by Amber Garza
“I’ll be right here if you need me.” He pulled me close and kissed my forehead.
I nodded and then headed outside. A cool breeze swept over my skin, causing goosebumps to rise on my flesh. Hugging myself, I rubbed my hands over my upper arms. As I walked toward the front door, I wondered if Kevin’s parents were home. I hoped they weren’t. Not that I wouldn’t mind seeing them. But tonight I was on a quest. Plus, Kevin probably wouldn’t say anything with his parents around. Any time we spoke since Ben’s death he’d been pretty tightlipped, saying he didn’t know anything at all about why Ben would do this.
I took a deep breath when I reached the front door. Then I lifted my hand and rapped once, twice, a third time. It reminded me of all the times we’d pick Ben up here. Mom would always send me up to the door to collect Ben. I’d knock, and then Ben and Kevin would answer all sweaty and dirty. Then Ben would stall for as long as he could before coming home. Familiar sadness wrapped around me at the memory.
The door popped open and Kevin stood in front of me. He looked like always with his short brown hair, dark brown eyes and muscular physique. He wore a t-shirt and jeans, his feet bare.
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Addie, what are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry to just show up like this, but I’ve been trying to reach you. I sent you a message on Facebook and Instagram, but you never responded.”
“Sorry. I’m not really on social media anymore.” He shrugged. “Wanna come in?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
As he moved back to let me enter, his gaze shot past me. “Who’s in the car?”
“Oh, that’s Sawyer.”
“Ridley?” He asked. “Is he your boyfriend?”
I nodded.
“Since Ben’s not around anymore, I feel like I need to take on the role of your honorary brother,” he said with a grin. “So, is Riddles treating you well?”
I chuckled, rolling my eyes. “Yes, he treats me very well.”
“Okay, just checking,” he said. “But then why is he sitting in the car?”
Nervously, I scratched the back of my neck. “I sort of wanted to talk to you alone.”
Something flashed in his eyes that I couldn’t quite place. Discomfort, trepidation, fear. “Oookay.” He gave me a funny look and then closed the door behind us.
The house was quiet and dark. It smelled faintly of potpourri. I shivered as he guided me into the family room.
“Can I get you anything?” Suddenly he was acting all formal and stiff.
“No. I’m fine.” I shook my head as I sat on the couch.
He took a seat on the recliner facing me. The large, abstract painting on the wall caught my attention. I always liked Kevin’s house. It looked like something out of a magazine. His mom worked in interior design, so I guess it made sense. Returning my focus back to Kevin, I folded my hands in my lap and sat forward. Kevin shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“Mom and I are moving,” I started. “Dad took off. Did you know that?”
“No.” Pity flickered in his eyes, and I looked away. “But I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I waved away his words with a flick of my wrist. I didn’t come here for sympathy. I came here for answers. “So tonight I was packing up Ben’s things and I found something.”
I could tell by his expression that he knew what was coming, but he did his best to mask it. “What kind of something?”
“Drugs.” I let the word hover in the air, thick like a plume of smoke.
Kevin didn’t even bat an eye. He stared at me dead on. “Drugs, huh?”
I nodded. “Did you know he was using?”
At first I thought he was going to say no, but then he slowly bobbed his head up and down. “Yes, I knew. I tried to get him to stop when I found out, but by then it was too late.”
“You weren’t using with him?” I found this hard to believe. Ben and Kevin had been inseparable since grade school. They did everything together.
“No.”
“Who was he using with?” I tried to think of Ben’s other friends. I couldn’t picture any of them using drugs. Then again, Ben didn’t fit the profile either.
“Some guys you don’t know.”
A memory hit me, fast like a lightning bolt. One afternoon, I ran into Ben at a park near our house. He was talking to a guy I’d never seen before. Curious, I approached them. Ben introduced the guy as Felix. Said he played football for another high school, and that’s how they’d met. But even at the time it seemed odd. Then again, Ben had never given me reason to distrust him, so I let it go. Now I wondered if I should have pressed Ben about the guy.
“Did you know Felix?” I asked now.
Kevin’s head whipped up as if he’d been slapped. “Who?”
“Felix. I met him once with Ben,” I explained. “Was he one of the guys Ben was using with?”
“I don’t know anything about that guy.” I could tell he was lying, but then he bent toward me, his face serious. “Look, Addie. Ben’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring him back. Snooping around isn’t smart.”
My stomach twisted into knots. “What are you saying, Kevin? Was Ben in some kind of trouble?”
“What I’m saying is that the guys that Ben was involved with weren’t selling candy. They were selling drugs. They aren’t the kind of people you need to be sniffing around.”
“I’m not sniffing around anything,” I said defensively. “I’m just looking for answers. I’m trying to understand why my brother, who was talented, and smart, and had a bright future, would kill himself without any warning.” My voice was rising, my emotions getting the better of me.
Kevin stood and sat beside me. “I know this is hard. It’s hard for me too. And I miss him just like you do. But digging into his past isn’t going to make this better. I mean, do you feel better now that you know he was using drugs?”
“No,” I said sullenly.
“Then let this go. Focus on remembering the good things about Ben. That’s what I do.”
