by KB Winters
“How are you feeling, Kat?” Vanessa’s piercing blue eyes scanned my face with worry. Her hand rested on top of mine and gave a gentle squeeze. I hated to be fussed over, but I could only imagine how my brush with death made her relive Lance’s fate.
“I feel like I got shot, Nessa. Otherwise, I think I’m all right.”
The painkillers worked for the nonstop ache in my abdomen caused by the two bullets that went through my stomach and spleen and the surgery to remove the bullets and repair the organs. It was a shame they didn’t work on heartbreak. That was a pain that no drug could soothe. I felt like a dumb fuck for still being upset about a man who hadn’t bothered to come see me in the hospital.
Not one fucking time. And I had no doubt Emmett had shared the news because he’d shown up every day I was bed bound.
Vanessa smiled. “That’s what Lance would call me when he was annoyed with me.”
I managed a smile, with difficulty. “I’m not annoyed, but with the ponytail and fresh-faced look, Nessa seemed more appropriate.”
Vanessa had been my most frequent visitor, sitting by my side throughout visiting hours, brushing my hair and keeping my lips from turning to leather.
“Thank you for…hell, for everything. I haven’t heard so much celebrity gossip since I was a teenager.”
She laughed and blushed prettily. “I didn’t know what you liked and real world news seemed too heavy given everything you’d already been through. And I wasn’t sure if romance would be welcome.”
I snorted and shook my head. “I’d rather hear about anything else at the moment, thanks.”
“Come on now, Kat. It’s not that bad, is it? You’re on your way home to rest and recover. Your shooter was found bright and early this morning in a dumpster behind Mother Mary Cathedral. Agent Beck stopped by with the news first thing.”
Sadie’s lips curled into a satisfied, almost amused grin, as she turned to me to deliver the news.
“Who was it? Did Jasper get any information before?”
Sadie’s lips pulled into another grin.
“It wasn’t Jasper.” I sighed at Sadie’s cryptic words because I refused to play this game. Sitting up was still painful, breathing and talking even more so.
“Take a look for yourself.”
She handed me the phone, and I snuck a glance at Vanessa who focused her gaze on the scenery just outside the window.
“What is this?” I asked as I scanned the screen.
“Look.” Sadie nodded at the video she’d queued up.
“Who hired you?” That voice, undoubtedly, belonged to the man who held my heart but didn’t want it.
“No one, I just wanted to shoot some dumb bitch.”
“Bullshit,” Terry growled. “You told her to mind her business. Who hired you?” The man shook his head with a cheeky grin that quickly vanished when Terry slid a knife into his abdomen, slowly, as if he wanted to savor the sound of his tortured screams. “Answer the fucking question.”
“Fine,” the guy panted, and I knew it was him, knew that slightly squeaky voice because it haunted my sleeping hours for the past five days.
“Some old guy, think he’s a preacher or something.”
“You think or you know?” Terry’s held the knife, the tip pressed less than a centimeter at the center of the man’s chest.
He panted, close to panicking in anticipation of the next second.
“Miller. He said his name was Miller.”
“I don’t believe you,” Terry said and tapped the handle of the blade, sending it deeper into the thug’s skin as one line of blood spilled out.
“Mueller. The guy is some fucking bigwig in the church out here. I’ve done work for his brother in the Midwest and his cousin on the east coast. He’s a fat fuck with gray hair and a black and gray beard. Some MILF- type bitch paid me when the job was done. That’s it. I swear.”
Terry sighed. “Thanks for that.” The video stopped abruptly and I swiped, hoping for more but there was no more.
“That’s it?”
Sadie nodded and took the phone from my hand, tapping the screen half a dozen times before she turned a photo to me.
“No, this is it.” The same man was face up in a dumpster surrounded by spaghetti, black bags, used needles, and condoms, plus a few bible pages. His throat was slashed, his skin pale and eyes open in a kind of resigned terror.
Dead. He was dead. “Am I supposed to swoon over this, Ma?” I snorted.
