“Why, Virgin? Do I not seem regal enough to you?” His words are bitter, defensive.
“You’re not what I expected. I mean, for a prince to be like. Not that I’ve ever met one before—well, not before you and Lothar—and I certainly don’t know what I expect a dragon prince to be like. But . . . no. Not really.”
“My father is the king of Hawthorne clan. My mother, the queen. That makes me a prince, last time I checked.”
“Your mother? I thought your mother was . . .” I try to think of a tactful way to say it, but I hate when people dance around the subject. Euphemisms don’t make it any easier. “You said she died.”
There’s a pause. Kind of a long pause, and I think maybe I offended him, after all. But then he says, “She was still a queen.”
“So, are you, like, going to inherit the throne?”
“What I’m going to do is sleep. I suggest you do the same.”
Which I take to mean no, he’s not going to inherit. That or he thinks I’m being too nosy. But I don’t care if I am—I’m alone with him, out in the woods, and I think I have a right to know who I’m traveling with. “How do you know Lothar? Because the two of you obviously have some kind of history, but your clans are enemies, right?”
He sighs, loudly, making it clear he’s annoyed. “I lived with Elder clan for nearly six years as part of a political hostage exchange. It kept the peace, more or less. For a while.”
“You were a hostage?”
“A political hostage. I wasn’t kept in chains or anything. I am royalty, after all. I lived with the Elder king’s family, as a guest.”
“And Lothar lived with your family?”
He laughs. “Oh, no. Not him. The prince of Elder clan was far too valuable to be traded away. Not him, and not his sisters. It was a cousin, someone royal who wouldn’t be missed too much if anything happened to him. But my father had no problem trading me.”
“That sucks. You had to have been pretty young, right?”
“I was fourteen. It was the right choice.”
“But still. I know what that’s like. My father traded me away, too. And . . . it just sucks, whether it’s the right choice or not.”
There’s another long silence, and then he whispers, almost so quietly I don’t hear, “Yes, it does.”
I close my eyes, not feeling nearly so alone now. I start to drift off, but before I can actually fall asleep, a thought wakes me up. I open my eyes again, even though it’s too dark to see.
Amelrik said he lived with Elder clan. Past tense. I doubt that they would have made some kind of permanent peace, and I admit I don’t know a whole lot about this kind of thing, but I really don’t think they would have just let him go.
But he’s here, my prisoner, not theirs.
So what happened?
I start to ask as much, but his breathing is slow and steady, and I realize he’s already asleep.
15
KILLING DRAGONS IS SORT OF HIS JOB
I wake up feeling warm and safe, and it takes me a second to remember that I’m not in my bed. Well, the ground isn’t exactly comfortable, or anything like my bed, so it’s not a difficult conclusion to make. But there’s a moment where I don’t remember anything that happened yesterday, and then it all comes flooding back.
Breaking a dragon out of jail. Leaving home with him.
Curling up with him last night to stay warm.
Wait, what?
Amelrik’s arm is draped over me. I’m lying with my back to him, his body pressed against mine, and I can feel his breath on my neck.
Okay, I vaguely remember deciding that sleeping sitting up against a tree was overrated sometime last night, after I kept waking up with a crick in my neck. I remember lying down beside Amelrik. But this clearing is small enough that it would have been impossible not to lie down next to him. So that part’s not my fault. But he was asleep, and I was so cold, and maybe I parked myself a little closer to him than necessary.
But not this close. And I didn’t force him to put his arm around me or anything.
Still, maybe I can slip away without waking him up, and then nobody has to know this happened. I’ll just act totally normal, and Amelrik will never know.
“Get away from him, Vee.”
Torrin’s voice startles the hell out of me. Not just because I had no idea anyone else was here, but because of the hostility in it.
Amelrik’s definitely awake now. He mutters something unintelligible—or maybe just not in English—and jerks away from me.
