by Marie Dry
“Would your storeroom have clothes that would fit me?”
Every time she saw Natalie and Julia, Susannah was hyper aware of her own hand-me-down clothes. She’d altered them to fit her, but there was only so much you could do with folded material that had been washed for decades.
Natalie had promised to send her the skirts and boots, but Susannah wanted to choose something she’d be comfortable with. Wanted Azagor to find her beautiful.
“We will look at pictures of clothes, and I will show Natalie the ones you choose. Our storeroom is very big. She will be able to find you something similar.”
“Should I help her search? It doesn’t seem right that she should work so hard to get these things.” Everyone sounded strange when they talked about the storeroom, and she’d like to know why.
“Zacar only allows Natalie to enter.” He scratched Killer behind the ear, not looking at her. Everyone avoided her eyes whenever they talked about it.
“Why?” Did Zacar believe, like Brother Joseph, that women should be kept busy and out of trouble?
“Security reasons.”
“Oh.” She didn’t believe him but didn’t want to argue with him. Not now.
She touched his jaw, traced the big vein curling in and out of his strong jawline down to his muscled neck.
When she touched him like this, the isolation and loneliness left. She wanted Azagor in the way Brother Joseph said was a sin. She wanted to feel close to him, but the only time she’d gone against the rules, she’d ended up pregnant and losing her baby. Living with the fear of never seeing Noah again, she had this strange urgency to feel alive. Having relations with Azagor would make all this seem real. If that made her beyond redemption, then so be it. Hell could not be any worse than having her baby taken from her.
Her biggest fear was feeling those strange sensations in her body that were wrong.
If she was punished by losing her baby when she had relations with Caine, what would the punishment be for doing it with Azagor and experiencing all those wrong feelings in her body? Not just in her body. In her mind as well.
And, still, she wanted him.
“If I have relations with you, will you do it right this time?”
He knew what she meant, she could see it in the way his eyes narrowed and his hands fisted. “It will be better if you wait and learn about me, my breeder,” he said.
“Waiting never brought me anything good, Azagor. You are the only familiar thing in this strange outside world. I want to feel close to you. I really don’t want to sleep alone in that big bedroom either.”
Azagor picked her up and walked to the bedroom. “A modern warrior will never keep his breeder waiting.”
“Killer,” she murmured.
She could feel him stiffen against her. “He stays on the couch.”
Susannah bit her lip. It wasn’t right to smile in such a serious moment, but ever since Killer had attacked Azagor’s private area, he never allowed her dog in their room if he was taking off his clothes.
In the bedroom, he put her down and stepped away from her. She instantly missed his heat. “When I spend time with you in the sleeping place, you will feel pleasure.”
She shook her head, frantic at the thought of those scary feelings overtaking her body again. “No, I won’t. I’m not a sinner. I’m not.”
“Making sex, having relations, is not a sin.”
Susannah twisted her hands in front of her. “Brother Joseph said a woman experiencing pleasure during relations is the embodiment of sin.”
Azagor rubbed the ridge on his head. “This is the fat man who put the scars on your body? The human who took your cousin from you?”
“Yes.” Every time he called Noah her cousin, guilt wanted to consume her. She should’ve told him the truth from the start. Now she didn’t know how to explain her reasons for lying. Didn’t even understand them herself.
“Do you accept that such a useless human knows right from wrong?”
Eventually, she said. “No.” She’d known Joseph was wrong to punish her, to take her son from her. But he’d been the authority figure in her life for as long as she could remember.
“Then he could be wrong about having relations and feeling pleasure as well?”
She smoothed out her dress over her knee, stroked a finger over the roughened area she’d patched. “I suppose.”
“I will make you feel pleasure for half an hour. You will keep your clothes on.”
“Why?”
“When we train a new warrior, we start with wooden swords, short practice sessions.”
“I’m not a warrior.”
“It is the same principle. You will get used to feeling pleasure in your body. All the manuals say this is normal.”
She continued to rub over the patched material. “I don’t know.”
“The fat man was a lazy human who used all his rules and punishments to make sure no one questioned him. Do you think his rules would work with a man who could defend himself against his cruel punishments?”
Susannah had thought that very thing many times. Then it had been dangerous and subversive, and, even now, she had to battle the urge to look over her shoulder, half convinced Brother Joseph would appear and punish her for daring to have this conversation, for daring to have relations with a green alien.
He’d taken her son. She wouldn’t let him take anything else away from her. From now on, she’d do the opposite of what he’d decreed. Like she’d decided when she was twelve, when her mother had died. Somewhere between that terrible day and the day they took Noah from her, she’d lost her spirit--the will to fight Joseph’s narrow views.
“You’re right. I will have relations with you, and I will accept having pleasure.”
Azagor picked her up and laid her down on the bed. “Do you want me to take off my clothes?” he asked.
She blushed. He knew she liked seeing the way he stepped out of his clothes and boots. As if they had a life of their own. The truth was she loved seeing his naked body more. She was daring, lived by her own rules now, she reminded herself. “Yes.”