“I want to. I really do. But I feel like I have no closure. I mean, maybe if he left a note or something, but he didn’t.”
Kevin’s hand landed on my shoulder. “It’s time to let him go.”
I opened my mouth to speak when a knock on the door startled me. A look of sheer panic crossed Kevin’s face. What was that about?
“Stay here,” he commanded, as he slid off the couch.
Holding my breath, I stayed completely still as he answered the door.
“Where’s Addie?” Sawyer’s voice crashed into the room. When I turned around, Sawyer was racing inside, his gaze darting around frantically.
“I’m right here.” I hopped off the couch so he could see me.
He hurried to me, pulling me into his arms. An audible sigh escaped from his mouth. “You were in here for so long. I got worried.”
“We were just talking,” I said softly to him.
Kevin watched on, a dumbfounded expression on his face. “What’s going on, man?
The way you came tearing in here it’s like you thought I would attack her or something.” He said it in a joking way, but I could tell he was irritated. Then his lips curved up into a smile. “Oh, I get it. She told you about the crush she used to have on me, huh?”
My cheeks heated up. “Shut up. That was when I was like five. I’ve been over that for years.”
“Still, it got your boyfriend here worried.” Kevin chuckled, and I was grateful for the jovial shift in the mood.
“All right.” I stepped away from Sawyer toward Kevin. “We should get going. Thanks for talking to me.” I gave him a quick hug and then made my way toward the door.
Before we could reach it, Kevin stopped Sawyer. “Promise me you’ll keep her out of this. It’s not safe for her to keep digging around.”
It was the same thing he’d said to me, and my chest tightened. Why did he keep saying that? I wanted to press him further, to find out what he was h
iding, but Sawyer thanked him and then ushered me outside. Clearly, he was taking Kevin’s advice seriously.
The entire drive back to my house he made me promise to do what Kevin said and stay out of this. To appease him, I said I would. But deep down I wasn’t sure it was possible. It was obvious that there was more to my brother’s death than what I knew.
And I was still determined to figure out what it was.
CHAPTER 24
Sawyer
I hated leaving Addie. If I had my way I’d stay with her all night. I’d hold her close while she slept. Hell, I’d enter her dreams and slay all her dragons. The truth is, I would’ve done anything for that girl. And it killed me to drop her off and leave her alone after everything she’d discovered tonight. It had all been dumped on her so quickly, and it was too much to take in. But I couldn’t stay the night. Her mom would never allow it. Neither would my parents, actually. In fact, Dad had been texting me all night to check up on me. I was sure he was picturing Addie and I tangled up in her bed. If only. That would certainly be more fun than what we’d been doing. Shaking my head, I cleared out those thoughts. I felt like an ass for even thinking that. Addie was going through one of the worst things in her life, and that’s what I needed to focus on.
I knew Kevin was lying. Nothing about his story made sense. If he and Ben were as close as Addison claimed they were, then he had to have been using drugs with him. According to Addie, they’d still been hanging out up until Ben died.
Then again, I thought about Holden and Ryan. How much they butted heads when Holden started dating Chloe. They still remained friends even though they didn’t see eye to eye. So I guess it was possible that Kevin was telling the truth.
Honestly, I think it was his words to me that bothered me the most.
Promise me you’ll keep her out of this. It’s not safe for her to keep digging around.
Those weren’t the words of someone who knew nothing.
As I slowed to a stop at the stop sign, I blinked. Where the hell was I? God, I’d been so lost in my thoughts I didn’t even pay attention to where I was driving. Swiveling my head, I read the street sign. Then I sighed. I hadn’t gone much out of my way. Only took one wrong turn. Flicking on my blinker, I turned to the right and drove down the darkened street. The cemetery came up on my left, and I wondered if that was where my subconscious was leading me to. As I passed it, I remembered all the nights I snuck off to visit Ryan’s grave. Maybe that was why my car lead me here. Because it knew the way.
A dark figure caught my attention as I was about to turn the corner. He looked familiar to me. Slowing my car, I squinted. Luckily there was no one else driving down this road, so I could slow as much as I wanted. My breath hitched in my throat when I realized it was Addison’s dad. I knew why he was there. Visiting his son, most likely. I knew I should have given him his privacy, but I couldn’t shake the image of Addison’s shocked face tonight, and the sad look that passed over her features whenever her dad was mentioned.
The guy had a lot of explaining to do.
It was a father’s job to protect his daughter; to keep her from harm. The last person I should be protecting Addie from was her dad. And yet, that’s what I was doing. Addie may not have been strong enough to talk to this man, but I sure as hell was. Someone had to fight for her.
And that someone was me.
After pulling my car over to the curb, I shut off the engine and hopped out of the car. I shoved my keys into my pocket and then hurried down the sidewalk until I reached the entrance to the cemetery. Quietly shoving open the wrought iron gate, I stepped inside. My shoes crunched on brittle grass and leaves as I walked. When I got closer to Addie’s dad, I heard him talking.
Holding my breath, I pressed my back to a nearby tree. I would approach him after he finished his visit with Ben. It was only right. I may have been here on a mission, but my mom had taught me manners, and I would use them.
