by A. Lynn
“Are they going to sell them?” I ask.
“I don’t think so, but I will keep you informed.”
“Do you know where I can find Dec?” Crow asks.
“He’s been bouncing between safe houses, but he’s gone back to the club in Growler a few times though. I followed him once and he disappeared into the woods behind it for a while. I checked it out one day when he was at the safe house in Tuscon, but there wasn’t a fucking thing there.”
“Is there anything you want to tell us?”
“No, Prez, that’s all.”
“Rhys, escort him to the gate.”
“Catch,” Einstein calls, tossing Cash’s phone back.
After catching his phone he turns his attention to Crow. “There is one thing that I did that I feel no remorse for.”
“Oh, yeah?” Crow questions.
“I don’t regret putting that sick fuck, Terry, to the ground for what he did to your girl.”
Crow’s face instantly blanks. “You took him out?”
“I did,” he replies as Crow stands from his chair, making his way to stand in front of Cash.
Pulling him into a hug like the one his Pop had given him when the meeting started. They embrace for what feels like forever but is most likely only a minute. Crow pulls back and states, “Thank you, but this changes nothing. You are still an outsider who turned his back on this brotherhood, but I will be forever in your debt. You need something, call me and I will be there.”
“Keep us posted,” Axle demands in a softer tone than before and dismissing him with a flick of his wrist.
“Meeting adjourned,” I say banging the gavel once more.
I need a fucking drink.
Chapter 15
Reagan
I am standing in our bedroom torn between staring at my reflection and putting on some clothes so I can carry on with the carefully placed facade I have been presenting to everyone since Kane’s confession on Christmas. I can’t seem to find the apathetic resignation that I had been able to gain in the weeks before then. I wasn’t as numb about the attack as I made myself out to be, I was just trying to move forward for the sake of Jordan and Peanut.
It would be a lot easier to achieve if I wasn’t constantly looking over my shoulder expecting to see Terry and Dec standing behind me all the time. I told Kane that I didn’t think Dec should have to die, but what if that is the only way for me to get past it? Does that make me a monster, too? I think I will broach this subject with Kane when he gets back. Or maybe I should make that appointment with Sky’s counselor friend, Dr. Roby?
Adaption and acceptance has been the theme of my life for as long as I can remember. One of the earliest memories I have of my Grams—after my parents died—was her telling me that there was no use crying over spilled milk. I couldn’t understand why she thought I was crying over spilled milk when we had just put her daughter and my father in the ground. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I realized what she meant.
“Don’t cry, Rea,” Ryan says, rubbing my back. “Aaron is so not worth all these tears.”
“What does Tasha have that I don’t?” I cry. “We have been going out for like six months, Ry! It’s not fair.”
“It’s not that she has something you don’t, she will do things for him that you won’t.”
“Not this shit again! I’m not ready for sex.”
“I know you’re not, but you can’t date someone older than you and not expect him to want what he has been getting before you. It’s not a secret that Tasha will open her legs for anyone and their brother. That girl’s daddy issues are widely broadcast in this town.”
“Yes, Ryan, we all know that she is a slut, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. Why can’t she get her own boyfriend?”
“Why would she get her own when she can sleep with yours?”
“Fuck you! Aren’t you supposed to be on my side right now?”
“I am on your side. Always, but it seems like this conversation is getting a little too repetitive. He’s a prick, as are most of the guys we go to school with, but it’s not to stop happening until you stop clutching that V-card so hard.”
“We both know that it’s not guaranteed to keep someone from cheating. Unless there is another reason Jason slept with Anne?” I bite back.
“There’s no reason to be a fucking bitch about it! You just need to stop being a prude!”
“I’m not a prude! I will have sex when I’m ready; not because I feel like I need to just to keep a boyfriend, to be popular, or because I feel like my “biffle” is pressuring me more than a guy does.”
She frowns. “I’m pressuring you? Really?”
“You bring it up any chance you can. Get over it already, Ryan. I will lose my virginity when I want and not a second before.”
She opens her mouth like she is about to say something else, but Grams calls out from the doorway, causing both of us to swing our heads in her direction. “Ryan! I think it’s time you head on home.”
“Grams,” I start, but she shakes her head to stop me.
“Oh, uh, you’re probably right. Sasha probably is wondering where I am. See you tomorrow, Rea,” she says getting up and rushing around Grams.
We just hold eye contact until I hear the front door close and I can’t stand the silence any longer. “Grams, I don’t know—” I say but she cut me off.
“So your boyfriend broke up with you, huh?”
“You heard all that?”
“I did. I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself, I know it’s not the easiest thing to do, especially when it is against your best friend.”
“I’m just so tired of every conversation being about sex, but it feels like that’s all anyone ever wants to talk about. I am nowhere near ready to have sex, Grams. I am only fourteen. I’m still afraid of the dark!”
