“Neither do I.” He holds out his hands and steps toward me, cupping my face in his hands. “But, she is your nonna, and she loves the bird, so at the very least, we have to look.”
I stare up at him. I’m not happy, but he’s right, and there’s no way I won’t not look for the damn creature.
“Okay, I’ll look, but we’re splitting up to cover more ground.”
“Done. We’ll meet back here in thirty minutes?”
“S’pose,” I mutter.
Drake laughs, dipping his head to kiss me. “What do we do if we find Gio?”
“You won’t find Gio. You can’t find your socks in your sock drawer, and you think you can find a parrot in Holly Woods?” I snort, stepping back. “I’ll call you when I find him.”
“That’s awfully cocky for someone who doesn’t want to find him.” He quirks a brow, lips tugging to one side.
“I don’t want to find him, but I know you won’t, so therefore, logic dictates that I will find him.” I cross my arms. “I know you hate losing, but you’ll have to deal with it.”
“I hate losing? Right. You threatened to burn the Monopoly board last week, Noelle.”
“That game is stupid, and you cheated!”
He laughed and backed up. “All right, all right. Fine. I’ll wait for your call for when you find Gio.”
“You better be looking! You’re not allowed to bail on me! You got us into this situation!” I yell as he leaves the office parking lot and walks down the street.
Drake puts one hand up in goodbye, and I “psh” in his direction.
Why did I marry him again?
Oh, that’s right. Because I fell in love with the fool.
Sigh.
“What are you yelling about?” Bek asks, stepping out into the sunshine. “If someone died—”
I laugh. “Nobody died.” After a spate of murders over two or so years, we are finally murder-free again in Holly Woods. “Gio is missing, and Nonna enlisted me and Drake to find the stupid bird instead of me baking like I’m supposed to be.”
She tucked her red hair behind her ear and wrinkled up her face. “Why would you find Gio? You hate him.”
“It wasn’t by choice. Drake agreed for me, so I roped him into it, too.”
“So why are you shouting?”
“Because he reminded me of last week’s ill-fated Monopoly game and it made me mad,” I mutter. “How are you feeling?”
“Well, my breakfast stayed down this morning, so…” She gives me a weak smile and crosses her fingers.
I grimace in solidarity. “I don’t miss morning sickness. Did you call your doctor for some meds yet?”
She sighs. “I’m gonna have to. Brody is hovering over me like a fly around shit, and next time, I think I’ll just vomit on him to make him go away.”
“Sound plan.”
“Do you want some company? I could use the fresh air. Literally everyone is in the office today and there are clients in and out every fifteen minutes. It’s giving me a headache.”
“Are you going to vomit on me?”
She shakes her head. “No. But if I stay here much longer, I will.”
“Sure. Come with me. I have to find Gio first, anyway.”
She pauses. “Why?”
“Pride.” I shrug. “Besides. I can’t lose to a man who can’t find a pair of matching socks on a morning, can I?”
Bek raises an eyebrow. “A matching pair? I’m lucky if Brody can find any at all.”
“Yeah, well, if I didn’t do laundry, Drake wouldn’t either.”
“Okay, where do we start?” Bek flattens our awkwardly hand-drawn map of Holly Woods out on the coffee shop table.
I put my iced coffee down and uncap my red marker. “This is my parents’ house.” I circle it. “So, he started there, and he definitely made his way into town. This is the only route he knows, and while I don’t like Gio, he’s stupid.”
“Do parrots have a sense of direction? I mean, they don’t migrate for the winter, do they?”
I tap the pen against my lips. “I don’t know. We know he isn’t at the vet and that she hasn’t seen him since we called, but she is keeping an eye out for him. So, we’ll go to the obvious place.”
“The park. The trees.”
I nod. “I don’t know if there’s anywhere else he’d be.”
“I agree. It’s pretty logical. Birds like trees, so…”
“Even if Gio isn’t a normal bird,” I add. “Why do I feel like we’ll find him somewhere super random like the bank?”
