“I know I told you that you could have until Christmas, but—” He fell silent as though trying to figure out how best to explain..
“Sven, what are you up to?” she asked flatly. “If it’s the money, I can pay you now. I have enough put together to pay both you and Ina. So if that’s what you’re here for, I can accommodate you.”
“No, Sigrid. Sit down.”
She sat obediently as a sense of fear ran down her spine. Something had changed his mind. He’s come to break our deal.
“The railroad has offered to pay double what we talked about,” Sven announced. “They are willing to give us three hundred dollars for the farm.”
“So they are trying to get this land for a depot and roundhouse. Is that it?” Sigrid asked. Why hadn’t Ruben known about this yesterday when she’d asked him?
“I guess that’s the idea,” Sven replied. “I can’t say for sure. Maybe they just want the extra space for a spur line to work on the cars.”
“Well, they can’t have it!” she declared firmly. “Sven, you’ve been taught to be a man of honor. Moder would expect you to keep your word, and so do I.”
“Be reasonable, Sigrid. That’s a hundred dollars apiece. I could use that money and so could Ina, especially now that the new baby is nearly here. She and Clarence barely have room as it is and a hundred dollars would go a long way to help them build onto the house and get some of the things they need. And, if you’re still determined to live alone, a hundred dollars could buy you a little place in town. You wouldn’t have to work nearly so hard. You could probably live off that money for a good long time.”
“I don’t want a place in town, Sven. I want this place. This is my home. Or at least I always thought it was. I love this place. It’s a part of Moder and Fader, and I don’t want to let that go.”
“I’m your brother, and I’m the head of the family now. I’m sorry, Sigrid, but I’m going to talk to Ina about this. I’m sure she’ll feel the same way I do.” He got to his feet and walked to the back door.
Sigrid had no other choice but to follow after him. “You can’t do this. If you love me, you won’t do this.” She knew the words cut him like a knife. She could see even with his back turned to her, that his shoulders slumped a little lower.
“I’m sorry,” was all he could say.
Sigrid’s vision blurred with tears. She watched Sven walk away and wished she could think of something to say in order to change his mind. She could never pay him and Ina both one hundred dollars. She barely had enough to pay them the fifty each.
“What did Sven want?” Erik asked, coming from around the corner of the house. His face and arms were still wet from having washed up at the pump.
“To ruin my life,” Sigrid barely managed to whisper before fleeing into the house.
She wiped her eyes with the apron, not wanting Erik to see her cry, but he had followed on her heels and knew exactly what was happening.
“What is it? What did he do that would make you cry?”
Sigrid swallowed down a lump in her throat. “He plans to sell the farm to the railroad.”
“He can’t do that,” Erik said, and his expression told Sigrid that he was every bit as upset at the prospect as she was.
“That’s what I told him, but he doesn’t care. They are offering him three hundred dollars, and I can’t possibly match that.” She sat down hard on the chair. A thought came to her, but she quickly pushed it aside. If she married Erik then perhaps they could combine their money and pay Sven and Ina. But no! That was no reason to marry. Besides, the haunting reminder of Ruben’s kiss stood between her and Erik now.
“Ruben said he knew nothing about this,” she said, mindless of the effect on Erik.
“Apparently he had other things on his mind,” Erik said, not even attempting to hide his bitterness.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Sigrid asked.
“There’s rumors about you two. I guess you made quite a spectacle of yourself yesterday.” He looked at her seeming to dare her to deny his words.
“It’s none of your business,” she snapped and got up to bring the food to the table. “You’d better eat before this gets cold.”
Erik surprised her by taking hold of her arm and forcing her to face him. “You can’t trust Carter. He isn’t one of us. He isn’t from around here. He doesn’t know the first thing about farming and you can bet your pretty little head, he doesn’t intend to stay in Lindsborg for long.”
“Stop it!” Sigrid said, pulling away. “You don’t know anything about him. You’re just mad because I won’t sell you the farm.”
“What do you know about how I feel? You haven’t bothered to give me so much as two words at one sitting. I come here, you throw food at me, and then I leave to go tend the livestock or garden, or go to town. I know you’re hurting over this, but you aren’t hearing me.”
“I’ve heard enough!”
“Then you don’t care that people think you are playing fast and loose with Ruben Carter? You don’t care that folks did more talking about you and Carter kissing yesterday, than they did discussing Ella’s wedding?”
Sigrid felt the heat rise from her collar. She couldn’t deny what he was accusing her of, and for reasons she couldn’t understand, this only made her more angry. Jerking away, she waved to the food on the counter. “Eat or not, but I refuse to talk to someone who only wants to yell at me!”
She stormed off to her bedroom and slammed the door as loudly as she could to make her point. Turning the key in the lock, she hoped it made enough noise to leave Erik without a doubt as to how she felt about him at that moment.
Throwing herself across the bed, Sigrid began to cry in earnest because she really didn’t know how she felt about anything. Especially Erik. Why did this have to be so difficult? She cared a great deal about Erik, but Ruben made her feel so excited and alive. Ruben had only to look at her a certain way, and she trembled from head to foot. Erik certainly never did that for her.
