by Noelle Adams
Skye was busy with her family this afternoon, so Ria called up Madeline instead.
Madeline listened to her rambles for a while and then finally said, “Don’t get mad at me, Ria, but this sounds like more than the normal awkwardness at seeing an ex after a long time apart.”
“I know,” Ria admitted. Her voice wobbled dangerously. “I know it does.”
“You still have feelings for him?”
“I didn’t think I did. I mean, I really thought I was over him and moving on with my life. But it seems like maybe... maybe...”
“Do you want a relationship with him again?”
“No!” Ria didn’t mean to sound so urgent, so she tempered her tone. “I mean, I don’t think so. It would never work. It’s just that I still... I still want him. If you get what I mean.”
“I do. I get it. Okay. I’m not good at this since I’ve only ever had one boyfriend, and I’ve never broken up with him, but do you think the problem is you never got any real closure with Jacob? He just up and left without any warning, so it kind of left you hanging all this time. Maybe you should try to talk things out with him. If it felt more settled in your own heart, maybe you could finally really move on.”
“Maybe.” Ria had to take a few slow breaths since she was so emotionally on edge. “I just hate feeling like this.”
“I know you do. I totally understand. Do you think you could try to talk to him?”
“Y-yes. I mean, yes. I should. I need to. It’s not going to be fun, but that’s what I should do.”
“So why don’t you go over to the house and do it right now?”
“Now?”
“Why not? Wouldn’t it be better to just get it over with?”
“Maybe.”
“Ria.”
“I know. I know. I’ll do it. I promise I will. I just need to figure out what I want to say first.”
“Okay. But promise me you’ll do what you can to talk to him today. That way I know you won’t chicken out.”
“Fine. I promise. I’ll talk to him today.”
“Good. Report back as soon as you do.”
Ria hung up on her friend and stared at her phone for a long time. Madeline was right. She almost always was.
It felt painfully hard, but talking to Jacob was what she needed to do. But first she wanted to process her own feelings so she’d know what to say when she talked to him. On a whim, she got in her car and drove over to the spot that had been so special to her and Jacob.
They’d had sex there.
They’d spent hours there.
If there was anywhere that could give her some perspective, maybe that spot could.
So grabbed an old blanket out of her trunk so she wouldn’t have to sit on the grass and headed uphill to a familiar grouping of boulders.
She gave a little squeal of surprise when she found the spot was already occupied.
Jacob. Slumped against one of the boulders, his long legs outstretched, and a bottle of beer in his hand.
He didn’t look remotely surprised by her presence. His eyelids were heavier than they should be as he turned to gaze up at her.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize you’d be here.”
“I didn’t realize it either. Just ended up here somehow.” He patted the grass beside him. “Plenty of room for you.”
She hesitated, but it would be ridiculous to turn around and leave. She’d resolved to talk to him, so she might as well do it right now. He was there, and she was there. This spot was as good as anywhere else. “I’m going to sit on this blanket since I thought the grass might be damp.”
“Ah. Good thinking. I don’t mind admitting to you that my ass is a little bit wet.”
She giggled. Couldn’t help it. “How much have you had to drink?”
“This is just my second beer. It’s been a weird day.”
“For me too.”
He got up without another word and helped her spread out the blanket, folding it in half for more protection against the moisture. Then they sat side by side and stared at the view of the lake in front of them.
Jacob popped the top off a bottle of beer and handed it to her. “Do you come here a lot?”
She took a swig before she replied, “No. Not really. Not in ages.”
“Yeah. I didn’t think so. You’ve left me far behind.”
With an indignant huff, she lowered the bottle of beer she’d been about to sip. “That’s not even remotely fair. You’re the one who left me.”
“I know. I left. But I never really left you behind.” He wasn’t looking at her. He was staring into the distance, looking very far away. “You were always right there. With me. No matter where I went. I could never run far enough to get away from you.”
“Jacob?” she breathed, shocked and confused and throbbing with feeling.
“What?” He finally turned to meet her eyes. He’d said he hadn’t even had two full beers, but he looked oddly woozy. Not with it at all.
“What exactly are you saying?”
“I don’t even know.”
“If you felt that way, why did you leave me? Why didn’t you just come back?”
“I couldn’t.” He was staring into the distance again, almost like he was talking to himself.
“Why not? Tell me why.”
“Grandfather kicked me out.”
That was the last thing in the world she expected. Her voice squeaked. “What?”
“He kicked me out. He told me he wasn’t going to support me anymore. Wasn’t going to pay for college. That I was on my own.”
“He did not!”
Jacob raised his dark eyebrows in a semblance of dry irony.
“He really did? I can’t believe that. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know. I was a kid. I messed up. I was really hurt, and I messed up.”
Her eyes burned, and her throat ached, and her hands shook with feeling. For a moment Jacob looked like the sweet boy he used to be, and she could see how much his grandfather’s treatment had sliced into his soft heart. “I’m really sorry he did that.”
