I felt his chest rise and fall under my palm. When I matched my breathing to his, it went back to normal. My eyes were focused solely on his. Those beautiful green orbs were soft and concerned.
“Mia, what happened between you and Alex is . . . well, it was just meant to happen that way. It was to give you Lucia, because without her, we would have never met.” Dominic looked at me with love and sincerity. “We were meant to happen. Lucia was meant to happen. So, without that jackass, we would have never found each other. Just think what a tragedy that would have been. And, listen, you have to stop beating yourself up over this. Yes, you were complacent. Yes, you had a part in the failure of the marriage, but he was already doing what he was doing. You just let it happen. You didn’t love him, so it was easy to let him go. And that’s what you did when he stopped coming home. At least you understand it all now.” Holding my face in his hands and swiping my tears with his thumbs, he peppered my eyes with small, reverent kisses.
I kept my lids closed and left my hand on his chest, counting his breaths. “You’re right,” I said, “I didn’t fight for him, and I let him go the minute he checked out emotionally. I’m not even sure I know how to love. Being able to give my all to Lucia from day one and to never think of Alex was too easy. What does that mean? Why didn’t it bother me until it was too late? What if I’m not capable of being in a healthy relationship because I . . . I don’t know. What if I’m not good at it, and you regret us?” I was so confused. So many things were running through my mind. “I just hope that things work out better for his new wife and baby, because it would be a shame for another child to be left fatherless by him,” I said with sadness in my voice.
“Lucia is not fatherless.”
With those words, my eyes flipped open and faced his, which were full of conviction. Once the words sunk in, I jumped toward him and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him with enough force to let him know how much his words meant to me. My heart clenched; it hurt, but it was a good kind of pain. Dominic was the most kind-hearted man I had ever met.
“Well, she’s going to have questions when she wakes. I’m sure she recognized him. I mean, she’s seen pictures, and he was around every now and again. ”
“We’ll do this together,” Dominic said firmly. “Whatever questions she has, we’ll answer as best we can.”
I nodded.
And she did have questions, but not the ones I thought she would. Lucia mainly wanted to know why I had been upset enough to hurt her. After I explained that I didn’t mean to cause her pain and had just wanted to get out of there, she went on to her next question with all the brusque charm of a six year old.
“So, that man was my dad,” she said, more a statement than a question.
How would I explain this to her? “Lucia, he was your father. He helped me make you, but he was never your daddy. He never took you to play at the park, to a ballet class, or ever picked you up from school. A daddy is someone who takes care of you and is there for you, and a father just makes you. Does that make sense?” The term sperm donor came to mind but there was no way I could explain that to Lucia.
Her little head tilted to the side in concentration. I knew she was trying to piece it all together. “So, does that mean Dominic is my daddy? He does all those things.”
This girl was going to be the death of me; she was too smart for her own good.
“No, he’s not your daddy. We are working toward it. You see all the hard work Dominic has been doing to learn how to do all of those things with you, right? We all want nothing more than for him to be your daddy, and we’ll get there soon, I promise. Okay?”
She looked at us, not quite convinced, but I had no idea how to explain it further. The truth was, Dominic and I were just starting a relationship. I couldn’t let Lucia believe he was her daddy, and then have something go wrong between us. Our relationship had to progress in its own time and couldn’t be rushed just because of what Lucia wanted. However, I did believe, in my heart, that Dominic wanted to be called Lucia’s daddy more than anything in the world.
Chapter 17
Chopsticks
Two weeks before Halloween, Dominic, Lucia and I were standing in Party City staring at a long wall of costumes. There were too many options, and Lucia was overwhelmed with them all. The girls’ side alone took up half the wall.
I was beginning to crawl out of my skin with impatience. We had been standing there for over thirty minutes, and we weren’t one step closer to finding a costume. Dominic, forever the patient man, was caught up in the excitement of all the choices and the holiday itself.
