He nodded. He knew. And selfish as it might sound, I was glad he knew how horrible this was and glad he was here, even if he had to go soon. I assumed he was on a flying visit and wondered why.
Our meals arrived at that point and I watched as Cal wolfed his meal. He was tired, but food gave him energy.
‘Talk to me about something else, please, I’m a bit out of touch with the world. I could use a distraction.’ I picked at my plate of quiche and salad, appetite marginal, even with his company. One eloquent eyebrow lifted, he glanced from my plate to me. Obedient, I ate more.
By the time he’d finished diverting me with adventures in Australia my spirits had lifted.
‘Mm, thank you, I feel better just listening to you. You know,’ I flashed a cheeky grin, ‘I could listen to your voice all day, it’s like listening to rich chocolate, it’s delicious.’
Surprised, he blushed, sending me into a fit of giggles.
‘You’re blushing.’
‘Yeah.’ He nodded, face rueful. ‘It’s not every day a beautiful woman pays me such a compliment. It was a compliment, wasn’t it?’
He looked so uncertain I wanted to hug him.
‘Of course! It’s one of the things I love about you.’
He blushed again, gamely keeping eye contact.
‘Dammit! I haven’t blushed since I was a teenager.’ He produced a sheepish smile.
I blinked. Surely, other women must compliment him a lot. How could he not be used to flattery? To save his discomfiture, I changed the subject.
‘Maybe I should try nursing in Australia for a few months. I remember it’s incredibly beautiful over there. We had a family holiday there seeing rellies when I was fourteen.’ I sipped hot chocolate, wishing I could fly there right now for sunshine and warmth – leaving behind all the sadness. ‘It may be just the thing I need after this is all over.’
‘I’d love to see you over there. Why don’t you fly over for a holiday after the funeral? If you can? I’ll show you places you mightn’t have seen.’
‘Maybe. To be honest, I can’t see that far ahead at the moment. It’s one long day blending into another endless night. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel, because there’s only one unhappy ending, as you well know.’
He nodded. ‘This time will pass. One day it will be easier.’
‘I’m whining, I know. I’ll get past this. Despite all the past nastiness, I’ll cry buckets when she dies. I’ll miss her in a way that wouldn’t have happened if she and Eddie had gone on to live a long and happy life.’
‘Strange how things turn out.’
‘Yeah,’ I gave a bitter laugh, ‘I never thought I’d see either of them again and here I am, more intimately involved in their lives than anyone could have predicted. She and I have talked quite a bit, until the last couple days. She’s going downhill fast, but has asked my forgiveness for everything she thinks she ever did wrong to me over half of her life.’
‘How did you feel about that?’
‘Hmm.’ I rubbed my chin. ‘Better than I expected. All the times she used me, or nicked my stuff, or even all of last year, when she set out to seduce Eddie.’ I smiled. ‘None of it matters. It’s all expunged.’
Cal picked up my free hand, enveloping it in larger hands. ‘You have a generous soul, Rose. Don’t ever lose it.’
‘Thanks, Cal.’ I looked down, tears pricking.
He set my hand down and I had to fight an urge to take his hand with its long gentle fingers and hold it, feeling the warmth of him again. I blinked in surprise. Huh, where did that sudden urge come from? I’d months ago renounced attraction. He was my friend, nothing more.
I shook my head to clear fuzzy thoughts. ‘How long are you over here for?’
‘I have to be back in three days, or I lose my job.’
I looked at him in disbelief. ‘What was so important you had to fly here and back again for such a short time?’
He looked at me, expression uncertain. ‘I needed to see someone,’ he said slowly. ‘To find out where I stood.’
Oh.
Questions were written all over my face. But I didn’t want to ask, because he wasn’t telling. I took a deep breath and kept my mouth shut.
He released a sudden grin. ‘I’ll let you know when the time is right. It’s not going to be right for a while, but I think it will be.’
‘Now you’re being cryptic,’ I said, folding my arms in a huff.
A mischievous smile crinkled his face. ‘Stop worrying. You have enough on your plate at the moment.’
His words reminded me of my patient and I glanced at my watch. ‘Sorry, Cal. We’re going to have to cut this short. Bianca’s IV is due for a change in about half an hour.’
