If her words were having any effect on him, he wasn't showing it.
She calmed down and quieted her tone. “I can't do this anymore, Sebastien.” Her use of his name melted the wall of ice a tiny bit. She looked him directly in the eye. “If your purpose is to make me happy, then what will make me happy is to let me resume my life. Free of interruption or meddling.”
He stared at her for so long, she wasn't certain that he planned to answer her. When he spoke, he sounded so distant, so detached, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of remorse for what she was doing.
“It was never my intent to cause you such distress, ma maítresse. Or to disrupt your life to such an extent as to make you miserable.”
She felt like an ungrateful slug. His calling her mistress didn't even annoy her as it usually did. In fact, it made her eyes burn with unshed tears. After tonight, she'd never hear him call her that—or anything else— ever again.
“Then—then you agree? You'll leave me alone?” Her voice was barely above a whisper. Her heart ached, and she honestly didn't know what answer she wanted him to give.
“I wish it could be otherwise, but non, I cannot leave my duty unfulfilled.”
It was right then that Jamie knew she'd lost her mind. She was frustrated, yes. But she was also relieved he wasn't leaving her for good. What in the hell did she want?
I want him.
She absolutely ignored her immediate response. “Then can we please choose someone else to match? I know you said before that you couldn't, but you also said you didn't know all the rules of your … you know, your special powers.”
“I have told you, I have no—”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But you know what I meant. Why don't you just match up someone else first and see if that fulfills the deal? I'll even pick the person out. Then it will be all legal. Right?”
Sebastien continued his steady, unnerving appraisal of her. “Is it such a hideous fate, Jamie?”
Oh, sure, she silently groaned, say my name like that, why don't you. “For most other people, no, it probably wouldn't be. But for me? The prospect of going through another relationship is simply beyond me right now. I need more time on my own to figure out who I am and what I really need. If I don't know that, then how can I know what I need in someone else?”
“We discussed this before. I think you have discovered these things here. I think you are ready.”
“Well, you're not me. You haven't walked in my shoes, or led my life, so you have no idea what I'm ready for.” She wasn't getting through to him. Frustration curled through her, and she felt her fingers digging into her thighs as she grappled for control. “Can we at least try it my way?” She had a sudden inspiration. “Jack! You can match Jack! Lord knows he could use a calming influence in his life. And hey, if you enjoy a challenge, this could be the highlight of your career.” Her smile was pasted on, her facial muscles tight as her eyes beseeched him to please, please agree with her plan.
Sebastien stood suddenly. Jamie watched his face, tension singing through her as the silence strung out. Finally he took a step forward and stood directly in front of her. Not liking the supplicant position he'd put her in, she rose, then faltered when she realized just how close together they were now.
The table was behind her and she couldn't back away. To his credit, he didn't try to touch her. But then, he was close enough that she felt his gaze like acaress anyway. Her breathing became shallow, and her heart started skipping beats.
“Wh-what?” she finally said, when he continued to look into her eyes.
“There is one repercussion to this request of yours that you might not have taken into consideration.
” Did this mean he was considering her idea? Her heart was thrumming so hard now she could hardly hear his words. Somehow she managed to murmur, “What repercussion?”
He moved an infinitesimal step closer to her and managed to swallow up the remaining air when he did so. Still, he didn't touch her—although she wasn't so sure that was merciful at this point. Her body was beginning to clamor. She worked hard to ignore it. And failed miserably.
“If you are no longer my responsibility to match, then I am no longer forced to refrain from my feel-ings for you.”
Uh-oh. Jamie's knees almost went liquid as his meaning slid home. “But … but … but—” Oh, great defense there. That'll slow him down.
Which was precisely the problem. She didn't want him to slow down.
“I … I … we … we—” He'd reduced her to babbling. “No dallying with your mistresses; you said that was a rule.”
“I said it felt wrong. Suddenly I don't feel that way any longer.” He took her shoulders in his hands and she lost all ability to make any sound at all. He stepped closer and tilted his head.
Dear God, he was going to kiss her.
And God help her, she wanted him to. More than anything she could ever recall wanting in her entire life.
To ache for something so badly that it was almost a physical pain couldn't be a good thing. Where she gotthe strength she had no idea, but just as his lips lowered to hers, she pressed her palms to his chest and pushed him back.
To his credit, though frustration was clear in his eyes, he heeded her silent plea. Just slightly. He merely stopped his downward motion, his lips still hovering just above hers, his gaze boring directly into hers.
“Sebastien, we can't,” she managed, her voice a mere rasp of sound in the still courtyard.
“Why? Tell me you do not wish to feel my lips upon yours. Tell me you do not wish to feel my arms about you, my body pressed against yours. Tell me you do not imagine what it would be like if we were to come together. Tell me these things, Jamie, and then I will believe that this can't be.”
“I—I can't claim any of those things.” Her pounding heart made her sound almost breathless. “But this is wrong. We'll hurt each other. You won't be staying. And I am not willing to start something that can't be finished.” She tentatively placed trembling hands on his chest. “Please understand. It would hurt too much. And I've been hurt enough. That's what I've been trying to tell you.”