Or had he? She thought back on times when she’d caught him smiling at her a certain way. Her stomach had always seemed to do flip-flops when that happened, but she had always ignored it. But he doesn’t think of me the same way Ruben does, she thought, and hot tears fell from her eyes. Ruben desires me as a woman. Erik just thinks of me as a child. He only wants me for the land.
Beating her hands against the pillow, Sigrid cried until there were no tears left to cry. It was only when she’d dried her eyes and rolled over on her back that she thought to pray.
“Oh, God,” she mournfully whispered, “I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave my home, but it seems that Sven has made up his mind. I have no choice but to do as others direct me to do. But I want You to show me what to do. I want You to guide and direct me. Please help me to know what’s right in Your sight, and give me the strength to deal with this matter.”
She sighed, feeling only marginally better. There was a kitchen full of work awaiting her attention, and yet all she really wanted to do was sleep. Just sleep and forget the rest of the world and all the problems that went along with it. The coming months would forever see her life changed, and Sigrid wanted to keep things still, if only for a little while.
Giving into her desires, she closed her eyes and fell asleep. Somehow, God would surely find a way to make it all work out.
Chapter 7
POTATISKORV
(Potato Sausage)
6 large raw potatoes (peeled and ground)
1 tsp. pepper
2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. allspice
1 cup milk
1 ½ lbs. ground beef
2 ½ lbs. ground pork 1 medium onion (ground)
Mix all ingredients together and stuff into sausage casings, being careful not to overfill as they will expand during cooking. Prick casing several times with a needle before cooking. Put into a pot of hot water and boil over medium heat for 1 hour. Then brown in a frying pan if desired.
Makes six 24-inch sausages.
Cold weather set in, and with it came a frenzy to finish up the harvest chores. Sigrid had scarcely seen anything of Erik or Sven since that dreadful day in the kitchen. She felt relieved to have been left to her own concerns, and yet she rather missed seeing Erik at mealtime. With the heavy work of harvest, Sigrid was used to Erik sharing all of her meals, but after that day, he had simply stopped coming.
Her conscience bothered her when she thought about having hurt his feelings. She didn’t know where to fit Erik into her life. She knew she had feelings for him, but they certainly weren’t the same kind of physical feelings she had for Ruben. On the other hand, she shared very little of common interest with Ruben. They talked on several occasions since he’d stolen the kiss at Ella’s wedding, and each time Sigrid tried to imagine herself spending the rest of her life with him.
These thoughts continued to haunt her as she worked to stuff sausage casings with potatiskorv. The potato sausage would be a nice delicacy to have for the holidays, and Sigrid could remember what a favorite it was of her mother’s.
“Oh, Moder,” she whispered, “I miss you so. Nothing seems right with you gone. I’ve made such a mess of things.”
The sound of the back door opening gave her start. Had her brother come to torment her with the signing over of her home? Or, had Erik returned to confront her with her behavior?
“Sigrid?”
It was Ruben.
Sigrid was surprised and more than a little bit embarrassed to have Ruben find her in such a state of disarray. Wiping the sausage from her hands, she put a hand up to her hair, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t appear too much of a mess.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” she murmured, trying hard to steady her nerves.
He glanced around and smiled. “I hope I’m not interrupting.”
“Only in a pleasant way,” she said, beginning to relax. “I’ve been making sausages all morning and in truth, I could use a rest.” She turned back to put a towel over the entire affair and felt a charge of electricity shoot through her when Ruben came to stand directly behind her.
His warm breath on her bare neck caused Sigrid to tremble. Ruben turned her gently and took hold of her shoulders. “I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. I miss coming here on a daily basis.” He tilted her face up and studied her for a moment as though inspecting a rare flower. “I can’t get this face out of my mind. When I sleep, I dream about you, and when I awaken, I long to see you and to hold you.”
Sigrid felt her breath quicken. My, but this man could bring her blood to a boil quicker than anyone she’d ever known.
Ruben took her tenderly into his arms. “I want to kiss you again. May I?” She was touched that he should ask. “I suppose so.”
He lost little time. Lowering his mouth to hers, Ruben pulled her tightly against him. He kissed her with more passion than she’d ever imagined, and it so frightened her that she pulled away panting. Stepping away from him, she stared back, trying to reason inside her what it was that had caused her reaction.
“I’m sorry,” he said, softly. “I didn’t mean to frighten you. It’s just that I can no longer fight the feelings I have for you. There’s something I want to say, and hope you won’t think me too forward.” His words were methodically delivered and Sigrid found herself very nearly mesmerized by them.
“What … what … is it?” she barely managed to croak out.
“I want you to marry me.”
She gasped. “What?”
His expression suggested he enjoyed the control he held over her. With a smug grin he repeated the proposal. “I said, that I want you to marry me.”
Sigrid couldn’t believe that he’d actually just proposed. She felt the warmth of his passionate gaze pierce her facade of indifference. He wanted to marry her!
“Just like that?” she questioned, forcing her wits to resurface.
