“Maybe, but the others wouldn’t have come home unless they were sure. They wouldn’t have just jumped to conclusions.”
“They would have searched for her first. And if that scrap of her cloak was all they found—”
“Vee, listen to yourself. Just because they didn’t find a body, it doesn’t mean anything good, all right?”
“I know.” Tears well up in my eyes, and there’s a horrible, raw ache in my chest. “But Amelrik could be telling the truth. He said if they were purple, then she’s not dead. Maybe he really does know.”
Torrin tilts his head in sympathy. His own voice wavers a little as he says, “A paladin getting dragged back alive to a dragon’s lair is a fate worse than death. Celeste was my friend, and if those dragons took her, I hope she really is dead. For her own sake. And you can hate me for saying that, but it’s the truth.”
I nod. The tears spill down my cheeks now as I start to cry for real. Because he’s right. If a dragon did manage to take Celeste alive, it would only be to cause her more pain before finally ending it. Or maybe to take its time eating her.
A shudder runs through my whole body, and I feel like I’m going to be sick.
If Amelrik was trying to tell me what I wanted to hear, he chose wrong.
And anyway, it doesn’t matter what he thinks he knows. I know my sister, and she would have fought to the end. There’s no way they could have taken her alive.
Unless . . . Unless taking her alive was their goal all along. Because she was valuable, whatever that means. If Amelrik was telling the truth, then there’s a chance she’s not dead. There’s a chance she’s undergoing an even worse fate right now, and we’re just standing here, not doing anything about it.
9
HURT IS ALL YOU’RE GOING TO GET
Mina Blackarrow and Ravenna Port storm into the library three days later, quickly scanning the room. Mina’s beady eyes narrow even further when she spots me.
Both of them are wearing black velvet funeral dresses, and I know exactly why they’re here.
Mina marches over and slams her hands down on the wooden table where I’m sitting. “How could you?”
I tighten my grip on the book I’m reading, not wanting to let her see how much she’s startled me, and don’t look up.
Ravenna sniffs and dabs at her eyes with a blue handkerchief. “She was your own sister.”
“No,” I say, “she is my sister. She’s still alive.”
Ravenna lets out a little gasp and puts a hand to her mouth. She and Mina exchange a look. A pitying one.
“You missed her funeral,” Mina whispers. “She would have wanted you to be there.”
A hint of guilt creeps through my chest. Celeste would want me to be at her funeral—I know that. But I also know that attending would have been like giving up on her, like admitting she’s never coming back, and I couldn’t do that. Not when there’s still a chance to save her.
“I know it’s difficult for you,” Mina says, implying that I find too many things difficult. “It was hard for us, too. We might not have been her flesh and blood, but we were her sisters in battle.” She pauses, shuts her eyes, and then lets out a deep sigh. “Not going to your sister’s funeral isn’t something you can ever take back.”
I slide my fingers along the smooth, worn edge of the table, hoping I’m making the right decisions. “I know. And when she’s dead, then I’ll go to her funeral. When she’s not being held captive by vicious dragons who want who-knows-what with her and could be torturing her even as we speak, then I’ll stop trying to figure out a way to save her.”
Both girls stare at me. Mina’s face looks suddenly pale, and Ravenna just shakes her head, tears sliding down her cheeks.
“She really has lost it,” Ravenna whispers.
“I’m sitting right here,” I mutter. “I can hear you.”
“Celeste is dead, Vee,” Mina says soberly, looking me in the eyes. “There’s no saving her. And if there was . . .” She scowls at the book on the table, her lip curling in disgust. “If there was, then this wouldn’t be the way. And you certainly wouldn’t be the one to do it. If there was a way to save her, it would be dangerous—a paladin’s job, not yours. And if you’d been there, you’d know that she’s . . .” Her voice gets tight and she squeezes her eyes shut and swallows. “You’d know she’s not coming back.”
“This book says dragons have held paladins captive before. Did you even see the attack?”