I’d needed this reprieve, and had to grit my teeth, reluctant to return to incarceration. Poor Bianca. And when she didn’t need me, Eddie closed in on me, draining energy and being obnoxious.
Cal dropped me back at my temporary accommodation. Eddie, who must have been skulking, bounced out of the house and fussed and fussed, compelling an unwilling Cal to come in for coffee. He wanted to pry. To find out what Cal was doing in my life.
In the kitchen I hovered for a minute, but Eddie turned to me with a “get lost” glare.
Stung, I glared at Eddie and touched Cal’s arm. ‘Don’t leave without saying goodbye.’
‘Never.’
I headed through to Bianca with a small bowl of jelly. She lay there dozing, but my movements woke her enough to force a feeble smile. I took her hand in mine.
‘Fancy a bit of jelly, love?’
Her eyes lit up and I scooped a spoon to her mouth. She ate eagerly for about half a minute, before dropping back exhausted onto her pillow.
‘No more.’ Eyes closed, she drifted into a light sleep.
I sighed. Two more weeks looked optimistic at this point. Soon, she’d lapse into a coma and slip away. I changed the bag of saline and checked the time. Pain meds could be added to the port, but she hadn’t asked for it yet. The time would come when her pain medication prevented any meaningful awake moments. Leaving it out now helped stave off the dreamlike confusion she floated into, and helped her take a small measure of pleasure when she saw Timmy and Eddie.
That would change, too. And soon. Even glimpses of Timmy would be too much for her fragile state.
Eddie’s mother came most days sharing care for Timmy. Edna had surprised me. She hadn’t had time to get to know Bianca well. Timmy’s birth had changed that, and now she was giving unexpected solace by being a calm and caring mother-in-law and a wonderful grandmother. I knew from the way her anxious eyes followed Eddie, she’d be there for her son when the end came.
With Bianca asleep, I crept from the room and found Cal in the process of making good his escape from Eddie’s nosy questions.
He handed me a sheet of paper. ‘My phone number, Leah’s number, my parents’ number and my email address and Leah’s. All there, don’t lose them.’
I folded the paper and put it in my jeans pocket.
‘Safe and sound.’ Reluctant now to see him leave, I tried to think of something to delay him, but found I was speechless.
He wrapped me in his arms, I clung to him for long moments, aware of Eddie watching. Cal hugged me hard, kissed me on the cheek and turned to the door.
‘Drive safely, Cal.’ I wished with all my heart I could go with him.
‘Don’t wear yourself to a shadow, Rose.’ He glanced briefly at Eddie and headed down the front path. I watched him out to the car, waving as he drove away.
‘Well, well, well, Rose Gardener,’ Eddie said, tone snide, as I closed the door. His face was a sneer. ‘You’re a dark horse and no mistake.’
I returned his sneer with feeling and walked into the kitchen. Eddie had never figured out how to deal with my passive-aggressive behavior. Silence is a handy tool for forcing unguarded words when people are desperate to fill awkward silences.
Sure enough, he took the silent bait
. ‘Cal tells me you’ve met up in America a couple of times.’
‘Um, hmm.’ I agreed, thinking he probably hadn’t prized much more information out of Cal. It came to me in a flash, Eddie was eaten up with jealousy about my life without him. My exciting new life without him. Weird.
‘But you’re not dating him?’
Nosy. I couldn’t see any harm in answering that. ‘Nope, not dating.’
‘But you’d like to, wouldn’t you?’
Not in a million years would I admit anything to Eddie.
And I hadn’t forgotten my few hours of lust in Chicago. Nonetheless, I remained committed to Cal as no more than a friend.
‘He’s a pretty amazing all-round decent man. They’re thin on the ground, especially right now.’ My eyes scoured him from head to foot. ‘But no, Cal’s a friend, nothing more.’
‘Yeah, right. Cos I’ll believe that big, fat lie.’ He returned my contempt with equal measure. ‘You want him. Ha! He doesn’t want you.’ The smirk on his face told me he believed it.
‘You know,’ I said, poking an angry finger at his chest. ‘I might have forgiven Bianca’s history with me, but not you. You’ve never apologized for being a disgusting pile of human crap, and I’d never believe you if you did.’
