I glance around at the smiling faces around me. Sitting on my bean bag chair Clarissa snuggles up to me.
I glance over at Cole and Rose, who are on the other side of the room. Cole doesn't see how me and Clarissa are sitting.
“Hey,” she whispers as she rests her head on my shoulder. “I just want to tell you how amazing this is.”
“Yeah, it’s really something.”
“No,” she says. “I’m serious, Mason. I still think about that night in high school. You know the night.”
“I don’t like to talk about that night.”
“Yes but sometimes, we should. Mason, you went to jail for me. I would never have gotten into such a good college without you. You were right, something like that would have stained my record. And Rex’s parents would never have listened to the truth. I would have been fucked.”
I take a swallow of my beer, getting uncomfortable. “So why are you bringing this up right now?”
“Because,” she says. “Seeing you on this show makes me so happy that the world can finally see your talent. I know you were lying. You could have gone to a college outside of Blackwell if that night hadn’t happened. And I’m just...I’m fucking happy for you, Mason.”
“Thanks, babe,” I say, and without thinking I kiss her.
“Also, I’m so glad you told my brother,” she says. “He’d feel like an ass if he didn’t find out the news first, before watching this show.”
“About that…”
I zone back into the show, and they are cutting to the part where me and Clarissa are making out, hardcore.
Our crew even starts to clap and whistle at my house.
“Holy shit, Mason!” Liam says. “That is..wow! Quite the make out.”
Cole furrows his brow and looks over at us. “Was that just for the camera? Because holy shit, that was convincing.”
I’m about to speak, when my phone buzzes. I recognize it as being from the Vegas area code, so I pick up. It might be my dad.
“Hello?”
“Mason?”
“Speaking.”
“This is Jack Bells.”
His voice sounds different over the phone. I step into the hallway, away from the noise of the TV and the living room.
“Oh. Hello Jack!”
“Did you see yourself on TV? What did you think?”
I glance up and see that the segment is just going to commercial.
“Not bad. Your crew does great work.”
“Not bad!” he laughs. “Oh, you have that typical land-locked modesty. Where was that when you were spinning bottles! That was phenomenal. That was the highest rated episode we’ve had all season.”
“Well congrats.”
“No, congrats to you. And since it was so high rated, I’d like to invite you to come on the first edition of Celebrity Bartender Cruise.”
“Is that a show? I haven’t heard of it.”
“It’s not a show quite yet, but it will be. And you, my friend, have the makings of a star. You’re exactly what this network needs. Hell, if you play your cards right, you might be able to start your own show some day. I’m telling you, we haven’t seen a guy quite like you. You have the image. But what’s more, you’re genuine. I’m telling you Mason, this is the kind of opportunity that comes up once a lifetime.”
“I’m honored,” I choke out, completely caught off guard. “What are the details? When does it all happen?”
“Well,” he says. “It’s a one-month cruise in the Caribbean, starting in June. It’s a pseudo scripted, pseudo reality. If it goes well, we could film into July.”
“Wow!” I say, stunned.
Clarissa creeps into the hallway.
Who is it? She mouths.
Jack Bells, I whisper.
“Wow! That’s what you’ve got to say? Say you’ll take it, young man! I’ll have my agent send over the papers to the address we have on file. Does that sound like a plan?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“Are you okay? You sound a little out of it.” Jack says.
“Oh, I’ve just, it’s been a wild month. And this is such a huge surprise.”
“Like I said, Mason. We want you. No, we need you.”
“Send over the papers,” I say. “I’m excited.”
“That’s my boy!”
I hang up.
“What was that all about?” Clarissa asks.
“That was Jack Bells.”
“Holy shit, what did he want?”
I give her the whole run down. How we crushed it in the rating and how he wants me to join his show that summer.
“That’s amazing!” she says, and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
I swear, though, I see a touch of sadness in her eye even as she gives me words of support.
“So you’d be gone all June?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Wow. I can’t believe how fast everything has been happening this week.”
“I know. Tell me about it.”
“So you’re going, right?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t?”
“Nah, I’m not sure.”
She gives me her ‘are you serious?’ look. “Not fucking sure? Mason, what’s wrong with you? You’ve dreamed your whole life to get out of this town and do something great. Haven’t you?”
“I guess so.”
“Well now’s your chance.”
“What about me and you, though?”
“I’m not pregnant. So what’s there to worry about?”
I cross my arms and look down at Clarissa. She’s adorable.
I don’t know what to tell her, though.
Especially with how standoffish she’s being about the whole ‘love’ thing.
Do I tell her now that I know what I want, I don’t want to spend the summer away from the girl I love?
Do I tell her the past few months have been the best of my life, and sometimes, dreams change?
Clarissa puts a hand on my shoulder. “Mason, you need to go. And definitely don’t go because of me. That’s final.”
Before I can get a word in edgewise, Cole appears in the hallway.
“Dude! What. The. Fuck. Was. That?!”
“What was what?”
His eyes grow so big, they threaten to pop out of his head. “Are you fucking kidding me!? That make-out scene! You two are for real! Aren’t you!”
