“If we so much as leave one mark on her, we’ll be beheaded!” He leaned over and slapped the other vampire square across the face, leaving a red welt. Seeing he was defeated, Maxmillian took a few steps back from Alice, allowing his fangs to recede and his sanity to return.
“Well, let’s go then,” he said, leaning down and scooping Alice up into his arms.
“No,” said the other, who was named Dreck. “I’ll carry her.” He grabbed Alice and then, in a quick and rough motion, tossed her over his shoulder as though she were a sack of potatoes. Alice felt pain ripple through her body as his arm slammed tightly over her.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get her to the palace.”
Alice squeezed her eyes shut as if willing the scene to go away. She was helpless to do anything but lie limp as a dishrag as they carried her off to certain death.
When she opened her eyes again a few minutes later, she realized they were moving deeper into the forest. She watched as the trees grew thicker; every few feet the vampires would become entangled in one of the branches and have to briefly stop to untwist themselves.
After a while Alice began to regain some feeling in her hands. This was of little good, though, for she still had no use of the rest of her body. Then she remembered! She still had a piece of the magic strengthening mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very carefully, so as not to be noticed by either of the bloodsuckers, bringing her hand up to her mouth. It didn’t work the first few times she tried it. She was still too weak to move her hand up far enough. But after a few fruitless attempts, she switched tactics, lowering her head down so that her mouth met her fingers halfway. With great effort, she was able to bring a piece of the mushroom to her lips.
She nibbled at it, slowly at first, her teeth aching from the effort. But as the power began to kick in her bites grew larger and larger until she had succeeded in eating the entire mushroom.
All at once, she felt her strength return. Then, as if by magic, her body began to shift and grow.
The vampire who was carrying her noticed it immediately.
“Hey!” he exclaimed.
But it was too late. Alice was growing – rapidly. Before she even had time to fully comprehend what was happening, her body grew bigger and bigger, until she was nearly fifteen feet tall herself; the same size as the bloodsuckers.
“What the – ” Dreck was so startled that he dropped her from his arms, and she went crashing to the ground.
“How could she –”
“That’s impossible!”
“But she just did!”
Alice didn’t wait around for them to finish their conversation. She took off running and was pleased to discover that not only had her size increased, but her speed had as well. She was now capable of running ten times faster than she’d ever run before.
She dashed off into the woods without looking back.
Chapter Four: The Cheshire Cat
Alice didn’t stop running until she was sure she’d lost the vampires. Even then, she continued on for another few miles only stopping when she happened upon a small house at the far edge of the woods.
For a brief moment, she stood outside, wondering what to do next. Noting that the home was a rather small cottage, too small to house vampires, she decided it was safe to proceed. She reached her hand up and knocked a few times.
When no one answered, Alice knocked again, then again. Finally, not wanting to stand outside exposed in the woods any longer, she opened the door and went inside.
She was surprised to find the home was empty, save for a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
“Hello,” said the Cat. “How do you do?”
Alice was immediately suspicious. One thing she had learned in her brief time in this strange land was not to trust anybody – or anything. A cat that grinned so widely was slightly unnerving.
Unsure of what to say, Alice asked, “Why do you smile like that?”
“Because I’m a Cheshire cat,” said the cat. “That's why.”
“Oh,” Alice said. She was at a loss for words. Not that it mattered. The cat seemed to have enough for both of them.
“Welcome,” he said, “and thanks for stopping by. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like you to leave.”
Her eyes widened. “But you just welcomed me here. Now you want me to leave?”
“Indeed I did,” said the Cat, “and indeed I do.”
This was beyond frustrating. “All right then,” said Alice. “I’ll leave. But first, would you mind if I asked you a few questions?”
“Depends on the questions. I can’t know if I mind unless I know what they are.”
She took that as an invitation to proceed, and said, “Do you know how I can find the Blood Queen’s palace?”
“I do,” said the Cat. His grin grew even wider. “But I will not tell you.”
“And why is that?”
“Because you did not leave my house as I asked you to do.”
“There are vampires outside,” Alice said. “I was hoping I could stay in here and hide out from them.”
“And yet you seek to find the Blood Queen, a vampire more powerful than any roaming these woods.”