“How you react is up to you, Kat. I’m just the messenger.” Her tone was even, but that little quirk of her lips told me different.
“I’m glad the guy is dead, but Terry made his feelings clear and his distinct absence from the hospital doubled down on the message.”
Vanessa gasped.
“What? No. Terry came to see you. More than once.” I shook my head because it couldn’t be true. “The first night he came about an hour after your surgery to make sure you were …alive,” she stammered. “He came every night other than last night. He’s been there. He’s the one who brought me your favorite lip balm and lotion.”
My eyes slammed shut at the thoughtful gestures. They didn’t matter, those deeds done out of guilt hardly meant a damn thing. His presence was what I wanted in my life.
“He feels guilty, that’s all. What about Ravager?” I needed to focus on the business, because honestly? The Ashby business was all I had. And that had to fuel me from here on out.
“He confirmed that Brendan Rhymer gave him double the purse if he won the fight so it was an easy deal to take since he wanted to win anyway. He didn’t like my story arc for him and decided to make the money now.”
Sadie snorted a laugh and shook her head. “Good thing he did, because he won’t be fighting for a long time.”
I shook my head, trying to make sense of things. “Why would Brendan do that, knowing his old man would lose big at the unexpected outcome? Screwing with us is one thing, but Ronan?”
“According to Jasper, Brendan has gone rogue. Thinks Ronan is never gonna hand over power to him. He’s been causing a lot of fucking trouble since his return from the grave.”
Sadie’s annoyance came through clearly and I couldn’t help but wonder what this meant for the rest of us. “He knows how things work and figured fucking over the old man and the Ashby’s was a double win situation.”
Thankfully, the car came to a stop at Ashby Manor, and I was free to make my escape, though progress was a slow and only with the help of Vanessa.
“Don’t go too fast,” she warned. “The doctor said to take it easy with those stitches and staples for another week.”
“Fucking staples,” I groaned. “Nessa, whatever you do, never get shot. Hurts like hell, and the recovery is worse.”
Her full lips pulled into a sardonic grin. “I’ll try to remember that. Thanks.” A few minutes later we were inside my private space. It looked fit for a sixteen-year old’s slumber party.
“What the hell is all this?”
“This was Maisie’s contribution to your homecoming. She had to get back to the casino because some aerospace billionaire showed up unannounced with a thousand different wants. Her words, not mine.”
I half listened to Vanessa with tears in my eyes because somehow Maisie knew how to make me feel better. The place was decorated in my favorite flowers; hip hop music blared from the sound system, and I ran into stacks of fast food and junk food everywhere I turned.
“In case I get famished on my way to the bathroom?” I joked but regretted it when my laugh brought a stab of pain.
Vanessa’s eyes twinkled when she shook her head. “To encourage you to keep going when you don’t think you can.”
“Shit. Don’t make me cry. I’m already limping around; I don’t need to look like a bloated pig on top of that.”
“Like you could if you tried. Have a seat.”
I did as I was told and looked around my living room with a watery smile while Vanessa grabbed one of my
bags that Oliver set by the door.
“How’s your pain?”
“In my gut or my chest?” She arched dark brows at me and smiled.
“About a seven.” But it was a solid fifteen in my heart.
“Okay, I’ll give you a full pill now with your antibiotics since we have all this food around. Later you only get half a pill.”
“Got it, Doc.” Vanessa’s cheeks turned pink, and she rolled her eyes.
“Hey, not that I don’t appreciate it but why are you playing nurse to me when we could just hire someone?”
“I wanted to help because you were so kind to me at Lance’s memorial, making me smile when I didn’t think I’d ever smile again.”
Damn, did I know anyone in the world who was just sweet as pie like Vanessa?
“You could’ve just called and told me to eat, Nessa. You don’t need to nurse me back to health. You know Jas owns the hospital; we have great nurses.”
She shrugged. “This gives me something to do, someone to take care of, which my shrink says will help with my grief. So once again, you’re helping me out.”