Anger sparked from his eyes, mouth mean and spiteful. ‘I’m not sorry for trampling all over you, you’re a cold-hearted, sanctimonious, greedy bitch. You know what Cal told me?’ He leaned in, inches from my face. ‘He’s over here seeing his girlfriend. How’s that make you feel? He left to go and see her, desperate to get away from you. He’s not attracted to you.’ He shrank away from me as if I disgusted him. ‘You’re physically repulsive, how could any decent man ever want to take you to his bed? You’re a boring, sad loser, and a lump of frozen ice in bed.’
He seemed to run out of ridiculous insults at this point. Numb, mouth glued shut, I couldn’t formulate a comeback. Hands shaking, I abandoned the idea of coffee, turned my back on him and walked away.
And cannoned straight into Andy. Rigid with rage, he glowered at Eddie. He gently shouldered me aside and strode up to my ex. I swung around to watch.
‘Let’s get one thing straight, Eddie Gallagher,’ he ground out, fists clenched, ready to let fly. ‘We’re not here for you, we’re here for your dying wife. After the foul treatment you, and Bianca, meted out to Rose, she has still given up her time and income to be in this poisonous house. If she walks away now, it’ll all be on you. And,’ he shoved a fist against Eddie’s chest, ‘I will walk with her. You’ll need to hire a nurse and organize another willing doctor for Bianca, or she goes back to hospital for her last days. Is that what you want? Is it?’ He thrust a threatening face close to Eddie’s.
Eddie backed away, afraid for once of another man intimidating him.
‘No, that’s not… that’s not what I meant.’ He blustered, eyes shooting between the two of us.
‘Really?’ Andy’s scathing disbelief rooted Eddie to the spot. ‘What did you mean then? Bullying and insulting a woman makes you a small man.’
Uncertain, Eddie stood gaping, called out for his irrational hostility.
‘What do you mean by bullying Rose?’ Andy persisted. ‘Do you want her to up sticks and go, then you’ll feel vindicated for being a useless piece of shit?’
Horrified at being discovered, Eddie’s mouth flapped open and shut, eyes hunting desperately for ways to dodge culpability for any disaster affecting Bianca.
‘I don’t mean any of it,’ he burst out. He flung an infuriated arm in my direction. ‘She makes me do it.’
‘Fucking lying asshole.’ Andy swung a fist, punching Eddie’s stomach with enough force to double him over.
Clutching his middle, Eddie coughed, face beetroot, gasping for breath.
Andy stood back, astonished at his own aggression. He flashed an alarmed look at me.
Gobsmacked, I stared right back, feeling an involuntary triumph spring to my eyes.
‘Wish I’d done that,’ I muttered.
Andy smothered a feral grin. He turned back to Eddie, now leaning on a kitchen bench, his breath returning.
‘You were saying?’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. Please stay.’ Head hung low, he looked at me from under his eyebrows. I didn’t believe him. Of course, I didn’t.
Lisa stalked in, Timmy in her arms. ‘He needs a diaper change, please Daddy.’ With practiced skill she transferred Timmy to Eddie.
Relief and disgust warred on his face. Too dumbstruck to speak, he took his son away.
‘At last,’ Lisa said. ‘First time he’s changed Timmy’s diapers since God knows when. Not his thing, he says.’ She tossed her head derisively. ‘Whatevs.’
Disbelieving, Andy rolled his eyes. ‘About time, then.’
‘I heard everything.’ Lisa came over and took my hand. ‘He’s a miserable fucker and you’re much better off without that piece of garbage around your neck. He needs his dick chopped off.’ Her laughter was harsh. ‘I thought he was perfect for Bianca. Was I ever wrong!’
This seemed to be an apology from her. Whoa.
‘Good thing you hit him,’ she continued, turning to Andy. ‘I wish you’d decked him. Still, he’s just lost everyone in his life, hasn’t he? I mean, when Bianca goes, nobody will stick around to be his friend, will they? That’s what you get for shitting on everyone.’
‘You, too?’ I croaked out. What had happened to turn her against him?
‘Yeah. I’ll miss Bianca, and I’ll miss little Timmy, but I want to get on with my life. Make some changes, like you. I have cousins in Spain. When my divorce comes through, I’ll be off over there with money from our house and I’m going to learn to cook. Properly cook, like a chef.’