Alice sighed. This cat was so frustrating, nothing like her cat Dinah back home. Of course, Dinah didn’t have a scary menacing grin. And Dinah didn’t talk, either.
“If I go outside will you tell me?”
“I might, and I might not. I’m afraid you won’t find out unless you go outside as I’ve asked.”
Alice did as she was told. She wasn’t sure what it would accomplish, but she knew that staying there, talking in circles with the Cheshire Cat, was getting her absolutely nowhere. Enough time had passed that the two vampires were likely gone by now. She’d also seen a few branches lying on the ground outside, several of which looked like they’d make excellent stakes. If she was going to find the Blood Queen, she couldn’t very well go in unarmed. Whether the Cheshire Cat gave her directions or not, it was time to start working on new weapons.
On her way out of the Cheshire Cat’s home, she snuck a small kitchen knife into the pocket of her dress; it would be of great help in carving her stakes. Once outside, Alice set to work gathering branches and whittling the tips down until they began to sharpen into suitable vampire-hunting tools. She’d been working for quite some time, when she heard a soft meeee-oooow a few feet from her head.
Alice was quite startled to spy the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off. She was sure she’d seen the last of him.
The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she thought. Still it had very long claws and far too many teeth – not to mention it owned the house it had just kicked her out of. So she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
“Cheshire Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name. However, it only grinned a little wider. “Now that I have done as you asked, will you please tell me how to find the Blood Queen?”
“That depends a good deal on why you want to find her,” said the Cat.
“Isn’t it obvious,” said Alice, gesturing toward the pile of stakes on the ground.
“Yes, I suppose so,” said the Cat. “But you are misguided if you think your silly little tools will be of any use against our Queen.”
Our Queen? Did that mean he was a vampire? She eyed him curiously. “Are you…?” she began.
“I should think not,” said the Cat, genuinely offended. “I am a Cheshire Cat, and we Cheshire Cats would sooner turn into dogs than turn into vampires.”
“So why did you call her our Queen?”
“Because she rules this land,” he said, “and all who live here must bow to her whims or it’s off with our heads!”
“Don’t you want her dead, then?”
“I can’t answer that,” he said. “It would be treason. I can only say that you are not the one who can kill her. Many h
ave tried before you and failed miserably.”
“There have been other slayers?” Alice asked.
“Yes, more than I can remember.”
“I spoke with the Caterpillar and he only told me of one other slayer,” Alice said. “A male named Tobias.”
“That is because the Caterpillar is young. He only remembers what has happened in his lifetime,” said the Cat. “I have lived much longer than him. I have nine lives, you see. The Caterpillar only has one.”
Alice laughed despite herself, and the Cat grinned even more broadly.
“Tobias was the most recent slayer to come here,” the Cheshire Cat continued. “But many other tried and failed before him. And now here you are. And you will try, and fail, just like all the rest. Then it will be off with your head.”
“But what if I don’t fail?” Alice ventured.
“You will,” said the Cat. “Which is why I will not tell you how to get to the palace. If you wish to find the Queen you must find her without my help.”
Alice felt exasperated. This strange creature was of no use at all. “So you won’t help me at all?” she asked.
“I have already helped you,” he said, raising a paw toward her knife. “Or, shall I say, you have helped yourself to my cutlery.”
Alice blushed. That was true.
“But I will help you with one more thing. I will tell you of a place you can go. If you are truly bent on undertaking this silly quest of yours to go up against our Queen, then you will need to learn all about her before you go.”
“You will tell me then?” she asked eagerly.
“No, but I will tell you where to go to find out information.”
He paused for a very long time, long enough for Alice to finish carving two more stakes. She now had five total, which she felt was enough to carry for they were very large.
Finally, the Cat said, “In THAT direction,” The Cat waved its right paw round, “lives the Mad Hatter. And in THAT direction,” waving the other paw, “lives a March Hare.”
“I’ll go that way,” Alice said, gesturing toward the March Hare. She wanted no part of this ‘Mad Hatter.’
Visit either you like: they're both mad.”
“But I don't want to go visit crazy people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can't help that,'” said the Cheshire Cat. “Not if you wish to find the Queen. For it is only the truly mad who will aid you on that quest. Good luck,” said the Cat, and vanished.
