by Ellie Cahill
“I’m gonna hit the bar,” Jake announced. “Anybody need anything?” Once he had three orders, he waved a hand for them to stop. “I don’t think I can carry any more than that.”
“I’ll come with you,” I said, getting to my feet. “I can help carry.”
“Great.”
As soon as we were out of sight of the others, my nerves started to creep up. This entire day had been filled with broken conversations and words that didn’t tell me what I needed to know about Jake’s feelings for me.
I exhaled sharply, like I could blow all the anxiety away.
“You okay?” Jake asked.
“Yeah. Sorry. I’m just…I don’t know.”
“Something bothering you?” Jake asked.
“No. No. I’m good.” I smiled at him, knowing it probably didn’t look authentic.
Jake nodded. He didn’t say anything, since we’d arrived at the bar. Getting drinks for everyone meant we’d be standing there for a while. The blender whirled endlessly as people got their fill of tropical drinks. I was one of them, I wanted a piña colada, stat. Preferably with extra rum.
While the bartender worked, Jake propped his elbows on the bar and stared out at the enormous main swimming pool.
I knew that posture. “Something bothering you?”
He turned his head partially, but not enough for me to look him in the eyes. “You seem kind of…jumpy. I feel like I did something to upset you. Should I…did I fuck up bringing up that night? I feel like I made you uncomfortable. Like I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s not that at all. I mean, you were right. I think we needed to talk about it.” I giggled nervously. “I mean, two years and somehow we never seem to get around to the fact that we made out while we were drunk one night, right?”
“Right.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have brought it up. If you want, we can consider it ancient history. No need to talk about it again.”
“No, no. I don’t want you to think that.” I gathered every ounce of courage I could find in my body. “I’m more worried that you maybe wished it hadn’t happened.”
“Definitely not,” he said.
The bartender deposited my piña colada in front of me and I took a welcome sip. “Okay. Wait—you definitely don’t wish it hadn’t happened or you definitely don’t wish it happened?”
His eyes went up and his lips moved slightly as he tried to reason his way through all the negatives and double negatives. “Definitely don’t wish it hadn’t happened.” He paused. “I think that’s right.” He dropped a couple bucks on the bar top as a tip and began to gather the cups.
“Okay.” Now it was my turn to go back over all the don’ts and nots. I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure I had it right, but I heard myself saying, “Got it.” What an unbelievable chicken I was. I should have just asked him what he meant. What we both meant. But instead, I straightened up and gathered a few of the drinks off the bar. “We should deliver these before they send a search party after us.”
“Right behind you.”
We walked side-by-side with our hands full and our mouths shut until we were nearly back at the group. Then, with only a few feet before we’d be in earshot, Jake asked, “So we’re okay?”
I smiled. “We’re good.” I am the worst.
The others let out a cheer when we arrived with a fresh round of icy cold tropical goodness. It was mid-afternoon hot, and the drinks were a welcome cool-off.
“Christ, I'm still burning up out here,” Luke announced when his cup was empty. “I’m going to jump in the water, anyone else?”
“Me!” Ashley jumped up, her hand in the air.
It didn't take long for everyone else to agree that that was a great idea; the ocean was calling.
We spent the next hour in and out of the water. It wasn't bathwater warm, but it was the perfect counterpoint to the hot afternoon sun. I allowed myself to stop trying to figure out what the heck Jake and I had been talking about in favor of body surfing. I was delighted by how much warmer the Gulf was than the Pacific. We played, and swam, and splashed each other, and generally acted like fools. In some ways, it was as if no time has passed it all. I felt like I've been transported back to our apartment in Irvine. The conversation flowed easily, sprinkled with friendly teasing and insults. Just the way it always been.
Other things were so different. Watching Emmy and Beckett frolic in the waves together, it was clear they only had eyes for each other. And as new and startling as it was to see them kiss and touch each other in the ways only couples do, it was reassuring that they weren’t shy or awkward about it. Even though they were new to us as a couple, they clearly weren’t new to each other, and their easy intimacy made it not so strange to me.
As I watched, Emmy tried to dunk Beck, then screamed with laughter as she tried to run away. He caught her easily around the waist and whirled her around to hold her tightly against his body. She laughed and said something to him I couldn’t hear, but it earned her a kiss before he deliberately fell back in the water, taking her under. They both came up, sputtering and wiping their eyes, and Emmy splashed him. The play fighting went on, interrupted by kisses and softly spoken words only they could hear.
“They are so cute together,” I said wistfully, not sure if anyone was close enough to hear me.
“Yeah.” Hadley was treading water nearby. “Disgusting, isn’t it?”
I laughed, not totally sure
“Like, we get it, okay? You’re getting married; you like each other.” She laughed to show she was kidding.
We all stayed in the water until we were exhausted.
I had no idea what time it was. And it didn't matter. I was on vacation, and I was with my friends, And I had nothing important to do.
It was very nearly paradise. Except I still had no idea where I stood with Jake.
