The wedding was going full steam ahead. Alex had arranged the whole thing, with Mue handling the catering. All Jodie really had to do was dress and deliver herself and Millie – and even that was proving problematic. She felt so tired and emotional she could hardly get out of her own way.
She’d given notice to the Hunters. Tammy had been shocked. ‘But I thought you were happy up on the hill,’ she’d said.
And Jodie had been, so happy that she wished she could just return to the days of her and Milly, alone, with no complications except maybe where their next meal was coming from. Looking back, even though there was the loneliness, and she had to leave Milly with other people just so she could pay the rent, it all seemed so simple. Especially compared to the complicated situation she was in now, all due to her own stupidity.
So Jodie explained to Tammy about the quick wedding, but not about the baby. The lovely dairy farmer hadn’t been convinced rushing was a good idea. ‘My great-uncle Joe, the man who used to live in your house, loved to say, “Act in haste, repent in leisure.”’ Jodie had quickly left before she broke down and told Tammy, a woman she barely knew, everything. Alex didn’t want anyone outside the family to know about the baby until after the wedding. Here she was trying to add a fortnight to conception dates (as per Alex’s diary) and Alex was angling to convince people the baby was premature. What a nightmare.
But that dilemma was nothing compared to hearing a vehicle drive up McCauley’s Hill the night before the wedding. Jodie had just finished pressing her chiffon wedding dress and was hanging it up on the back of the kitchen door. She wiped away a tear. Goddamn it, she was supposed to be happy.
An indistinct male voice reached across the yard and through the open window. Alex?
It wasn’t.
‘Nate! Nathaniel!’ Milly’s piping voice came from somewhere near the side of the house. She’d been up the hill to feed Buggsy.
Jodie freaked. She didn’t need Nate here. Not tonight of all nights! What to do? Don’t let him in. Meet him out the front.
‘Come in, Nate, come into my room,’ she could hear Milly saying, ‘I’ll show you that riding ribbon I won.’
Keep him on the verandah.
But it was too late. She could hear Nate stomping up the steps to the back door. Coming in onto the closed-in verandah. Kicking off his boots.
‘Jodie?’
He was in the kitchen now, filling the tiny space with his presence. His deep voice sent flutters through her body. Damn it. This was why she didn’t want to see him. He was going to derail her just by being there and she didn’t need that tonight.
‘I hope you don’t mind me calling in, but I’ve been trying to catch you alone for the last two weeks.’
Jodie nodded, staring. She wasn’t capable of doing anything else. Today his shirt was cobalt blue, which just served to highlight his gorgeous eyes. She wondered if the baby’s would be that beautiful colour? They were like the tropical sea or a bright summer sky.
‘Mum?’ Milly was looking at her with a frown. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine. I’m just fine.’ Jodie snapped out of her trance and stared down at the floor, tried to find something really interesting to see in the plain beige linoleum. The last time they’d spoken, it had been a hostile and tense parting. She wasn’t game to restart the conversation.
Nate seemed ill at ease too. In her peripheral vision she could see his hat was in his hands, and he was twisting it round and round.
‘Nate, come and see my ribbon!’ said Milly, grabbing hold of his arm and dragging him into her bedroom. Jodie looked up just in time to see him pause at the kitchen door and take in the dress hanging there. He closed his eyes a split-second. Then he moved to admire Milly’s ribbon. And dolls. And dolls’ house. And her new cowgirl boots. Her old stock-whip. And so it went on until Jodie felt obliged to save him.
Now’s your chance. Get him out of here. ‘Milly, I think Nathaniel needs to go now,’ she urged.
‘Actually, Milly,’ said Nate, ‘can you go on out to my ute? I’ve got old Rupert tied up on the back and he’d sure love you to give him a run. You know like you gave him the other day? Floss would probably love some company for a bit too.’
‘I’m supposed to be having a bath,’ said Milly.
Thank you, God, breathed Jodie.