“Do you want to be a Disney princess or a super hero? Or wait, look at those Monster High costumes!” he exclaimed, a bit glassy-eyed while he examined the huge selection.
“I like Cinderella because she’s so pretty and . . . what’s the word, Momma? Classic?” Lucia looked at me for confirmation, and I nodded. “But my favorite is Tinkerbell. She looks like a ballerina, and her costume matches Dominic’s eyes.”
My head snapped up to look at her and then over to Dominic, and I couldn’t help smiling. I couldn’t believe the things my kid said sometimes. Dominic was hiding his amusement because he didn’t want to embarrass Lucia, but I could tell he found it amusing and maybe even a bit flattering.
Suddenly I realized she had made a decision, and I jumped all over it. “So, you want the Tinkerbell costume?” I asked while reaching to take it off the hook on the wall.
“Yeah, I think so.”
I sighed in frustration. “You need to be sure, Lucia. I don’t want us to get home and have you decide that wasn’t what you wanted. Whatever you pick today is it. Okay?” With the costume in one hand, I ran the other through my hair while I prayed she would just choose a costume so we could go. I was hungry and tired and feeling grouchy.
Watching my struggle, Dominic jumped in after he flashed me a “calm down” look. He knelt down at Lucia’s level, leaning on one knee while he ran his hand down her arm to soothe her. “I think you’ve made a wonderful choice. Her green dress and slippers do look like a ballet costume, and with your hair up in a bun, you will look like a fairy ballerina. And I think the most special thing about it is that you think the outfit matches my eyes. That’s very sweet.”
She looked up at him in awe and amazement. I could see she was losing the battle and was submitting to his convincing words. “Yeah, she’s my favorite.” Then, turning to look at me, she said, “I want Tinkerbell, Momma. Let’s go.” She looked back at Dominic, reached for his hand, and led him to the front of the store, with me following behind. Always the gentleman, Dominic looked over his shoulder and reached for my hand as well.
~*~*~
Halloween was fast approaching, but, in typical Los Angeles fashion, there were no natural telltale signs. The leaves didn’t change color, the sun shone, kids were running around without jackets, and people barbecued. The weather was still quite hot, and it made for a nice night since most kids would be trick-or-treating in very thin costumes.
Dominic continued to take care of both Lucia and me every day without a single complaint. Lucia told me how he calmed her when she started to get worked up over her upcoming ballet recital. He practiced creating the bun on Lucia’s head over and over so he could get it right without hurting her. The patience he showed when teaching her how to cook, how to ride her bike, and practicing her ballet positions was heartwarming. He was the perfect man, if there ever was one, but I still couldn’t let my heart commit all the way. I was looking for flaws. No one could be perfect. I knew I was a lot to deal with, but he handled me just fine. And even though he did all of those great things for us, he was still a very particular man. Our home was now arranged to his liking, and he hated it when we moved something and he couldn’t find it. Placing his cooking utensils in the wrong drawer in the kitchen would be enough to cause a fight in about two seconds. I didn’t complain but it showed his controlling nature and I supposed that could be considered a flaw.
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I arrived home one evening after work to find my two favorite people giggling on the living room floor. Upon opening the door, the first things I heard were Lucia’s squealing laughs and Dominic’s deep chuckles echoing through our home. He was sitting against the sofa with his knees up in a pair of gray sweats and a black T-shirt. Lucia was bent over in front of him with a bottle of nail polish in her hand, painting his toenails. They looked up at the sound of the door closing and saw me standing there with tears in my eyes and a grand smile on my face. Dominic’s ears pinked, as they always did when he’d been caught doing something cute. I dropped my purse on the bar and walked over to them to peek at Lucia’s masterpiece.
“Wow, Lucia. Nice work,” I exclaimed at the black toenails with pink polka dots—dots that had bled into blobs. I could tell she used the brush to create them. Looking into Dominic’s beautiful eyes, I mouthed, “Thank you.”
