by Natasha West
That was a surprise to me. I hadn’t realised we’d need to cut it back quite so much. But it made sense. Movies are shorter than books. That was a fact. I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal.
‘I guess so. Sure. Cut two journeys.’
Zara blinked.
‘I’m sorry, I’ve just realised that you haven’t really had time to think about this yet.’
I smiled. ‘I was trying to be cool about it. Guess I didn’t fool you.’
Zara ripped off a piece of croissant and began to butter it. ‘I should really have let you process a bit before I launched at you, shouldn’t I?’ She began to eat.
I shook my head. ‘I like your enthusiasm, Zara. You don’t need to apologise for it. And I don’t want you to think you have to tread lightly either. I don’t want that. I want you to hit me with whatever’s on your mind.’
Zara swallowed her food and said ‘I knew you were cool. I could tell from the first meeting.’
I shrugged nervously. ‘I’m just aware that I’m the novice here. I’m taking your lead.’
‘Novice?! You wrote an incredible book that I couldn’t put down. If anything, I was hoping to learn something from you.’
I sputtered into my coffee. ‘Me?’
‘Yeah. I wrote my first movie because I had to. But in my heart, I’m a director. You’re the real writer here. I’m not going to let myself forget that. Do you want another coffee?’
I didn’t get a chance to answer her before she was gesturing for the waitress. As I watched her asking the waitress for another round of drinks, as well as more croissants, I thought about what she’d just said. It was incredibly sweet of her to place so much value on my role in the partnership. I just hoped I wouldn’t let her down.
I rang the bell and waited. Several minutes went by and I began to wonder if Julia had gone out. But she’d said she was staying in to work today. Where was she?
After another minute and several more rings of the bell, I got out my mobile to give her a call. But then the door opened. Julia stood there, looking she’d only just gotten out of bed.
‘Did I wake you? It’s ten thirty.’
‘Bad night’s sleep.’
‘Well, I was close by and I bought you some Earl Grey and a pastry’ I said, waving the paper bag and takeout cup.
She sighed with pleasure. ‘That sounds divine. Get in here now.’
I chuckled as I crossed her threshold. ‘I should always have food in my hand if it gets that response.’
I walked down the hall to her kitchen and put the stuff on the table.
‘Why were you close by, anyway?’ she asked as she sat down and took the lid off the cup, taking a deep sip.
‘Impromptu breakfast meeting thing. I said yes to Zara.’
She put down the tea and smiled. ‘That’s great.’
I nodded. I wasn’t sure what to say next. Last night had gotten a little strange. And it had started from this exact topic.
But before I could find words, Julia spoke. ‘I want to apologise for last night.’
‘You already did.’
‘But now I’ve had some time to think about it, I think I need to do a bit better than that. I’m not sure why I got so angry.’
But I thought I knew what might be bothering her. ‘Is it work?’
She didn’t answer and I knew I had it. She was blocked.
I knew this had happened to her before, when she had tried to write her first novel at thirty. And it had spiralled into her giving up writing for several years. If it had happened again, it wasn’t good.
‘Julia, if you’re blocked-’
‘Oh no. You said it out loud. The B word’ she laughed. ‘Now it’s real.’
She was trying to make light of it, but I knew Julia. If she was turning it into a joke, it was anything but.
‘Why didn’t you tell me this was going on?’
She took another sip and stood up with her croissant, sticking it in the microwave. As she watched it warming, she finally said ‘I don’t know. I guess I thought it would pass. I still think it might.’
I understood. She didn’t want to see it as a problem. That was block. It was like a bully. The more attention you paid to its taunts, the worse it got. It was better to treat it like it didn’t matter, until it didn’t. I decided to respect Julia’s method of dealing with it.
‘OK, I get it. We won’t talk about it then. You probably just need a good night’s sleep.’
‘Ain’t that the truth’ she said as she took out her warm croissant and sat back down, eating it slowly.
It was only then I really saw the shadows under her eyes. She’d been covering them with make-up before but she hadn’t had the chance this morning. She hadn’t been sleeping for a while, it was clear.
‘When was the last time you got a solid eight hours?’
She thought for a moment. ‘Probably the beach house.’
I was shocked.
‘Julia! Why didn’t you say something?’
‘Things are going well for you right now. The movie and everything… I didn’t want to spoil it. Which I sort of did yesterday anyway,’ she admonished herself.
But I wasn’t going to let her punish herself further for that. I stood and took her hand.
‘Come on’ I said and pulled her to her feet.
‘Where are we going?’
‘We’re going to have a nap. I didn’t sleep that well myself and I’m tired too. Maybe if we get snuggly, we can both get caught up.’
She smiled and followed me. ‘That sounds even better than the croissant.’
Chapter Nine
I woke up to an afternoon light spilling through a gap in the curtain. I turned to my clock and saw with mild shock that it was gone two. But I felt good, rested for the first time in weeks. The arm wrapped around my middle was the reason, or rather the person attached to it. Penny. She’d given me exactly what I’d needed. Dreamless, easy sleep. And she’d known I needed it without me having to say.