‘But I’ve gotta have one in the morning before Mum’s wedding to Mr McGregor.’ Milly stopped. Looked grave. ‘He’s not like you. He’s … he’s … Mr McGregor. You’re Nate. You’re fun.’
And caring and handsome and bewitching … And as sexy as all hell, damn it!
‘He’s okay, Milly. My father’s just a lot older.’ Nate crouched down on his haunches so he was level with the little girl. ‘And you’ve got your mum. She’ll look after you.’
Both looked so serious Jodie felt like shouting, For crying out loud, someone’s supposed to be happy about this wedding!
Alex. That’s who was happy. He was so delighted his face had been beaming smiles all week.
‘I just need to talk with your mum, Milly,’ encouraged Nate as he stood up again. ‘I won’t be long. I’ll come show you Rupert’s latest trick.’
‘He’s got a new one?’ The little girl was delighted. ‘I thought you couldn’t teach an old dog new tricks?’
Nate smiled. ‘Aha, you’d be surprised what we old dogs can learn, Milly.’
‘But you’re nowhere near as old as Mr McGregor,’ said her daughter. ‘You’re about Mum’s age, aren’t you? Twenty-one?’
Nate looked over Milly’s head at Jodie. ‘Yeah, about that.’ His eyes were laughing, until he caught Jodie’s gaze, then they turned deep and serious. It was all she could do not to launch herself at him and kiss those delicious lips, cuddle into that downy chest and wrap herself in the strong, comforting arms of the father of her child …
Just tell him. For God’s sake, just tell him, hammered her mind.
But she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. She was in far too deep now.
‘You’ll come out in a few minutes then?’ said Milly as she left the kitchen, throwing concerned glances at both of them.
‘We will,’ said Jodie, forcing a reassuring tone, while inside she was screaming, No, Milly, no, don’t go … Don’t leave me alone with him …!
‘Jodie …’
At least he was getting her name right now. ‘Don’t do this. Please don’t marry my father.’
Jodie put up her hand. Stop.
‘He’s a bastard of a man. You won’t be happy –’
‘Don’t talk about Alex like that. He’s your father –’
‘Father or not, he made my mother miserable and he’ll do the same to you.’
‘You don’t know that!’
‘Like hell I don’t. I lived with him for long enough until he chucked me out. You know the story. I told you at Riverton before I knew who I was talking to.’
And she did. She remembered only too well. That and every other detail of their amazing, wonderful, sublime weekend. Stop. Don’t do this to yourself, Jodie. ‘I don’t want to hear any more, Nate. I’m marrying Alex tomorrow and that’s it.’
‘Jodie. Please. Don’t do this.’ He was begging.
She couldn’t capitulate now. Not after she’d come this far.
Nate changed tack. He moved in closer to her, dropped his hat, lifted her chin to force her to look him in the eyes. Those beautiful sky-coloured eyes.
‘What are you frightened of, Jodie?’
She was trying to suck back the tears. Trying, trying, trying …
‘What are you running from that you’ll marry a man like my father?’
Jodie hated him for that. ‘It’s not what I’m running from, Nate, it’s what I’m running to …’
He flinched as if she’d struck him, and stepped back. His face was shuttered. The eyes became like steel. ‘So you choose him because it’s all about the money? Glenevelyn and the old man’s position in the community?’
‘It’s no
t about the money,’ said Jodie flatly. ‘It’s about security.’ She felt like screaming, I want you, can’t you see that? But instead she told the truth, or at least as much of it as she could, ‘Your father won’t leave me.’ Because he wouldn’t. Alex McGregor was of the old school. Marriage was forever.
‘But I will. You won’t let me prove you wrong?’
It was too late. She’d made her promise to Alex to marry him. And, she screamed inwardly to herself, really she hardly knew Nate. If she married Alex the child would be sure to have a father who would be able to take care of them. And so would Milly.
She shook her head, forcibly holding back the tears that were threatening to spill. ‘I’m marrying your father tomorrow, Nate.’
‘What if I tell him that the baby is mine and blow this whole wedding of yours sky-high?’