She chuckles. “I know, but from this moment on you should just assume that all any boy wants from you is in your pants.” She pauses. “I’m going to say this, but I don’t want you to think that I am not on your side though, okay?”
“Okay…”
“You are right, you shouldn’t have sex until your ready, but Ryan was right, too. Boys are a walking erection at this age, anyone willing to touch their penis is not only allowed but encouragingly welcome. If you don’t give them what they want someone will.”
“But why does it have to be that way, though?”
“It’s a question for the ages, sweet girl, but in short, puberty,” she shrugs. “Testosterone is a powerful drug.”
“It shouldn’t be that way. You don’t see girls losing their minds when we go through puberty,” I say as a fresh wave of tears rain down my face. “Guys are so stupid.”
“There is no sense crying over spilled milk, Rea,” she says wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“I don’t know what that means, Grams,” I huff. “You say it all the time like it is supposed to mean something significant to me!”
“It means that you shouldn’t shed tears over something that you have no power to change. We have to accept it as a life lesson and carry on. Tears, hatred, and grudges affect no one but yourself. The negative feelings you harbor towards a situation or a person will only hurt you. You will find that there are more people who don’t give a damn about your feelings and opinions than those who do. People will die, let you down, use you—you name it and they will do it—and no amount of tears is going to change that.”
“How do I keep it from bearing down on me, Grams?”
“Give yourself a specific amount of time to wallow in the present grievance and then put it out of your mind. Many things in this life will try you but not every one of them will deserve your tears, so hold tight on them until a time is really deserving.”
“How will I know when a time is deserving? My tears feel pretty deserving right now.”
She pulls me into her arms and kisses the top of my head. “There isn’t a formula that I can give you, Rea, only you
will know when that time comes. Until then, accept it and move on. I will always be here to help you through it, though.”
“I love you, Grams,” I declare and bury my face into her neck.
“As I love you, sweet girl.”
“Babe?” Crow says from behind me, drawing me from my thoughts.
I shake my head and plaster on a smile. “Oh, Kane, I didn’t see you there.”
He frowns and brings his hands to my bloated belly like he has done every time he gets the chance. “I said your name a few times.”
“Sorry. I was stuck in my head.”
“What were you thinking about?”
I pull away from him and slip on his shirt. “Just something Grams said to me when I was a kid.”
“That’s kind of random.”
“Not really,” I reply and sit on the foot of the bed.
He sits down and pulls me into his side, gently caressing my bump. “Have I told you how hot this belly makes me? You have really started showing a lot in the last couple of months.”
I bump his shoulder with mine. “Not in the last couple of hours. How was Church?” He sighs, losing any trace of happiness that graces his face when he gets a little belly action.
Okay… That sounded way worse in my head than I meant for it to. I just mean the happiness he demonstrates when he catches the slightest glimpse of the Peanut bump. Shit, that didn’t sound any better. It makes him happy when he sees my belly rounding with his child!
“It was fine. That is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s up?”
“First, I have to leave on Sunday afternoon for the run.”
“I know, honey. You told me that already.”
“I know, I just didn’t want you to forget. I hate that I have to miss your appointment.”
“It’s fine, it’s just a standard appointment. We aren’t set up to have the ultrasound until the next appointment.”
“I know, but I wanted to hear the heartbeat again,” he pouts.
“I think you will be okay.”
“Did you know that you can buy portable ultrasound machines on Amazon? They aren’t super expensive either.”
“I do, but I’m kind of wondering how you do, though.”
“Tex is full of interesting factoids.”
“You do know that we don’t need one, right?” I ask already knowing what is coming next.
“Yeah, I know we don’t need one… but wanting one had me clicking the ‘buy now’ button.”
I roll my eyes and feign annoyance. “You’re too much sometimes, you know that, right?”
“I do,” he shrugs. “But don’t you want to be able to see and hear Peanut whenever you want?”
“Of course I do, which is why I ordered one when you told me about the run last week. It was supposed to be a surprise, but you just had to ruin my fun.”
A huge smile crosses his face. “You did?”
“I did,” I smile back. “So you need to cancel your order because mine is already on the way. It will be here on Wednesday.”
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“Cash reached out for a sit down with the brothers today,” he starts.
“Okay,” I draw out, confused on who Cash is and why his wanting a meeting has anything to do with me. “Who’s Cash?”
“I don’t think you met him. He’s the one that walked out with Dec.”
I flinch slightly hearing his brother’s name. It’s been sort of an unspoken rule that we don’t mention his name unless something has gone down. But it has been blissfully silent on that front since he told me about Dec’s involvement and I can’t say for sure how I feel about that.
On the one hand, I am glad that it’s been quiet because I don’t want additional bad shit to keep being thrown at my family. This club has been through enough over the last six months or so and are in dire need of a break. Then, on the other hand, I hate it because the silence means that we are no closer to having Harley back.
It tears me up to think about what those animals are doing to her day in and out. I can only imagine what it is doing to Axle and his mother. Having to accept that she is gone while dealing with the loss of Gauge, too, must be excruciating.
