“I told you to stay away from him! It wasn’t bad enough that I got captured—you had to go and get yourself captured, too?!”
“I’m not a prisoner. You’re the one in the cage.” I press down with one hand as hard as I can while lifting the latch with the other. This time, it works, and the door swings open.
But too late. Celeste’s shouting got the attention of Lothar’s friend, who was supposed to be watching her. He swears and slams the door shut, knocking me back and sliding the latch into place with one claw. He grabs the cage and lifts it up onto the table, not even caring how much Celeste might be getting knocked around inside.
Then he turns his attention to me, and I know I should run, but I’m frozen in place. I had the door open. Celeste was free, even if only for a second. And now she’s still right there, but she might as well be miles away, because I missed my chance, and this dragon’s probably going to kill me.
It all happens so fast. He reaches out to grab me, and then there’s a terrible roar followed by a scream. Not from him, or from me, but from Lothar. And Amelrik. The crowd gasps in horror.
All my blood turns to ice. I feel like my body’s made of stone, even though I’m shaking all over.
The dragon guarding Celeste looks up to watch the slaughter, forgetting about me for the moment.
But I don’t care. All I can think about is that Amelrik’s dead. I couldn’t save Celeste, and now he’s gone, and nothing will ever be okay again. Tears slip down my cheeks, and a horrible ache rips through my chest.
Lothar’s shouting orders, and the rest of the purple dragons suddenly can’t leave fast enough. They grab the cage with Celeste and make their retreat. I guess Lothar got what he came for, and now he’s getting out of here, fleeing the tension that’s built up in the room, because it’s obvious that the dragons from Hawthorne clan are not happy with him.
I still feel heavy and numb, but I run to the other side of the room, because I have to see him. No matter how horrible it is. There’s a crowd circled around what must be Amelrik’s body. I rush past them, squeezing through the gaps and scuffing my bare arms against their scales.
There’s blood on the ground. That’s the first thing I notice. But it’s just blood. There’s no one lying on the floor, dead. Amelrik’s father’s there, still in dragon form, despite the gashes running across his chest, dripping blood all over. He looks really pissed off, like he’s two seconds away from killing someone. Several other dragons are fussing over him, but he waves them aside.
And then I see Amelrik. He sees me, too, like he’s been scanning the crowd for me. The blood on the ground isn’t his. He’s not dead.
Fresh tears fill my eyes as relief floods my body. He’s not dead.
“Amelrik!” I hurry over to him.
One of the dragons tending the king notices me and lashes a tail in front of me to block my path. It snarls something in Vairlin.
“It’s fine,” Amelrik tells them. “Let her through.”
The dragon reluctantly moves its tail, turning its focus back to the king.
I rush forward, throwing my arms around Amelrik. I squeeze him tight, enjoying his breath on my cheek and the feel of his body crushed against mine—two things I thought I’d lost forever. “You’re alive.”
“Of course I’m alive.” He hugs me back, somewhat stiffly, and jerks his head toward his father.
But I’m too happy to pretend I don’t care. Besides, didn’t he tell everyone that I’m in love with him? I think that means I can hug him all I want. “I couldn’t see what was happening. I thought he killed you.”
“He was going to,” Amelrik says, leading me through the crowd and back out to the hallway, where we can talk. “He would have, if my father hadn’t defended me.”
“That’s why he left?”
“He came here to cause trouble, not to attack a king.”
“He still has Celeste. I couldn’t save her in time.” Not that he couldn’t have guessed that, because it’s not like I have Celeste with me or anything.
He nods, taking that in. “We’ll get her back.”
“But . . . I know I have to save Celeste, but I really don’t want you to get killed in the process. And it seems to me that you going to Elder clan is just about the worst idea ever.” It probably was to begin with, but even more so after what just happened.
“Yeah, it is. But I don’t really have a choice.”
“Yes, you do. Just because you made me a promise doesn’t mean you have to kill yourself to keep it! I’ll go. I’ll figure something out. I’ll—”
“No. I won’t let you do that—not alone. And, anyway, it’s more than that. The reason I don’t have a choice. Lothar gave my father an ultimatum. He’s got exactly one day to turn me in to Elder clan.”
“Or else what?”
“Or else Lothar’s coming back here, only next time he’s bringing an army.”
36
AT LEAST ONCE
It’s our last night together, and I’m lying here in Amelrik’s bed, thinking about him instead of actually, like, kissing him. Or touching him. Or even just talking to him.
But I don’t want this to end, and all I can think about is how that’s exactly what’s happening. Huddling together in the dark, trying to cling to the last few moments we have together, would only emphasize that. It would just make me think about how final this is, and then I’d probably end up crying, and that’s not how I want to spend my last night with him. So instead I’m over on my side, an arm’s length away at least, sleeping as if I’m already alone.
Trying to sleep, that is. Well, halfheartedly trying to sleep, since all I can really do is think. My thoughts keep racing, showing no signs of slowing down.
Tomorrow, we’re going to rescue Celeste. My sister’s finally going to be free, and everyone at the barracks is going to feel pretty stupid when they find out that I was right.