Would he? Would he really?
Nate wasn’t finished. ‘What would Alex McGregor say if he knew his fiancée’s been sleeping around?’
‘Yes, I remember now. I’m a slut, aren’t I?’
Nate cringed. Rumpled his hair with an agitated hand. ‘Geez, Jodie. I really didn’t mean to say that. I was just so angry. I’m sorry.’
But Jodie felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Guilt, disgust with herself. She’d fought so hard to create a life above reproach for herself and Milly. And now this … this … despicable mess. She only had one person to blame for it and that was herself.
She lifted her chin and faced the man who had the capacity to bring about her spectacular downfall. ‘So, are you going to tell him?’
‘What do you reckon?’
She took a deep breath and gambled all. ‘I don’t believe you’d do it to him.’
The man stared at her for a long moment.
She held strong. Just.
The cowboy snatched up his hat from the lino, threw her a last furious glare and walked out the door, slamming it hard. She heard Milly’s laughter, heard her call goodbye and then Nate’s ute was powering its way down McCauley’s Hill. Out of her life.
Chapter 37
The bride was enveloped in an ethereal glow. She was beautiful and held herself with grace. A wedding dress of chiffon, caught at the bust, flowed like a river down elegant legs. Long golden hair was caught at the nape of her neck with a cream ribbon. Her face was chalk-white, her eyes downcast. She swayed on the arm of a much older man, who had her caught in a firm but gentle grip. Down the path they came, stepping away from the double-storey house quarried from local stone, towards a civil celebrant waiting under the ancient rose arbour. The roses were blooming, sending their intoxicating scent out across the gathered guests.
Up ahead, the bride was guided by her escort along stepping stones wrought from brown river rock, past the crowd of people, some of whom looked askance and some envious. After the couple came a bridesmaid. A giggly buxom girl who seemed like she’d be more comfortable in jeans than a dress. Behind her walked a man. Mid-thirties. White shirt, ebony tie, dark suit. Taller and broad-shouldered, he filled out the suit beautifully. A high-topped black Akubra hat shadowed a square jaw. Tense eyes, almost black with suppressed emotion, lurked beneath the wide brim. The sombre, handsome face was rigid.
Holding his hand was a little girl. Dressed in soft pink, with a riot of long blonde curls hanging down her back, the child was as sober as the man. She held on tight, as if she was afraid to let him go.
It wasn’t until the couple leading the procession reached the place where the celebrant indicated they should halt that the bride finally looked up. Past the arbour with its bending canes of blush-pink blooms, past the blue-grey eucalyptus trees and Manuka scrub, which had been pushed back to make way for a lush garden and manicured lawns. Past the river and the high hills that were looming a dark brown on the lee side of a nearby mountain in the late afternoon light.
Jodie Ashton stared off into the heavens, where the rays of sunlight shot beams of silver through the clouds. Her eyes closed momentarily, as if in prayer, and she whispered something unfathomable under her breath. It was enough to make the man beside her lean in to try to catch it. But the words were gone as quick as they came.
Whatever the bride saw in the sky, or heard on the wisps of wind that had come to toy with her hair, seemed to give her strength. She took a deep breath. Straightened her shoulders. And, with the older man still beside her, stepped forwards.
The celebrant smiled with benevolence and opened her arms. ‘We are gathered here today to witness the joining in matrimony of this man and this woman …’
Jodie felt disengaged, as though she was standing above her own wedding, watching it all from the top of a nearby mountain. Nate. Cowboy Nate. She could feel his gaze boring into her back as she stood and barely took in the celebrant’s words. She said a prayer to her father, ‘Oh, Dad, please me help get through this.’ A gust of wind was her answer. She took strength from the sign, stepping forwards, and heard the celebrant utter the words ‘… the joining in matrimony of this man and this woman.’ She finally turned to look at Alex. So proud. He had the demeanour of a king. The conqueror, standing with the conquered.
Her eyes landed on Stacey. Lovely Stace. Quivering with excitement at being involved in Narree’s wedding of the year – and being its secret-keeper-in-chief, Jodie thought.