He caressed her hair, her face, and kissed her neck. She giggled at the sensation, and he did it again. He spent hours just touching her face, her hair, and her ears. She never would’ve thought it could feel so good for someone to touch her behind the ears. He traced her neck with a claw and, instead of feeling afraid--she’d seen those claws lengthen--she felt strangely restless. She wanted more, but she didn’t know exactly what more she wanted. She briefly considered maybe unbuttoning a few of the buttons on her dress, but she didn’t have the courage. Not yet. Lying in bed with a man while he caressed her took a lot of nerve.
“May I touch you too?” she asked.
Azagor stilled and stared down at her. “You may touch my face and neck,” he said.
“Why only there, you touch my...my--” She was brave now, so why couldn’t she say breasts out loud?
“It is all I can take without losing honor,” he gritted.
“May I touch your horn as well?”
“Ridge, it is a ridge. Demons have horns.”
She could feel her eyes widen. “There are demons in your world?”
“No.”
“Then why did you say demons have horns?”
He traced the edge of her dress neckline, his finger slipping beneath the material. “Demons are not real. They only exist in legends.”
His fingers caressing the tops of her breasts, just beneath the neckline of her dress, scattered her thoughts. Nothing had ever felt this good. It was strange how Caine had been inside her body and it hadn’t felt half as scandalous as when Azagor touched her breasts underneath her dress.
She moaned, and Azagor stilled. He pulled her dress back up over her shoulders.
“Azagor?”
“We are doing this slow, the way the warriors are trained.”
“I don’t want to do it that way anymore.”
“It is the best way for you, and t
hat is how we will do it,” he said.
With a last glare at him, she turned her back on him.
Life was so strange. Caine had opened her eyes to a whole new world when he gave her the TC. Had saved her sanity when he gave her Killer. It was hard to accept that he hadn’t cared about her enough to give pleasure when they had relations.
Maybe he didn’t know better. Maybe, like her, he was raised believing a woman should only submit and never feel pleasure. He’d given her the TC and Killer, after all.
Even though Caine was dead, she couldn’t bear the thought of her memories of him being tainted.
“It’s not because you are Zyrgin, is it?” she asked quietly. She’d felt pleasure because he’d taken the time to touch her in magical ways that made her body sing.
He didn’t ask what she meant. “No,” he said.
They lay quietly for a long time. “He said it’s the way of the world, that women were made to give their men pleasure. That only a woman with sin in her heart felt any pleasure.”
“Was this your Brother Josephatus?”
She shivered at the murderous intent in his voice every time he said the name. “He said it too, but I’m talking about Caine.”
“My research said a woman has to feel pleasure.”
“I want to feel pleasure, but I’m afraid Brother Joseph will find me, and he’ll punish me,” she said softly. Lying there in the dark, she could tell him her secrets.
He moved closer until his front was flush against her back and put his arms around her. “If he finds you, he will not be able to come near you. Never again will he punish you.”
Chapter 14
Two weeks went by, and the weather turned bitterly cold. After living on the farm where winters were hard to get through, she’d learned to read the weather, knew that, though the winter came early this year, it would be over faster. She didn’t care if it lasted forever if she could have Noah in her arms. She’d be happy. She’d wrap him in warm blankets, prepare the best foods for him that would make him strong.
Did the cousins who cared for him keep him warm, feed him regularly? Or were they too scared of the brother on that farm, so they treated Noah like a sinner?
Each night when Azagor came home, he made sure she ate. She spent her days trying to learn about the world around her on the TC. It frightened her to see how much information had been withheld from her. She’d started to question the lifestyle on the farms when she was twelve, but in her wildest imagination, she never thought it possible for cities to be so big. To have machines that could do so much.
She didn’t understand why everyone on the TC complained about everything falling apart. Some of them said it had been happening for a long time, and others blamed the aliens. She thought they should be grateful for having such wondrous things.
She also had to get used to wearing the beautiful clothes Natalie sent her. She now had skirts that reached her calves and beautiful blouses, pants and jeans and very scandalous underwear that Azagor showed his approval of each night when he touched and kissed her until she was a writhing moaning wreck in their bed.
The first day she’d worn her heels, she’d paraded up and down in front of Azagor. His eyes had blazed crimson passion, and, for the first time, he’d forgotten to make her eat.
Every night, he touched her and, even though a small part of her still expected Brother Joseph to jump out and punish her, she loved the way Azagor made her feel, and each night she felt less like she committed a terrible sin by feeling pleasure.
Azagor assured her he was searching for Noah, but still, she worried. What if he didn’t find him, what if he was not spending enough time searching?
Today, Natalie had invited her and Killer over. “Come, Killer, those little girls can’t wait to play with you.”
Holding on to him, she went to the cave. Azagor had shown her how to open the door, but he’d also made sure she knew to never go farther than the area he’d shown her. They had strict security for the safety of everyone, but every now and then, she wondered if it was any different than being not allowed to leave the farm.
The alien on duty at the door stood unblinking when she walked in. Natalie’s house seemed to be the place everyone was drawn to.