“Oh. What did he want?”
“He came offering what little information he knows about the Rippers and Dec’s association with them. He’s trying to find Harley for us.”
“So he offered to be a double agent?”
“Yeah.”
“And you trust him? He’s aligned with them, Kane.”
“Personally, no, I don’t. I can’t speak for the others, but it’s an option that we had to take. The leads are getting scarce.”
“I get it. The devil you know, right?”
“Something like that.”
“Does he know where she is?”
“He said he didn’t, but again, I don’t trust him.”
“Conveniently.”
“That being said, I did clear the air with him. He’s not my enemy but he isn’t a friend either. But his actions have put me in his debt.”
“Actions? What did he do that would make you change your stance instantly?”
“He took out Terry, baby.”
The knot in my throat takes my breath as tears escape my eyes and run down my cheeks. “Are you serious?” I croak.
He pulls me into him tighter and bringing his lips to my temple. “I wouldn’t lie to you about something like this.”
I let out a labored breath that I feel like I have been holding since the attack and feel the first genuine smile cross my face. The lightness I feel at the thought of him rotting away in the ground somewhere just confirms my suspicion that I can put this behind me when they aren’t tainting perfectly good air any longer.
I wrap my arms around his neck and lay my lips on his. I pull away enough to make eye contact with him and say, “You have no idea the weight you just took off my heart.”
“I would do anything for you, baby. I have to say I am a little miffed, though, I wanted to be the one to end him,” he says with a little fire in his eyes.
“No matter who did it, I am just relieved that he is gone.”
“You and me both,” he says before softly laying his lips back on mine.
I start to feel a tingle—that has been missing lately—in my core when a little voice calls from the other room, “Moma! I’s back!”
“Fuck, baby, I’ve missed you,” he says, making me wonder if my mask wasn’t as fool-proof as I thought.
“Me, too, love. Later?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
******
I am standing under the pounding, hot spray of the shower trying to find some relief for my achy back. My stomach has grown so much in the last month or so and is keeping me from being able to find a comfortable sleeping position. I dread the rest of my pregnancy if this is what it feels like now. But if I’m being completely honest, that isn’t the only thing delaying me right now. Kane is heading out for the run in a few hours—I don’t like him being gone let alone for an overnight mission—but no amount of me procrastinating is going to keep him from leaving.
I grab my body wash, pouring a generous dollop in my palm, and start softly washing my belly and chest. Not only has my stomach popped out but I have gained two cup sizes. They hurt earlier in my pregnancy but now they are super firm and have seemed to have grown a direct line of connection to my clit. I am enjoying said connection when I hear a deep groan behind me that has me looking to see Kane hurriedly stripping off his clothes and rushing to the shower door.
He steps up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and pushing my hands from my breasts, taking over. “Starting without me, baby?” He asks, licking and sucking on my exposed neck.
I close my eyes and drop my head against his shoulder. “Maybe.”
One of his hands makes the trek south and slipping betwe
en my thighs. “You’re so wet,” he groans. “Have you been touching my pussy, too?”
“No,” I moan as he slips two fingers inside.
I reach behind me and pull his cock into my hand giving it tight, slow strokes making him moan and bite down on the soft flesh of my shoulder. His fingers are beginning to pump in and out faster with every upward motion of my hand. I’m feeling a sweet clenching in my core but I don’t want to come on his hand so I take a couple of steps away from him, breaking our connection.
“What are you doing all the way over there?”
“I want you inside me,” I tell him.
He reaches around me to turn off the water and pulls me from the stall and into the bedroom. He pushes me down onto the bed and I start to climb to my knees when he stops my motion with a shake of his head. He kneels on the bed between my legs, lines up, and pushes in before I take my next breath.
“It’s going to be quick, baby, I want you too fucking much,” he pants as he goes deeper.
He drapes my knees over his forearms and leans forward as much as he can over my belly, giving me that depth that has him caressing that magic button with every motion. “Right there, Kane. That feels so good.”
“I feel you clenching, baby, squeezing my dick so hard,” he moans. “You going to come for me?”
“Uh-huh,” I gasp, feeling that fuzzy feeling spread down my legs. “Harder.”
He slams in deep, making me cry out. “Like that?”
“Fuck, Kane! I’m about to come! Don’t stop!” I beg, seeing the end of the tunnel.
“Never,” he vows as his hips piston in and out of me. I feel my muscles tighten and he must feel it, too, because his strokes grow impossible faster. “You there, baby? I’m about to fucking blow.”
I fall headfirst off the cliff with him following close behind me. “Oh, my God! Kane! Harder.”
“Fuck, baby,” he groans as his hips slow. “I love this pussy.”
“Yeah, you do,” I say when I have my breathing under control.
“Smart-ass,” he chuckles, pulling out of me. “Shower? Again?”
“Definitely.”