“Because Gio is an asshole,” Bek says matter-of-factly. “Hey, if you and Drake are on a wild parrot chase, where are the twins?”
“Napping. With Nonna. Thankfully.”
“Thankfully that they’re with her?” Her eyes bug.
“No. Don’t be stupid. Thankful they’re napping while they’re with her,” I correct her. “All right. Let’s go to the park and hope we find a parrot.”
“Sounds good to me.” She grabs her take-out cup of ice water and stands up. “Noelle? Question.”
“Mm?” I fold up the map and grab my own drink.
“What the hell do we do with Gio once we find him?”
I open my mouth, and then—crap.
“That,” I say slowly, “Is a very good question.”
“So, we’re praying for a miracle.”
“Pretty much.”
Three
It isn’t going well.
How the hell do you find a parrot in the middle of a town? I don’t even know what I’m doing. Neither does Bek. We’re basically wandering around like hapless, headless chickens, waiting for Gio to do something useful for once and fly in front of our faces.
That will never happen, because as Bek said, Gio is an asshole, but hey. I’m a dreamer.
Actually, I’m a complete realist, but dreamer sounds better.
“How did Gio get out?” Bek asks. “Did she check the attic?”
“That’s what I asked her,” I reply. “But yes, she said she did, and I don’t know how he got out. She likely forgot to close the window before she opened his cage, then walked out, and off he went.” I shrug. “She’s insistent that he was stolen.”
Bek chokes, thumping her chest with her fist. “What? Why the hell would anyone steal Gio? You couldn’t give the creature away, never mind anyone stealing him.”
“That’s what we tried to say to her, but you know what she’s like. You’d have better luck getting a conversation out of a stone.” I sigh and look around the park. “I don’t think we’re going to find him here.”
“Do you think we’ll find him at all?”
“Hopefully not,” I mutter.
She snorts.
“I don’t know. On one hand, I want to find him for Nonna, but damn, this is a lot of space for a parrot to disappear in. I mean, I can find cheating spouses and murderers by putting myself in their headspace, but how the hell do I do that with a glorified chicken that speaks pirate?”
“Not to mention you left your children with the town’s crazy lady.”
I groan. I don’t need that reminder. The last time she was alone with them, she spoke almost exclusively in Italian in the hopes they’d be more fluent than me and my brothers.
They were nine months old. They pooped, crawled, cried, and threw spaghetti at me.
They weren’t ready for Italian lessons.
My phone vibrates in my pocket, so I reach in and pull it out. It’s a text from Drake asking if I’m having any luck.
Me: None. This is ridiculous.
Drake: And there’s two of you.
“Uh-oh,” I say. “He knows you’re with me.”
Bek shrugs. “He’s still not going to find the parrot. Nobody can find the parrot. This isn’t a zoo.”
Ah. It’s so nice to see her pregnancy hormones setting in.
I open the text thread and hit reply.
Me: She needed fresh air and I was going to fresh air. Would you den
y a pregnant lady?
Drake: You’re not using that again. That’s why I once spent sixty dollars on ice-cream when you were pregnant. The guilt trip sucks.
Me: You did that because you love me.
Drake: Mmmmph.
I laugh to myself and look up.
And see a flash of green.
“Did you see that?” Bek shouts, grabbing hold of my arm.
“The green?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Will you vomit if you run?”
“No, but Nonna owes me fifty billion pans of lasagna.”
“Done.” I clutch my phone tight and run in that direction. Bek is hot on my heels as we run across the park after a flash of green.
That may or may not even be Gio.
Two years ago, I was chasing murderers in my Louboutins. Now, I’m chasing a parrot in sneakers that were vomited on last week.
Mom life for the win.
We manage to reach the snack kiosk before we both have to stop. I push my way to the front of the line to the teen girl behind it. “Did you see a parrot fly past here? Just now?”
Her eyes widen and she looks at me like I’m crazy.