“I’m so sorry, son.” His words were choppy, like he was crying.
My insides twisted. It was rare to hear a grown man cry, and it got me all tangled up inside.
“It’s all my fault. I don’t know how to get past this. I don’t know how to forgive myself,” he continued, his words becoming more and more garbled.
This was more than a father broken up over his son’s death. My suspicion was right. He did know something.
“I mean, how do I forgive myself for killing my own son?”
My heart stopped. I froze. What did he say? When I heard his footsteps nearing me, I ducked down, hiding myself. No way was I talking to him now. Not after that confession. Who knew what the guy was capable of? Especially once he realized that I’d heard what he said. I stayed hidden behind the tree until he was out of sight. Then I carefully stood up, wiping cold sweat from my brow. My pulse raced and my body shook.
I needed to tell someone what I’d heard. But who? Would the police even believe me? Probably not. It was only hearsay. It’s not like I got it on tape. Besides, Addie would kill me if I went behind her back and turned her dad in.
Addie.
My stomach lurched at the thought of her. What would this do to her when she found out? She was already so broken up over the fact that her brother committed suicide. What would happen if what her dad said was true? Wouldn’t that be worse?
As I mulled over what to do, the phone in my pocket went off. With quivering fingers, I pulled it out. When I read the text, my body went numb, all color draining from my face. Shit. Addie was in trouble.
I had to get to her right away.
CHAPTER 25
Addison
After Sawyer dropped me off I planned to go straight to my room and hit the sack. Lord knows I was exhausted. My limbs ached, my eyelids desperately wanted to close. But I couldn’t. Not yet. I was amped up from everything I’d learned tonight. And I was sure there were more clues in Ben’s room. Maybe even some answers were hidden inside. There was no way I could fall asleep with that knowledge.
So I slipped into Ben’s room and continued packing. I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone. I’d get his room packed and do some snooping. For the first half an hour I found nothing. I mean, I found stuff, but nothing exciting. Just his clothes and football posters, a couple of yearbooks. But when I thumbed through them they revealed nothing I didn’t already know. Ben was popular, Ben was a jock, Ben was liked. Old news.
I was about ready to give up when I found a box of pictures. At first nothing was out of the ordinary. There were pictures from all the homecoming dances Ben attended. He looked so handsome in his tux, his hair slicked down. Then there were a few from when he played football, a couple from summer camps. I kept thumbing through them until I found one of him and Kevin that grabbed my attention. It had been taken within the last year. Not that it was dated. I could tell by the way Ben styled his hair.
And I could tell because he was smoking out of a glass pipe. But that wasn’t what surprised me. I’d already figured out my brother used drugs. What was shocking was that Kevin was smoking with him. Hadn’t Kevin told me he didn’t use with Ben? Why would he lie to me about that?
When I flipped the picture over, there was writing on the back.
It read: “Candyman,” and then it looked like there had been a phone number, but it had since been smudged.
Candyman? What did that mean?
What I’m saying is that the guys that Ben was involved with weren’t selling candy.
Was he trying to tell me something? Dropping the picture back into the box, I hoisted myself up. Kevin knew something. I had to go over to his house and demand answers. And this time I wasn’t leaving until I got them.
There were two cars parked in front of Kevin’s house when I pulled up. One was Kevin’s, but I didn’t recognize the other one. I pulled in behind the mystery car, but after turning off the engine, I hesitated. What if he had a friend over? Or worse, what if he had a girl in there? I didn’t want to interrupt. And he had already told me to
stay out of this.
But I couldn’t.
This was important. I had to know the truth. And I was convinced that Kevin knew more than he was saying. Determined, I snatched my purse off the seat and stepped out of the car. Flinging it over my shoulder, I stalked toward the front door. As I got closer to the house, I heard hollering coming from inside – loud, angry, male voices. My chest tightened. Tentatively I took a few more steps forward. When I reached the front door, the voices got louder and more intense. There was a crash, like something being broken, and I flinched. Shit. I had to get out of here.
The front door swung open, and acting on instinct I leapt into the bushes lining the house. My heart clattered loudly in my chest, and I silently prayed that no one saw me.
“Consider that a warning!” A man spoke firmly.
“I told you that I don’t have the money,” Kevin responded. He sounded funny, almost like his mouth was swollen or something. I peered through the leaves at three figures standing on the lawn. It was hard to make them out, but Kevin was easy to spot. He was the one with blood dripping from his lip and nose. I cringed. What the hell was going on?
“Well, you better come up with it,” A man got right in his face, and my breath hitched in my throat. I knew that guy. Or at least I had met him once. It was Felix, the guy I asked Kevin about. “Or the next time I won’t be quite as forgiving.”
This was forgiving? My stomach clenched.
The other guy reminded me of one of those bad guys in a movie, with his large frame, steely eyes, crooked teeth, scars on his face, and tats lining his arms. With quivering fingers, I reached into my purse and snatched out my cell phone. My elbow caught on one of the branches, and it rustled. Movie Guy glanced in my direction, and I froze. Holding my breath I prayed he didn’t hear me.
“I’ll be back in a couple of days,” Felix said to Kevin. “And when I do, you better have the money.”