He slid his hands down her arms and covered her hands. His expression was a mixture of disappointment and need that made her heart ache, her body throb, and her eyes sting.
“I do not wish to hurt you, Jamie. As my mistress or my woman.” My woman. Dear Lord, what was she doing turning this man down? Somehow she managed to keep her mouth shut.
“You have done one thing that no other woman has managed.”
Her heart stopped altogether. “What is that?”
He lifted one hand and placed a heartbreakinglygentle kiss to the back of it, then stepped away from her. “I told you I had been given an honorable fate for such a dishonorable man. Well, you have just made me an honorable man.” He turned abruptly and walked toward the house.
“Sebastien.”
He paused, but it was a moment before he looked back at her. “Do not test this newfound honor, Jamie.”
She shook her head but couldn't help wondering if she'd just made the biggest mistake of her life. Which, considering the whoppers she'd made, was truly saying something. “What happens now?”
“I will try your suggestion. We will see what fruit it bears.” Then he left the courtyard without looking back.
Chapter 16
Ree leaned on the counter. “We talked until four this morning.”
Jamie shot her a look. “Talked?”
Ree gave it right back to her. “As a matter of fact, yes. And we would have talked longer, except he was concerned that I not be late for work. You know, this is the first night I've spent with a man where he expended all his energies probing my mind—and nothing else.”
Jamie cocked her head. “And yet, surprisingly, you don't sound entirely happy with that new reality.”
Ree frowned and propped her chin on her hands. “I know. Crazy, huh?” She sighed deeply, and a slow smile curved her lips. “But he won't get away wit
h that next time. I'm nothing if not successful when I put my mind to something.”
“Next time?”
“Don't even start with me, sugar. I know this whole thing with Angel and me sounds too strange to be true, and I guess it is. But you certainly know me well enough to know that where men are concerned, I don't spend time unwisely.”
“I know, Ree. It's just that—”
Ree grabbed Jamie's hand and folded it in hers. “Jamie Lynne, I can honestly say I've never been so attracted to a man in my entire life. And I'm not talk-ing about his looks.” She grinned. “Although, I have to admit, I cannot wait to get that man out of those designer suits of his.”
Flashes of last night in Sebastien's courtyard played through Jamie's mind, and she felt her cheeks heat up. “Ree Ann, I really don't think I want to—”
But Ree was on a roll. “I know he was inexcusably cruel to me last year, but we've talked that all out too.” Her eyes were bright and her skin was flushed.
Jamie didn't think she'd ever seen Ree like this. “So just like that you forgive him for being an asshole? For blasting you every chance he got?”
Ree didn't even blink, which made Jamie even more nervous. That must have been some dinner Angel fed her last night.
“I'm not so sure forgive is the right word,” Ree said. “I understand a bit more where that all stemmed from. And I have to take some of the blame for not defending myself.”
“Oh, now, wait a damn minute. Because you didn't bother to explain things to him does not make him less of an asshole.”
“Sugar, I don't want you to be mad at me. But there's a lot in Angel's past you don't know about. Edgar never talked about his family. Lucy was the only person he spoke of. Of course, I knew he had a son, Anthony, Angel's father. He'd died some years before I met Edgar, when Angel was in his last year of college. I never really knew much more than that. Well, apparently Angel's mom died when he was real little, and his dad more or less raised him.”
“That's terrible, but I don't see how it makes Angel a nice guy.”
“Well, there was a lot more suffering than I ever knew. Edgar's son's death was fresh enough that he simply never talked about him, and I respected that. As Edgar's only son, Anthony had been well off hiswhole life. Even after Edgar's financial empire started to crumble in the late eighties, he had kept the money flowing, not wanting anyone, especially Anthony, to know how bad things were. Well, his son went through money like water, and it only got worse after his wife died. Apparently he had a major eye for the ladies. They, I understand, mostly had an eye for his money. Angel was left alone much of the time while his dad spent his way through his money and then Edgar's.”
“Speaking of Edgar, where was he during all this?”
“With Lucy gone, he doted on his only son, spoiling him. Knowing Edgar, he didn't approve of his son's activities, but he was so overwhelmed and embarrassed by his own financial problems that he didn't step in when he should have. I doubt he ever forgave himself for that.” She paused for a moment before going on. “Anthony and his girlfriends managed to go through everything they had left. Including Angel's college fund. When Edgar found out, he offered to pay for it—even though I imagine he had no idea how he'd manage it—but Angel took off on his own and paid his way through school. Angel and his dad had fought for years about his dad's spending habits and the women he took up with. In fact, they weren't speaking when his dad was killed. He died in a crash. His current flame was behind the wheel of the new sports car he'd just bought her.”
Jamie shook her head, hating that she felt sympathy for someone she'd spent a good long time not liking very much. “And I guess when you popped into Edgar's life not too long after that, Angel saw history repeating itself.”
“Exactly. He and Edgar had had some rocky times before that too. The college thing was only part of it. Angel had tried to get Edgar to stop giving his dad money. But Edgar couldn't cut his only son off. Andhe never let either of them know the truth about the debts he'd racked up keeping his son in style.”
“Stupid male pride. What is it with them?”
