by Ellie Cahill
“I’m sorry,” I said, patting her on the shoulder again.
“Thank you.” She blew her nose and seemed to calm down a bit. She looked at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry. You don’t even know me and I’m bawling like a baby at you.”
“I don’t mind.” I smiled. “Really.” It happened to me so often, I didn’t understand why people always apologized for spilling their guts to me. It was completely normal as far as I knew.
Mandy rolled her eyes, but I had a feeling it was for herself, not directed at me. “I can’t believe I’m even worrying about this when I’m at this beautiful place. I should be having the time of my life. A wedding in paradise and all I can think about is my problems.”
“You’re not the only one.”
“Are you okay?” Mandy asked me.
I smiled, hoping it was more natural than hers had been earlier. “Yeah,” I said. “I’m fine.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” She looked almost hopeful.
“No.” I shook my head. “It’s just…you know. You go on vacation, and bring all your same old problems with you.”
She laughed. “Yeah. You can’t leave yourself behind, can you?”
And if you’re me, you complicate things even more for yourself, I thought. “Nope.”
“Thanks for listening,” she said.
“You’re welcome.”
“Can I…would it be weird if I hugged you?” she asked.
“Not at all.” She scooted around the table to give me a friendly squeeze. While we were still embracing, I said, “You’re gonna do great in New York.”
“Thanks.”
“Now, what do you say we get some breakfast?”
She laughed, though her eyes were shining with tears again. “I say yes.”
17
Mermaid in a Sports Bra
I still hadn’t heard from Jake by the time we finished breakfast. I could only assume he was still sleeping. Or at least that’s what the rational part of my brain told me. The rest was insisting he was filled with regret and had possibly fled across the border to avoid telling me we’d made a mistake the night before.
Extreme, I know. But the Anxiety Department was always happy to work overtime.
Mandy invited me to the beach to stake out some chairs for the day, and I couldn’t really think of a reason to say no, even though sitting still without a word from Jake sounded like torture. Then, we ran into Brady on a path near the rooms. He was dressed in workout gear and running shoes and doing a calf stretch against a column.
“Going for a run?” I asked, even though it was obvious.
“Yeah. Wanna come?” His smirk told me he was certain I’d turn him down, but I nodded.
I gave a ‘you in?’ look toMandy, who shook her head like I was crazy, but I already had my mind made up. “Sure! Lemme get changed.”
Brady did a double-take. “Are you fucking with me?”
“No. I was just thinking I should get a run in or I’m going to die when I get home.” I glanced in the direction of my room. “Do you mind waiting five minutes?”
“Sure. I’m waiting on Jake anyway.”
My stomach flip-flopped. Jake was going, too? How had Brady gotten a hold of him when I couldn’t? Was he avoiding me after last night? Would he be pissed if I tagged along on his workout?
Brady was looking at me expectantly. I didn’t want to give away my Jake confusion, so I figured I couldn’t change my mind now. “Cool. I’ll be back in five.” I turned at Mandy. “Do you mind? I’ll catch up with you on the beach in a little bit.”
“No problem. I’m going to do some serious bicep curls with a piña colada while you run.” She mimed hoisting a heavy weight.
Brady laughed. “Atta girl.”
I left them chatting to hurry toward my room. If Ashley intended to start in on me again, she was going to have to work fast. In and out. That’s all I was going to do.
But I was still going to do it quietly.
I gathered workout gear from my suitcase purely by feel, not wanting to turn on the light and wake the still-sleeping Ashley. I even changed in the dark, slipping into a sports bra and running shorts, tossing a tank on top and lacing on my shoes.
There was a time in my life, not so very long ago, that I felt like I didn’t belong in lycra. But now my short, brightly colored shorts and my favorite sports bra made me feel strong and powerful. I quickly raked my chin-length hair into a tiny ponytail and snapped a headband on to tame fly-aways. This was as close to a superhero as I was every likely to get. It felt good.
