Her silence spoke volumes. A gurgling feeling began to erupt in my stomach and elevate through my esophagus. I heard her inhale deeply, hesitate, then methodically release it. We made eye contact.
“Of course we’re all right. I’m still upset that you hid the truth from me for so long but as I said the other day, I think I understand why. But believe me when I tell you that that doesn’t change the strength of our relationship. You have to promise me, however, that you will be honest with me on everything in the future,” she said. Lindsey gripped my hand in hers and rubbed her thumbs over the back of my hand. She held my eyes with hers and it was surprisingly comfortable.
“To be honest with you I don’t even understand why I kept it from you so if you can explain it to me that would be fantastic,” I said. It managed to rile a smile out of both of us. “In actuality, I think I was trying to protect you,” I said, repeating my justification from the other day.
“Protect me? Protect me from what?”
“I’m not really sure. I think I wanted to protect you from how bad of a person I really am.”
“Trust me when I tell you are not a bad person. You are the greatest person I know and I know if Jake’s situation happened a hundred more times you’d do the same exact thing. It’s not your fault, my fault, or Jake’s fault. It just the plan that was set out for us and we have to live with it,” she said.
It was one of the few times I can remember Lindsey making a religious reference. After about a half hour, we still sat in the same position on the couch and Lindsey dozed off. I gently lifted her legs off of mine trying not to disturb her peaceful rest. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a Snapple and headed out to the back deck.
The back deck. My usual sanctuary. It was equipped with two chaise lounge chairs, two matching end tables, and a wicker glass- topped coffee table in the center. The grill was in the far left corner. The deck itself needed to be power washed but I figured I’d get to that when the weather warmed up a few more degrees. Even during the winter I’d spend my free time sitting in a lounge chair, enjoying the serene peacefulness of the neighborhood. I had a bucket near my lounge chair that collected all of my Snapple caps. The air was crisp and felt good on my tired body.
Snapple Fact Number Seven Hundred- Sixty: A dolphin sleeps with one eye open.
I always wondered how I could relate some of these tidbits of useless knowledge to the everyday events of my life. However, this particular fact didn’t necessarily relate to my life. When I read the fact a second time I thought of Barry Klein and his life’s choices. At the top of his game, Klein was the predator. The tiger shark or killer whale in this case. The young, naïve, immature kids were his prey. They were the dolphins. I wondered if Esteban had to sleep with one eye open during his time in captivity. Did the other boys? Did they even sleep at all?
And now that Klein was heading to prison, probably for a long time, would he become the dolphin? The predator’s prey? I hoped it wouldn’t take long before Klein was the dolphin himself. All I could do now was offer Mr. Barry Klein a piece of advice.
Sleep with one eye open, Klein. Sleep with one eye open.
Epilogue- Circle of Life
May rapidly blew through, which meant Jake’s birthday was right around the corner. I hadn’t had much to keep me busy over the last couple of weeks except a few household projects that I’d been putting off for as long as I could remember. I had dug up an old tree stump in the backyard, planted the seasonal flowers around the various garden areas, and painted the bedroom in the basement. The bedroom was going to now double as my new office. Aside from adding the fresh coat of camel- hair colored paint and a few modernized bookshelves, not much else changed. I folded up the futon to its upright position to present it as a welcoming couch. My computer desk still remained as it was and I’d created a database for all of my case files and notes I’d collect as I went along in the future. That is if I ever picked up another case.
I sat out on my back deck, admiring my handiwork with the flowerbeds and maintaining the lawn. My legs were extended with my feet dangling just off the end of the chair. A Snapple was of course in hand and the Snapple Fact was one I’d read a few times but I still put it in the bucket. My iPod was plugged in to my portable speaker and “Jammin’” by Bob Marley had just finished. Lindsey was inside vacuuming or dusting or whatever it is she liked to do on a Saturday afternoon.
“A Long and Winding Road,” by the Beatles was called up next on the iPod Shuffle. The song happened to be apropos to the way my life had gone. I mouthed the words and let the sun rays beat down on my face. It felt good. I heard the neighbor’s kids out splashing in their pool and stood up to watch. Sometimes I’d stand just out of the line of sight and think about how much those kids reminded me of Jake. So innocent and prodding through the days of adolescence trying to enjoy every day as if the world around them were oblivious.
Then, I thought of Esteban. I’d seen him a couple of times since he’d returned home. I took him out for pizza one afternoon and to Queens for the New York Mets Opening Day one other. It was his first professional sporting event and he relished every second and every sound. There was about a thirty minute rain delay and Esteban couldn’t figure out why the game had to be stopped and a tarp had to be laid out over the dirt infield. It was the innocence within Esteban that I knew existed and he had to figure out what to do with.
Over the last few weeks, being able to spend more time with Esteban, I realized that he and I were very much alike. Aside for our affinity for a dismal professional baseball team we both could say we have our own incident to mold the way we live the rest of our lives.
I got up and leaned on the railing of the deck. I was watching the kids next door do cannonballs into the pool when Lindsey hugged me from behind. The volume of the music drowned out the noise of the slider opening and closing so she startled me a bit. I grabbed her and pulled her next to me still keeping my arm around her body. She turned to face me after a few silent moments.
Lindsey joined me in watching the kids next door before she started talking. “Chase, honey,” she began. The same look of concern consumed her face. The same one I’d seen a few weeks back when we sat on the couch after she’d been sent home with a stomach bug. Again, I knew she’d tell me if she really wanted to so I said nothing. She grabbed me by my hand and said, “Come sit down, please.”
I did as I was told, not liking what I was hearing in the tone of Lindsey’s voice.
“What is it, baby?” I asked. She looked off in the distance and I saw a tear crawl down her left cheek. I couldn’t tell if it was a tear of sorrow or joy so I waited some more. Nervous, anxious, or scared; I didn’t know what to feel. Was she finally about to reveal that she truly hated me for killing Jake and was leaving me to wallow in my own miseries?
“I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m just going to say it,” she said.
Uh oh, here it is, I thought.
Good, she’s finally leaving you! Someone around here has finally come to their senses.
She backed herself up to lean against the railing of the deck. Her arms were tucked tightly around her midsection and she looked at her feet.
“What’s wrong, my love? Just say it,” I said.
She took a deep breath and said, “I’m pregnant.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
John Montesano is a special education teacher currently working in the Montclair Public School District. He previously held a similar position for nine years in the Bergen County Special Services School District. He currently lives in Wayne, New Jersey with his wife and four-year old daughter.
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The Incident (Chase Barnes Series Book 1) Page 27