‘Good for you. That’s fantastic. You’ll have to let me know how you get on.’ I might still be reeling from our contretemps with Eddie, but Lisa’s newsflash blew away the cobwebs gathering in this gloomy house.
Andy nodded at Lisa, pride in his face. ‘Thanks. I’ve been meaning to punch him out since….’ He searched around for a time. ‘Since forever. Under these circumstances, it’s poor timing, but,’ he rubbed his fist thoughtfully, ‘very satisfying.’
He headed for the door.
‘Back to work for me.’ He nodded at me. ‘Let me know if he bullies you again. I meant it, when I said I’d walk. You should, too, if it comes to that.’
The remainder of the day passed in subdued silence from Eddie. We were grateful Bianca had slept through the skirmish. Every few minutes my thoughts returned to Eddie’s revelation about Cal’s girlfriend. And every time I stomped hard on them. I needed time alone to absorb and process the knowledge. And come to terms with it.
When Lisa headed for bed at midnight my wariness returned. Eddie wouldn’t resist circling back to our clash.
An hour later he found me eating toast in the kitchen. No room in this house felt safe from his contagion, but the kitchen offered the best opportunities for cornering me. Here he liked to rubbish me.
‘I’m going to pay you back,’ he said, his tone pleasant, eyes calm.
From this I surmised he’d spent the last few hours calming a rage he’d blown all out of proportion to reality.
I took a bite of toast, chewed slowly, all the while eyes fixed on him, ruminating on a reply.
‘Touch me and I’ll not only walk, but the police will be here so fast you won’t have time to blink. And Dominic will make you pay.’ Eyes cold, face hard, I held my ground. ‘And your son will have a father in prison for unprovoked violence.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ He glared daggers at me. ‘I won’t hit you. But,’ he added with a sneer, ‘I do know how to hurt you.’
‘I doubt it. The hurt you inflicted last year couldn’t be improved on. I’m well and truly over all of that.’
He shrugged, a couldn’t-care-less shrug. A knowing smile lingered at the corners of his mouth.
‘You don’t fool me. I saw the way y
ou looked at the big, dumb surfie-dude. He got his hooks into you, didn’t he? You fell for him, hook, line and cock-sucking sinker, didn’t you?’
‘Don’t be disgusting!’ I recoiled, dumping my toast in the sink, desperate to get away.
His sadistic laugh followed me as I walked to the door. ‘Oh, you’ll want to hear this.’ He raised his voice. ‘That brick shithouse has gone to pick up his girlfriend and take her back to Australia with him.’
Disbelief flooded through me. I jerked to a halt, stomach cramping in shock. Lifting my chin, I forced my feet to keep walking away. His snigger followed me.
Bianca slept on. Perched on the armchair next to her, I worked on my tumultuous thoughts and feelings.
Had I been the ultimate dummy?
Fact, according to Eddie: Cal had come to see the woman he loved. First stop he makes is to see me. That is, after commandeering his mother’s car. Why see me and then go off to see another woman? Could I possibly be the woman he loved? Hope surged, my heart drummed a staccato rhythm.
I dismissed the thought almost before it formed. Of course not. Don’t be silly. He’d met her in New Zealand, a country I’d never visited. Hope sank, heartbeat heavier. Fury hit me. I sat stupefied, mind racing between Cal’s chummy sharing with my ex and not me, and Eddie’s enduring hatred of me.
Unable to put together coherent thoughts I registered disappointment, jealousy, hurt, anger, swiftly followed by misery. I stared down at my hands, shoulders drooped. I couldn’t bear this. Any of it. Chin trembling, I fought back hot tears and swallowed the lump in my throat. My spine straightened.
Resolute, my chin came up. I needed to see this through and then, with Bianca gone, I’d put these two men behind me. Whichever way I looked at life ahead, it looked dreary. But this time nobody would know. Jaw set, my hands ceased restless twisting. All I had to do was stay focused on the task at hand for as long as it took. A week? Two Weeks? More? Then I’d take a holiday break, telling no-one but my parents. Where to? Mum and Dad’s holiday villa in France? Maybe. Or maybe somewhere where no one would find me.
Promises Made- Promises Kept Page 36