As I lay next to Penny, watching her slumber on, I made a decision. I was going to throw out the novel I’d started, which barely had five thousand words. If I was struggling to move it forward, if it was weighing me down like this, then it wasn’t right. Better to cut my losses and move on. But to what?
Penny’s eyes opened, that infamous jade green colour slipping into view. I’d liked watching her sleep but now I was glad to see that colour again.
‘What time is it?’ she asked with a yawn.
‘Past lunchtime.’
‘I feel like I was just eating breakfast. What a great way to get from meal to meal. Sleep.’
She began to lift the duvet up but then the devil tapped me on the shoulder and I didn’t want food. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her deeper into the bed. She turned to me.
‘I see someone’s got their pep back.’
I smiled and kissed her. The kiss was returned emphatically. Penny didn’t seem to care about food either, anymore. I began to slip my hands down, removing her knickers with ease. I took off my own while I was at it. Then bras were coming off and we were naked. From kiss to nudity took about eight seconds. But that was how it was with Penny. It was easy to go ninety miles an hour. I always had to remind myself to slow down and savour her.
And so I did, taking my time, kissing every inch of her body while she leaned back, grabbing hold of the bed post as she writhed with pleasure. When I couldn’t stand to wait any longer, I slipped my tongue inside her and felt her arch immediately. She came swiftly, loudly. But I couldn’t stop and I kept at it, giving her as much as she could stand.
Eventually, her body gave a spasm that nearly bucked me off the bed. And then she flopped back, her cheeks flush, panting.
‘Just give me a second to recover and then I’m going to rock your world’ she promised.
‘No need’ I said, meaning it. Somehow, giving Penny pleasure was the same as receiving it. I didn’t need anything else.
‘Are you
sure? She asked, fanning her face with her hand. ‘Because I guess I do need to get going. I’ve got to get to a bookshop at some point today, pick up some stuff Zara recommended.’
I was a little surprised her mind was already back on work. But I couldn’t hold it against her. She was just excited about a new project. I envied it.
‘Happy reading.’
After Penny left, I was alone with my thoughts again. I had to admit, I didn’t love it. A good sleep as well as clearing things up with Penny had certainly been positive for my mood. But the problem hadn’t gone away. It was still there. I had a book to write and no story. I just hoped Penny’s visit had cleared out enough cobwebs that today could be the day that I found one.
I felt more optimistic than I had in a while as I sat down at my desk with my laptop.
And then I made a mistake. A big one.
Somehow, while I was staring at the blank screen, I found my gaze drifting to the wastepaper bin. And then, for some reason, my hand reached in and pulled out the letter that still sat in it, smoothing it out until it was legible again.
It was from my Uncle Edward. Or Teddy as he preferred to be called. But I could never bring myself to call him that. The letter was brief but awful.
Julia,
I’m sorry to get in touch after all these years with bad news but it’s about your dad. He’s not well. And I know he’d never tell you himself so I’m doing it for him. You should go and see him. His address is below.
Teddy
I didn’t know why I was reading it again. I didn’t want to. It was as though I couldn’t help myself.
I read it twice more before I put it back in the bin. It was to the point, I had to give Edward that. And he wasn’t telling me the nature of this sickness, but it wasn’t hard to figure out that it was probably more than a cold.
I considered the ramifications of the news, even though I’d promised myself I wouldn’t give it brain space. And the conclusion I drew, no different to the day I first got the letter, would probably seem callous to most people. I wasn’t going to do anything at all. This had nothing to do with me. He had nothing to do with me and he hadn’t for a long time. Why should it be different now? I owed him nothing, even if the situation was as dire as Edward had implied. It didn’t change anything.
I went back to the blank word document that awaited me. I tried to think of something to fill it. But of course, it remained blank. It was my Uncle’s letter. It was pushing itself to the front of my thoughts, invading my brain.
I started to feel angry. Why had Edward sent me this news? He had no right, no right at all to drag me back into my father’s life. Not after all this time.
While my head wobbled back and forth between my lack of story and my sick father, somehow, there was even more bad news on the way. The phone rang and it was Penny. I was relieved at the distraction. At first.
‘I wasn’t expecting to hear from you quite so soon. I thought you’d be up to your elbows in the three act structure by now. But I’m glad you called-’
‘I…’ Penny said, nervously. I stopped talking. ‘I just got a call and…’ she went on.
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked her.
There was a silence, and then she told me.
Chapter Ten
I had indeed been neck deep in a screenplay book that was frankly making me feel disconcerted. It was laying it all out like a recipe for soup.
There was a reason I’d always avoided these kind of books. They tended to make me feel like they drained the magic out of writing. And this book was no different. But worse than that, it was illustrating to me just how much of an amateur I was.
Zara had told me to read the books and then pretty much ignore them, but she’d thought it was probably a good idea to learn the rules before we broke them. Still, it was hard not to read them and feel like I was out of my depth, once again.
The phone rang and I was glad of a chance to put the book down. Until I saw who was calling me. Jodie. I felt immediate anxiety.
