by Abigail Roux
Brandt murmured as he hefted his body off Remy’s and pulled the other man up with him. Remy staggered and held on to Brandt as Brandt righted him, and they both
looked at Shawn sheepishly.
“Are you all right?” Shawn asked them both.
Brandt and Remy both nodded.
“Can we get back to what we were doing now?” Thiago asked irritably, and
Brandt frowned at him, trying to remember what they’d been doing before the
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grenade was found. It wouldn’t have blown up on them, Brandt was certain of that.
The bastards, they just didn’t understand the intricacies of blowing shit up.
“What were we doing?” Remy asked regretfully.
Thiago and Shawn both sighed heavily, and Brandt met Carl’s eyes. Carl
was trying hard not to laugh. Brandt figured it must hurt him to laugh.
“Poor Trigger,” he said as he released Remy and went over to Carl.
“I’m not hurt!” Carl declared in a panic as Brandt closed in on him, and
Brandt shook his head as he picked Carl up and gently carried him over to the sofa.
Carl grunted unhappily as Brandt set him down. “Good Trigger,” Brandt said
as he patted Carl on the head and sat down next to him. Carl sighed heavily and
shifted into Brandt’s arms, resting his head in Brandt’s lap contentedly.
Shawn pawed over Remy, checking him for burns, and Thiago settled down
onto the other sofa as Nikolaus walked back into the room.
“I need food,” Nikolaus announced as he walked up and plopped down on
Carl’s other side. “Only thing we have in there are some tainted donuts. What kind of a psychopath ruins donuts like that?” Nikolaus wondered aloud.
“Sorry,” Remy mumbled as Shawn took Remy’s face in his hands and
looked at him closely.
“You’re all right, then,” Shawn murmured, as if trying to reassure himself.
Remy nodded, but Shawn didn’t release him.
Brandt watched them fondly. It was good to have them back to normal.
Almost normal anyway. Sort of normal. As normal as Shawn and Remy could be.
“You know what, lads?” Shawn said to all of them. They all looked at him
expectantly, but he seemed lost in thought as he looked into Remy’s face. Finally, he said, “Get some food. Take care of whatever you need.” He was still looking at Remy intently, and Remy looked back at him with wide eyes. “Do whatever you need to do, and be back here in four hours. Then we’ll start this.”
Brandt watched in amusement as Shawn led Remy out of the room, nodding
at all of them in passing, and the four remaining men stared at one another in
bemused silence for several long minutes.
“You think four hours is enough time for them to make up for all that lost
time?” Nikolaus asked in amusement.
“No. But it gives us enough time to go forage for breakfast,” Carl answered
as he struggled to his feet. “C’mon kiddies, let’s leave them to it.”
XXVI.
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REMY let Shawn lead him down the hall and pull him into one of the bedrooms. He
watched tensely as Shawn closed the door to the bedroom and turned around to face him.
Remy stared at him warily, wondering where the lines were now drawn.
Before this mission, he’d known Shawn’s moods like he knew his own, and he’d
always known what the appropriate response was. A year ago, had Shawn been angry
with him, Remy would have teased and joked and seduced until Shawn could no
longer remember why he was angry. Shawn could always see right through the ploy,
of course, but he enjoyed the process, nonetheless. He always allowed it to cheer him up.
But Remy wasn’t certain what he should do now. Was he still allowed to do
those things? Was he allowed to touch Shawn whenever he wanted? Was he allowed
to tease him and make light like he used to? He felt as if he’d lost the privilege. He couldn’t even tell if Shawn was still angry.
Remy looked at his companion miserably as Shawn stood at the door and
stared blankly at him.
“Remy,” Shawn whispered tentatively as he flicked the light switch off, and
they stood in the dim light of the bedside lamp.
That was bad. It was always easier to have difficult discussions in the dark.
That meant this was going to be a difficult discussion, and that meant that Remy’s heart was about to be broken. Again.
“Shawn,” Remy replied in a lost voice as Shawn took a step toward him,
unable to think of anything else to say in his distress.
“I owe you an apology, lad,” Shawn told him as he stepped up and slid his
hands gently around Remy’s waist.
Remy’s hands automatically rested on Shawn’s forearms, and he looked at
Shawn questioningly. “I think you have that a little backwards, non?” he said uncomfortably.
Shawn shook his head and slid one hand around Remy’s body as the other
came up to cup Remy’s face gently. It was an odd position for Remy, considering he was leaning away as he tried to see into Shawn’s eyes, but Shawn held him close all the same.
“No. No, I owe you an apology. So many that I’ve lost count,” Shawn
whispered as he looked into Remy’s eyes steadily.
“Shawn,” Remy whispered again uncertainly. He was dumbfounded by
Shawn’s behavior, and unsure of what to do or say. He’d seen Shawn loving and
sincere before, but never like this. There was an underlying sadness to this, and it scared Remy more than any amount of anger ever could. What could Shawn possibly
have to apologize for that would cause that level of sadness? Unless… unless he was ending it for good, and this was a pre-emptive apology for finally turning Remy out.