And then there was Milly. Looking so cute that the hour spent curling her hair had been worth it. The child didn’t seem happy, though. She was supposed to have come down the aisle before Stacey, or at least with Stacey. But she’d refused. Flat out said no. She was walking with her friend, Nathaniel.
Jodie’s hand automatically went to her belly. The father of her baby.
He had obviously been planning to lurk at the back of the wedding somewhere but that idea had been circumvented by a seven-year-old refusing to move anywhere unless he was beside her. Nate was now holding the hand of her daughter and the sight of it nearly broke her heart. The little blonde girl, decked out in pink. The tall handsome cowboy in his black suit.
So deliciously handsome it was sinful.
She was marrying the father and yet the father was the son.
Sin.
Guilt.
She could see Milly pulling from Nate, as though she wanted her mother. He was leaning down, comforting her, his hat obscuring both their faces.
What was she doing? What in the hell was she, Jodie, doing?!
‘Ahem …’ The celebrant, trying to get her attention. Alex was looking at her weirdly: had she said something wrong?
‘Jodie? Are you okay?’ whispered Alex.
‘As I was saying, if there is anyone here who can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace …’
The congregation seemed to suspend its breath. Jodie could hear nothing other than the rustling of the leaves in the gum trees overhead, and a slight whimper from Milly. She turned again, motherly instincts rising to the fore. Her eyes caught Nate’s. Pain. Anguish. Jodie’s gaze skittered to Milly again. The little girl looked as though she was about to cry. Jodie wanted to join her.
‘Jodie?’ said Alex again, more forcefully this time.
Jodie took one more look at her daughter, then turned back to face her groom …
‘Alex Keel McGregor, do you take Jodie Joy Ashton for your lawful wedded wife, to be joined in matrimony? Will you love, honour, comfort and cherish her …?’
Love? Honour? Comfort? Cherish? Despite his promises, Alex wouldn’t do all of those. He might do one, but not the others.
‘From this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her for as long as you both shall live?’
So what was she doing? She was getting married to Alex McGregor for totally the wrong reasons.
‘I do,’ said Alex.
Her baby might not have a father in its life, but neither had Milly. And Milly had survived.
‘Do you, Jodie Joy Ashton, take Alex Keel McGregor for your lawful wedded husband, to
be joined in matrimony? Will you love, honour, comfort and cherish him …?’
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t promise to do something she didn’t feel …
‘From this day forward, forsaking all others …’
She’d look at this child in her belly for the rest of her life, knowing it was Nate’s … The man she really loved.
‘Keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?’
She couldn’t do it. ‘I can’t. I’m sorry, Alex, I can’t marry you.’
Alex’s face went from beaming to slack in nano-seconds.
The celebrant sighed, closed her book with a snap.
Jodie turned to her daughter to find Milly running towards her. She caught her in her arms. ‘I’m sorry, Milly darling, but I can’t do it.’
‘Oh Mummy, that’s okay. I don’t want you to …’ And her daughter was crying, loud sobs that shuddered against her collarbone.
Alex was blustering. ‘What do you mean, you can’t do it? Of course you can do it!’
With her daughter in her arms, Jodie turned back to him. The shock was evident on his face. He had every right to be angry. ‘I can’t, Alex. I don’t love you and I’m doing this for all the wrong reasons.’
‘But what about the baby?’ he spluttered.
She heard the whole congregation behind them draw in a collective breath.
Alex must’ve noticed too because he turned and waved an arm. ‘All of you. Go get yourselves a drink while we sort this out.’
The crowd didn’t move a muscle.
‘Go on. Get,’ yelled Alex.
The exodus towards the homestead was reluctant but thorough under Alex’s steely gaze. Other than the celebrant and bridal party, only Nate, Mue, Clem and Wal remained.
The groom turned back to his bride. ‘Now listen, I know I can’t give you a fairytale, but we are grown-ups here. This is a mature relationship based on –’
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