And all that’s assuming we actually succeed at our mission and don’t end up dying horribly. Either way, I’m never going to see Amelrik again, and this is it. Our last night together, and I’m wasting it, because I can’t handle this just being . . . over.
Not that he’s exactly throwing himself at me, either. I miss the weight of his arm around me and the closeness of him pressed against my back. We’ve spent the last few nights falling asleep curled up like that, as if we had all the time in the world and this was never going to end, and now we’re acting like it already has.
Unless he’s asleep, but I don’t think he is. I don’t know how he could be. If he is asleep already, somehow, then I’m kind of pissed at him for caring so little that he could just drift off like everything’s fine. That he could just drift off, alone, over on his side of the bed, as if I’m not even here. Is this what it’s going to be like for him when I’m gone? Conking out instantly, while back home I’ll be tossing and turning, missing him too hard to even sleep?
His hand finds mine in the dark and squeezes.
Okay, so maybe he’s awake after all. Maybe this isn’t so easy for him. “Amelrik?” I whisper, squeezing back. I don’t know why I’m whispering, except that it makes it easier to pretend this isn’t happening.
“My father forbid me to go to Elder clan,” he says. His voice is quiet, just like mine. “He said we’ve never submitted to them before, and we’re not starting now. And . . . he said there’s no way in hell he’s losing me again. He said that. My father.”
I swallow. That’s what he’s been thinking about. I know I shouldn’t be jealous, but I am. “You should listen to him.”
He squeezes my hand again. “I’m not letting you go alone.”
“But—”
“I’m not.”
Maybe I should argue with him more, but I know he means it, and I also know that I still need his help. I don’t even know where Elder clan is, for one thing, and even if I’m worried about him, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t relieved. “Don’t do anything stupid,” I tell him. “Besides coming with m
e, I mean.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“Amelrik?”
“Let’s not talk about tomorrow.”
“You’re the one that brought it up.”
“I know, but . . .” He shifts onto his side, so he’s facing me. “I’m going to miss you so much, it’s going to tear me apart.”
His words bring a sudden ache to my throat, and I wonder if he can hear how close I am to crying. “I . . . I wish this wasn’t happening.”
“I love you.”
And now I am crying. “You don’t have to say that. Just because I thought you were going to say it earlier . . . You don’t have to.”
“I was going to say it earlier. Not when you first thought, but before Lothar attacked. And I mean it. I love you, Virginia. I don’t know who I was or how I got by before I met you. I really don’t. And I don’t know how I’m going to face tomorrow, knowing that something could happen to you, and that even if it doesn’t, I’m—” He chokes up. “No matter what happens, I’m never going to see you again.”
I scoot closer, turning on my side, and put my arms around him. The ache in my throat spreads to my chest.
“But even if I don’t want to think about tomorrow,” he says, “I can’t pretend I don’t know this is our last night together, and I just had to say it. I can’t stand the thought of you leaving, but even more than that, I couldn’t stand it if you left and didn’t know. That I felt that way. About you.”
“I love you, Amelrik.” I’m not supposed to love a dragon—especially this dragon—but I do.
He lets out a deep breath, like he wasn’t certain I was going to say it back to him. As if there was ever any chance that I wasn’t.
“You saved my life,” I tell him.
“A couple times. Not that I’m counting.”
“I mean besides that. I might not have been the one in the dungeon, but I was trapped. I was alone, and so unhappy. And maybe those aren’t things that kill you—not right away, not for a long time—but they were eating away at me. Everyone kept telling me who I was, and I knew they were wrong, but . . . You’re the only person who’s ever seen me for who I am. Who let me be who I am. And that’s everything.”
And I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without him. How am I supposed to go back to that life, as if nothing happened? As if there won’t be a piece of me missing, stuck here with him, like we were fused together and then broken apart, so that I’ll never be completely me, and he’ll never be completely him?
He pulls me closer. We’re pressed together, in his bed, on our last night together. And I know what I want to happen. I slide my hand down to his hip, lingering suggestively. I’ll be mortified if he rejects me, but I’m pretty sure he wants this, too, and it’s kind of now or never, so I pick now. Now, now, now.
He kisses me, hungrily, like he’ll never get enough. I do the same, and it’s not that we’ve never kissed like this before—just never in his bed. His mouth moves down to my neck, and he reaches under my pajama shirt at the same time as I run my hands along his back.
I don’t ever want to forget how it feels to touch him like this. To feel the muscles moving beneath his skin, the shapes of his shoulder blades.
He tugs my shirt over my head. I do the same to him, and we undress each other, slowly, in between kisses. I wish the lamps were lit and that it wasn’t pitch-black in here. I want to see him naked. I want him to see me naked, at least once.
My skin tingles where he touches me. His mouth trails a line of kisses down my neck and across my chest, leaving fire in its wake.
I can’t believe I was supposed to do this with someone else, with someone I didn’t choose, or trust, or even like. It seems so ridiculous, I almost start to laugh, even though this is just about the worst time for it.
I manage to stop myself, but Amelrik notices anyway. “What?” he says, hesitating before kissing me more. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. It’s nothing.”