“Glad I could help,” I told her sarcastically.
“Me too,” she shot back, showing a glimpse of the spitfire Lance always said she was. “Pizza or burgers?”
“What’s the rush?”
“The painkillers will knock you out quickly so we need to get food in you so you don’t get sick. So?”
Hands on her hips and determination on her unfairly beautiful face, I realized I only knew the grief-stricken Vanessa. Now, I was curious to know the woman.
“Pizza, not spicy. Fingers crossed I can get that down.” My appetite was coming back, but abdominal wounds made my return to normal eating slow.
She smiled. “Coming right up.”
We chatted about nothing in particular while we ate and as promised, I was knocked out before I finished my slice of cheese pizza.
***
A light but insistent knock in the distance pulled me from a deep sleep. I sat up slowly, wincing with every inch that brought me to a sitting position. Looking around with unfocused eyes and a foggy mind, my shoulders relaxed when I realized where I was.
Home.
I just returned home today after spending a week in the hospital because I’d been shot. It was the same way I’d woken up every single day since it happened, disoriented and them remembering all the fucking details. The masked dickhead and his crazy eyes and satisfied smirk. The thick black silencer. The world fading away from me.
Only now a more macabre image settled in my brain and, strangely, provided me with comfort. Lifeless eyes, pale skin, a slit throat. He was dead and I was alive.
Alive and safe.
And bothered, if the nonstop knocking was any indication.
“One damn minute,” I grumbled, though not loud enough for the incessant knocker to hear me. Vanessa was nowhere to be found and all the lights were off except for the one in the hall that led to the front door. I stood slowly and found a note on the counter in an unfamiliar handwriting.
At the main house so you can sleep peacefully. My number is in your phone if you need me. ‘Nessa.
More knocking.
I took my sweet ass time and not just because every step caused a shooting pain to dart from my head to my toe, blurring my vision and nearly buckling my knees. But the constant knocking was already starting to piss me off and I wasn’t at anyone’s beck and call. Exercising more caution than I had at House of Ashby, I opened the wall panel to reveal the hidden cameras aimed at the spot outside my front door and gasped at the sight.
Terry, holding a stupidly big bouquet of flowers as he knocked. Impatiently.
Several deep breaths later, when I was sure I had my silly heart under control, I opened the door with an impassive expression. “Terry. What are you doing here?”
He took a step forward, and I took a step back, refusing to let his masculine scent intoxicate me, or make me act like a fool. Again. “I came to see you.”
“A little late for that, don’t you think?”
His broad shoulders fell and his light blue eyes turned sad but resigned. “I don’t know. Is it too late, Kat?”
My mouth formed to say the word ‘yes,’ but my heart zipped my lips, willing me not to do something stupid. Something rash.
“Why now, Terry? Why not before I was shot? Why not when I was in the hospital near death?”
“I had some business to take care of,” he admitted. “These are for you.” He shoved the flowers at me like an anxious little boy, as if they would bite.
I eyed the oversized arrangement and the heavy crystal vase that housed them and backed away.
“I can’t carry them. Too heavy. Doctor’s orders.”
Somehow, he’d won the first battle, an unintended invitation into my home, a place he’d steadfastly avoided since I moved in right after college.
“How are you feeling?”
I shook my head. “Don’t act like you care, not now. I wanted you there when I was lying on that table waiting for the anesthesia to kick in, not knowing if I would live or die. I needed you there when I woke up in the middle of the night, screaming in pain. Screaming at the memories that wouldn’t quit. That’s when I needed you, Terry. Not now.”
His blond head bobbed up and down in understanding. “I know and I’m an asshole. Worse, I’m a coward.”
“Definitely an asshole,” I shot back and crossed by arms, but the effect was ruined by the yelp of pain I let out. Okay, can’t be too bitchy just yet.
“Where do you want these?” He nodded at the vase and took a few steps back, his eyes silently pleading with me to follow him.
I did because it was Terry, and what the hell else could I do?
