Hiding her feelings was hard, but she did her best, not wanting for Ben to feel guilt when the inevitable end came to their little idyll. She wondered if it would hurt him, too? He cared for her, she felt certain, but then men were different and seemed able to turn away with ease from the women with which they dallied. His reputation would suggest he’d done it many times before. Likely, she’d be replaced soon enough.
Joe gave her a warning look as he left the room and she sighed. Joe had plans tomorrow and had told her to tell Ben that she couldn’t see him. She’d agreed naturally, only … She’d had a letter from the repulsive Mr Grubber, informing her that the money would be available to her tomorrow. She hadn’t even told Joe yet. It must have damn near killed the man to write it, she thought with a smile of satisfaction. But it meant she could not allow Ben to carry on this charade for much longer.
“It’s getting late, so I’d best be going, I suppose,” Ben said, smiling at her, the regret in his eyes warming her heart. “But I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Dinah bit her lip for a moment, watching how Ben’s eyes fell to her lips as she did so.
“Yes,” she replied, lowering her voice. “Only … would you come a little later, please, only a half-hour.” Hopefully that would give Joe time enough to be gone even if he hung about in case he believed Ben might turn up anyway.
Ben returned a slightly curious look as he got to his feet, but nodded. “As you wish,” he said, taking her hand and raising it to his lips. “Goodnight, Dinah,” he said, hesitating as he looked at her. She raised her face a little, hoping that he might kiss her, it had been a long time since he’d taken even the mildest of liberties with her and she ached for anything from him. Just a little kiss, she prayed, but he straightened and said good bye.
Dinah listened to him call out to Joe that he was going and then the sound of the front door closing.
Tomorrow, she would be a wealthy woman. The funds would be hers and the terms of the will just assumed that if she was engaged, she would be married. If they broke the engagement for good reason, it would surprise no one, and Ben would be free. She would wait a week. That would have to be enough. That she couldn’t go on this way was only too obvious. Tomorrow, she would have Ben to herself and she had long since decided that she would seduce him. How exactly she was supposed to go about it, she wasn’t entirely sure, but she figured she’d think of something.
For one afternoon, she would have him to herself. He would be hers and hers alone, just for a few hours, and then … she would let him go.
***
The next afternoon Ben knocked at the door and heard Dinah’s voice call out that it was open. He let himself in and headed into the parlour, surprised to find it empty.
“Dinah?” he called, turning and walking back into the hallway.
“Up here,” she said, Ben’s eyebrows raised, and he wondered where Joe was, as he usually answered the door. He climbed the stairs, pausing on the landing, one hand still grasping the newel post. It was very quiet.
“Where are you? Are we playing hide and go seek?” he asked, a little perplexed now.
He heard her laugh, though it sounded a little breathless, and suddenly he was breathing a little harder himself
“If you like,” she replied, her voice low and inviting. “Come and find me.”
Hardly daring to breathe, Ben moved towards her ajar bedroom door, and he placed the flat of his hand on the wood, swinging it open. Moving into the room, he caught his breath as he took in the scene before him.
“I realised I needed to give you back the jewellery you lent me,” she said, blushing a little as his eyes raked over her. “I should have done so before now.”
“I see,” he replied, the words a little hoarse and rather stupid in the circumstances, but his brain had ground to a halt. The rest of him, however, was paying complete attention. She was wearing the jewellery, the diamond necklace and the matching ear-bobs … and very little else. There was a long, silky wrap that left little to the imagination and was held loosely closed with a thick ribbon, but … He swallowed, finding his mouth was dry.
“Aren’t you going to come and get it then?” she asked, pulling a little on the ribbon that obediently slithered undone.
Ben couldn’t move. He had never been so torn in all his life. He’d been so determined to do the right thing, not to dishonour this woman who meant more to him than anyone else ever in his life before. But desire burned beneath his skin, ignited by the look in her eyes that told him she wanted this badly, wanted him.
Dinah moved closer, doubt glimmering in her eyes now.
“Are you going to make me do all the work, Ben?” she asked, sounding a little unsure of herself all at once. She paused in front of him, the wrap falling open to give him a tantalising glimpse of just what she was offering him. “Don’t you want me?”
He made a startled noise of incredulity, but could spare not a thought, let alone the time and energy to reply to such a ridiculous question. Instead he reached for her, pulling her to him and lowering his mouth to hers, and oh God, the taste of her. He could never get enough.
She sighed and relaxed into his arms and Ben could wait no longer. It was the work of a moment to push the silky fabric from her shoulders, and he drew back a little, watching in satisfaction as it revealed his prize to him at last. Dinah shivered, moving to cover herself with her hands, but Ben caught hold of her wrists so she could not.
“Please don’t,” he murmured, catching his breath as he looked his fill. “Let me see you.” She blushed a little harder as he stared, and Ben was quite unable to keep the smile from his face. “I have dreamed and dreamed of this moment, Dinah, and you’re lovelier than even my imagination could conjure.”
She gave a little huff of laugher, clearly believing he was simply flattering her, and he caught her chin with one hand, lifting her face until she stared into his eyes.