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For sending him away.
Remy slid his hands slowly up Shawn’s arms, up under the sleeves of the T-
shirt he wore and then back down to his forearms. He desperately wanted to feel
every inch of Shawn’s body under his fingertips, inhale every scent, take in every line and curve.
“I’m sorry, Remy. For all of this,” Shawn whispered as his fingers threaded
through Remy’s curls and his other hand slid beneath the waistband of Remy’s jeans and pulled him closer. “There’s more, though,” he said with difficultly. “We have to talk.”
“No,” Remy said automatically, trying desperately to avoid the inevitable.
“I’ll answer whatever you want, Shawn, please. Please, don’t do this,” Remy begged as a slow, cold panic took over his entire body. “Please, don’t send me away, Shawn.
I need to be here with you. Just ask me whatever you–”
“Shh shh shh,” Shawn soothed as he stroked Remy’s cheek gently. “I’m not
letting you go anywhere,” Shawn said quickly. “You’re stuck with me now, whether
you like it or not,” he added with a small grin. Remy was so relieved he felt a little light-headed as Shawn grinned at him. “You’re bloody adorable when you’re
panicking,” Shawn said fondly.
“Well, what the hell, man, you can’t pull that ‘we have to talk’ shit on me
and just–”
“Consider it payback for the fake cry,” Shawn growled as he leaned in and
took Remy’s mouth in a slow, gentle kiss.
“That’s not funny,” Remy mumbled as Shawn slowly kissed the edge of his
mouth and then the tip of his chin and then the line of his jaw. Remy shivere
d.
“Wasn’t meant to be,” Shawn whispered as he pressed his nose to Remy’s
temple and inhaled softly. “We’ve quite a lot to discuss,” he added, his lips moving against the skin of Remy’s cheek as he spoke. “I didn’t think I’d ever have this
again.”
“I know how you felt,” Remy murmured. He looked back up at Shawn and
smiled sadly. He’d come so close to ruining this. And he was still playing a dangerous game, a game of carefully phrased answers and omitted truths. But if Shawn found
out about Thiago, all hell would break loose. Someone would end up dead. Remy had no choice. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Shawn,” he said softly.
“No worries about that now, love,” Shawn said with a smile. Remy blinked
in surprise at the endearment, and his entire body tingled from the feeling it gave him to hear Shawn say that.
Remy found he had no more words to say, and Shawn took advantage of the
silence. Remy allowed him to slowly run his hands up under the flannel shirt he wore and arched his back into the feeling of Shawn’s warm hands on his bare skin as he pressed himself against Shawn’s bare chest.
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Remy hadn’t really registered it before, but he realized suddenly that all the
others were still in their nightclothes; a variety of boxers, briefs, sweat pants and Tshirts. Shawn must have discovered he was missing first thing. Suddenly, the
memories from the morning flooded Remy’s brain, and he snickered. Shawn had been
strapping on weaponry, getting ready to head out in his bare feet and his thin pajama bottoms.
“Something funny?” Shawn growled mischievously.
Remy’s eyes widened innocently. He tried not to snicker, but it was no use.
“What were you gonna do, Beignet?” Remy laughed. “Go out in your bunny slippers
looking for me?”
“You know damn well my bunny slippers got toasted back at the cabin,”
Shawn growled teasingly with a smirk.
“That’s right. We’ll get you some more,” Remy murmured seriously just
before Shawn kissed him hungrily. Remy wrapped his arms around him and grinned
into the kiss.
“I missed you,” Shawn murmured to him.
“Arrête-toi,” Remy breathed as he hugged Shawn close and buried Shawn’s
face in the hollow of his own neck as he held him. The proximity brought out
Shawn’s smell so strongly that Remy was momentarily lost in a sea of scent-induced memory, and he let himself enjoy the moment. “Come to bed,” he coaxed.
Shawn followed his gentle tug without resistance, and they crawled into the
bed and curled up together, enjoying a stolen moment of peace. Remy faded in and
out of sleep for the next two or so hours, finally feeling somewhat secure in his position in Shawn’s life once more. He hadn’t slept the night before, and his batteries were in desperate need of recharging, now that his mind was relatively at ease.
“Remy?” Shawn ventured after a long silence.
“Hmm?”
“Why did Gray shoot you?”
Remy cuddled closer to Shawn, trying to hide his face. He’d vowed to tell
the truth whenever he could, and this truth would only hurt him, not Thiago. “The plan was originally to drug you all and not reveal that I was… that I was a mole,” he began with difficulty. To his surprise Shawn squeezed him tighter and nuzzled at his hair tentatively. “But then, Brandt just wouldn’t go down. We were on short time, so I had to shoot him with a dart.”
“So you really did shoot him,” Shawn murmured. “I’m not sure I really
believed him.”
Remy blushed, but he soldiered on with his explanation. “Then Gray came
up with this harebrained idea to make you all think I had been coerced, which in a way I had been, but we thought if I were drugged, too, then it… then it might….”