“No, but—”
“Did you find her body?”
“There was blood. So much. You’ve never been out in the field, so you don’t—”
“I know I wasn’t there. I know I’m not a paladin like the rest of you. But I also know that you didn’t see it happen. You didn’t find any proof that my sister’s not alive.”
“We brought back her cloak. There was a lot of blood. And burn marks on the ground. And even if we didn’t find her, getting carried off by dragons is the same as being dead. No, worse. If she wasn’t dead when they took her, then she is now.”
“You’re just grasping at straws, Virginia,” Ravenna says. She puts a hand over mine, trying to comfort me. “We all wish that this didn’t happen, but pretending there’s a way to get her back?” She shakes her head. “You’re just going to make things worse for yourself. You have to let go.”
Mina gives me a look of mixed pity and exasperation. Like the last thing she should have to do on the day of Celeste’s funeral is try and explain to me why my sister’s never coming back. “It’s not like she’s the first we’ve lost. Those scaly bastards have taken others. I’ve seen my best friends—like sisters and brothers to me—get mangled, maimed, eaten, burnt, and occasionally dragged off. And maybe I didn’t see the bodies of the ones that got taken, but I never saw them alive again, either. And if that means they’re not dead . . .” She shudders. “I don’t care what your stupid book says. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe I don’t, but Amel—” I snap my mouth shut, stopping myself from mentioning him.
But apparently I wasn’t quick enough, because Mina pauses, and then understanding blazes in her eyes. “Amelrik?” she breathes. “Is that what you were about to say?”
I swallow and then meet her gaze, even though the anger on her face makes my cheeks burn. “He said—”
“No.” She holds up a hand. “Don’t even tell me what lies he put in your head. He’s a dragon. Dragons lie, Vee. And he’s also our prisoner. He’d tell you whatever you wanted to hear and give you false hope, just to watch you squirm.”
Ravenna wipes a few fresh tears from her eyes. “How could you believe a word he said? And after what happened to your mother?”
I bite my lip, fighting a flicker of doubt. “He wasn’t lying.”
Mina snorts. “And I suppose he told you that? As if you can believe anything he says. I know for a fact that Celeste didn’t want you talking to him.”
“I didn’t believe him at first. I wanted to, but I didn’t. But something about the way he said it . . . I couldn’t just ignore it, so I started researching.” I tap the dusty pages of the book. “There are instances of this happening before, of dragons capturing paladins and keeping them as pets.”
Ravenna’s eyes widen. Mina grits her teeth and looks ready to chew me out for even suggesting that, but then Ravenna leans in and whispers something to her. Probably something about how she should go easy on me because I’m obviously not in my right mind.
Mina takes a deep breath. “And when your new best friend told you Celeste was still alive, what reason did he give?”
I open my mouth to answer, then consider not telling her. She’s not going to believe me, anyway. But getting Celeste back is going to be dangerous. And if I can’t convince the other paladins to go after her, then there’ll be no one to save her. And then I really should have gone to her funeral, because all this will be for nothing. “He said she was too valuable to them. Because she’s a St. George.
”
“Why?”
“I don’t—He didn’t say.”
“Of course not.” Mina shakes her head, but any anger drains out of her, and she just looks tired. And sad. “He’s playing you, Vee. I don’t know what he wants with you, but you’d better stay away from him. It’s what Celeste wanted. And I know we’ve had our differences, but”—she pauses, steeling herself for what she’s about to say—“I don’t want you to get hurt. And if you’re talking to a dragon, then hurt is all you’re going to get. I think you know that. So, promise us, all right? Promise us you won’t ever speak to him again. For Celeste’s sake.”
I brace myself as I approach my father’s study. This is how desperate I am. Because if there’s one thing my encounter with Mina and Ravenna just taught me, it’s that nobody’s going to listen to me. But they’d listen to him. If it was my father, Lord St. George, saying the paladins needed to go on a rescue mission for Celeste, half a dozen of them would already be packing. Nobody would dare tell him they thought he was just crazy and grieving.