“Well, of course. I want us to marry right away. We can take a wedding trip to Kansas City and stay in my parents’ home. The place is massive and we won’t be cramped for room.”
“But Lindsborg is my home,” she interjected.
“Lindsborg has been your home, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.” Sigrid shook her head. “I must say, this comes at a great surprise. We scarcely know each other.”
“We know each other better than most folks,” he assured her. “Come sit with me and we can talk about all the things that are worrying you.” He reached out for her arm, but Sigrid was unsure that she wanted him to touch her. Strange things happened to her mind when he touched her. Seeing her hesitation, Ruben held up his hands and backed away. “Please. Just come sit with me for a time.”
Sigrid took a seat and stared at the wall over his head. “All of my family live in Lindsborg. My friends are here. My life is here. I don’t want to live in the city. At least I don’t think I do.”
“But my dear, you’ve never seen the city. You’ve never been outside this tiny town in all of your life. You told me so, remember?” She nodded and he continued. “You have no idea what lies in wait for you out there. The opportunities are too numerous and too wondrous to even imagine. You can never grow bored there.”
“I don’t grow bored here,” she countered.
Looking at Ruben with a new heart, Sigrid tried to honestly see herself in the role of his wife. He dressed immaculately in fine suits, and always looked the epitome of style and fashion. His hands were soft and clean, with perfectly trimmed nails and no calluses to mar their appearance. He would no doubt expect just such perfection from a wife.
“Family is very important to me, Ruben. The man I marry will have to understand that, and he will have to honor God, as well. God is the foundation for all I hold true and dear.”
“I understand and completely agree with you.” The words came without any appearance of discomfort.
She got up without warning and walked to the kitchen window. “I’ve grown to love this house and this land. My parents worked hard to make this a home, and now your railroad wants to destroy all of that and put in their depot and their roundhouse.”
“So don’t sell it to them.”
His words were so matter-of-fact that Sigrid couldn’t help but turn to look at him. “Just like that?”
He smiled. “Just like that. Don’t sell it and they’ll build elsewhere.”
“But I thought this location was perfect.”
Ruben rubbed his mustache. “It is, and it would make things go a whole lot better for all the people in this town. The railroad doesn’t choose a site without weighing heavily the impact it will have on the townspeople. If the people aren’t happy, the railroad is doomed to certain failure.”
“I hadn’t thought about making it easier for everyone else.” Suddenly she felt very selfish. “I have to admit, I’ve only thought of my own pain. My own needs.”
Ruben rose to his feet and slowly crossed the room. “As my wife, you need never worry about pain or comfort again. I can give you everything.”
“But I have everything I want here.”
He smiled tolerantly. “But there’s so much more I want to give you. I want to show you the world, and I want to show you to the world. Will you at least think about my proposal?”
Sigrid swallowed hard and nodded. “All right. I’ll think about it.”
“Good. I’ll expect you to give me an answer as soon as possible. After all, the holidays are nearly upon us and I know you’ll be far too busy to give much thought over to a wedding then.”
Sigrid nodded, but said nothing. Her mind was consumed with the weight of Ruben’s proposal and all that it might mean to her.
He left without any further attempt to kiss her, even though for a moment Sigrid had feared that had been his definite intent. She turned back to the kitchen counter and sighed. How could she possibly keep her mind on work now?
She finished her tasks just before the last light of day faded into twilight. Lighting the lamps, Sig
rid took down her mother’s Bible and sat down to read. There had to be answers for the questions in her heart.
Her hand immediately opened to the tenth chapter of Matthew. Scanning down, she came upon verse sixteen which admonished, “Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.”
Moder had often spoken of Satan’s deception in appearing as one of the sheep in order to work his way into the flock.
“If you saw a wolf coming, you would shoot him, ja?” she could hear her mother question. “But when a stray sheep joins in, you think not so very much about it. You figure you will find the owner and return him, but he’ll do no harm to graze with your own flock until that time. After all, he’s just a sheep.”
Erik had warned her that Ruben wasn’t all that he appeared—that he wasn’t one of them. He told her to mind herself around him, and his brotherly advice bothered her greatly.
Lord, I want to do the right thing. Selling the farm would help Ina and Sven in ways that I can’t hope to help them. Giving this land up would benefit the town, and all of my friends and family would have a better life because of my sacrifice. She closed the Bible and laid her head atop it. I don’t mean to put a thing or place above the comfort and need of my loved ones. I guess I’m ready to let go, if that’s what You want me to do. It doesn’t feel good, or right, but if You want me to do this thing then please mark out the path.
And as for Ruben and his proposal. She paused, trying to figure out what she should pray. You know what he’s asked of me, and You alone know if he’s the one for me. I just feel so confused. There’s Ruben, and then there’s Erik. Ruben has asked me to marry him, and he seems to genuinely love me. Erik has asked me to marry him, and he seems to genuinely care about me, but I’m not so sure he loves me.
And whom do you love? her heart seemed to ask.
“I wish I knew,” she answered aloud.
Chapter 8
JAST KRANS
Yeast Wreath
Tracie Peterson, Tracey V. Bateman, Pamela Griffin, JoAnn A. Grote Page 37