Soon I’d be sweaty and red-faced, but I wouldn’t care. I never felt embarrassed about how I looked when I was running. If Jake didn’t like it, he didn’t deserve me anyway.
I met Brady back at the spot where I’d left him, and Jake was already there. He gave me a little smile as I approached. “Good morning.”
“I thought you were still sleeping.”
“I was until this one banged on my door.” Jake nodded at Brady.
“You said you wanted to do this last night. No pussing out now. You guys ready?” Brady asked.
“Absolutely.” I nodded.
“Is Hadley coming?” Jake asked.
“No. HB could walk the the entire surface of Mars without a rest, but she hates to run.” Brady laughed. “Besides, she was definitely over served last night.” He made a bottle-tipping gesture.
“Uh oh,” Jake said. “Little rough this morning?”
“She was hanging over the toilet when I left.”
My heart squeezed for Hadley. She wasn’t hungover at all. “Maybe you shouldn’t leave her alone,” I said.
“I believe her exact words were, ‘If you touch me, I will cut your balls off.’”
“The lady knows what she wants,” Jake said.
“She usually does.”
I chewed my lip anxiously. Every cell in my body burned with needs. The need to tell Brady his girlfriend’s secret. The need to rush to Hadley’s side and see if I could help her. But I couldn’t. I’d promised. I’d crossed my heart.
“Maybe I’ll just check on her after we run,” I said.
“Aww, Mom, I really have missed you.” Brady gave my shoulders an affectionate squeeze. “Now, come on, let’s hit the beach.”
The three of us started off at an easy jog while we searched for a pace we all liked. It changed as soon as we hit the loose sand of the beach, and then again when we found the sweet spot where the tide had packed the sand hard. My body practically cheered as my lazy muscles were put to work for the first time since arriving in Mexico. Even though I was clumsy and stiff for the first quarter mile, it still felt great.
Brady’s long legs had him out in front, with Jake just a stride or two behind. I brought up the rear, but not because I was lagging. We all wanted to run the same narrow stretch of sand that was just the right firmness. And no one needed to talk, anyway.
The rise and fall of the ocean was the most soothing soundtrack I’d ever run to, and I found I didn’t even miss my favorite playlist and my headphones.
My eyes drilled into a point between Jake’s shoulder blades. He wore a light blue t-shirt, stained dark with sweat across his shoulders in a crescent shape, but the spot where I kept my eyes fixed was unblemished so far.
The Current Situation Center of my brain needed to stay occupied with things like not twisting an ankle or stepping on a rogue starfish, or something. I couldn’t be bothered by thoughts about the shape of his calves. Or the narrowness of his hips and the way the muscles of his rear end shifted with each stride. Those were the kind of thoughts that could land me in a heap with a sprained ankle. Or at the very least, a wet shoe if I lost track of how far up the incoming waves were tracking.
When we’d first set out, I could barely make out a long pier in the distance, but now it loomed larger and larger. Now that we were here, it was clear this would have to be the turn-around point. Behind the structure, the sandy beach gave way to a rocky shore that
was inhospitable to anything that didn’t fly there under its own wing power.
The lure of the pier was too strong to resist though. And I wasn’t the only one who thought so. Brady veered back onto the loose sand to reach a place where we could climb onto the pier. It wasn’t just a simple wooden thing, jutting out far enough to moor a rowboat. It was big, with concrete pilings and a wide, flat surface dotted by fishermen casting out into the water with long, thick poles.
We slowed first to jog, then a walk as we stepped onto the structure. All three of us were sucking wind pretty hard. I would have killed for a bottle of water at the moment. The coffee and I’d had with Mandy were not exactly the kind of pre-race hydration I usually went for. In fact, my stomach was pretty cramped.
I propped my hands on my hips and tried arching my back to stretch out my abs. It didn’t help.
“Fuck me,” Brady gasped.
“No kidding,” Jake panted.