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“Take some of the blame from you?” Shawn supplied quietly.
“Something like that,” Remy mumbled miserably. “It was a stupid idea. If
we find Boss again, don’t let him make any decisions. Don’t even let him dress
himself.”
Shawn laughed quietly, and Remy held him close.
“You two, you worked together for quite a while, didn’t you?” Shawn asked
softly.
Remy raised his head. “How did you know?” he asked resignedly.
“You call him Boss,” Shawn answered readily. “You slipped the other day.
Called me that when everything was going to shit.” Remy snorted and burrowed his
face into Shawn’s chest.
“Gray’s plans always go to shit. Must have been a Pavlovian response.”
“I assume it was a sarcastic kind of thing, then? You calling him that? Then
it turned into affection maybe?” Shawn ventured tentatively.
“Jesus, you never cease to amaze me, you know that?” Remy said fondly.
“Gray’s good at almost everything. But he’s shit at giving orders.”
“How long were you together?”
“Roughly two months.”
“This was… this was just before you found me in South Dakota?” Shawn
asked as his brow creased worriedly. Remy nodded. “What were you doing?”
“Being subversive,” Remy said miserably, and he rolled onto his back and
stared at the ceiling.
“So you were the mole they were having fits over,” Shawn whispered,
sounding more like he was talking to himself. “There were two of you.”
“Fits?”
“They were onto you, Remy. Well not you, specifically, but they were after a mole.”
Remy stared into the shadows of the room thoughtfully. That wasn’t good.
He and Gray had spent a lot of time gathering information, and if they had been
pinged then some of that information could be tainted. He had to tell Thiago as soon as he could get the man alone.
“Was he good?” Shawn asked after another long silence.
“Hmm? Gray?”
“Mm hmm. Good shag?”
“Most certainly,” Remy said with a little grin.
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That was another of their traditions. They always shared notes on their
various sexual encounters. Some of their past conversations had gotten pretty wild.
Things weren’t back to the way they had been and probably never would be, but with that casual query Remy felt as if they were settling back into their own skins once more.
“Missed you, Beignet,” Remy murmured contentedly as he nuzzled into
Shawn’s arms.
“Missed you too, Dixie,” Shawn whispered into Remy’s curls.
“Why do you sound so sad?” Remy asked carefully as he played with the
fine hair on Shawn’s chest.
Shawn didn’t answer, and Remy could feel the uneven rise and fall of the
other man’s chest as he tried to regulate his breathing. The dread Remy had
experienced earlier returned in full force, and he propped himself on one elbow as he looked down at Shawn in the dim light.
“I’ll do anything you want me to, Shawn,” he said in a soft voice as Shawn
looked up at him and absently twirled a lock of his hair. “I know I fucked up. I know I–”
“Remy,” Shawn interrupted quickly. “That’s all in the past. We’re starting
over,” he said firmly. “And it’s not… it’s not you,” he added, any trace of his usual confidence gone.
“Then what’s wrong, Shawn?” Remy asked desperately.
“I need to tell you this. And it’s going to be difficult, so don
’t interrupt,
okay?”
Remy looked at him carefully, wondering what could be so horrible that
Shawn would resort to a pre-emptive no interrupting clause. “Okay,” Remy finally
agreed slowly.
Shawn took a deep breath as he prepared to speak, but before he could utter a
word the door burst open and Thiago stumbled into the room, panting and fluttering his arms as if he’d lost his mind. Remy and Shawn both shot to attention and Thiago pointed into the hall breathlessly.
“Gotta see this,” he finally managed before running back out like some bad
stage act.
Remy and Shawn looked at one another blankly for several seconds before
jumping out of bed and scrambling for the door.
XXVII.
BRANDT hit the floor again. Hard.
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Carl laughed raucously and Thiago grinned from ear to ear. Remy and
Shawn came hopping up to him, both of them still trying to achieve some semblance of being clothed, and they both stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Brandt and Nikolaus on the floor.
“Why are they fighting?” Remy asked quickly as he rounded the sofa to
break up the wrestling match. Thiago reached out and grabbed him by the arm.
“They’re wrestling,” Thiago corrected. “Nikolaus took him down five times
in a row.”
“What?” Shawn and Remy echoed.
“Watch.”
Thiago turned his eyes back in time to see Nikolaus and Brandt circle one
another once again. It was a ridiculous sight considering their difference in size, but when Brandt went to grab Nikolaus, the smaller man moved in a flash and hooked his leg around Brandt’s knee, throwing him off balance and twisting him, sending him
crashing to the ground.
Carl was laughing so hard that he was actually doubled over in pain, and
Thiago was afraid that the other man would start bleeding again if he didn’t put a stop to the festivities.
“All right guys, that’s enough,” Thiago said regretfully. Brandt looked up at
him gratefully, and Nikolaus beamed up at him as he got to his feet. Remy and Shawn were both glaring at Thiago, but Thiago didn’t care. They’d had their time to make nice. It was time to get back to business.