It’s okay, kid. I know I’m crazy. You have to be to survive the Bond family.
She shakes her head slowly, and I groan, thanking her before I turn around.
“Damn it,” Bek mutters. “What if he flies close to Drake? Then we lose.”
“And I have to live with it,” I moan.
“Ma’am?”
I turn, ready to cut the person calling me ma’am. I’m not a ma’am, damn it! Unfortunately, he’s the cutest, spottiest teenager who looks positively terrified at speaking to me. “Yes?”
“Is the parrot y’all are looking for green?”
I nod once.
“I saw him. He went that way.” He pointed toward the main road leading out of the park.
Bek gasps. “Let’s go!”
“Thank you!” I shout as she drags me away and in the direction of the parrot.
Run. Run. Run. We run like hell after the green blur that we can’t even see anymore.
“Bek. This is ridiculous.” I stop and grab hold of a post, bending over to catch my breath. “We don’t know where he went.”
“Uhhh.” She clutches my hand. “Noelle, I’m gonna be sick.”
Oh no.
Oh no, no, no.
She bends over, and I instinctively reach out to her. I scoop back her hair and hold it as she vomits into a bush behind me.
“It’s okay,” I say softly. “You’re fine. I’ve got you.”
She grips hold of the fence behind the bush and takes a deep breath. “Damn it. Does this stop soon?”
“Yes. When you visit your doctor,” I remind her, releasing her hair as she stands up. I shrug off my sweater and use the sleeve to wipe her mouth.
“Noelle,” she says flatly. “Seriously?”
“Instinct. Sorry. I see vomit and I have to clean it up.”
“That’s gross.”
“No. Gross is wiping shit from your walls at five-thirty in the morning. Vomit is lovely compared to that.” I give her a wry smile. “Do you need to go home?”
“She doesn’t have a choice.” Brody’s voice interrupts whatever she was going to say.
“Aw, shit,” she whispers.
I have to fight back laughter, but that quickly disappears when I see Drake right behind him.
“Noelle!” Brody points at me. “Why the hell do you have her running around after Nonna’s fucking parrot?”
“Excuse me? She wanted fresh air. Don’t put this on me!” I point right back at him.
“She can’t even pee in the morning without vomiting.”
“Say it a little louder, Brody. I want everyone to know that information,” Bek snaps.
He—wisely—ignores her. “You can’t have her go running everywhere!”
I hit my little brother with a death glare that makes even Drake take a step back. “Brody, believe it or not, I don’t control her. I didn’t want her here. Sit your ass down and shut up, idiot.”
He opens his mouth, but he’s shut up by Bek.
“Brody, she’s right. I wanted to come alone. Neither of knew we’d end up chasing a parrot through the park only for him to disappear,” she says wearily. “But I think going home is the smartest choice.”
“What about your car?” he asks.
“I can drive it back to y’all’s place,” I reassure them. “Go home and get into bed. We’ve got this.”
“Will you text me if you find the wayward bird?” she asks, tucking herself into Brody’s side. “I want to know.”
“I swear I will,” I promise. “Now go relax.”
Still slightly white-faced, she nods, and Brody guides her off toward wherever it is his car is.
Instantly, I reach out and smack Drake’s arm. “Why’d you tell him, huh?”
“Whoa, crazy.” He grabs my hands and pulls me toward him. “I didn’t tell him a thing. I was on my way over here because someone said that they’d seen a parrot flying in the park. I bumped into him, and he said he’d help me look to get in Nonna’s good books. Just so happens that Bek threw up when we showed up.”
“Of course, she did. Damn it. Okay, what did you find out about the parrot?”
“Not a lot,” my husband admits. “I know he’s been spotted here, but that’s it.”
“We saw him,” I say, moving away from Bek’s vomit bush. “He darted past us, and we chased him, but he’s gone. I don’t know where the hell we’re supposed to go from here, and I’m starting to feel light-headed.”
