by Jack July
Fifteen minutes later Mona called back and said, “Airport Road is shut down. You need to get to Derry Road other side of runway 23. It’s about a quarter mile away.”
“Okay, I’m moving.” She looked around and took off at a jog, trying to warm up by running. Emergency vehicles were thick, responding to the explosion. Two drove right past her, not even bothering to see who she was. She reached the fence and pulled herself up and over, falling into the ditch on the other side. She climbed out of 2 ft. of cold water and mud, looking for the car. She didn’t see it. She started to run along the side of the ditch when headlights flashed. It wasn’t Mona’s car, but it looked like her in the front seat. Fenian grabbed the door handle and slid into the warm car. “Oh, God am I cold! Do you think you could tell me if you change cars? That would be nice to know.”
Mona lit a cigarette, took a deep drag and exhaled. She looked like she was shaking a little. She drove away and looked at Fenian from the corner of her eye. Then she said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that. I’m trying to wrap my brain around the fact that you just killed over three hundred people.”
“That’s not exactly what happened. You’ll learn the truth after the investigation. Billy Bishop Airport.”
Harold wouldn’t look at her, much less talk to her, other than the perfunctory, “Where are we going?”
“Point us toward DC. It may change. Can we make it home?”
“Yes ma’am. Tanks are full.”
She stripped off her wet clothes, put on a hoody and a pair of Bogus’ workout pants, climbed under a blanket and picked up the SAT phone.
“Hi, Adele.”
“Well, somebody has been a busy little beaver.”
“I reckon so.”
“Masters is having chest pains. You’re killin’ him.”
“I didn’t do all that.”
“No? Explain it to me.” Fenian started to speak when Adele said, “No, wait. I just got handed a bill from Saul, came in on old fashion teletype. Now, let’s see. Hmm, ah ha, yes. Oh, and one of those and some of these cost me a quarter million dollars.”
“I didn’t know my credit card had a limit.”
Adele began to giggle. “What?” asked Fenian.
“He signed it Munich, 1982.”
“Soooo?”
“That was the first time we um, well let’s just say, he’s a man’s man.”
“Are you kidding? The old pervert made me give him my underwear.”
“Oh my God,” Adele said before she busted up laughing. “Sounds like him.”
“Do you need me in DC or not?”
“No, it’s just gonna be fun explaining it to Liz.”
“Tell her the truth. I went to rattle their cage for killing civilians, and their cage was filled with explosives. BOOM!”
“Oh, okay. Now it makes sense. I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, that wasn’t all me.”
“Well done, honey. I’ll call you when I need you. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
The mission was officially over, Amy got up and walked to the cockpit and said, “Harold, let’s go home.”
Harold still wasn’t talking to her, so she stopped and climbed into the copilot’s seat, got comfortable and said, “I’m sorry for pointing a gun at you. I had to get something done and there wasn’t time to talk about it.”
He nodded and kept looking out of the windscreen.
“So, Harold, how long have you known Bogus?”
“Since ‘94.”
“So you know who and what he is.”
“Yeah.”
“So, why did he marry me?”
He glanced at her and said, “You’re young and, well, beautiful.”
“No, there are way better looking than me out there. Think. Why me?”
“Well, it’s obvious now. Because you’re like him.”
“There you have it. That’s all I can say.”
She got up, stood behind his seat, bent over and put her arms around his neck and whispered to him, “I wouldn’t trade you for Garret. You did a fabulous job. Had you messed up, it’s likely that jump would have killed me.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek. That made him smile, he glanced over the back of the seat at her and she hugged him again and whispered, “Are we good now?”
“Yeah, we’re good.”
“Okay, take us home.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Amy returned to her seat, covered up with the blanket and looked at the phone. She needed to talk about this and there was no one else who would get it, so she dialed and Tatiana answered. “Wow, wherever you go things seem to happen.”
“Yeah, that’s not really why I called. I have to talk to you about something.”
“Okay.”
“I was um, well, ah, tempted.”
“Tempted?”
“Yeah.”
“Tempted to do what?”
“You know, tempted.”
Tatiana thought for a moment, then the epiphany, “By a man?”
“Yeah.”
“Was it good?”
“I didn’t do it.”
“Why not?”
“I’m married.”
“You are, she’s not.”
“I was close, so close and it happened so fast, I was two inches from his lips and it would have been over. I couldn’t stop. It was like, like…”
“Like it wasn’t you.”
“Yeah.”
“That’s because it wasn’t. I love you, you are my best friend and you need to listen. I’ve been over this with you twice: once at my kitchen table in DC, and the second time when you took that little redhead dancer to your hotel room. Are you listening?”
“Yeah.”
“You need that, that’s part of it. Your BC on this mission was in the hundreds. You have to deal with that. That’s one of the ways you do it.”
“I can’t. It’s immoral.”