9
Just Like Old Times
In the late afternoon, when the sun started to sink below the trees, the shadows drew long across the beach. And while it was still warm, and humid, it didn’t feel like beach weather anymore. Everyone was getting hungry, and we’d need to shower before any of us were suitable for a restaurant. I had sand in places where sand was never meant to be.
Ashley and I climbed the stairs to the second floor, our feet dragging a bit. It had been too long since I’d spent a day on the beach. The sun, the waves, and the drinks had taken it out of me. I knew a shower and a little recovery time would help, but I was going to crash hardcore when it came time to sleep later.
“So obviously, we have to discuss Beck and Em.” Ash waved her wristband in front of the door to let us in.
“Obviously,” I said.
“First. Adorable, agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“Second. Emmy—far superior to Emily.”
“Goes without saying.” I went straight to the mini-fridge to get a water. Time for some serious rehydration before dinner.
“Third. Still a little weird.”
I laughed. “Also agreed.”
“But overall, it’s working for me.” Ashley tossed her kimono wrap onto the end of the bed. “I like them together.”
“Me, too.”
“Do you want the first shower?” she asked.
“No, go ahead. My hair dries faster than yours.”
“‘Kay.” Ashley was already untying her bikini top as she walked toward the bathroom. She’d never been shy or self-conscious about being naked in front of…anyone as near as I could tell. “Come talk to me in the bathroom.”
I smiled to myself. Her tone and the phrase was so familiar. With the three of us girls sharing a bathroom back in college, we’d spent a lot of time in there together. It was the only way for all of us to be ready on time for class in the morning, or for going out in the evening. I couldn’t count the number of conversations that we’d had through a shower curtain over the years.
I gave Ash a minute to get the water running
and get herself inside before I followed her into the bathroom. There was a moment of shock when I realized the shower had a clear glass door rather than a curtain, but Ashley was totally unconcerned.
Okay then. I could be as nonchalant as she was, I told myself. I would just focus on the mirror. I’d inspect myself for signs of sunburn, and try to work the tangles out of my hair left by the ocean.
“Now,” Ashley spoke from the shower, raising her voice slightly over the noise, “What do we think of Luke?”
I shrugged. “He seems nice. I think Jake will be alright sharing a room with him.”
“No, like, what’s his deal? Do we think he’s single?”
I hadn’t given it any thought. “No, idea.”
“And do we think he’s straight?”
“I would think so, but…”
“Exactly. Think you can find out?”
Another one of those moments that carried me back to our apartment in Irvine. All my housemates knew I had a way of finding things out. None of them suspected exactly how much I found out. Because the secret-keepers’ code is as top secret as the secrets we keep. But if you wanted the basics on someone, I was your girl.
“I can probably do that.”
“You’re my favorite!” she sang.
I laughed. “Uh huh.”
“Next topic. What is going on with you and Jake?”
I watched my eyes go wide in the mirror. How did she find out? Did Jake say something? My heart hammered. “What do you mean?”
“Is it weird seeing him after your drunken hook-up?”
“We didn’t hook up,” I said automatically. It was true, as far as I was concerned. We’d kissed, we’d slept in the same bed, but that was about it.
“Oh come on.” Ashley’s tone was teasing. “You might not call it that, but from what I remember, no one else ended up in bed together that night.”
“You slept in Emmy’s bed,” I reminded her.
“With all my clothes on. And we didn’t make out.”
“That you remember.”
She burst into laughter. “Good point. But I’m pretty sure I would have remembered that.”
“I guess we’ll never know for sure.”
“So,” she drawled, “Is it weird?”
“No,” I tried on a casual laugh, but it sounded a little strangled to me. Hopefully the sound of the shower had disguised it. “It wasn’t that big a deal. It’s just nice to see him again.”
“Good. Then, we can pick out a nice Iowa farm boy for you tonight!”
“I’m gonna get my shower stuff,” I announced, already making my way out of the bathroom. The perfect blend of a legitimate excuse, and a quick escape.
“Coward!” She called after me, but I ignored her.
When Ashley emerged from the bathroom, I went straight in, not giving her a chance to start another conversation.
By the time I finished, Ashley was distracted by texting with the others, and she didn’t say anything else about Jake or a farm boy. I dried my hair, put on a bit of makeup and got dressed in a sundress and sandals. When I left the bathroom, the main room was dark. The sun had finished its slow journey below the horizon, and the last of the natural light had faded.
It was time to see what the night held in store.
10
I Want That
There were plenty of restaurants to choose from on the resort, and Emmy and Beckett had made reservations at all of them so the wedding guests would have options. But Ashley had been texting with other people and they’d decided we were all headed for the buffet for dinner. That way it wouldn’t matter how many people showed up; there would be plenty of room.
“Is Luke joining us?” I asked as we left our room.
“I don’t know,” Ashley said.
I had a feeling she was lying.
