“Why are those guys being mean to you?” What’d you do now?
“Because they’re all f-f-fu—” He stuttered. He coughed again. That in itself melted her heart around the edges. He was trying so hard not to curse. “Because they’re all like me. Hey, I’ve got to go, but expect Connor and Izza with your dad at Maverick’s in the next couple of hours.”
Beau was one of those diamonds in the rough kinds of guys, the cantankerous, short-tempered ones who had no clue what to do with a good woman.
“Where are you?” She needed to know.
“At your apartment. By the way, the gal with short hair is your aunt, Minnie Lynch, and the bitch who cut you is her sister, Daisy. Neither of them married, and they’ve been cooking up this scheme for years. We suspect all your mom’s sisters are in on it. Chief Prince has his men rounding them up to make sure.”
“That explains how Daisy knew what to say to hurt me. My mother must’ve told her.” Aurora had been mentally sick like that.
“Get this, Daisy lived right above your apartment. That’s how she knew how to cut the power, get inside your place, and construct that lever system under your bed. Who knows how long she’s been working on it.”
McKenna cringed that her mother’s family had deliberately set out to hurt her. “I never knew mom’s side of the family. Not even my maternal grandparents. Dad said they were all sick. That he didn’t want them to get their hooks into me.”
“You were never curious?”
She shook her head, her throat gone dry. China still sat patiently at her side with one hand on her shoulder. “I barely survived Mom, and I knew Dad loved me, so no. I never met them and, honestly, I haven’t thought of them in years. But why now? Why after all this time?”
“To get back at your dad for having your mother committed.”
“But he loved her. He visited her until she committed suicide. Even then, he spent hours at the cemetery. He’d take her flowers and sit there and talk to her as if she were alive.”
“I’m sorry,” Beau murmured gently. “That I didn’t know.”
McKenna stifled a sob as the wretched memory swamped her once more. “I never wanted her to die. I did love my mom, but she needed serious professional help, Beau.”
“It’s not your fault, baby. You were just a kid, and you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. But you can help me.” And suddenly, he was that little boy again, reaching out for her. Uncertain as ever. Antagonistic. Yet still trying to overcome the nightmare he’d survived, to reconnect with the one person he seemed to trust.
“Then stop leaving me,” she cried, her heart breaking as much for herself as for him. “You said you’d take me to a desert island.”
“Belize,” he whispered.
Surprised that he remembered, she said, “Yes. Belize. You promised to take me dancing under the stars.”
“Uh-uh. No, I did not,” he said most definitely, then added a quiet, “but I will. I’d like to see you under the stars.”
McKenna knew it to the deepest roots of her timid soul. The stars and the beach were only a backdrop to the real star she wanted in her life. Him. “Then come back to me. You asked if I needed you enough to keep you, remember? Well, it goes both ways. How can I keep you if you keep running away?”
Silence.
Afraid she’d pushed too far, she held her breath.
He cleared his throat.
Then the line went dead.
With a sigh that let the wind out of all her unmet expectations, McKenna stared at the phone. So that was his answer. Hang up. Run away. The man wouldn’t commit because he couldn’t. It was time to face the truth. Some guys were like that. They could only take a relationship so far before they turned tail and ran. She was a fool for thinking he’d ever change, and it was breaking her heart. Somehow this guy had gotten past all of her defenses, but she wasn’t enough. Yeah. A fool.
“He hung up on you?”
Turning to China, McKenna saw the tender sympathy in her deep blue eyes. She nodded, the ache of yet another brush-off choking her. It wouldn’t hurt so much if her heart stopped crying out for Beau despite what he kept doing to her. All she could say was, “Yes. The dumbass.”
“Then let him loose like horseshit off shitkickers,” China said, her blue eyes gone startlingly stormy. “Don’t let him treat you like that, honey. You’re too good for him. Maverick told me what a jerk Beau is. Dump him. You don’t need a man like that in your life. No woman does.”
“Yes, but—”
“But nothing. I see how he looks at you, but then he runs off the first chance he gets. He’s playing with you, and I’m tired of his attitude. You should be, too.”