I tried pacing back and forth, knowing I shouldn’t collapse in a heap like I wanted to, but I felt like jelly.
“You okay?” Jake asked me.
“Think so.”
“Come on. Let’s at least check out the view. We’ve earned it, right?” He sounded unsure, but he started walking toward the end of the pier. There wasn’t much free space at the railings thanks to all the fishermen and their rigs to hold up multiple lines at once. But we could still appreciate that we were surrounded on three sides by the brilliant blue of the Gulf. The sun was glinting off the water, and beating down on our shoulders.
Without thinking, I peeled off my tank top and mopped my face with it. It was more than hot enough to go for a run in just a sports bra and shorts, and I’d been in my bikini in front of those guys for the last couple of days already. Still, there was something about knowing I’d just shown off an undergarment in public that gave me pause.
Self-consciously, I glanced over my shoulder at them and caught Jake looking at me. His eyes darted away the moment he saw me noticing. My heart skittered back into a running tempo. I hoped my flushed face was enough to disguise the blush that wanted to rise in my cheeks.
“Hell of a view,” Jake said, focusing his eyes out to the horizon.
“Yeah, yeah,” Brady said. “Who’s ready to run back?”
“Not yet,” I groaned.
“Oh come on, you can’t let your muscles cool down now,” Brady said. “You’ll cramp up.”
“I’m already cramped up,” I told him. “I’m too full from breakfast.”
“Think of it as carbo-loading,” Brady said. “You’re a warrior.”
“Yeah, well, my stomach’s not.” I gave another half-hearted attempt at stretching out my torso, but I knew the problem wasn’t with any muscles I could actually reach. “That’s okay, you can head back. I’ll get there eventually.”
“You sure?” Brady looked surprised.
“Yeah, go ‘head.” I waved back in the direction we’d come from. “It’s straight down the beach. It’s not like I’ll get lost.”
“You shouldn’t be by yourself,” Jake said, echoing my warning to Ashley from the night before.
“I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll stay with her,” Jake told Brady. “You can head back.”
“All right, I’ll catch you guys back at the hotel.” Brady took off at an easy jog, but quickly accelerated to a healthy pace as he cleared the end of the pier and doubled back to the packed sand.
“Do you want to head back, or do you need a few minutes?” Jake asked.
“Let’s go,” I said. I was already imagining the bottle of water I’d chug as soon as we got back on property.
Without speed, it was tough going through the loose, dry sand at the top of the beach. My calves were already complaining. I was going to be sore later, I knew it. Beside me, Jake seemed to be having the same trouble.
“I have half the beach in my socks,” he said.
“Think of it as an exfoliating treatment.”
“With bonus blisters!” he said in a fake, cheerful As Seen On TV voice.
“Maybe it’ll be better back on the wet stuff.”
We slogged along, kicking up plumes of sugar-fine sand that clung to our sweaty legs and filtered through every gap until there was no longer any doubt that I was going to have a serious blister if something didn’t change. Soon.
“I gotta stop,” I protested, dropping to sit in the sand.
Jake didn’t question or protest. He just dropped down beside me and shucked off his shoes and socks. I did the same before flopping onto my back. The sun beamed into my eyes and I groaned.
“Remind me not to run after an endless buffet,” I said.
“Somehow I doubt you’ll need to learn this lesson twice.” Jake tried to wipe sweat off his forehead, but only succeeded in getting sand stuck to his skin instead. Loose grains fell into his eyebrows, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “We should get up,” he said. “It’s only going to get worse if we stay.”
I grunted in agreement, though it took a few attempts before I had the will to sit up. My back was coated in sand. Laying down had been a mistake. Any attempts to brush it off were futile.
“Come on.” Jake got to his feet, his shoes dangling from one hand, and held out his other hand to me. “I know what we need.”
