question. She didn’t look, or dress, like a woman. She definitely didn’t act like one. Sometimes she felt like nothing more than an irresponsible teenager. Insignificant. Alone. Her biggest fear was that she’d die without ever contributing an original thought to the world. Afraid to show the truth in her eyes, she kept her gaze on the floor.
“Whoa,” Levi said.
She looked up. He was already making his way across the room to the far corner where a guitar stood up against the wall.
“Is this yours?” He lifted it gently.
“No.” She snorted. “My dad used to play. I have absolutely no musical ability whatsoever.”
“Do you think he’d mind if I played it? I left mine at home for safety but I miss it. I rarely go without playing this long.”
“I doubt he’d care. As long as you’re careful.”
He sat down on the bed, guitar strap already around his neck. “Of course.” After he strummed it a few times then played with the knobby things, he smiled up at her. “Come here. I’m gonna play you a song.”
A smile snuck up on her.
She sat across from him on the bed, being sure to keep a good distance between them. No need to give him ideas. Oh hell. It was more for her. Just seeing him sit on the bed brought back memories from last night, and a desire for a repeat performance.
Staring through her, he plucked the strings, humming softly. “Let’s see.” He cleared his throat and started to sing.
“Her smiles are as rare as an eclipse,
but it looks so pretty on her sweet sweet lips.
She makes me laugh with her sullen looks,
and her face is often buried in a big math book…”
He paused, picking at the strings for a moment, holding her captive with his eyes. Her cheeks heated and she flicked her gaze away. Then he smiled and started again.
“There’s nothing in this room but you and me,
of course I’m talking about my girl Emmyyyyy….”
At the end, he strummed the last chord a bunch of times in a row loudly with a goofy grin. Her heart thunked then seemed to skip a beat. His blue eyes twinkled, reminding her of flirty looks he’d given her the last couple of days. He was funny and sexy and sweet. He was everything she never thought she wanted, but somehow he filled her insides with such gooeyness she was torn between wanting to vomit and wanting to kiss him all over. That he made her feel beautiful and important was icing on the cake. Even his eternal optimism was starting to appeal to her.
Fuck. She was lost.
Alarms went off in her head. Abort! Abort! Warm fuzzies were dangerous.
Get him in the friendzone now!
She grabbed the nearest pillow and bonked him in the head.
A moment of shock flickered across his face then he gave her a look that promised revenge. He placed the guitar on the floor. “That’s it. Now you’re gonna get it.”
“No!” She jumped up, truly afraid for a moment. Not of retribution, but that she’d just done the opposite of putting him in the friendzone.
He grabbed her around the waist and threw her back onto the mattress. She curled up into a ball on her side while he pummeled her with a pillow. She tried not to giggle. Really, really tried. But it didn’t work. She was having a pillow fight, giggling like a school girl, with a guy she’d had the best sex with ever the night before. Bad, bad, bad. The only thing this cheesy movie scene needed was a reason for them to take off their clothes. Maybe she should kneel up and say she was so hot and sweaty. Already, the porn music played in her head.
Finally, he stopped and collapsed onto the bed, lying on his back next to her. She ignored him, trying to get her imagination under control.
Don’t picture him naked.
A moment passed. She pictured him in his underwear instead. She wanted to groan then kick herself then jump him then eat a pint of ice cream and cry into a pillow. What the hell was wrong with her?
He tugged at her arm covering her face until she let go. Then he gave her a stark look. “You’re not a very good pillow fighter.”
“Nope.”
She uncurled herself and lay flat on her back beside Levi. Staring at the ceiling, she coached herself to breathe. As long as she didn’t look at him, she could stay in control. Aloof and unmoved. There was no need for them both to have a broken heart.
Levi sighed wistfully. “Em?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you’re here with me.” He closed his hand around hers, enveloping it in its warmth.
Every muscle in her body froze. She could barely breathe. Her mind whirled. She wanted to scream at him for fucking with her emotions. For fucking her last night. For fucking making her like him. But the little girl inside just wanted to cry. And she was afraid, if she opened her mouth, the little girl was the part that would come out.
So she swallowed hard and said nothing.
“Will you stay tonight?” he asked, turning his head to look at her.
Warmth flooded her cheeks. She didn’t want him to see anything written on her face – in case something slipped through her mask.
She pretended to look at the TV. “I don’t know.”
“Please?”
It was silent for a moment. She weighed her options. If she left now, she’d miss most of the evening workshops anyway. If she stayed here tonight, she’d have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to make it there for registration in the morning, but for some reason she couldn’t find it in her to care.
Levi shook her arm. “Em?”
“Yes.”
“Yes, you’ll stay?”
She sighed. “Yes.”