McKenna swallowed hard, another ‘Yes, but…’ stuck in her throat. China didn’t know Beau like McKenna did, and wasn’t Maverick just as dark and brooding a male as Beau?
Timidly, Shelby approached with a quiet, “You don’t mean that, China. You’re just mad.”
Tossing her riot of thick, sleek curls over her back, China’s head came up, her eyes flashing. “Yes, I do. I watched my sister chase one creep after another for years. If she’d had one lick of sense, she’d still be alive today, and—”
McKenna took hold of China’s wrist to stop the rant. “I do have a lick of sense, and I’m nothing like Leezel. I know that man you’re upset with, and I appreciate the solidarity. But Beau isn’t always a jerk, he’s just…” She pursed her lips, trying to come up with the best word.
“He’s an iceberg,” Shelby whispered. “All anyone sees of Beau is the tiniest peak. He wants everyone to think he’s mean, but I don’t think he is. You both saw him reading to Suzette. The way he held her. There were tears in his eyes.”
China shook her head. “Or he’s just another ass who’s going to break your heart, McKenna.”
“I am mad at him,” she admitted, “but I also know what he’s like when we’re alone. I honestly think he’s just trying to protect me when he takes off like this.”
Shelby nodded, her tender gaze sliding from McKenna and back to China. “McKenna isn’t anything like your sister. Leezel deliberately set out to find the worst kind of men. You know that. She had a death wish since the day she was born, and she never gave back one thing she didn’t make someone pay for. Even Kyrie.”
“Yeah…” Biting her bottom lip, China stared over Shelby’s shoulder to the valley below and the land she and Maverick ranched.
“You’re as bad as Beau, honey,” McKenna said gently. “You’re trying to protect me the only way you know how, too. And you’re right. Maybe I should tell him to get lost, but I think I’ll hang onto him a little longer.”
China shook her head. “You’ll be sorry.”
“Like you’re sorry that you hung onto Maverick when he showed up at your ranch out west?”
“That was different,” China hissed, but then she cleared her throat. She swallowed. She sniffed and said, “You might be right. Maverick was just as dark back then as Beau is now. And he did leave. Once. Of course he came right back...”
“It’s the war,” Shelby offered. Between the three of them, she was the daintiest, the most reserved, and the most feminine. “I don’t know how Gabe came through it as well as he did.”
China snorted. “He lost his foot somewhere in Afghanistan, darling. Don’t think that’s ‘coming through it’ too well.”
“Yes, but he didn’t lose his soul like Maverick,” Shelby replied softly, the sunbeams dancing over her straight, honey-blonde hair.
“It’s just that time of year,” China added somberly. “The anniversary of Darrell’s death. You know how he gets.”
“I’m sorry,” McKenna breathed. The anniversary of her mother’s death was just as difficult a day for her.
“The thing is,” Shelby continued, “Taylor and Maverick came home broken, but Gabe always seemed better equipped to handle whatever happened over there. I only know part of the story. G
abe won’t share many details, but Beau seems just as dark and brooding as Maverick. I think he lost someone very important to him, too. It’s as if that memory’s chewing at him from the inside, and he doesn’t know how to get rid of it.”
“Or how to let it go,” McKenna said thoughtfully.
“Yes, that’s right. Sometimes we hang onto our worst demons because they’re what we know best.” Shelby took hold of McKenna’s wrist. “You may not know this about me, but I used to be a bossy witch when I first met Gabe. Everything he did made me angry, and he snubbed me every chance he got. Of course, I snubbed him too, and I deliberately disobeyed the rules he laid out. Back then, he and Zack were sheltering Kelsey, and I…” She paused, her throat muscles working as she gulped. “I was Kelsey’s home care nurse, but I was so dumb.”
Her brows furrowed when she said that. “And okay, I was proud. I thought I knew better than her bodyguards until I nearly got Kelsey killed. Zack was so mad. He yelled at me, but all of a sudden, Gabe stood up for me, and well…” Both her shoulders lifted. “The rest is history. Gabe’s the one who taught me how to protect myself and” —her brows waggled mischievously— “I taught him a few things, too.”