Drake pauses. “In other words, you’ve exhausted your internal sugar reserve, and I need to go and buy you a cupcake.”
I grin. “Yes.”
“You do realize that as long as we’re running around getting you cupcakes, we won’t find Gio?”
“Do you actually think we’re going to find him? He’ll probably return home soon enough. Don’t they do that?”
“I think that’s dogs,” he says slowly. “Then again, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of a parrot running away from home.”
“That’s because he was stolen,” I remind him wryly. “There’s a bird thief on the loose.”
“Honestly, if he’d been stolen, all we’d have to do is sit at home and wait for the thief to return him.” He pauses, lacing his fingers through mine. “I wouldn’t even arrest them for it.”
“You’d have to arrest them for bringing him back,” I mutter. “So…where did we stand on the cupcake?”
Four
“It’s been an hour and a half,” I say, stopping in the middle of the street. “Are we seriously supposed to keep looking for Gio? The twins will be awake and—”
“I already texted your mom.” Drake shoots me a glance.
“You did? When?”
“When you were frosting-deep in your cupcake. I knew they’d wake up soon, and as great as Nonna is, your mom will stop another Italian lesson from happening.”
“I would pay to stop that happening.” I sigh and looked around. “Seriously. Why are we doing this? We need to just go home and tell her that we couldn’t find him. I have so much stuff to do for the twins’ party, never mind the fact there’s an actual stack of paperwork in my office I need to handle.”
“And breathe.” Drake chuckles, resting his hands on my upper arms. “Fifteen more minutes, and if we don’t see him, that’s exactly what we’ll do, okay? Maybe we can print flyers and pin them up around town just in case he’s flown in somewhere and gotten stuck.”
I groan, but I don’t have a choice. I know I need to do this for a little longer, if only because Nonna can’t complain if we’ve put in two solid hours of searching.
But. Ugh. I’m getting tired, my feet hurt, and I really do have a ton of stuff to do. Motherhood and owning a business aren’t conductive to leading a parrot hunt.
Drake grabs my wrist. “Don’t move.”
“Wh
y? Did I step in dog shit?” I glance down at my feet.
“No. Gio. He’s over there.”
I jerk my head up and look in the direction he’s pointing. Holy shit, he’s right. Gio is sitting on a little round table outside the café like he owns it.
“Oh my God,” I whisper. “How do we get him?”
Drake opens his mouth and stills. “Shit. We didn’t think this through, did we?”
I shake my head. “But, he’s right there. How do we get him back to Nonna?”
“Chase him?”
“And let him fly off? It’s not like we can put a leash on him.”
“Yeah, well, if we ever get the little fucker home, I’m going to make Nonna chain him to the damn cage,” Drake mutters. “Hold on. Let me call your mom.”
I sigh and lean against the wall while he takes a few steps away to call her. This is turning into the nightmare I knew it would be. Seriously—how do you catch a parrot? I’m not a birdkeeper. I have no idea what I’m doing.
“Well, that didn’t help at all,” Drake says, coming back. He grimaces at his phone. “She thinks we need to try to corner him and catch him.”
“Oh, gee. We never thought of that.” I slap my hand against my leg.
He snorts.
“This whole thing is so fucking stupid. It’s not like he’s going to fly to my finger and stay there.”
“I don’t know, Noelle. He does have that weird crush on you.”
I glare at Drake. “Yes, but I deliberately shot him with a water gun last summer and now he doesn’t like me quite as much.”
Drake sighs. “I forgot about that. All right, what do we do? Maybe he’ll come to me?”
“God, it’s like herding cats,” I whine.
“Except the cats have wings and swear in pirate.”
“This couldn’t get any worse.”
“I’m going to try to get him. He likes me. I feed him.” He shrugs and checks the road is clear before crossing it.
I take it back. I can already see this getting worse.
I cover my mouth with my hand and watch my husband approach Gio. His steps are slow and calculated, and he hunches over as he gets close to the table.
Cocktales Page 26