Alice was not much surprised at this; she was getting so used to strange things happening. While she was looking at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.
“One last thing,” said the Cat. “Don’t tell them I sent you.”
“I won’t,” she said.
“Good,” said the Cat, and vanished again.
Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the direction in which the March Hare was said to live. “This Mad Hatter sounds especially bad,” she said to herself; “the March Hare is the better bet.” As she said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
“I changed my mind,” said the Cat. “Do tell them I sent you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am indeed. As they are very mad, I fear they will not help you unless they know I sent you.”
“All right then,” said Alice.
“All right,” echoed the Cheshire Cat. This time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
Chapter Five: A Mad Tea-Party
Alice took off walking. She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare. She thought it must be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur.
There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it. A Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head.
Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse, thought Alice. Only, as it’s asleep, I guess it doesn't mind.
The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: “No room! No room!” they cried out when they saw Alice coming.
“There’s plenty of room!” said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large armchair at one end of the table.
“Have some wine,” the March Hare said immediately. He produced a bottle of red wine. As soon as he uncorked a horrific smell came pouring out – that of overripe flowers and ammonia. Alice would recognize it anywhere: vampire blood. She watched as he poured it into her tea cup.
“That doesn’t smell like wine,” she remarked.
“It is wine!” said the March Hare. “It’s the finest wine in all the land! Drink up, please. Don’t be rude.”
“No,” said Alice angrily. “I will not drink up. Because that’s not wine you just poured me. It’s vampire blood.”
“No, it’s not,” said the March Hare. He poured some into his own teacup. “Here, I will prove it. I will drink some myself.” And with that, he picked up his cup and quickly downed the entire contents of it.
In that moment Alice knew; that’s why they were both so mad. They were Halflings.
The March Hare wiped off his lips with his hand. “Only Halflings drink the blood of the undead,” he said, and poured himself another cupful. “And as I am not a Halfling, I cannot be drinking vampire’s blood.” He poured a cup for the Hatter, who quickly downed it as well.
“But you are drinking vampire blood,” Alice said again. “And so is he.”
The Hare shook his head vehemently. “No, we’re not. We’re drinking wine.”
They were even worse than the Halflings Alice had met back home. Back there, people knew they were Halflings; these two had somehow been transformed without even realizing it. It was an unsettling thing to see.
“Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.
“You should learn not to make personal remarks,” Alice said, touching her hair, and realizing that it had suddenly grown much longer than it had been even hours before. Not only that, but it was now jet black in color, instead of the silken golden blonde it had been earlier in the day. When had the change occurred? When she’d gone down the rabbit-hole? When she’d drunk the poison? Eaten the mushroom? Been captured by the bloodsuckers? Or had it happened just now, when she’d stepped up to the March Hare’s home? She shook her heard, trying to force all the thoughts of it; her mind was getting so jumbled. Too much had happened too quickly. She could see how a person could go mad in a place like this, even without the curse of being a Halfling.
“It’s very rude to criticize someone’s appearance,” Alice continued. “Especially someone you’ve just met.”
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”
Oh, dear, Alice thought. How in the world are these two ever going to lead me to the Blood Queen’s palace in time for the trial? I would have been better letting the two vampires carry me directly to her door!
She decided to press forward anyway. “The Cheshire Cat sent me.”
There was an agonizing silence, one that stretched on for so long Alice felt her hair must be growing several more inches during the time.
The Hatter was the first to break it. “What day of the month is it?” he said, turning to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
“Why does that matter?” she asked, irritably.
“There is only one reason the Cheshire Cat would have sent you to our tea party,” said the March Hare. “You must wish to find out inform
ation on the palace.”
Alice nodded. “I’m looking for the Blood Queen.”
“Well, I cannot tell you about her,” said the Hare.
Alice sighed. Not this again!
“But he can,” said the March Hare. “But you must answer his questions first. Answer anything he asks, no matter how unusual. Then he shall tell you all you need to know about the Queen.”
Alice had no time for twenty questions. But she also had no better option. She agreed to play along.
Alice in Wonderland: The Vampire Slayer Page 4