I square up and face Cole. “Cole, I’ve been meaning to tell you. I tried to tell you when we were outside, but I didn’t have time. Clarissa and I are-”
“Breaking up!” Clarissa speaks loudly, forcing her voice over mine. “Now that they’ve gotten the coverage they need, we’re done. And we can go back to being friends. And you can go on the cruise! It’s your dream, Mason.”
She steps away from me, and over to Cole.
I open my mouth to speak, but not a word comes out.
To think a girl like Clarissa, smart, sexy, a good girl, would ever want to truly be with me was the dumbest notion I ever got in my head.
My eyes glaze over.
“Right,” I say, like a robot. “I can follow my dreams.”
Cole looks a little confused, but he nods his head. “Not sure if this is part of the act, but okay.”
Clarissa’s voice sounds a little shaky, but she keeps talking. “And...I’m going to head to Costa Rica,” she says. “That’s my dream. I’m booking a flight tomorrow and I’m going to sign up to teach at the same school as my friend Liz, and I’ll sell you my shares of the bar so you can own the whole thing.”
“Tomorrow?” I choke out.
“Yeah. I’ve been putting this off. So this will be the perfect time. Liz has told me I can go down there whenever I want and they’ll have a spot for me to volunteer at the school.”
I try to look at Clarissa, but I can’t.
I feel like I’ve just been punched in the gut. Or maybe stabbed in the heart.
Fuck. I have been misreading th
e signals all along, haven’t I?
Idiot.
I’m a motherfucking idiot.
I don’t know what else to say. Clarissa turns her head. She won’t even look me in the eye. I see her rub her face, but who knows.
In what feels like slow motion, I turn and walk back into the living room.
There, Sebastian and his girl Brett sit, canoodling in the easy chair. Rose chats with Cheryl.
Liam and Haley sit on the couch.
And here I am, I thought I’d be the next one to join them as a happy couple.
I guess not.
“Alright everyone, show’s over.”
“It’s not over though,” Sebastian protests. “Only your segment is over. Seriously, you’re just inviting us over for ten minutes?”
“I’m super sorry. Something just came up and I have to go to the bar,” I lie. “So everyone needs to get the fuck out.”
I head upstairs and have everyone let their damn selves out.
Fuck this.
30
Mason
Don’t Quit on me Now
The next day, I turn off my phone and don’t even bother going into the bar.
Fuck the bar.
I stay at home all day, sleeping and playing chess against the computer. I don’t want to talk to a fucking soul.
When the evening comes, I’m about to pour myself a drink and drown in my own sorrows, when I get a random inspiration, and I decide to do something I’ve been neglecting.
I don’t go into the bar.
Instead, I head to the Green Hill Mountain Home and see my dear friend, Edgar.
I even leave my cell phone at home. Fuck phones for tonight.
I’m half expecting to find him sleeping, since it’s almost ten and way past his bedtime.
But he’s up when I peak into his room.
“Am I disturbing anyone?” I ask, heading inside.
“Well Ho-ly shit. If it ain’t the biggest celebrity bartender show-off in Blackwell. Thanks for gracing me with your presence.”
He rises from an easy chair to greet me.
I squint at him as I shake his hand.
“And how the hell did you know all that?” I ask. “You don’t watch cable TV.”
“I do when you’re on.”
“How’d you even know about the show?”
“What, you think we don’t hear Blackwell gossip at the Greenhill Mountain Home? You kids these days, I swear. You think if it’s not on the Facebook, it didn’t happen.”
I shoot him a funny look. “I’m not really sure what you mean by that,” I say. “But I’m glad you were able to catch the show.”
“And what on earth brings you here? Shouldn’t you be out partying with your friends since you’re a big shot now?”
I smile a little. “Nah. Besides. I needed to talk about something.”
“What’s that?” he asks, his tone turning serious.
“It’s a girl.”
“The girl you started the fake thing with? You told me about that.”
“Right. But now I have real feelings for her. And I told her that.”
“And?”
“In front of her brother, she broke up with me. Just like that!” I snap my fingers.
“Women,” he purses his lips together. I stroke my beard, and take a seat in a chair.
“I know. I can’t figure ‘em out. She was the one, man.”
“I tell you what,” Edgar says, leaning forward. “I was with my wife Jasmine for sixty-nine years, and I never figured her out.”
“Wow. All that time and you never got to the bottom of her?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. And actually, I think that was one of the fun parts about her. She was always this wild, beautiful mystery to me.”
“That’s like Clarissa, too. She’s got this damn laugh that kills me.”
“You need a good laugh,” Edgar nods. “If you don’t like your woman’s laugh, that’s not a relationship that’s meant to last.”
“But we weren’t meant to last either, apparently.” I rub my eyes. “I just thought it would be different.”
We continue chatting for a while. I can tell Edgar’s a little tired, but he’s mentally engaged as we hang out.
“Edgar,” I choke out. “Do you remember when I started coming to see you?”