“Yeah. He’s sorry now too. Not that it changes anything.”
She was fighting back tears, so it took a minute before she could get the words out. “It changes a little. For me. To understand why you did what you did.”
He jerked his head back to peer at her, as if he were searching for something in her face. “Does it?”
“Y-yes. A little. Not everything. You still dumped me. You didn’t have to do that. I would have understood. We could have worked something out. You could have at least told me the truth before you left.”
He slumped back against the boulder and closed his eyes, like he was too exhausted to hold them open. “I know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
He didn’t answer immediately. For a minute she thought he wasn’t going to answer at all. Then he finally admitted, “I was hurt so badly that I... wasn’t thinking straight. I was afraid of being hurt even more. That you might reject me like my grandfather did if I wasn’t... I didn’t have the life and future you expected from me. I know that wasn’t fair to you. You’re way better than that. But I was bleeding. So I ran.”
The words rang true to her. She believed them. She could understand his state of mind back then. He’d just been a boy, and he’d felt like he lost everything.
It didn’t make it right, but she could see how it had happened.
“Did... did your grandfather apologize to you?”
“Yeah. He did.”
“Did you... make up with him?”
“As much as we can ever make up. You can’t take things back. You do what you do, and then you live with the consequences.”
Ria could see very clearly that he was speaking more about himself than he was about his grandfather. She reached over to put a gentle hand on his chest. “Thank you for telling me, Jacob.”
He stared down at her hand on his shirt for
a long time. Finally she pulled it back and placed it carefully on her lap.
They sat in silence after that. Ria finished her beer, and Jacob finished his second one. He passed her another without comment and then popped the top off another bottle for him.
He was evidently planning to sit there until the six-pack was gone, and it didn’t seem like the worst idea in the world to Ria. At least the alcohol might dull a little of the confused ache the world had become.
They sat together as the sun lowered in the sky, the low light glinting off the water of the lake, the flashes sparking in sudden pops as the water moved.
“Is your grandfather okay?” she asked after a really long time.
“He’s worse today. I thought he was going to die, but he didn’t. Not yet.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged. “People die every day. And they usually leave things undone. Words unsaid. Relationships broken. Life doesn’t put itself together into neat story arcs that make sense to us.”
“But you said he apologized.”
“He did.”
“So at least you have that.”
Jacob turned his head in her direction, his eyes soft and slightly blurry on her face. “I guess.”
“That’s something, Jacob. Something you might not have had. Maybe it doesn’t matter that much to you now, but it will matter in the future. At least that won’t be left unsaid.”
He nodded jerkily, making a weird sound in his throat. “Yeah.” He made another one of those throaty sounds, like he was choking on emotion. “I’m sorry, Ria. I’m sorry. For what I did to you. I don’t want to leave that unsaid too.”
The tears that had been burning in her eyes for the past hour started to fall, streaming down her cheeks in a messy rush. “Thank you. For saying that. For telling me.”
He wrapped one arm around her and pulled her toward him so she could sob for a minute against his shirt. He murmured, “I should have told you a long time ago.”
Her tears didn’t last long, and as they dissipated, so did the angsty tension she’d been experiencing ever since she heard that Jacob was coming back to town. She lay against him for a few minutes, enjoying the relief, the comfort, the peace she hadn’t realized she was missing.
She could hear his heart beating in his chest. It was thumping loud. Fast. His arm was warm and strong around her. His fingers were idly playing with her loose hair.
Realizing she was still holding her beer loosely in one hand, she set it down on the ground securely so it wouldn’t spill. Then she straightened and looked up at his face. His eyes met hers. His hand was still resting on her back.
His fuzzy eyes were warmer now than they’d been before. And as they stared at each other, they grew hotter.
The heat she sensed in him affected her. Her skin flushed. Her body tightened. A pulsing began between her legs.
There were any number of things Ria could have done right now. She could have said something harmless to break the tension. She could have gotten up to leave. She could have cuddled up against him and turned the embrace back into comfort and safety.
She wasn’t trapped in this moment. There were things she could do to escape.
But she didn’t do any of those things.
She was throbbing now with feeling, with the desire to touch his hard muscles, warm skin, familiar face, mussed hair. The depth of the need overwhelmed her, swallowing up everything else.
It wasn’t lust as she’d always understood it—nothing nearly as simple as pure desire. And it compelled her far more completely than raw lust ever could.
She reached up to touch his face, feeling the scratchy bristles on his jaw, the texture of his scar. “Jacob,” she murmured.
Evidently that was enough. He gave a rough groan, took her head in both hands, and kissed her hard.
Six
JACOB HADN’T EXPECTED Ria to show up in their spot, so he wasn’t emotionally prepared for her sudden appearance. He’d drunk too much. He’d been buffeted with too many hard feelings from the talk with his grandfather.
He’d already felt like he was barely holding on to the strings of his control, and Ria’s presence had snapped the final threads.