So much for no one finding out. I can’t tell if he’s as embarrassed as I am to have woken up huddled together like that, but I guess he has bigger problems, like Torrin holding a sword to his chest.
I sit up, knocking pine needles off of myself. Torrin is not happy. That’s clear from everything about him, from the way his shoulders are bunched up to the betrayed look on his face. Oh, and, you know, the fact that he’s about to kill Amelrik. But killing dragons is sort of his job, so maybe that doesn’t count.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” I tell him. Even though I’m not exactly sure what it looks like.
“I spent all night tracking you.” He says that to me, though he keeps his eyes on Amelrik. “The others gave up, but not me. Oh, no. I was so worried about you! I left you alone in your room when I knew there was a dragon on the loose. And if something had happened to you, I don’t know how I’d . . . I thought he kidnapped you! And then I find you like this! With him.” Torrin practically spits the words.
“For the record,” Amelrik says, “she kidnapped me.”
“Shut up.” Torrin puts more pressure on his sword, showing he means business. “I ought to cut out your heart right now.”
“Don’t!” I scramble to my feet, wishing I could put myself between them, but it’s too late for that. Way too late.
Torrin gives me a look full of disgust. And pity. “What were you thinking, Vee? Letting a dragon out of prison? Helping him escape? I don’t know what lies he told you, but I know this isn’t you. You wouldn’t do something like this. Not unless—”
“Unless what? Unless someone tricked me into it?”
“You hate dragons.”
But I don’t hate this one. The thought flashes through my head, and I realize it’s true. “I can think for myself. I don’t need you or Father”—or even Celeste—“doing it for me. Just because I’m doing something you don’t like doesn’t mean it wasn’t my choice.”
“He told you Celeste is still alive. And you wanted to believe it so badly, you’d do anything he said. I wanted to believe, too, but it’s a lie he told to manipulate you. Go on, dragon.” Torrin slides the tip of his sword up to Amelrik’s neck, angling it just below the dragon ring. “Tell her the truth so we can go home.”
Go home? Is he serious? I didn’t leave the barracks for the first time in four and a half years and tromp through the wilderness until I was ready to collapse yesterday just to turn around and go home.
Amelrik’s eyes find mine, searching for something. “She doesn’t want to leave with you, paladin.”
Torrin grimaces at that and pushes on the sword point until blood trickles down Amelrik’s neck. “The truth. Now.”
“Torrin, stop!”
Amelrik gives him a defiant look. “What does it matter? You’re going to kill me no matter what I say.”
“Torrin!” I try to shove him back a step, away from Amelrik, but Torrin’s a lot stronger than I am, and he resists. “Let him go—I need him!”
That gets his attention. He actually looks over at me.
“To find Celeste, I mean.”
“Celeste is dead. And if you go after her, you’re going to get yourself killed, too.”
“At least it’ll be my choice! Father had my whole life laid out for me. If I go back, I’m going to have to get married. And maybe that doesn’t sound so horrible to you, but it’s not okay with me. Having someone I don’t care about, that I despise, force himself on me
every night?!”
Torrin winces at the words “force himself.”
“To have to spend the rest of my life with someone like that?” Or, in Lord Varrens’ case, the rest of his. “Trapped and unhappy and . . .” Unloved. “What part of that sounds even remotely okay to you?”
Torrin steps back from Amelrik, lowering his sword. “I know it’s horrible, Vee. You think I don’t know that? That I actually want that for you? But you’re not a paladin, and there’s nothing to . . . I don’t know what you expect.”
I fold my arms across my chest and turn away, refusing to look at him. “I have to find Celeste. If there’s even a chance that she—”
“He’s lying to you!”
I glance over at Amelrik. He meets my gaze and holds it, like he has nothing to hide. “I can’t go home. Not yet.”
“I should kill him. You know that.” Torrin points his sword in Amelrik’s direction.
Amelrik’s on his feet now, and he takes a step back, putting more distance between them. And I’m pretty sure he also hisses at him. Which, under other circumstances, I might find funny.