“You? Bossy?” McKenna wasn’t buying that.
“I’ve never seen that side of you,” China said pensively.
Shelby nodded. “Yes, it’s true. Back then I was hiding as much as Beau might be now. I thought if I controlled every little thing, I could make sure nothing bad ever happened to one of my patients again. Gabe actually taught me how to grow into forgiving myself. It might sound corny, but yeah...” She sighed one of those ultra-feminine breathy sighs. “Gabe’s my hero, and I think Beau is yours, McKenna. He’s a man, so he doesn’t know it, but I think he needs you the same way Maverick needs China. The same way I need Gabe. You’re like, his better half. He just doesn’t know what to do with the feelings he has for you.”
China slanted a thoughtful glance McKenna’s way. “I grew up with nothing but a crazy, out of control sister and a corral full of horses. My perspective’s either kick its ass or shoe it. See why I need my girlfriends?”
“Aw,” Shelby gushed as she hooked her arm through China’s. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“We’re still crazy, though, you know that, don’t you?” China teased.
A tiny smile twitched at the corners of McKenna’s mouth. She knew about Leezel’s suicide, and how she’d nearly killed Kyrie in the process. Both China, Kyrie, and Shelby had overcome horrendous challenges to get to where they were today. So had she.
Drawing in a breath, McKenna let her annoyance with Beau go on a sigh similar to Shelby’s. Then she told her new best girlfriends about her mother, and how she truly felt about grumpy, bull-headed Beau Jennings. That he was so much like Maverick, he could pass for his twin. She ended her tale of romance and woe with, “I still might kick his ass the next time I see him.”
But she thought, ‘Or kiss it.’
Chapter Forty-Six
Still on McKenna’s front porch waiting on Alex, Beau stared at his cell, sure he’d just made the biggest mistake of his life. If ever there was one, this was it. Yet he was just as sure he’d hung up on her for the right reasons. McKenna deserved more than a broken-down soldier with an uncertain future. Yes, Alex meant well when he’d pursued the Army to drop its charges, but Beau knew the politics behind those charges. Someone had to go down for the deaths of those men. It was the military way. Generals and admirals the world over were fired for unpopular decisions made under their command, and the Army was well known for scape-goating the lowest rank in the room. That’d be Beau.
He’d also known from the get-go that working for Alex was just a temp job. It might take years, but eventually, the Army’s charges would catch up with him, and he’d be just another dirtbag locked away in federal custody. McKenna didn’t need to be saddled with that.
He didn’t have the kind of money it took to hire a decent lawyer. People like him were throw-aways. They didn’t get lucky, and they didn’t get the girl. He made up his mind. Finish this job and move on. Rip it off like a Band-aid. Quick. Yeah, leaving her will hurt like a mother, but walk away. Do it. Never look back. All that crap…
“You hung up? On McKenna? Again!” Maverick asked, his brows arched in disbelief. “What is wrong with you, man?”
Connor and Izza were already in transit to the local sheriff’s department to hook up with Sanders Fitzgerald. Gabe and Alex were upstairs inside Daisy’s apartment with Chief Prince, looking for clues. Talking strategy. Police stuff like that.
Yeah, well… “I can’t hurt her,” Beau muttered. “She’s been hurt enough, and I’m” —he swallowed hard and decided to trust this guy— “I’m no good for her. You know that. God, you’ve told me enough times.”
Maverick cleared his throat. He coughed into his fist, then finally said, “I’ve got to tell you something before Alex gets back. Remember what I said about losing my brother?”
Beau nodded, not sure where this was going. “Darrell. Yeah.”
“Okay, so...” Maverick coughed into his fist again. Cleared his throat again, too. “Ah, crap. The thing is... Shit. I came home broken. I mean, not only broken, but… fucked up so bad that I quit Alex and walked all the way to Wyoming.”
“Jesus, why?”
“It was either that or kill myself, and I honestly couldn’t do that to my mom and dad. Yet I couldn’t face them, either. I couldn’t just go home and say ‘hi’. Not after I told them I’d take care of Darrell, and…” A tic started in Maverick’s clenched jaw.