And okay, nobody told me that to my face, but I could tell it was what Mina and Ravenna were thinking. I get it—I’m not a paladin, and I feel guilty for what happened to Celeste. And I sort of got my information from a dragon prisoner who’s known for lying. Maybe I wouldn’t believe me, either. But I know in my heart that Celeste is alive. And if it was the other way around—if I was the one captured by dragons—I know she wouldn’t give up on me.
I knock on the door, my stomach doing flip-flops, my mind racing, trying to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this. My father and I don’t exactly get along. I can’t think of any reason why he should believe me, except that, besides me, he’s the one who most wants Celeste back. And I have to talk to him before he hears the rumor that I’m crazy, which Mina and Ravenna will have no doubt spread to half the barracks by now.
“Come in,” he calls, though his voice is soft, broken.
I hesitate, almost turning around and running, but then I force myself to go in. It doesn’t matter what happens to me here. Not when Celeste’s life is on the line.
“Virginia,” my father says, sounding surprised to see me. He’s sitting behind his heavy wooden desk, the scrap of Celeste’s cloak in front of him. He quickly pulls it out of sight when I come in, like he doesn’t want me to see how sad he is, as if that isn’t obvious anyway. His eyes are bloodshot, and there are dark circles under them. He looks like he’s aged ten years in the past few days.
“Father.” I duck my head, acknowledging him. I can’t remember the last time I was willingly in this room.
We stare awkwardly at each other for a moment. Then he says, “What brings you here?”
“I . . .” I bite my lip, knowing anything I say is going to sound crazy, but also that this is my only chance to convince him. “It’s about Celeste.”
The corners of his mouth turn down, his entire body sagging a little. “It was a beautiful ceremony,” he says, nodding, and I realize he has no idea I wasn’t there.
“I have to tell you something, and it might not make a lot of sense. But you have to listen to me.”
His eyes dart toward mine, but he stays silent.
I swallow and go on. “I believe Celeste is still alive.”
He winces, as if I’d slapped him. “We had her funeral today.”
“I know, but nobody saw for sure that she was . . . not living. And there are all these accounts in the history books of dragons keeping paladin prisoners alive.” I might be exaggerating there, just a little. I mean, it’s true, there were reports that said that, but I could count them all on one hand. “We don’t know she’s dead.”
There. I said it.
He blinks at me. Then his expression hardens. “Virginia,” he growls. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
I wish people would stop telling me that. Not having magic powers and not being able to leave the barracks doesn’t make me an idiot. “But I know, deep down, that it’s true. That she’s alive. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it, too.”
“I . . .” He puts a hand over his heart, considering what I’ve said. “Of course I wish your sister was still—” He chokes up, covering his eyes and pausing to get ahold of himself. “I wish she was still with us. But a few stories in some history books isn’t proof of anything.”
“You could send a party after her. You could,” I add, when he raises his eyebrows at me like I’ve just said something completely insane.
“Send a group of our best warriors to their deaths, is that what you mean?” He folds his hands in front of him and stares down his nose at me.
“You don’t know that they wouldn’t come back. And Celeste—”
“I do know. A hunting party can’t take on an entire kingdom of dragons, just as one dragon couldn’t bring down the entire barracks. Celeste is gone. It’s better if you realize that, Virginia. We must grieve for her. But we must also be strong enough not to endanger the lives of others, no matter how much we wish she was still here.”
I taste bitter tears in the back of my throat. He has a point, even if I don’t want to admit it. “But I know she’s out there. We can’t just leave her. And if her friends knew she was alive, they’d want to save her, too. You know they would!”
“Enough!” He gets to his feet, towering over me. He rubs his forehead with his palms. “Even if we knew for sure she was alive, it would be foolish for anyone to go after her. And to send anyone on this whim of yours . . .” He shakes his head.