“If you want to stop—”
“I don’t.” I really, really don’t. “I was just thinking about how I’m going to lose my virginity to a dragon, and how much that would piss off pretty much everyone I know.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” His voice shakes a little, his breathing heavy, and I think that’s probably the last question he wanted to ask me right now.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I pull him to me, so there isn’t any doubt. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“Good,” he says, and I can feel the muscles in his face move as he grins, “because neither have I.”
37
LIKE A CAT WITH A MOUSE
We make it to Elder clan the next afternoon, after sneaking out in the morning and walking through the woods all day. Though I use the term “sneaking out” pretty loosely, since I don’t think anyone was worried about us going anywhere. Amelrik’s father forbid him to go to Elder clan, but he didn’t forbid him to go outside, and it’s not like the exits were being guarded or anything.
Now we’re hiding near a side entrance to Elder clan, one Amelrik says isn’t used that much. Of course, as soon as we got here and he said that, two dragons came out of it, hurrying over to the games, or at least that’s where it looked like they were going. So now we’re staking it out and making sure we’re not just going to get found out instantly, since that would be pretty stupid. I mean, the only thing worse than getting caught at all would be getting caught so quickly that we might as well have stayed home.
Home. That’s kind of a loaded word now, because it doesn’t make me think of the barracks—it makes me think of Hawthorne clan. It makes me think of Amelrik and hanging out in his room or climbing to the top of the cliffs and looking at the lake. And the really weird part is that that doesn’t feel wrong. I know the barracks is home—that it’s where I’ve spent almost my whole life—but it doesn’t feel like it anymore.
Amelrik looks up as a team from the games flies overhead. They don’t have the lake here to use as a race course, and there are only four dragons per team, but otherwise it seems pretty much the same as at Hawthorne clan.
And I know that the more dragons we see soaring through the sky, the less dragons there will be inside who might catch us, but it’s still intimidating, seeing them flying over us like that.
“It’s safe now,” Amelrik whispers. “Nobody’s around.”
“You’re sure?”
He hesitates, then nods. “Nobody’s come out for a while, and I don’t hear anything.”
“So this is it?” My stomach feels like there are about a million butterflies in it. It was scary enough when I only thought we were going to Elder clan—when it turned out Amelrik brought me to Hawthorne instead—but this is so much worse.
“We’ll go in, get Celeste, and leave. No one even has to know we were here. Not until they realize she’s gone, and that will hopefully be much later, and, either way, it’s not like they’ll know it was us.”
“You make it sound so simple.” As if this isn’t going to get us killed. “Maybe this was a stupid idea, coming here today. We should have come on a day when Lothar’s not specifically waiting for you to show up.”
Amelrik shakes his head. “He’s expecting me to turn myself in. He has no reason to suspect I’d sneak in and try to steal their St. George. Er, your sister, I mean,” he adds, when I give him a look.
“And if he does? If he’s waiting for us inside?”
“He won’t be. There’s no way he’s not participating in the games today.”
“But if he isn’t? If he catches us, what then?” I don’t know what I want him to say, because it’s not like I don’t already know that Lothar catching us will be some serious bad news. But I can’t decide if I want Amelrik to reassure me that it’ll all be okay, or if I want him to convince me that we should go back home and try again tomorrow. Not that that’s going to happen—we’re here and we’re doing this—but still.
“He won’t,”
Amelrik says, though he doesn’t sound like he completely believes that. “And this is our best chance at saving Celeste. So.” He swallows and takes my hand. Both our palms are sweaty, and I wonder if he notices how fast my pulse is racing.
“All right,” I tell him, because what choice do we really have? I didn’t come this far to walk away, no matter how scared I am. Celeste is inside those caves somewhere, and I might have failed to rescue her last night, but not today.
I take a deep breath and squeeze his hand, as ready as I’ll ever be. “Let’s do this.”
“Vee!” Celeste’s face lights up when she sees me through the bars of her cell, but then her whole expression sours when she notices that Amelrik’s with me.
I run up to her, putting my hands to the cold iron bars so that our fingers touch. Her cell is isolated, down its own hallway, away from any other prisoners, so it’s just us here. We had to sneak past a couple guards at the entrance, but the way the hall twists around, they can’t see us. Hopefully they can’t hear us, either. “We’re going to get you out. You’re going to be free.”
“I convinced myself what happened last night was a dream,” she says, staring at my hand on hers. “It couldn’t have really happened, because my sister hasn’t left home in four years, and she . . . The Vee I know would never trust a dragon. She’d know better.”
“Things change,” I tell her, instead of what I’m really thinking, which is that maybe she never really knew me at all.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she says, though I can hear the relief in her voice that I am. “This place is dangerous. You can’t save me. And didn’t I warn you?” She tilts her head toward Amelrik.
Seriously? “Celeste. Come on. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.”
Celeste gives me a look, like maybe me not being here would be a good thing.
“We need to find the key,” Amelrik says, coming up to us.
Celeste takes a quick step back. “Stay away from me.” Her words are quiet, but steady, and full of conviction.
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