Natalie and a woman with sad brown eyes sat on a couch. Julia waved to her from where she settled two small girls at a kid-sized table and chairs.
“Susannah, you look stunning,” Natalie said.
“How come you look so good without makeup,” Julia asked.
“Can we play with Killer?”
Susannah put Killer on the table. He didn’t complain, his attention on the still-filled plates.
“Remember, his bones are very fragile.”
The little girls smiled at her. “We’ll remember.”
“Susannah, this is Margaret.”
Julia pinned her with a fierce glare. “Now, Susannah, before we go any further, we have to ask you a very important question. And if you fail, I’m afraid you can’t be allowed to join our little group.”
“Julia,” Natalie chastised. “You make us sound like a high-school clique.”
Susannah clenched her hands nervously. What if she didn’t understand the question? She still had so much to learn. Every afternoon, before Azagor came home, she logged onto a learning site that allowed her to get a high-school diploma. Madison had told her it was normal to do it like that. Very few people went to schools these days.
Julia leaned closer and whispered, “What do you think of the space ranger?”
Susannah had expected some kind of complicated question, and she sagged with relief. “I think he’s wondrous.”
Julia smiled. “Welcome to the club.”
“We are not a club,” Natalie insisted.
The woman who’d examined her, Madison, ran into the room, red hair flying in every direction. “Where’s Zacar. I have to speak to him before Viglar kills poor Tommy Wilson.” She brushed her fingers through her hair, making it riot even wilder around her face.
“Who’s Tommy Wilson?” they all asked at once.
“Never mind who he is. Natalie, please, get Zacar to listen to me.”
Susannah didn’t see Natalie do anything, but Zacar walked in a minute later. Madison rushed toward him, and he stepped back. Susannah had noticed that none of the warriors looked at the women. They would focus on their own women and ignore any other female. Even the little girls.
“You’ve got to stop Viglar. He made my brothers drunk and got them to tell him where Tommy is. He’s going to kill him,” she said without drawing a breath.
“Why?”
“I told him Tommy held me down when I was little and played connect the dots with my freckles. He was a mean little beast, but I don’t want him to die.” She pushed her fingers through her hair. “I told him about it ages ago, I thought he’d forgotten about it.”
“How did he connect the dots?” Julia asked, openly laughing.
Madison scowled. “He used a black pen.”
Susannah bit her lip to hold back her own laughter.
“Viglar should kill him,” Zacar said.
All desire to laugh left Susannah. Surely they wouldn’t kill a man for a harmless childhood game. But then she thought of the punishments she’d endure as a child. Maybe all races had this savagery in them.
“Please, Zacar, you can’t let him kill an innocent man,” Madison pleaded.
Zacar looked at Natalie, and whatever he saw in her face made him nod and turn on his heel.
“Don’t worry, Madison, Zacar will stop Viglar,” Natalie said.
It took a while for everyone to settle down. On top of that, Killer hadn’t stopped barking since Madison ran into the room.
“Quiet, Killer,” Susannah said to her pet, and he moaned in his throat, but stopped barking.
“Do you have time to join us?” Natalie asked Madison.
“Just a quick cup. If I don’t have to go home for Tommy’s funeral, I have to meet Viglar at the c
linic in an hour.” She smiled at Susannah. “Nice to see you again.”
Susannah nodded, overwhelmed at how friendly and accepting these people were.
“How’s the warrior training going?” Madison asked Natalie, gesturing toward Alison with a jerk of her head.
“Someone is training her, but she won’t tell me who.”
“I bet I can figure it out,” Julia said.
“It’s amazing how patient the Zyrgins are with the girls. Zacar keeps telling me if he finds the warrior showing Alissa how to fight, he’d have guard duty for ten years. But yesterday I found him showing her how to use her sword,” Natalie said.
“I think it’s because they’re girls. If they were boys, I’m not so sure they would’ve let them stay.” Julia said.
“I agree,” Madison said. “They’ve got funny ideas about only their own blood living in their quarters. And then only until their first change.”
“I almost had a war on my hands because I insisted the boys have rooms in my house after their first change,” Natalie added.
Julia smiled. “Zurian is so cute with Mirabelle. He explained to her yesterday why she won’t grow claws when she gets bigger. She was heartbroken, and he took her out in a shuttle to cheer her up.” Her smile turned to a scowl. “If only I could get him to stop carrying her around by the feet.”
“He’ll stop when she gets older,” Natalie assured her.
“She runs to him and jumps, and he catches her feet, and then he swings her around that way,” Julia grumbled. In spite of her words, Susannah could see how much she loved them both.
“Why wouldn’t they accept boys? I thought you said you had a son,” Susannah asked Natalie. Her heart beat so loud she expected Killer to bark at her. Surely Azagor wouldn’t have agreed to search for Noah if he wouldn’t accept him into their home.
Natalie smiled at the girls who tried to put ribbons in a bewildered Killer’s hair. “Oh no, the girls are adopted. My two sons are Zyrgin warriors through and through.”