It might be the biggest mistake of her life, but being here with him felt right. Work had always been her first priority, but somehow a road trip and a musician were changing that. Her heart was in deep, deep trouble.
Chapter 18
Hope was home. He recognized the little red Honda with the bumper sticker that read I’m a te
acher, what’s your super power? He’d showed it to her online because he’d thought it was cute, and would’ve gotten it for her if she’d given him her address.
He’d been stalking the outside of the condo for twenty minutes now. Nobody had come in or gone out. He couldn’t even see in the window and trying to was starting to feel creepy. If Em were here, she’d be making fun of him.
His cell rang, making him jump and hit his head on the roof. Annoyed, he looked at the incoming number. Darren. He’d been ignoring his texts for days now. It probably looked suspect at this point. With a sigh, he answered the phone.
“Hey.”
“Jesus!” Darren yelled.
“No, it’s just me.”
Darren ignored the joke. “Where have you been? Why aren’t you answering my texts?”
“Sorry. Things got a little…crazy.” To say the least.
“Hmm.” He paused a moment. “Crazy like call me daddy crazy? Or like stalker with a knife crazy?”
That hit close to home. No need to mention he was being the stalker now though. “Crazy like I found out Heidi was cheating on me then fucked Emerson crazy.”
Silence. “Jesus.”
“No, Emerson.”
“Who the fuck is Emerson?”
Levi growled.
“Oh. Hacker Girl. Well she was hot, in a geeky kind of way. Why do you sound like a sullen bastard? You got laid, didn’t you?”
The idiot was missing the point. “Darren, do me a favor and just pretend to have a heart.”
“Sorry,” he said, sincerely. “So what are you doing now?”
He eyed Heidi’s door. Still no movement. “Sitting outside Heidi’s condo, working up the nerve to end things.”
Darren laughed. “You gonna leave a note and run, pussy?”
“Shut up.” He’d thought of that already.
“What about Emerson? Are you dating her now?”
“No. Yes.” He banged his head against the steering wheel lightly. “I don’t know.”
Last night, he and Emerson had watched the Sci-fi Channel late into the night, laughing at the cheesy effects. On the third B-rated movie, Emerson had fallen asleep, her head resting on his lap. He wasn’t even sure how she’d gotten there.
For months, he’d pictured blonde hair draped across his thigh as he ran his fingers through it. But last night, short black hair had felt just fine. Better than fine. He’d woken up, smiling, hoping to find her there sleeping sweetly, but she’d been gone. It had disappointed him more than he wanted to admit.
He liked Emerson, more than just a close friend, but now was not the time to start a new relationship. It wasn’t clear whether his feelings for her were because of the disappointment revolving around Heidi or if they were real. He had to settle things with Hope, get her out of his head, then examine how he felt after that. Emerson deserved someone in the right frame of mind. Not a heartbroken idiot, rebounding after a bad internet scam.
Come on, Levi. You can’t hide in your car all day.
“I gotta go,” he said. “Once I get this over with, I’ll know where I stand.”
A crunching sound broke through the phone. “My advice…” Darren said, a bit muffled from chewing, “take what you’ve got. If Hacker Chick is into you, ditch Catfish Girl and don’t spare her a second thought. Life is too short, man.”
If she was into him. It was a big if. “Yeah. Thanks for the sage advice.”
He chuckled. “Good luck.”
“Bye.”
He ended the call, watching the front window, now unsure if he wished she was there or miraculously absent. Then he’d have an excuse to leave a note. For days he’d been saying he needed to see her, now he was beginning to think ignorance might be bliss.
After heaving a breath, he opened the car door to go face the inevitable – to meet the cheating love of his life for the first time, then break up with her. Dread formed a pit in his stomach. He hadn’t eaten much that day, despite Em’s mom’s efforts. It had been hard to focus on anything but waiting for this moment. Now here he was and all he wanted to do was turn around, get back in the car, and drive far, far away. To Chicago. To one of the only people who made him feel good.
Ugh. He had to clear his mind. One step at a time. One woman at a time.
His knees shook as he walked to her door. The pit of dread only intensified until he literally felt sick.
Get it together, man!
He wanted to kick himself for acting like such a dumbass about this, but how did one walk into a moment four months in the making with a cool head? At the door, he inhaled a deep breath then knocked. Late afternoon on a Saturday. What would she be doing? Hopefully not Mika, or whatever the hell his name was.
The doorknob jiggled and he fought the urge to flee. The door opened. His heart hammered in his chest. Heidi stood on the other side, exactly how she looked in the photos. The real photos. Plain brown hair tied back in a ponytail, hazel eyes, dressed in a pair of jeans and a pink blouse.
Pink? But he liked black.