“Immoral? Really? I said hundreds. You don’t get to pick and choose your sins. That immoral ship left long ago. That’s why there is a you and a her. You have to be able to live when it’s over. Amy is not Fenian, Fenian is not Amy. You have to build a wall between them.”
“Okay, but I have a husband for that.”
“Oh, he knows. If anybody knows, Bogus knows what goes on. He won’t talk about it and I’m sure he doesn’t want to think about it, but he knows. This man who pushed your button...was he a, you know?” Operative is what she wanted to say.
“Yeah, he was a...from the twelve tribes of Jacob.
“Uh huh. Your husband wouldn’t think to do the things to you that he was gonna do. Bogus wouldn’t debase you like that. He would tear you down physically and emotionally, then build you back up, slap you on the ass and send you back to the war with a smile. You have to let go, just for a while, and let somebody else have you. It’s not love, it’s filth of the lowest denominator, and oh my God is it good.”
Amy threw the blanket off. She was getting hot again.
“What was his name?” asked Tatiana.
“Adrien.”
“Adrien Weck? Saul’s grandson?”
“Yeah.”
Tatiana let out an evil little chuckle and said, “I taught him how to fuck when he was seventeen.”
“You did what?”
“Oh, yeah. Saul did some work for me and I asked him if he needed anything. He pointed across the room at his Grandson doing his homework and said, “Yes, teach that boy how to make love to a woman.”
“Wow, that’s a...wow.”
“We spent twenty four hours together in a suite at the Ritz-Carlton in Tel Aviv. He was a beautiful kid; it was not a chore.”
“Yeah, well now he’s a beautiful man.”
“Oh, I bet.”
“Okay, I think I understand. So what you’re telling me is that you would cheat on Brandon.”
Five long silent seconds passed until Amy said, “Tatiana? Are you still there?”
There was another short pause, then Tatiana said, “I’m thinking.”
Chapter 42
Bogus sighed in relief as he watched Amy walk down the stairs of her plane. She looked tired, and she just sort of fell into his arms. He hugged her tight, but she flinched with a pained moan. He released her and asked, “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, just a little beat up.”
He noticed she seemed distracted and not at all herself. “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked.
She looked away with a blank stare, then snapped back to him with a smile that wasn’t quite genuine. “Yeah, yeah, it’s good to be home. It was a tough mission; I’m just worn out.”
“Well then, let’s get you home and into a hot bath. Maybe something good to eat and spend a little time with the man who loves you.”
Her smile was a bit more genuine and she said, “I would like that.”
They rode home together quietly; she was in distant thought and he sat watching her intently. At the castle they made their way up to the bedroom. Amy went straight for her wardrobe, reached to the top shelf for her wedding ring and put it back on. She felt a small sense of relief, like a safety blanket. He walked up behind her holding her robe and said, “Now, let’s get you undressed and into that bath.”
He put the robe on a hook next to the wardrobe and reached for the bottom of her shirt. She grabbed his hands and stopped him. “What are you doing?” he asked.
She didn’t have an answer. “Move your hands,” he said gently. She didn’t and with more force and volume he said, “Move. Your. Hands.” She nodded and let his hands go. He pulled the shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor. Under his breath he said, “Oh my God.” He put his hand softly on the huge discolored bruise and said, “That’s a gunshot.”
She nodded two little nods with a tiny shrug. He saw the bruises starting at her shoulder and moving down her left side. He put his fingers in the waistband of her pants and eased them down following the line of bruises to her calf. “Looks like you have been beaten with a club.”
She stepped out of her pants, turned and said, “Yeah, um, don’t, okay? Just, don’t. You knew what I was when you married me, so don’t.”
He looked at her with an expression she couldn’t read. There were too many emotions. “Don’t look at me like that,” she snapped. “What’s your problem, huh? WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?” she screamed and struck him on the chest with open hands shoving him backwards. “Are you afraid I can’t fuck? Is that your problem, IS IT?” she screamed. She then shoved him again and said, “Fine, let’s fuck, the bed’s right there. You wanna fuck? Let’s go, LET’S FUCK!” She swung to slap him. He sidestepped it, but didn’t sidestep the second one. It stung him, and she snarled, “You wanna hit me? Fucking hit me, go ahead, hit me, fuck me, do something, DO IT!” she screamed then swung at him again. This time he caught her wrists and held them like a vise.
“Enough,” he said quietly. She struggled for a moment. He lowered her hands to her side and let her go. Then said under his breath, he said, “When you see Amy, would you send her out?”
“Damn you,” she growled, then screamed, “DAMN YOU!”
She walked to the bed, grabbed a large pillow, sat down, pulled it to her chest and screamed into the top of it.
He bowed his head for a moment and said, “You know, we are going to have disagreements, arguments and fights. But we won’t survive them if we don’t fight fair. I have never, ever, treated you that way.”
Her head popped up and she snarled, “Then maybe you should!”