It had been years—long, empty years—since he’d been so vulnerable. Open. Completely unprotected.
Which was probably why he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her, even though he knew it was a mistake.
As soon as her hand touched his face, he was gone.
When he claimed her mouth with his, she wrapped one arm around his neck. Pleasure and excitement rose up in a hot rush as his lips moved against hers, his tongue teasing until she opened fully to him. Without conscious volition, he was pushing her down until she was reclining on her back, the blanket protecting her from the damp grass. In this position, he was able to move on top of her so he could feel her soft, slender body beneath his as they kissed.
She was just as hungry and needy as he was. She rocked eagerly beneath him, the motion generating urgent throbs at his hardening groin. She made little whimpers into the kiss, matching the nakedly greedy sounds that were coming from his own throat. She gripped handfuls of his hair, sometimes pulling it so hard it hurt.
He didn’t mind. The slight pain only intensified his rising need and pleasure. His hands were moving now—as if they were disconnected from the rest of him—sliding under her top, under her skirt, feeling every part of her body he could reach. She was soft and warm and nearly writhing beneath him, her back arching up when he found her nipples or the inside of her thighs.
The pressure behind his eyes and in his ears and his throat was as much emotion as desire. Because this was Ria. He’d been crazy about her since he was twelve years old, and nothing in the past fifteen years had come close to changing that.
Wanting to give her as much pleasure as he was experiencing, he tried to lower his mouth to her breasts. Her top kept getting in the way, so he yanked it off over her head in one quick move. She wore a little white lacy bra, so he fumbled behind her until he found the hooks to undo. Then he could finally pull the fabric away from her skin and stare down at her bare breasts.
She was slim all over, so she wasn’t large. But the soft curves and rose-brown nipples and so much tan skin made him want to howl.
Some kind of primitive impulse he’d forgotten was part of his nature.
“Jacob,” Ria gasped, arching her spine again as she stared up at him with heated dark eyes. “Jacob, please.”
With a groan, he lowered his mouth to take one nipple in his mouth. He teased it with his tongue until she was making delicious little mewing sounds. Then he sucked hard, and she clawed at his back, her nails scratching almost painfully even through the fabric of his shirt.
When he switched to her other breast, she wrapped one long leg around him, hiking it higher every time he applied new suction.
“Jacob!” Her voice was loud and thready.
He let her nipple slip from his mouth and moved groggy eyes to her face.
“Haven’t we waited long enough?”
“Yes,” he replied gruffly. “We’ve waited forever.”
“I’m ready. I’m more than ready. And I can’t wait anymore.”
With a helpless moan that wasn’t at all like the man he thought he’d become, he kissed her mouth. Deep and wet and ravenous.
As they kissed, they both fumbled with his jeans until they’d undone him and pulled out his erection. He nearly choked when her little fingers stroked him up and down, and for a moment he was convinced he would lose it completely.
He managed to control the impulse by focusing on pulling off the little underwear she wore. Her skirt was bunched up around her hips, so it wasn’t in the way.
Nothing was in the way.
He parted her legs, and she pulled him eagerly into position, and then he could feel the soft, wet warmth of her intimate flesh at his tip.
“Jacob, please. Please, now!”
He pushed in, moaning uninhibit
edly as the wet heat of her sheathed him slowly.
They gasped together, unmoving for a minute as he could feel her muscles relaxing, adjusting to the penetration. He used the time to breathe. Restrain his impulse to let go.
When she bent her legs up on either side of his hips and started to rock up into him, he began to thrust, holding himself up on his arms so he could see her. He tried to keep his rhythm slow and steady, but her head was tossing back and forth with obvious pleasure, and the fact that this was Ria—that she was feeling that way with him—was almost more than he could handle.
He took her hard and fast, their flesh slapping together and her body jiggling deliciously from the force of his thrusts.
“Yes, Jacob.” She was choking on the words, still tossing her head from side to side in her urgency. “This is... this is what I want.”
“Yes,” he hissed through his teeth, his heart swelling as fast and deep as his physical pleasure. “Yes, Ria. Ria. Sweet. Heart.”
Her sounds were growing louder, more frustrated. He could tell she wanted to come and couldn’t do it.
He was on the edge of losing it, but something almost protective inside him wouldn’t allow him to do so until she’d come first. So with all the restraint he could muster, he stopped pumping. Pulled out.
“What... what?” She stared up at him bewildered.
He kissed her gently. Then kissed his way quickly down her body until his mouth had reached the cleft between her legs. She made a sharp sound when he found her clit, flicking at it with his tongue.
He adjusted her thighs to give him better access. Then he penetrated her with two fingers and moved them in and out as he teased her clit with his lips and tongue.
“Oh God! Oh God, that’s working.” She was almost mumbling now as her whole body tensed up.
He fucked her with his fingers and sucked at her clit until she came apart for him, crying out and arching up as the spasms of the orgasm broke over her. He stroked her through the shudders until she was gasping and still beneath him.
Then he finally lifted his head.