“It’s the truth,” he replied, his tone serious. “You’re perfect.”
To his amusement, she snorted, rolling her eyes a little. “I most certainly am not,” she muttered, sounding a touch indignant. “No one is.”
He smiled and lowered his head, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “You,” he said before drawing back and kissing her again. “Are.” He reached for the jewellery, undoing the catch on the necklace and then removing the ear bobs. “You put them to shame, love,” he murmured once they were discarded, kissing a path around her neck to replace the diamonds. She gasped as he lifted her and laid her on the bed, and he stared at the picture she made with his heart beating too fast. He stripped off his coat and then sat on the edge of the mattress to wrestle his boots off. It all took too long for his patience, and he laid down beside her before he’d even divested himself of his waistcoat, too eager to touch her.
All at once, he felt nervous, ridiculously so for a man of his experience. But everything was different with Dinah. With her, everything felt like it was new and precious, like it was the first time, and he accepted that for the gift it was.
He reached out a hand, watching her face, the way her eyes darkened as his fingers touched her skin. She shivered as one finger trailed down her neck, across her collarbone and then fell lower still. He traced the soft curve of her breast, circling the darker rose of her nipple as she shivered harder. Smiling, he repeated the process, listening to her breath quicken with pleasure. He was aching for her, so hard it was painful, yet for once, his own pleasure was not the most important thing on his mind.
He wanted to please her, his own desire too tangled with wanting to see her come apart with pleasure to consider rushing. So, he teased her, gently, slowly, barely touching her as he explored the soft curves of the uncharted territory she had given him. Ben savoured every sound she made, guided by each soft intake of breath and every exclamation of surprise. With pride, he watched as her nerves fell away and she gave herself up to him. Flushed and increasingly wanton, she became restless beneath his touch, desperate for more of him
. He thought the sound she made when he took pity on her and lowered his head to her breast was undoubtedly the most decadent he’d ever heard in his whole life.
He spent some time, doing his utmost to hear that sound repeated over and again, before he finally took the path he’d been aching to follow. His mouth kissed the little valley between her breasts, then down between her ribs, pausing for a moment to make her squeal and shriek as he dipped his tongue into her belly button. He looked up, meeting her eyes as she stared at him with shock and laughter dancing in her eyes, and felt his heart shift in his chest. Suddenly it was all perfectly and vividly clear. So blindingly obvious that he could not fathom how he’d not seen it before this moment.
He loved her.
It was shocking and terrifying and for a moment panic overwhelmed him, until he realised that it was so unavoidable that there was no point trying to fight it. He loved her, and nothing he did or said would ever change that fact.
“Ben?” she said, her smile falling away as she noticed the change in him.
He sucked in a breath and let his concerns fall away, there would be time enough for worrying and wondering how he’d allowed this to happen, and for what it meant. For now, he had this woman in his arms, and he wanted to show her what it meant to be with him. Ben lowered his head once more and carried on along his intended path.
To his surprise and amusement, she did not protest or exclaim when his questing mouth strayed into her most private territory, parting the little patch of curls with a delicate touch. She had given herself into his care with no reserves and it overcame him with pride and gratitude that she would put such trust in him. As his mouth settled over her, she gasped and arched beneath him, and Ben realised that despite his position, it was he at her mercy rather than the other way around. She had caught him, body and soul, and he didn’t know how to escape, or if he even wanted to.
He pushed such disturbing thoughts to one side, concentrating on her and her alone as her breathing quickened and he felt her body grow taut beneath him. Recognising the need in her and realising she was close to the edge, he eased one finger into her slick heat, caressing inside her as she clutched at the bedsheets. She gave a startled cry, head thrown back and blonde hair cascading over the pillows as she bucked beneath him. Ben eased her through the waves of pleasure, so captured in the moment that it would have been too easy to follow her over the edge with little more than a touch.
At last, she subsided, gasping and quivering as Ben moved up the bed, trailing kisses back up across her skin with reverence as he realised he could not take his own pleasure now. He would take no more of her innocence, although he felt like he’d lose what remained of his sanity if he didn’t. She deserved so much more than a stolen moment of pleasure, and it shamed him to remember what his plans for her had once been.
Looking down at her now, he felt his heart ache as indecision and fear rushed over him. He could no longer countenance taking her as his mistress that much was clear. Yet leaving her, never seeing her again … allowing her a life where she could marry a respectable man and live a decent life, made jealousy rise in a heavy wave. A bitter taste filled his mouth and he swallowed hard.
He could marry her for real.
Terror swept over him and he sucked in a breath. Marriage was something he’d only thought he’d consider if his brothers failed to provide an heir and he had to save the title. He had never considered the possibility of marrying for love. It was a foolish and idealistic notion that had no place in his world. He knew Dreighton had not been bluffing. He would cut him from the family if he married Dinah. Those high-sticklers of the ton who believed he’d brought shame to their ranks would shun him. The scandal which he’d ignored to date because it had not been real to him and would be forgotten after the affair was ended, would be all too real. Could he really do that? Could he turn his back on his family’s fortune, on his own inheritance and everything the ton stood for, and marry … for love? He felt his breath catch in his throat as he realised he hadn’t dismissed the idea at once.