Ree smiled a bit sadly. “If I'd known half of this, I'd have made him talk about it, made him deal with it. But he never told me. When we got his various investments solvent again, he gave Angel one of them.”
Santini's.
Ree nodded. “It was his clumsy male way of trying to mend their past. But by then it was too late. Angel had made derogatory comments about me, and Edgar split with him for good. Angel paid him back in full for the restaurant. So they had no ties at all between them.” She sighed.
“Except the will.”
Ree nodded. “It wasn't even about the money. Angel just hated to see what Edgar had spent his life working for given to—”
“A floozy. Like one of his dad's.”
A small smile curved her lips. “Right. Now, I know that this didn't give Angel total license to treat me the way he did. But I got a goodly amount of what revenge I needed when I informed Angel last night of Edgar's past financial woes and my role in reversing them.”
Jamie laughed. “I'd have paid money to see his face.”
Ree only smiled. “I am human, after all. He apologized for not giving me the benefit of the doubt. It was just that Edgar really hadn't had any relationships after his wife died, and considering his father's lifestyle, Angel didn't exactly have me in mind for a companion for his grandfather.”
“Did you tell Angel you were just that? His companion, not his sex partner?”
“I didn't have to. He'd already figured that out. In a way I wish I'd tried to explain all this earlier, but I wasso pissed at his automatic assumptions that I refused to give him the benefit. At that point I doubt he'd have listened to me anyway. We were both pretty raw.”
Jamie shook her head. “I don't know, Ree. I hate to be such a stick in the mud, but it still seems an awful sudden turnabout.”
Ree squeezed her hand. “I need you to trust that I know what I'm doing here. Even if I haven't a clue.” She laughed and her eyes twinkled again. “He understands me, Jamie. Now that we're past all the emotional bullshit of his past and mine, I can't just walk away from what he's offering me.”
Jamie's eyebrows went higher. “Offering you? Now he's offering you something?”
Ree shook her head. “Not in that way.” She paused, turning more serious. “I know you won't believe this, but now that the emotional blinders are off … How can I put it? When he looks at me, Jamie, he sees me. He sees Ree Ann. Not the body, not the beauty, not even the brain. Just the person I am. And he's interested in getting to know that person better.”
“What about him? Are you interested only because he's interested in you?”
“See, that's the scary part. Once we cleared the air, we really began to talk, to get to know each other. And, amazing as it sounds, I like him. He's a fascinating man. We share a lot of common tastes and beliefs. We've debated philosophy, movies, business management, and who was the better rock band, The Rolling Stones or The Who.”
“The Stones, no question.”
Ree grinned. “Naturally.” She shrugged. “Who knows how long it will last, Jamie, or where it will lead? But I want to find out.”
Jamie just shook her head, but she squeezed Ree's hand before letting it go. “Then I'll be here for you. I just want to see you happy, Ree.”
Ree tugged Jamie into her arms and hugged her tightly, then set her back with her hands on Jamie's shoulders. “And that's what I want for you too.”
The night before flashed vividly through her mind. Jamie stepped away. “Let's not go there.”
“But sugar, you and Sebastien—”
“Ree, I've said I'll stand by you, but I need you to return the favor. Right now. I don't want to discuss Sebastien. Okay?”
She tilted her head. “You two have a fight?”
Jamie sighed in defeat. “No. Yes. I don't know. I just don't want to talk about him, okay?”
Jamie swo
re when she came back here last night that she was going to put it all out of her mind and concentrate on her life as if Sebastien weren't a part of it. Of course, then she'd dreamed about the man all night. Hot, sweaty dreams that she'd awoken from with full recollection of every seductive, drenching detail—and the knowledge that she could have had the reality instead of the dream. Except that she'd walked away.
Ree brushed a hand across her cheek, smoothing Jamie's hair back. “Well, when you're ready, sugar, I'm all ears.” ButJamie knew Ree, and she was not capable of leaving that timetable completely in Jamie's hands. As if to prove her point, she added, “But I'm beginning to think that man might just be tellin'the truth about himself.” At Jamie's gaping reaction, Ree raised her hands. “I know, I know. But, I mean, Jamie, he's two for two.”
“Hey, it's not like you're walking down the aisle yet.”
“I know. But soulmates notwithstanding, both Marta and I are doing the happy-heart dance.” Just then Ree's eyes went wide and a look of understanding lit her face. She grabbed Jamie's arm. “And now that Marta and I are fixed up, he's going to go match you up with someone else. That's it, isn't it?”
“I don't want anybody else.” Jamie raised a hand to stop Ree from speaking. “That didn't come out right. I don't want anyone, including Sebastien. I want to be on my own. I've just gotten used to it.”
“Sugar, I'm not sure who you're tryin'harder to convince.” She stroked Jamie's hair. “I don't know what advice to give you. It's all too supernatural for me. But, then, I'm truly falling in love for the first time in my life, and right now that makes me feel like just about anything is possible.”
“Well, me being with Sebastien is not possible.”
A sudden look of curiosity crossed Ree's face. She leaned closer and whispered, “Because of … whatever it is that he is, does that mean he can't … you know.”
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