“It’s not a whim. It’s—” But I can’t tell him the truth, that the reason I believe so strongly in this isn’t just because of what I feel deep down, but because a dragon told me there was hope. Even just thinking it to myself sounds completely stupid. And if I said it out loud, to my father, he’d probably disown me. “I’ll make you a deal,” I tell him.
That gets his attention. He gives me a curious look. “I didn’t know you were in any position to be bargaining with me.”
“I’ll marry Lord Varrens.” The words scrape my throat, not wanting to come out. “I’ll marry anyone you want—I’ll even move far away, if that’s what it takes. And in return, just send someone after her. Anyone. A group, a scout. Please.”
He presses his fingers together, his lip twisting in a scowl, and sits back down. “You’re telling me you’re going to do what you are already obligated to do, a matter you have no choice in, and all I have to do in return is essentially murder some of the finest paladins of your generation? Brave young men and women who can do what you can’t, who know their duties and serve them well, and who would never even think of suggesting something so insolent?”
“I’ll marry him willingly,” I whisper, ignoring the sting of everything he just said, or at least trying to. “I’ll be the obedient little bride you want me to be. No more snide comments or talking about how much I wish it wasn’t happening.”
He holds out his hands, palms up. Not in surrender, but in a gesture that says he doesn’t know why I’m even saying this. “We all feel the loss of her,” he says quietly. “So that’s why I’m going to forget you said any of this. You’re going to march out of here and go back to your room, where you’ll remain until the wedding. Which will be tomorrow morning.”
“What? But I won’t be seventeen for another week!”
“Lord Varrens is eager to start your new life together.” He looks away as he says it, and I get the impression that this wasn’t Lord Varrens’ idea, but that my father just can’t wait to get rid of me.
“You’re going to make me get married the day after my sister’s funeral?”
“It will be a quiet ceremony, but a joyous occasion.” He says that with so little enthusiasm that it’s obvious not even he believes it. “And you will do as you’re told. You will obey me in this, just as you will obey your husband after you take your vows.”
I feel sick to my stomach. “You can’t mean that.”
“Of course I can. The ceremo
ny will take place tomorrow, right after the dragon’s execution at dawn.”
My blood runs cold. “Execution?”
“It’s his fault Celeste is dead. He must pay for his crimes.”
“And me,” I whisper. “Must I pay for my crimes, too? I know you blame me for Mother’s death, and now Celeste is gone. Is that why you’re pawning me off on someone else so quickly, before I’m even of age? Do you really hate me that much?”
He winces at the word “hate,” but I notice he doesn’t exactly deny it. “This is a matter of duty. Your sister knew her place in paladin society. It’s time you did the same.”
“Celeste wanted to question the prisoner. He has information that could be useful to us. Shouldn’t we keep him alive, at least a little longer?”
“Questioning him is what got her killed.” His voice tightens. His hands clench around the scrap of her cloak. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Virginia, I think you’d better take your leave. You have a wedding to prepare for, after all.”
10
ALL BRIDES LOOK GORGEOUS ON THEIR WEDDING DAY
Torrin’s mother comes to my room later and helps me try on my dress. There wasn’t time to make a new one from scratch, but she’s sewn some beads onto the white one I wore to the party. She’s also covered up the chocolate stain on the front with a bunch of intricate white roses made of ribbon. Father must have had her working on this for days already.
Mrs. Hathaway puts her hands on my shoulders and smiles at me in the full-length mirror she brought with her. “Don’t you look beautiful, my dear? A shame your mother couldn’t see you like this.”
I stare at myself in the mirror. The beads make the dress sparkle. The cut of the neck emphasizes the curve of my shoulders. And the train she’s added to the back makes it look like a real wedding dress. It’s beautiful—anyone could see that—but the girl in the mirror looks so unhappy that I don’t know how anyone could ever associate the word “beautiful” with her. Brides are supposed to be smiling. They’re supposed to look like they’re starting their lives, not ending them.
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