“I’m not sure yet. Why are you here?”
“I love you, Kat. I am in love with you.” His shoulders relaxed completely as the words, totally sincere, left his mouth. “I don’t deserve your love, and I sure as shit don’t deserve a second chance, but that’s why I’m here. To beg you to give me—give us—another chance.”
Hell yes. I went to cross my arms again before my brain reminded me of the blinding pain from moments before.
“Why now? Because you feel guilty that I could’ve died without knowing or because I almost died?”
“Neither. Both.” His lips lifted into an uncertain, vulnerable smile that turned my insides to mush. “Because the few short weeks we had together, they were amazing. Hell, they were the best goddamn weeks of my life, and not just hearing you scream my name and learning what makes you come.”
My heart raced at his words, and if it could have, my belly would have clenched with desire. As it was, his words caused an uncomfortable wetness between my thighs.
“That’s not on the calendar anytime soon. With you or anyone else,” I added because dammit, he’d broken me.
Terry nodded and took a step forward, grabbing my hand and gently guiding me into the living room and back to the sofa.
“Don’t worry Kitty Kat, memories of you have gotten me through the last couple weeks. They can get me through a few more if it means you’ll give me a chance.”
“Why should I, Terry? You chose Jasper over me. You left me. The moment we could have been something great. Something real, you ran.”
“I did. I ran because I’m a coward, because I’ve loved you for so long that I didn’t really believe I could have you. That I could keep you. But,” he sighed and grabbed my hands, kissing each of my knuckles hungrily, like he was afraid it might be the last time he got to touch me. “Those weeks, as great as they were, they weren’t enough. Not for me, and I don’t think they were enough for you either.”
They weren’t. Not by a fucking long shot. “Why now?”
“Because the thought of you dying and those few weeks being all we had together, it fucking pissed me off. It made me realize that if I stopped being a punk ass bitch, I could have years, possibly even decades like those weeks. And I want d
ecades, Kat. I want decades with you so damn bad I can taste it.”
A smile spread across my face at his words, so heartfelt and so difficult for him to say that his cheeks were a deep shade of red.
“And Jasper?”
Terry shrugged. “Fuck him.”
I snorted a laugh of disbelief and he smiled. “That’s quite a turnaround from the last time we spoke.”
“I was wrong. You were right. It isn’t his business, no matter what kind of relationship you or I have with him. This love, this thing that I feel for you, the way you’ve buried yourself under my skin and taken over my heart, it’s bigger and better than anything in this whole fucking world. It’s too important, too special to let anything or anyone get in the way of it. Anyone.”
Holy. Shit. “You really believe that?”
“Damn right I do. The love I have for you, Kat, it shocked the hell out of me. I mean, I’ve always loved you, but when I watched you walk away, so strong and so damn determined not to cry, I realized what I’d lost. What I’d thrown away.” He shook his head, smile bittersweet. “I’m not willing to live my life without you, not if there’s still a chance for us.” His gaze met mine, intense and filled with emotion. “Is there? Still a chance?”
I wanted to say no. wanted to tell him to go to hell for breaking my heart and leaving me so distracted I’d nearly gotten myself killed. But I couldn’t. And I didn’t want to. “How can I turn you away when you’ve owned my heart since I was sixteen?”
“Fifteen,” he corrected. “I still have the note you wrote.”
My eyes went wide. “You do not.”
“Silky locks the color of spun gold. Eyes as blue as the early morning sky.”
He chuckled when I shook my head. “I can go on.”
“No need. If I tell you that I love you, too, that I want to be with you, for real and out in the open, will you burn that letter?”
He shook his head. “Hell no. It was the first time I knew I was worthy of love from someone other than Emmett and Jas.”
“Terry.” The word came out on a whisper and I felt my heart race as I reached my hand out to him, out to an uncertain future with the man of my dreams. “You are so worthy of love and you have it, all the love I have to give and more. I’ll tell you and show you, every day until you believe it.”