The answer was obvious as soon as we walked into the seating area. I spotted Jake and Luke sitting with Brady and Hadley at a long table with plenty of unoccupied chairs.
“I’m assuming you want me to find out the details right away?” I asked.
“Hey, no rush,” Ashley said breezily, which was absolutely code for ‘Yes, immediately, if not before that.’
I ended up sitting next to Hadley at the table, and while I waited for a logical opening to determine Luke’s relationship status, I decided to get Hadley talking. “So,” I said, brightly. “You and Brady just got a house together, didn’t you?”
Her eyes lit up. “We did!”
“How exciting! Are you all moved in?”
That was enough. She even got out her phone to show me a few before and after pictures. They were impressive, I had to say. It was hard to reconcile the Brady I’d lived with only two years ago, with the talented contractor he’d become. He and Hadley had worked hard on their house, and it showed.
“So I guess things are pretty serious for you guys, huh?” I asked.
She let out a nervous-sounding laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Are you planning to get married?” I asked softly.
“I…don’t know.” She shot a glance toward the buffet tables where Brady was still out of earshot. “We’ve got the house now, and…I don’t know.” Her freckled cheeks turned pink.
I absorbed her nervousness like a sponge. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“No, no.” She laughed nervously again. “I’m the one being all squirrelly. Never mind. Do you want to get some food?”
“Sure!” I said, happy to have a change of subject.
We got up, walking together to browse the offerings on the buffet. It was enormous, with so many items to choose from, I could barely take it all in. I had to circle the place twice before I even decided where to start.
Finally, I carried my plate to get in line for the made-to-order pasta bar. I had just placed my order when I felt someone behind me. I turned to find Luke.
“Oh hey!” I said.
“Mary, right?” he asked.
I nodded. We made small talk while we waited for our food to be ready, but that was all I needed to scope him out for Ashley.
“So, you’re the one who got stuck rooming with Jake, huh? Didn’t feel like bringing a date to your cousin’s wedding?”
“Yeah, I definitely don’t have anyone I like well enough to travel outside the country with in my life.”
I laughed. “Ouch. Hope you didn’t say it like that to your girlfriend.”
He smiled. “That’d be a little harsh, huh? Nope, I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” I asked.
His eyes widened. “Definitely not.”
“Hey, whatever way your gate swings. It’s all good.”
He laughed. “I don’t think I’ve heard that one before.”
I prattled on for a bit about the fact that I was sharing a room with Ashley because we were both single—not my subtlest hint ever—and what a beautiful resort, and so on. It was enough to get my mission accomplished. Now I knew that Luke was single, and I’d managed to pass on the same about Ashley. The rest was up to them. My work here was done.
* * *
When we were all finished with dinner, everyone agreed to head to the lobby bar to meet up with any of the other wedding guests we could find, especially Emmy and Beckett. The atmosphere was definitely sedate when we arrived, but it didn’t take long to change that with the large group. As if we hadn’t imbibed enough on the beach, everyone was up for a few more cocktails.
I’d passed on the Luke info to Ashely and the two of them were like magnets. Now that the cards were on the table, they were both ready to play the game. I’d always been awed by Ash’s ability to jump into something new with a guy she’d just met, but she’d been like this as long as I’d known her. Maybe someday she’d want something long-term and serious, but for now she seemed much more content with fun and short-lived.
“I probably should have talked to Ashley about room rules before, huh?” I asked Jake.
“Yeah, you m
ight be a little late on that now.”
“I should have seen this coming.”
“Yeah, you have no excuse,” Jake said. “I never met Luke before, so I had no expectations.”
“Hopefully they can at least keep their hands off each other tonight,” I said. “I’m gonna be ready for bed soon.”
“Same.” Jake nodded toward one of the padded chairs across from us. Hadley was slumped over in it, already asleep. “Looks like it’s been a rough day for all of us.”
I sighed and got up to find Brady at the bar.
“You should put your girlfriend to bed, B,” I said, pointing her out.
Brady laughed. “Oh man. She said she was tired, but I didn’t think she meant it like this.”
“Someone’s been over-served,” Beckett said with a laugh.
“Do you need some help getting her back?” I offered.
“Nah, she ain’t nothin’.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant at first, but then he went over to the chair and scooped her up like a baby in his arms. She startled and squeaked at the sudden move, but he didn’t respond to her protest that she could walk. He carried her out of sight, not even looking strained.
I sighed. “I want that.”
“What, Brady?” Beckett asked.
“No! Someone to take care of me.” I sighed again. “I want someone who loves me like that.”
“No one special in your life right now, Mare?”
“Unfortunately, no.”
“You’re young. Trust me, there is no need to rush.”
“Easy for you to say, you’ve been engaged twice and you’re only 25.”
“Yeah, and look how that turned out. Emily was a shit show!”
“But now you have Emmy.”
“Now I have Emmy.” Beckett looked away from me to find his fiancée in the bar. She was a short distance away, chatting with her father and stepmother. “But we’ve known each other for years. It was hardly instant love.”