“Ten years or so ago,” he says. “They put me with you because Jasmine had just died, and they thought it would be good for me to have some company.” He smiles. “I remember how much you hated coming to see me, those first few months. It was like a prison sentence.”
“Thank God for chess,” I say. “Or I wouldn’t have made it. I was really angry back then. But I never told you why I had to do community service.”
“And I never asked. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.”
“I’m ready now. I think this will shed some light on why I’m so broken up about the Clarissa thing.”
I blow out a deep breath.
I tell him all about the craziest day of my life.
The day I went with Clarissa to a baseball game. How we faked a kiss for the kiss cam. And how the night turned into the worst night of my life when I walked upstairs and saw Rex with Clarissa.
Edgar simply leans back and listens patiently, not moving or saying a word.
“I walked upstairs with Liam, and something felt off already that night. Clarissa hadn’t left my sight since I picked her up earlier that day. And it was my idea to bring her to the party, so I felt responsible for her. And then I heard a stifled moan coming from that room in the upstairs. I put my ear to it. I heard Clarissa’s unmistakable voice. Liam and I broke down the door. It was an old, janky house,thank God.
“And when we tore down the door, Edgar, the look on Rex’s face was pure evil. And Clarissa standing there, helpless, trembling. And when Rex’s eyes met mine, I felt like Dr. Jekyll after he drinks his potion. I clenched my fists, and I didn’t want to just hurt Rex, I wanted to fucking kill him.
“I jumped through the door and on top of Rex. I pummeled him until my fists bled. He hit me a couple of times too, but I barely even felt the blows. I just remember Clarissa screaming ‘Please. Don’t kill him, Mason. Don’t kill him.’ The guy had been ready to take advantage of her minutes before, and do God knows what, and here she was, already forgiving him.”
I pause. Edgar’s eyes are wider than if I’d beat him at a chess game. “That’s it?” he asks.
“No. After that, the cops got there. I stayed in the room with Rex. Started to feel bad I’d kicked his ass too hard. Started to worry that he might actually be dead. I splashed water on him, and he woke up. He was drunk and badly bruised. Bloody. He heard the cops coming downstairs. In a panic, he turned to me, I’ll never forget the look of terror on his face. ‘My Dad can’t know about this,’ he said. I didn’t know if he was talking about the beating or the fact that he’d tried to force himself on Clarissa. As he said the words, he ran out down the back stairs, and somehow got away. I should have tried to stop him, but I felt numb at that point. And I’d already decided what I was going to do. I would lie to the cops to keep Clarissa’s name out of it.
Suddenly, I realized I need to get the fuck out of there, too. I was in a daze, but if Rex had escaped, they’d just find his blood on me and start asking questions. But it was too late. The cops came inside and found me all bloodied. They asked what had happened. I told them I’d gotten in a fight with Rex. But didn’t mention Clarissa.”
Edgar nods. “So you did community service for beating up Rex?”
“Not exactly. When Rex left, he was hammered. He drove straight into a tree and died.”
Edgar puts his hand over his mouth.
“He had a B.A.C. of .23. I shouldn’t have let him go. It was all my fault! Don’t you see. I let Clarissa out of my sight at the party. Then I let Rex drive off. I should have fucking stopped him. He was a bad guy, sure, but he didn’t deserve to die.”
Edgar’s face looks p
ale, like he’s just seen a damn ghost.
“What does this have to do with Clarissa?” he asks.
“I told the cops that I’d gotten into a fight with him, and he’d drove off. Given his B.A.C., the story made sense. But Rex’s family still wasn’t about to let that go easily. The proceedings dragged out most of senior year. When I sent out my college applications, it was ‘with reservation.’ I didn’t give a shit though. I wasn’t about to implicate Clarissa into something that was in no way her fault. And it worked--she got into Harvard. For the rest of the year, I distanced myself from her. I had to. But when it came to dating other girls, I couldn’t do that either. And Edgar, this is going to make me sound like a sap, but after all these years, I think I’ve just been waiting for her to come back. And to have her just turn me down like that today, after I finally admit how much I care about her…”
I trail off, and wipe some liquid out of my eyes.
“Mason,” he scoots the chair forward and puts a hand on my shoulder. “I’m gonna tell you something. You’re a good person, and a good man. What you did for Clarissa that night is nothing short of heroic. Now, I don’t know exactly what was said with her today. But I can tell you this: you’re an incredible young man. The girl that you’re with someday, whether it’s Clarissa or anyone, has hit the jackpot.”
I smile a little.
He digs his fingers into my shoulder a little. “Even if you can’t beat me at chess,” he says with a wink.
“There’s still time for that,” I say.
I lean forward and put my hand on his shoulder, too.
It’s not a hug, but it might even mean more than a hug.
“Jasmine and I never had any children,” he says. “But if we did, you’d be a hell of a kid, Mason. And this, that has happened to you, it’s not your fault.”
I look the man in the eyes.
“Mason, I’ve lived ninety-two years. I’ve seen ups and downs. And I’ve had the kind of guilt that will eat away at you. I’m telling you right now. You can’t let a moment get to it. It’ll eat your heart out.”
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