His attention was taken as Dinah sighed, a contented, luxurious sound that made him smile despite the weight of his thoughts. She blinked, the movement slow and sleepy and showing a glimpse of those crystal eyes still dark with pleasure.
She reached up, sliding her arms around his neck and pulling his mouth down to hers once more. Ben groaned as he went to her, wanting her so badly, he didn’t know how he would make this stop.
“Dinah,” he began, trying to pull back a little but seduced by the soft silk of her tongue as she touched his lips. He kissed her hard, pulling her to him and allowing himself the decadent joy of her naked in his arms before letting her go again.
He watched her expression as he pulled away, her eyes surprised and rather more alert now.
“What is it?” she asked, frowning as he sat up. “Joe won’t be home for hours yet,” she added, her voice sultry now. “You know, you are wearing far too many clothes, do take them off.”
Ben tutted and shook his head, irritated for no good reason he could think of, except … damnation. His good intentions were strained to breaking point, not to mention the fabric that was trying to contain his aching body with difficulty. It was bad enough he had to fight his own desires, let alone hers, too.
“I have to go,” he said, getting to his feet. His tone was rather terse, which was not at all what he’d intended after the gift she’d just given him, but he knew the slightest provocation would shatter the tenuous grasp he had on himself and he would take everything on offer.
“Now?” she replied, sitting up and staring at him. The word rang through the quiet of the room, sounding astonished and indignant, as well she might.
Ben ran a hand through his hair, rather too aware that it trembled.
“Yes. Now. Right now,” he said, snatching up his boots and putting them on standing up, rather than risk getting close to the bed again. He cursed as he almost lost his balance and hopped a little on one foot, feeling like a damned fool. Good Lord, he was known for being an accomplished lover, a sophisticated and urbane man who was always in control, who never lost his cool, and just look at him now. He was running from an innocent young woman who had not only gained complete control of his body but had wrangled his cynical heart from his chest without him even realising it was happening.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her swing her legs over the edge of the bed, covering her breasts with one arm. He dared a glance at her and saw hurt in her eyes and felt his heart plummet. Dammit, he couldn’t let her think …
“Dinah,” he said, hurrying to grab his jacket and struggling into it. “You’ve no idea what this meant to me … how much I want …” He fought with the bloody coat which refused to slide over his shoulders. “How much I want …” he repeated, fighting for breath now and not caring that his collars were all askew and his shirt rucked up beneath the fitted sleeves. “Everything,” he said, the word helpless as he stared at the wide-eyed vision sitting on the edge of the bed. “But I can’t … I just … I have to go.” He practically ran for the door, snatching it open and hurrying down the stairs. Slamming the front door behind him, he could think of nothing but going as far away from her as he could and then getting as drunk as he could manage as fast as possible. As plans went, it was a simple one, but as visions of Dinah naked and willing refused to leave his mind, he didn’t dare believe he’d manage to accomplish it.
Chapter 20
“Wherein our heroine acts for the best and plays her last hand.”
“You all right, treacle?”
Dinah looked up, not registering the fact she was sitting at the kitchen table with Joe but nodding just the same. Her thoughts were far away, circling like carrion crows around the same hopeless dreams. Those hopes were dry and dusty bones now, long since picked clean. She knew it, but still her thoughts returned again and again. For one brief, shining moment, she had seen a look in Ben’s eyes before he’d run out on her that had made her hope t
hat perhaps …
She swallowed down a well of emotion, telling herself she was the biggest fool alive. She’d gone into this with her eyes wide open, fully prepared to use Ben for her own ends. That he had proven himself to be more honourable than she was did not mean he was fool enough to fall in love with her. Nonetheless, she felt as though she’d been holding her breath for the past three days, every moment expecting him to knock on the door and tell her he loved her. Except now, she had to accept that he would do nothing of the sort. Somehow or other, she had to put Lord Lancaster from her mind and move on with her life.
“You don’t look all right,” Joe persisted, turning his mug around and around between his huge hands. “You look like you’re not well, love. P’raps you should go to bed, get your ‘ead down?”
Dinah glanced up at him. “I’m fine, Joe, stop fussing. It’s barely seven o’clock.”
That she was going to bed later and later had not escaped him, she knew. Only now the bedroom held memories which tormented her. She’d even had to strip the bed and wash all her sheets, as the scent of Ben seemed to linger upon them, stealing into her dreams and making her long for things that were simply not hers to own.
This could not go on. Joe deserved better than this. They had the money now, it had been confirmed. They should be out celebrating, spending some of her inheritance, looking for a new place to live, all the things they’d spoken about so eagerly and with such anticipation before she’d drawn Ben into their lives. All they’d done to celebrate so far was to fill the larder to the brim. The trouble was, she’d lost her appetite. She’d also bought the most expensive tea she could find just in case … but that was idiotic.
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