She was an old friend from my hometown, Pilldale. We’d been close throughout school and we still checked in with each other occasionally. I’d seen her a couple of months ago when she was in Medford for the day. I’d decided to fill her in on the fact that I was in a relationship with a woman. She’d been mildly surprised to hear about the turn my love life had taken, but she’d been excited to hear the details. Not a lot happened in Pilldale. My sexuality was about as exciting as it got in Jodie’s eyes.
But she never rang, she was a strict texter. I hit accept with trepidation.
‘Jodie! Hey, how’s it going?’
‘Hi Penny.’
She sounded nervous. And I knew my apprehensive reaction to the call had been some sort of premonition.
‘Is everything OK? Everyone in Pilldale alright?’
‘Yeah, they’re fine. Kind of. I mean, they’re alright, but maybe not too happy.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘The thing is, I was in that new coffee shop that just opened up here, you know the one on Tanner Road? I was having a catch up with Sarah.’
Sarah was another friend of ours from school.
‘I mentioned that I’d seen you and she wanted to know how you were doing…’
There was a pause. I didn’t like it a bit.
‘Yes?’
‘I mentioned your new girlfriend.’
Why was she calling to tell me this? So she’d told a mutual friend about what was going on in my life, that wasn’t too bad. I might have preferred to tell her myself, but it wasn’t the end of the world.
‘That’s OK, Jodie. I don’t mind.’
‘But the thing is…’
I waited for what felt like an hour for the punchline.
‘I didn’t realise your mum was behind me.’
Oh god.
‘I think she heard me.’
‘You think she heard you.’
Another pause.
‘She definitely heard me. She stormed out. I’m so sorry, Penny.’
I’d been meaning to talk to my parents about everything. I really had. I knew it was going to have to happen eventually. But I’d been waiting for the right time. And now that time was officially never going to happen. I’d lost the chance to talk to them myself, to explain it the right way. Instead, my mother had overheard it from someone else and all that was left was to pick up the pieces.
‘When did this happen?’
‘About two hours ago.’
I shook my head. This wasn’t her fault. It was mine. I should have had the conversation months ago. But I’d been a coward, waiting for some imaginary perfect moment.
‘It’s alright Jodie, don’t worry about it. She had to find out sometime.’
‘Please don’t be nice about this. I need you to shout at me, tell me I’m an idiot with a big mouth.’
I sighed.
‘I wish I could. But I’m not angry with you, I’m afraid.’
‘Bloody hell, I would be!’
I didn’t have time to help her flagellate herself. I was too busy trying to figure out what my next move was. Should I call my parents? Wait for them to call me?
‘Look, I have to go. Don’t beat yourself up, OK? Accidents happen.’
We said goodbye and hung up. I slunk down in my seat, trying to absorb what this might mean.
My first instinct was to pick up the phone and call the one person who could help me with this. Julia. Thankfully, she picked up quickly. I began to explain.
‘I… I just got a call and…’
She picked up on my tone pretty quickly, which I knew she would.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘It was Jodie. You know the one? From school? She just told me that she has accidently informed my mother of my sexual preferences.’
Julia moaned. She knew I’d been working up to ‘The Talk’.
‘Shit.’
‘Yep.’
‘What are you going to do?’
&nbs
p; I sat up. There were a few ways to deal with this, but I could see that avoidance had gotten me into this situation in the first place. It wasn’t going to cut it any longer. Facing up to it head on seemed like the only way to proceed if I was going to stop this blowing up into a big drama.
‘I know you’re busy but is there any chance you fancy a trip to Pilldale?’
Chapter Eleven
It wasn’t exactly a fun jaunt to the country that Penny had in mind, I knew that. It was most likely going to be fairly hellish. Part of me didn’t really want to deal with it. But nightmarish as it would no doubt be, dealing with someone else’s family problems still looked like a picnic compared to dealing with my own. And I knew Penny wanted me there. I couldn’t let her walk into all this mess on her own. So here we were, pootling along the motorway, bound for the village of Pilldale.
Although I had agreed immediately to Penny’s pleas for me to be beside her while she came out to them, I didn’t necessarily think it would be a good idea for me to barge in straight away, announcing myself as Penny’s girlfriend. This was a delicate situation. I hoped Penny would see the sense in being strategic about it. And not think I was being a coward. Which I hoped I wasn’t.
‘Penny’ I said, glimpsing away from the road to catch a glimpse of her staring out at the horizon, with the look of someone going to the guillotine. ‘I was just thinking… I’m completely happy to come and be with you. But maybe I shouldn’t actually come to see your parents initially. It might be a bit more confrontational than it needs to be. It could make things worse. I can wait around the corner and you can have… the chat… and then maybe if it goes well, you can call me and I’ll come and meet them. What do you think?’
Penny turned. ‘You’re not coming in with me?’
I frowned. ‘That’s not what I said. I was just suggesting a strategy that might make this whole thing go a bit more smoothly.’
‘It’s already a mess. You can’t make it worse, I don’t think’ she sighed.
My subtle redirection of Penny’s plan had not worked at all, I could see. I thought she had it all wrong, that finesse was the key. But Penny didn’t agree. And what else could I do but give her what she wanted? She was in enough turmoil without me creating an argument about how best to deal with the situation.