He dismissed it with a quick shrug. He had told me a million times to stop thanking him for doing things with Lucia that he wanted to do. “Welcome home,” Dominic said with his hands resting on his knees. He was relaxed and seemed to be having a good time.
“So, what’s the occasion?” I asked, pointing at his toes.
“Momma, I’m practicing how to paint nails nice and do designs like you get on your toes from the salon. Maybe I can do yours when I get good.” Lucia looked up at me with proud eyes. She screwed the cap back onto the bottle and placed it on the towel under Dominic’s feet.
He had wanted us to have a serious conversation with Lucia about our new boyfriend/girlfriend status, but I didn’t think we needed an official conversation. I figured she’d get the picture through our actions. We were holding hands, hugging, and playing around a bit more, but we hadn’t kissed in front of her yet. I was sure the moment we did, she would get the idea, but he thought it was important to speak with her about our developing relationship. Unsure of what to say, myself, I figured I would just follow Dominic’s lead.
I gave a subtle gesture to ask if he wanted to talk then and he nodded.
“Lucia, why don’t you put that stuff away, and then come back? We want to talk to you for a moment, okay?” I helped her pick up the bottles of polish while Dominic sat on the sofa so she could grab the towel and put everything away.
I looked at Dominic with questioning eyes, and he nodded. “You’re going to tell her, right?”
He nodded again, laughing at my nervousness.
I sat, waiting for Lucia to come back, bouncing my leg up and down in anxiety. She ran in happily, not sensing my stress in the least. Dominic sat next to me, leaning back with his fingers woven behind his head in complete comfort. Lucia planted herself between us and asked, “What is it?” Ever so blunt, just like her mother.
I cut my eyes to Dominic and arched my brow, waiting for him to begin his speech.
“Lucia, your mom and I want to talk to you about us,” he said waggling his finger between the three of us. “Your mom and I want to be a couple–” He stopped because of the look of confusion on Lucia’s face. Her face was contorted, eyebrows scrunched together, mouth closed in a crooked line, and her nose wrinkled up a bit. She was too cute.
“A what?” she asked.
“Boyfriend and girlfriend,” I answered this time.
“Pfft. I knew that already.”
It was our turn to look confused. “What? How?” I asked.
“Momma, get serious! You guys hug and hold hands a lot. Isn’t that was you do with a boyfriend?”
I was right; this conversation wasn’t needed. “So, are you okay with it? I mean, you’re not upset or anything?”
She scoffed. “No! I think it’s cool. It will make us a family quicker, and then Dominic can be my daddy.”
My eyebrows went sky high, and I thought I was going to faint. I looked at Dominic to finish the conversation because I was at a loss. She was too smart for her own good, and I had a feeling that we would soon be a unit in one way or another. It might not be through legal channels such as marriage or adoption, but at least the commitment would be there.
“Come here, baby.” Dominic opened his arms for her to climb onto his lap. “I don’t want you to worry your pretty little head about anything, okay?”
~*~*~
“Momma, come look.”
I made my way to Lucia’s room and found her dressed in her Tinkerbell costume, with her hair done just like that adorable Disney character. I was in awe of Dominic’s work. Her bangs were swept to the side of her forehead instead of slicked back as usual, and her bun was big on the top of her head. My hands went to my mouth to stifle the sob that wanted to escape. Every time Lucia was able to experience a daddy/daughter moment, I was overwhelmed and touched. Lucia had never before had what normal kids had with their fathers, and now that she did, I was so happy for her.
Moments like these reminded me of all I that I had missed growing up. Yes, I had a dad, but he hadn’t been there for those everyday things. He never made it to my dance recitals or school plays. He wasn’t able to take pictures with me for my first dance. I didn’t have memories of him taking care of me when I was sick or needed him around. He lived out of state and only acted a father when I visited him. I had no doubt, now that I was an adult, that he loved me and would have done anything for me, but it was the small, day-to-day things I’d missed.