I stand in front of Torrin’s sword. “No.”
“We’ll go home, and I’ll say he kidnapped you. We won’t tell anyone what you did. It’ll be okay. And maybe I can talk to your father, convince him to wait a little while for the wedding. You’ve been through some trauma, and—”
“I said no. I’m not an idiot. I know you and the whole barracks think that I am, that you need to protect me all the time, but that stops now. I don’t need your help—I just need you to leave us alone.” Ugh. The words sound so cruel, and they taste bitter in my mouth. But I can’t let him kill Amelrik, and I can’t let him drag me back home.
Torrin opens his mouth, then closes it, too shocked to speak. Hurt twitches across his face. “What is he to you? That you would choose him, a dragon, over me?”
“I’m not choosing anyone.” I stare at my feet, hating myself for hurting him. For not making him understand. But maybe I can’t, because I don’t even understand. Freeing Amelrik, leaving the barracks . . . It’s about finding Celeste, but it’s about something more than that, too.
“Like hell you’re not. Is this really what you want, Vee? You’re going to get yourself killed, and I’m just supposed to stand here and let that happen?! It’s like I don’t even know you! I should take you back home, but you know what? I’m not sure I could lie about what you’ve done. Not when you’re acting so crazy. And your father’s been through enough already.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means it would be less shameful for him to think a dragon kidnapped you than to know the truth.”
His words are like a slap in the face, harsh and stinging. My mouth slips open, and then I glare at him. “I think you’d better leave now.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“Well, we’ll see about that.”
16
I DON’T TRUST ANYONE
“This is seriously supposed to work?” I’m standing in the middle of a stream. A fish slips past me, lightning fast, swimming with the current. I don’t know how Amelrik thinks we’re going to catch any of these things.
He’s standing a little farther downstream. He glances over his shoulder at me. “You’ve got a better idea?”
Nope. And my stomach is growling for, like, the millionth time today, so I guess we’re catching fish. Or at least attempting to. With our bare hands. “This isn’t doing much to dispel the idea that you’re a wild animal, you know.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I’ve never done this before.” His hands dive under the water as he lunges at a fish. He doesn’t catch it, though he does manage to splash himself in the face.
“It doesn’t.” In fact, it makes me feel like we’re going to starve to death. Another fish races by, and I make a grab for it. I touch some scales—which are really slippery—but that’s as close as I get. “If you’ve never done this before, how do you know it will work?”
“I”—he tries for another one, only succeeding in splashing a bunch of water around—“don’t.”
Well, if I don’t get to eat, at least I get to watch him make a fool of himself.
I have my pant legs hiked up to my knees, though the bottom edges are already wet. The cold from the water seeps into my feet and my shins, making my bones ache and my flesh go numb. I think about how cold I was last night, and about how warm I was when I woke up. You know, with Amelrik’s arm wrapped around me and his body pressed against mine.
I didn’t have much chance to process it, what with Torrin trying to kill him and take me back home. But we’re alone now, just us and these stupid, overly slippery fish. And Amelrik’s facing the other direction. So if I stop to think about what happened, and maybe even that it felt pretty good, he won’t see it on my face.
Not that I’m saying it felt good to be that close to him. I mean, it did, but I’m not officially saying that. And, to be fair, I only felt that way when I wasn’t awake enough to really know what the situation was. I’ve never slept in the same bed—or, in this case, on the same dirt—as a boy before. Not that Amelrik counts as “a boy.” I mean, he is, technically, but he’s also a dragon, and I don’t think of him that way.
But my point is, it felt nice to be held so tight, to feel wanted, and that could have happened with anybody. Plus, whatever feelings it gave me, it wasn’t real. Amelrik doesn’t care about me. Maybe he doesn’t hate me, but I’m just a way to get that dragon ring off of him. There is no wanting.
Just because I can’t picture this ever happening with any of the guys at the barracks—who would never be caught dead sleeping so close to me, let alone actually touching me—doesn’t mean it means something.