“There’s no way to take care of another soldier in combat,” Beau told Maverick to set him straight. “War is chaos. A lot of shit goes down.”
Maverick’s head bobbed even as he blinked like a son-of-a-bitch. “I know,” he ground out, “but he was my brother, and” —he swallowed hard— “that’s what big brothers are supposed to do. They beat the shit out of their younger brothers, but they watch out for them, too, and Darrell...”
This shit was hard to listen to, so Beau kept quiet. He’d taken care of his baby sister the best he could, too. That hadn’t worked out, either.
Maverick’s cheeks hollowed as he sucked in a deep breath and said, “When I signed on to work for China back when she lived in Wyoming, I was at the end of my rope. I didn’t intend to stay. I was tired of living and tired of trying to understand why nothing I did mattered. Honest to God, back then I planned on walking straight west and into the Pacific Ocean, just didn’t know if I’d end up drowning myself in California or Alaska. Not that I cared where I died. Just wanted everything to fuckin’ stop—”
“Hurting,” Beau supplied quietly. That pain he understood. He carried his own little corner of Hell with him, just kept it tucked deep inside the lowest chamber of his heart, so no one could ever take it away from him. Funny the things a warrior holds dear, but that last image of AJ...
When she’d breathed her last breath...
When she’d squeezed his finger before her little body went rigid, then slack...
Yeah. Utter Hell, yet it was all he had left of her.
“But then…” Maverick’s Adam’s apple ratcheted up his throat, just once. “God, then I met this incredibly bossy woman on a ranch full of Percherons that stood as big as circus elephants, and she called them her kids. Damnedest thing. There stood this tiny little gal, who looked like a stiff wind could blow her away, inside a corral and babying those giant draft horses like they were poodles instead of stallions and mares and… Shit.” His eyes watered. “She ran that ranch pretty much all by herself, but the night the barn burned, she taught me that… she taught me…”
Beau clapped his palm to the middle of Maverick’s back to steady the man before he fell apart. “You don’t have to talk about it. I know. Life’s hard and then—”
“But that’s the thing,” Maverick growled as he blinked and shook it off to regain his co
mposure. “It doesn’t have to be that hard, Beau. You and me… We’re the ones who make it harder than it has to be. Yeah, I was a broken piece of shit back then, but all China wanted was someone to truly see her for the woman she was. But I came along like a total jerk, absorbed in my own grief, bitter as hell, and…” He wiped a quick hand over his face. “You know what she did?”
Beau hadn’t a clue.
“She gave me cookies and milk. Do you believe that?” Maverick’s features contorted into a question mark as yet again, his eyes brimmed, and he struggled to clear his throat. “Me? That night. After I let two of her prized babies die. She gave me chocolate chip cookies and milk, and…” There went his hand again. “I don’t know how she did it, but that simple act of reaching out to me, after she’d just lost two of her most precious kids, her original Gorgeous and her foal, China Love...” Maverick’s clenched fist nailed his chest. “Damn, it hit me right here that she could still care for the stupid wreck I was. But she did. China treated me like just another one of her kids. She took me in. She saved me, Beau. Don’t you get it?”
He honestly didn’t. “Get what?”
Maverick wiped a long slender finger under his nose. “That we’re all broken, brother. Not one of us really came home from the war, least not the way we were before we went into it. We’ve seen and done things no civilian will ever understand, and all that crap’s stuck in our heads and hearts forever. We’re all fucked up, but when we find that one woman…” He shook his head. “It’s like we’re whole again. We’re okay. The slate’s wiped clean, and God reaches into the storm, and He gives us a second chance. Don’t walk out on McKenna. I see the way she looks at you. Don’t. Just don’t.”
“I had a baby sister once,” Beau breathed, not sure why his mouth blurted that secret misery. The memory of AJ just seemed to need to... breathe.
“You did?” Maverick asked, concern creasing his brows. Digging the heel of one hand into his eye, he put the other hand on Beau’s shoulder—like a brother. “How… how old?”
Beau (In the Company of Snipers Book 18) Page 31