That comment caught him off guard. He arched his eyebrows then figured it out. “Oh,” he said as he lowered his head into his hand and rubbed his temples. He walked over and sat down on the bed. He gave her a few minutes to calm down, looked straight ahead and asked, “What was his name.”
She jumped up, put one hand on his arm and caressed the side of his face with the other. “I didn’t do anything,” she said.
“Okay.”
“No, I swear to God, I didn’t do anything.”
“I believe you, but it sounds like you wanted to.”
She put her head down and said, “I, ah, don’t know what…”
He looked at her and smiled, “It’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
He pulled her closer so she could sit next to him, “Listen to me.” She looked at him with a face full of shame. “I understand. What you do isn’t anything like you think it’s going to be. Few people understand what you go through. You make up this person, this character that allows you to do the unthinkable. Even then the emotions come: fear, hate, regret, terror...the list goes on and on. Then you find yourself in a position where, if just for a while, you can escape while letting it all out. It works. I’ve done it. We all have. You’re human and you’re okay. Really, you are okay. I would be more concerned if you didn’t feel these things.”
She nodded, took a deep breath and said, “I got four people killed, civilians, really nice people. A couple of college kids and an old couple. I used them, and then I walked away. They were tortured and murdered because of me.” Her voice began to crack and her chin quivered. “I knew better...how do I deal with that? They didn’t teach me that. Please tell me how to deal with that. You have to tell me,” she squeaked from a trembling voice. Then the flood of tears came.
She wrapped herself around him and he just held her. She cried for close to an hour, then fell sleep, exhausted.
Ten hours later, hot water circulated around them as they sat together in the huge tub. From behind, he poured water on her head and kneaded in the shampoo. She was nearly purring when she said, “God, you are good at this.”
“Thank Cyla.”
“You sat with her in a tub?”
“No,” he laughed. “She held her head over the sink and I stood on a chair.”
“Mmmm, this is wonderful.” All she could think about was how to apologize. He deserved none of that earlier outburst. “Bogus, I am so sorry. You, um, I don’t know…”
He stopped her. “My dear, you had it right the first time. I knew what you were when I married you. I knew this was coming, and there will be more. I know in my heart that our love for each other is stronger than any of that. I suffered through it before we met.”
“So, how did you get past it?”
“Do you want to hear the story?”
“Yes.”
He took a deep breath and said, “When I was in Polish intelligence, sixteen of us were hand-selected to help usher in freedom as the Soviet Union collapsed. We were called the Lions. One of us was a young woman named Macy. She was a lot like you, except she was a bit cold. She didn’t have your heart. She was the first woman I ever fell in love with, and until you, I truly believed the last. I had to travel to London, and when I returned I was told she had died in a car crash. They had disposed of her body before I could say goodbye.
“However, I found her car. It was crashed, but also riddled with bullet holes. Then I knew what had happened. The KGB had contracts out on all of us. I went mad and killed everyone I could find even remotely related to KGB operations. I murdered some innocent people. I finally found who I wanted, and as I walked away from his dying body in a field outside of Warsaw, it occurred to me that Macy was still dead. Then I shut down emotionally. I decided that I would never again love anyone. It hurt too badly.”
He poured water over her head, rinsing out the shampoo. She glanced over her shoulder and said, “That’s it? How did you get past it?”
“I met you.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “So when I tell you I know how you
feel, it’s not a pacifying remark. I feel what you feel right along with you. You see, that’s what I want. I want to feel as much of your pain as I can. Then maybe I can carry some of it for you.”
He pulled her back against his chest, rested his chin on her shoulder and whispered, “I love you, completely. That’s why there is nothing you can say or do to change it.”
She whispered, “I don’t deserve any of this.”
He kissed her on the cheek and said, “You deserve all of this.”
He changed tone to lighten the mood and said, “I have a couple of surprises for you.”
She looked over her shoulder and said, “I like surprises.”
“Oh, and would you like to know what’s been going on around here while you were gone?”
She turned around in the tub to face him and said, “Well, yes. This is my castle. I am the Lady.”
Bogus proceeded to tell her the story of Micky and Claire. She looked incredulous, “He took on a knife-wielding pimp to protect her?”
“Constance said he was fearless; he fought like a tiger.”
“Where is Claire now?”
“I don’t know.”
“You sent her away?”
“No, I think she’s out by the horses. That’s where she spends her time.”
“She’s here?”
“Yes, I gave her the first bedroom to the left of the great hall.”
“You’re a good man.”
“Not really, it was self-preservation.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well, what if I sat here and told you that I turned an abused fifteen-year-old girl out into the cold.”
She smiled, nodded and said, “Yeah, good point. You don’t want that. I can’t get over Micky. Wow! Well then, it seems my castle has its first knight.”
“Hey, what about me?’
She rose to her knees, put her hands on the sides of the tub, leaned in and whispered in his ear, “The Lady has other plans for you.”
“Like what?”
In a low breathy whisper she said, “Like teaching me new and interesting ways to use that thing that keeps poking me in the back.”