Considering the last time he’d touched me was when Ashley walked in on us, I was pretty impressed with myself for staying as calm as I was right now. I’m not gonna lie, his touch brought back a flood of sensation even in my fatigued state.
Jake helped me up and gave my hand a tug toward the water. I followed him, imitating him when he dropped his shoes in the sand. He peeled off his light blue t-shirt and walked straight into the waves. I didn’t hesitate now, adding my tank top to our meager pile of belongings and chasing him into the water.
The relief was immediate and heavenly. Even though it was salt water, I could have sworn my skin was drinking it in. I wished my mouth could do the same. Still, the feeling was fantastic. I waded waist deep before diving into the next whitecap. The sound of rushing water filled my ears and the burning sensation on the top of my head was extinguished. I held my breath, staying under as long as possible to soak up the cool, sweet sensation of the ocean.
When I finally surfaced, Jake looked relieved.
“There you are,” he said.
“I was thinking about staying under forever,” I told him.
“Who needs oxygen, right?” he asked.
“Maybe I’m secretly a mermaid.”
“I’d believe that.”
We treaded water, letting the waves carry us cyclically to and fro. I tried to keep an eye on our shoes, knowing we would drift a bit. This end of the beach was barely populated at this time of day, though, so it wasn’t like we’d lose them. And who’d want to steal our sweaty, sand-coated shoes?
“Now all I need is one of my mer-servants to bring me a nice refreshing bottle of water,” I said.
“I’m pretty sure mermaids drink salt water,” Jake said.
“Shush, it’s my fantasy.” I locked my ankles and did my best mermaid style dive, causing my rump to breach the surface before I could slap the water with my ad hoc fins. Still underwater, I swam in what I thought was a wide circle around Jake, but I’d never liked to open my eyes in the ocean so I missed and crashed into him. Headfirst. Into his hip.
I came up sputtering, and violently treading water as I clamped my hand on top of my head.
“What was that for?” Jake asked.
“It was an accident!” I said. “And it hurt!”
He laughed, but tried to sound sympathetic when he asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…” My head didn’t hurt that much. Not as much as the embarrassment, anyway.
“Let me see.” Jake grabbed my head and tilted it this way and that as he inspected it.
“I’m fine!” I protested. “It’s no big deal.”
A large wave came in and swamped us. We were carried toward the sh
ore a few feet before we both came up sputtering. Jake’s grabbed me as we were pulled back out to sea by the undertow.
My heart thrummed as our bodies came together. I gasped.
“Okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, I—”
Another wave gave us a push toward the beach and suddenly Jake found his feet on the bottom. He held me tighter still when the undertow tried to pull me back, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I’m sorry about—”
“I didn’t know—”
We spoke at the same time, then cut ourselves off at the same time. I laughed. “You go first.”
“No, you.”
“I’m sorry about Ashley coming in last night,” I said.
“Me, too.”
“She did not believe nothing happened, by the way, so you know, just brace yourself for that.” Another wave pushed us closer to shore and my toes could reach the sandy bottom, but I still held onto Jake for stability.
“What did you tell her?”
“Nothing, really. I didn’t know what to say.”
“I guess we left things kind of…open-ended.”
“You could say that.”
“I shouldn’t have left so quickly.”
“No, no. You did the right thing. Ash was merciless. Your being there would have only made it worse.”
“Where does she get off anyway? She’s off doing god knows what on the beach with a guy she just met and she’s gonna give us shit about…” he trailed off.
I waited, and when he didn’t finish I giggled. “Boy, you really do hate the phrase making out, don’t you?”
He cringed. “Yes.”
“Well what would you do if I said I wanted to make out with you again?”
“I’m all for doing it, I just don’t like saying it.”
“What if I made you say it?”
He gave me a pained look. “Why would you do that?”
“Just to watch you squirm.”
He laughed. “Everything thinks you’re the sweetest, nicest person, but I know your secrets.”
“Not all of them,” I said.
“Not yet.” And then he kissed me.