And spending what was supposed to be my wedding night curled up in Amelrik’s arms doesn’t mean anything, either.
I will absolutely not bring this up or ask him about it in any way. We’ll just never mention it, and pretend that nothing happened, because nothing did.
End of story.
I clear my throat. Part of my brain is telling me to stop, even as the words leave my mouth, but that part apparently gets outvoted. “So, about how we woke up this morning.”
I say that right as Amelrik lunges at a fish. His foot slips, and he falls in the stream, getting completely soaked.
I laugh. I can’t help it.
He picks himself up, dripping wet, and glares at me. “I was asleep. I didn’t . . . I didn’t know what I was doing. It wasn’t on purpose.”
“So, it was an accident.”
“Right. Yes. Exactly.” He seems relieved that we cleared that up.
We’re quiet for a minute. I make a few grabs at some fish, but they get away. It doesn’t help that I can’t concentrate. There’s another question floating around in my thoughts, and I know I shouldn’t ask it, but how am I supposed to catch anything if I can’t focus properly? It’s probably better to just ask and get it over with.
“Do you sleep with a lot of girls, then?”
Amelrik almost slips again, but this time manages to catch himself. His shoulders stiffen. “Do I what?”
“It’s just that, you must sleep with a lot of girls for, um, wrapping yourself around me to be second nature or whatever.”
His face turns a little red. “I told you, it was an accident.”
“I know, that’s what I’m saying. I’ve never . . . I’ve never spent the night with anyone, and I didn’t accidentally do anything like that. It just seems like something you’d do if you were used to sleeping with another person, that’s all.” I shrug, kind of wishing I hadn’t said anything, but also really wanting to know the answer.
“That’s not—That’s none of your business.”
“So, a lot of girls is what I’m hearing.”
“Why would you assume it was a lot? Why not just one?”
“You got people to trust you. That was, like, your job or something. I a
ssume that it, uh, included seducing people.”
A pained expression crosses his face. Then he scowls and turns away.
I think I’ve offended him again. But he can’t just say it’s none of my business and expect me to not assume things. I mean, he’s not giving me much to go on. And it’s not like he doesn’t know my history, which happens to be blank, but still. He knows I tried to get Torrin to marry me, which is pretty mortifying, to say the least.
Amelrik’s standing in the stream, poised to try and catch something, but halfheartedly, like he’s just going through the motions.
My stomach growls again, and I slip my hands into the water. I’m not convinced that this is going to work, but it beats standing here in awkward silence.
After a while, Amelrik gives up on pretending to fish and turns to face me. He looks like he has something to say. I figure he’s going to tell me again how his, er, love life?—sex life?—is really none of my business. But before he can say anything, a fish swims right into my hands, and I shriek with joy. I clasp my fingers around it, and even though it’s really slippery, I manage to keep my hold on it and pull it out of the water.
“I did it!” Excitement bubbles up in my chest. I caught one. And if I can catch one, I can catch another. We’re not going to starve to death. At least, not today, and not because of me.
I smile real big at Amelrik, happier than I’ve been in . . . I don’t even know how long.
He smiles back, looking just as excited as I am, all offenses and breaches of privacy forgotten, at least for the moment.
I’m sitting by Amelrik later, watching the fire. It’s dark out, and cold, and the heat from the flames feels really good. My stomach is full from all the fish we ate today. And while it’s still weird to be away from home, it doesn’t seem as scary as it did before. Even though we’re farther away from the barracks, and anything familiar, and, let’s face it, everything I’ve ever known.
Okay, so maybe it is still scary. But not as much.
At least we have the fire, now that we know no one’s looking for us. That’s one good thing about Torrin showing up, I guess. And there’s more space here than where we slept last night. Room to have a fire and to sleep on opposite sides of it. So there’s, like, no chance of waking up in Amelrik’s arms again.
Dragonbound Page 11