She stared at him for a long moment, her eyes confused as she assessed him. Recognition hit then her jaw dropped open.
“Levi?”
This was going exactly how he had imagined it would before he’d found out about Mika. He’d say “yes, it’s me,” then she’d throw herself into his arms and they’d kiss under the sunset, or moonlight, or whatever time of day he chose in the moment.
But now, knowing what he did, the magic was gone. “Yeah,” he answered, deadpan.
“Oh my god!” She jumped into his arms and hugged him hard around the neck. “What are you doing here?”
Her scent hit him. Girly, like fancy shampoo. How long had he tried to guess what she smelled like? What she’d feel like in his arms? And now he had it. She was right there. Her soft body, her flowery scent. This was everything he’d wanted.
He let his arms come around her, just to see what it felt like to hold her. It was tempting to forget all about yesterday, to just enjoy the moment, but cheating was unforgiveable.
A moment later, she let go. “What…what are you doing here? Oh my god.” She smoothed her hair over with her hands. “I look like shit. You couldn’t have given me some warning.” Laughing, she stepped into the condo. “Come inside. Please.”
He followed her in, feeling numb instead of awkward. Maybe it was better that way.
Inside the small entryway, she stared at him, grinning. Her teeth were crooked. It was as endearing in real life as it was in the photo. He’d memorized that face, that smile.
“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m just…shocked. I mean, I don’t even know what to say.” She waited for an answer.
He couldn’t think of one. Talk idiot. He cleared his throat and shifted his stance. “Um. Yeah. I’m sorry to drop in like this.”
Footsteps thundered down the stairs behind Heidi. A man appeared. Tall, skinny, blond hair and pale skin.
He looked at Levi and his brow furrowed. “What’s going on?” he asked in a thick accent. Levi couldn’t place it. Something European though. So her catfish net went beyond the borders?
Heidi, still smiling, gestured to Levi. “This is Levi, the guy I was telling you about.”
This was a puzzling development. Why didn’t she look guilty, or try to hide him? “I’m her boyfriend – er, was her boyfriend. Who are you?”
Heidi’s smile disappeared. She cocked her head to the side. “Was?” Her face fell and he almost felt guilty. Almost, if not for the man she was sleeping with behind her. She looked back at the blond guy. “This is Mika. He’s my cousin. He’s visiting from Sweden.”
He arched a brow. Did she really think he was going to buy that shit? “Your cousin?”
“Yeah. He’s been my pen pal since I was little.” She smiled and bounced on her toes a little. “I told you about him. Mickey.”
The light bulb clicked on. Oh shit. He knew she had a special relationship with her cousin. They’d met as young kids
then written to each other all these years. She’d told Levi it was how she’d learned to read and write. Mickey had motivated her to keep trying when she’d struggled.
“This is Mickey?”
“Yeah. Well, it’s Mika, but when I was little I called him Mickey and it kind of stuck.”
Fuck. What had he done? Oh god. No, no, no.
He’d jumped to conclusions that had hurt everyone. Himself, Emerson, and fuck, he’d cheated on Heidi! He was going to have a panic attack, right here in the middle of her fucking foyer. He’d completely blown it. He’d have to tell her – break her heart. More pain, more suffering. God, he was a shithead.
Another set of footsteps descended the stairs then a girl appeared, fair-skinned but with orange hair cut in a bob. She stopped at Mika’s side and gave a small smile.
Heidi pointed to her. “And this is his wife, Tuva.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Nice to meet you,” he choked out.
“You didn’t think…” Heidi’s brows descended. “Oh god. You didn’t think I was cheating did you?”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “For a short time…”
She laughed. “No. I would never do that, Levi. I’m completely devoted to you.” Her gaze caught his, stark with sincerity. “Ask them. You’re all I ever talk about.”
“It’s true,” Mika agreed. “It’s a bit sickening.”
“Shut up,” she said, chuckling.
Part of him should feel relieved. Here was the girl of his dreams, not having cheated, not having broken his heart, telling him that she was devoted to him. It was all he’d ever wanted, but all he could think of was how much this complicated things. Not to mention he was a fucking cheater. And because he’d thought she’d done it first was no excuse. How was he even going to explain this?
“What’s wrong?” Heidi walked to him and took his hand in hers.
“Nothing.” He managed a small smile. “I’m fine.” He was anything but fine. Everything had changed in a matter of seconds. His whole world had fallen apart yesterday but he’d dealt with it. Now it was flipped upside down again. He no longer knew where he stood, what he wanted, what to do.
Her lip puckered. “Are you unhappy with me?” Self-consciously, she straightened her clothes, laughing nervously. “I don’t have any make-up on. Usually I look much –”