I wanted more than anything in the world for my baby girl to have it all. Her father figure might have arrived a bit late, but better late than never. She deserved this and so much more. Dominic was going to be here for her, and he would show her what a father did and was. I chuckled, thinking about how she might not appreciate it so much when she began dating and he chased all her suitors away, but at least she could know she would have him there for her when she eventually came home with a broken heart.
“Are you okay?” I felt Dominic’s hands caressing my face, wiping away the tears that fell from my eyes.
Looking up at him, I answered, “I am. More than okay. You just don’t know how much this touches me,” I whispered, gesturing toward Lucia, who was checking herself out in the full-length mirror hanging on her closet door.
“I know, because it means a lot to me, too.” His lips touched mine, feather soft, while he held my face protected in the palms of his loving hands.
The moment ended much too soon when Lucia asked if it was time to go trick-or-treating.
“Well, look out the window and see if it’s dark yet.”
Lucia ran to the window and stood on her tiptoes to peek out. “It is, Momma. It’s dark. Let’s go!” She grabbed our hands and walked us to the door.
“Okay, hold on. Let me turn off the lights and get the keys.”
We walked all through the community to as many of the homes as we could. The small streets in our secured community were filled with tons of children running around, yelling, and examining their candy. The excitement that vibrated off the kids was contagious. Lucia was beautiful in her costume, and I hadn’t seen any other kids dressed like Tinkerbell, so it was a winning situation for her. Dominic insisted on walking her to every door, even though she already had three bags of candy. When I teased him about it and reminded him that part of the fun of the night was to watch the kids walk up to the door alone or in a group of other kids, he wouldn’t hear of it.
“Let me be. I haven’t done this since I was a kid and never as the parental figure. I want to enjoy it,” he chided while he wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck. Chills broke out through my body while he learned where all my sensitive spots were.
“Okay, okay. The night’s all yours. Go and enjoy while you can, because it’s possible next year she won’t even want to be seen with us,” I teased.
We walked hand-in-hand back to our home, each of us carrying a bag full of her candy. After we sorted it, I’d have to make some of it disappear, or else she would eat every single piece.
I looked at Dominic once we were seated around the bar to go through
the candy.
“This was a lot of fun. I’m so glad we could do this together,” I said.
“Me, too. I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.”
Chapter 18
Follow the Leader
Settled on the sofa after Lucia was bathed and tucked in, we got ready for our movie. We had begun to choose slow, boring films so we wouldn’t get sucked in. Instead, we’d sit, talk, and grope like teenagers.
“Dominic, babe. When you come with the popcorn, can you bring me a beer, please?”
I watched him work his way around the kitchen, popping popcorn, pulling out bowls, and getting our beers. He ended up choosing the big bowl and dumping all of the popcorn in there so we could share. It was always better that way because our hands met at the bottom of the bowl. When he walked toward me, something from inside told me it was time to tell him how I felt about him.
He placed the bowl on the table and pushed one of the bottles of beer toward me. I met his eyes and thanked him. His olive colored skin was covered by day-old scruff, but the darkness of his stubble contrasted with his bright, beautiful, green eyes, which shined like polished apples. The fullness of his lips made them look so delicious when he smiled that he always managed to take my breath away.
Dominic and I sat close together, and he put his arm around me. From the crook of his arm, I looked up at his breathtaking face. I didn’t feel close enough to him; I wanted to climb onto him — into him. Just . . . closer. He looked down at me, and I knew it was the right moment.
“Baby, I, uh . . .” My heart began beating triple time. The words were on the tip of my tongue but wouldn’t come out.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Concerned, Dominic wrapped his hand around mine and squeezed.
“I just want you to know how thankful I am for having you in my life. And I want you to know how much I love you.” My voice cracked. I sat there gazing into his eyes, waiting for a reaction. The nervousness bubbled inside me, and if he didn’t say something soon, I was either going to laugh or cry. I was betting on crying.
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