by Zoe Chant
And he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t just the idea of a family, it wasn’t just protecting a vulnerable mother and daughter. This was real. He wanted this woman.
“How’d it go?” Leah was asking, oblivious. “Did you run into any trouble?”
Jeff pulled himself together as best he could. “Nope,” he said, trying for a casual tone. “Smooth sailing the whole way. I brought Emily’s diaper bag, the Pack-n-Play, and I found your overnight bag in the trunk and brought that too.”
Leah’s mouth opened in pleased surprise. “Oh, you didn’t have to carry all of that! But...thanks. It’ll be nice to have some clothes and a toothbrush. I wasn’t thinking about any of that when I packed the backpack.”
“You did a perfect job with the backpack,” Jeff said truthfully. “Food, water, medical supplies, essentials for Emily’s care...if you go driving in the mountains in the future, I’d suggest an emergency radio for when you’re out of cell phone range, but other than that, you had exactly what you needed.”
“Yeah, the radio was the key problem there, I can see that,” Leah said ruefully. “The one thing I really needed was help. Thankfully, someone happened to come by.” She smiled at him again.
Jeff wanted so, so badly to lean in and kiss that smile. He couldn’t help but notice that Leah had stripped off her winter outerwear, and the jeans and sweater that she was wearing underneath showed off her generous curves. Her breasts were full enough to strain the sweater a bit—that made sense, Jeff figured, because she was breastfeeding, but her hips were plenty curvy too.
He was struck with the sudden urge to wrap her up in his arms, pull her in, feel that body against his and taste that mouth...
He reined himself in. Just because he’d realized that he had feelings for her, just because he found her intensely attractive, didn’t change anything about their situation. Jeff was going to be a gentleman if it killed him, and keep his hands to himself.
“So, how about some dinner?” he asked. “We’ve got peanut butter and granola bars.”
“Five-star cuisine,” Leah said.
***
Leah was a little embarrassed about the food she’d had in her car—looking at it all together, it was obvious that she’d gotten some of the cheapest possible staples to make eating on the road possible. She hadn’t wanted to have to stop and buy anything at a restaurant, so she’d picked peanut butter sandwiches, apples, granola and trail mix, and milk as the foods most likely to keep her going without costing too much money.
Jeff didn’t comment on it, though, not that she’d expected him to. Instead, he said, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good old peanut butter sandwich. I forgot how much I like them.”
They were sitting at the tiny kitchen table, Emily on Leah’s lap. Leah was alternating quick one-handed bites of her sandwich with spoonfuls of pureed peaches for Emily.
“What do you usually have for lunch, then?” Leah asked, curious. “Sandwiches have always been my standard lunch food, and peanut butter’s easiest.” And cheapest.
“Leftovers, usually,” Jeff said with a quirk of his mouth. “Cooking for one always leaves me with too much, so I bring it with me and heat it up the next day for lunch.”
“You cook?” Leah realized after she’d said it that she’d sounded absolutely astonished. She backpedaled quickly. “Not that you look like you couldn’t cook, it’s just...”
“You don’t know a lot of single guys who really get into cooking?” Jeff grinned and shrugged. “I live alone, so I don’t have a ton of things to do in the evenings. I’d rather be doing something than vegging out in front of the TV, so I started cooking for myself. Problem is, I get really into making a recipe and I buy all the ingredients, and then once I make it, it’s enough for six people. Which is about three full meals for me.”
Leah huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, you look like you, um, like you have a healthy metabolism.”
Like he worked out a lot, was what she really meant. Now that he’d finally stripped off his coat entirely, she could see the outline of muscles under his shirt. He looked like he could lift her over his head without breaking a sweat.
Surprisingly, Jeff’s smile turned a little shy. She hadn’t thought anything she could say would embarrass him—he seemed so easygoing and confident.
“I’m pretty active,” he said after a minute. “Rangering, you know. You run around a lot.”
“Makes sense,” she nodded. “Well, I wish there was more food here so you could show off your cooking skills. Peanut butter and oatmeal don’t give you much of an opportunity.”
He hesitated again, looking...nervous? What could be the problem now?
“Maybe once we get out of here...well, I bet you’re going to have to hang out for a bit while your car gets fixed, so maybe I could cook some dinner for you and Emily, and you could see for yourself.”
Leah blinked.
Somehow, she hadn’t thought about what Jeff might do after they got out of the cabin. Apart from crazy, self-indulgent fantasies where he somehow magically solved all their problems, she corrected herself.
But something like inviting her and Emily over to his place and making dinner for them...that was almost more overwhelming than the fantasy. Because it seemed impossible, but it could actually happen. He was offering to make it happen.
His shy expression was starting to fall a bit. “But if you don’t want to, if you just want to go to a hotel or something—or with one of the ranger families, I know I could find someone who’d be happy to put you up until your car’s fixed—anyway, if you’d rather not, that’s completely fine. You should do whatever makes you comfortable.”
“No!” Leah said. “No, no, dinner with you sounds...that sounds wonderful.” She blinked again, hard, this time because her eyes were starting to water.
What a kind, generous, wonderful man.
“Thank you,” she managed. “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting...such a generous offer.”
Now he looked alarmed. What had she said?
“It’s not generosity. I like you and I like Emily. I’d be happy to spend some more time with you after we get out of here.” He waved a hand around the cabin. “You’d be doing me a favor. I don’t have guests very often.”
The firelight had lit his face, making his skin look warm and tan, and glinting in his blond hair. This whole night was like a fantasy, Leah thought—rescued from the snow, brought to this cozy, firelit cabin that smelled like cedar and pine, eating dinner at a little table where her knees brushed against this handsome man’s.
Even Emily banging her hand against the table and whining for more peaches didn’t quite break the spell.
“Well, still thank you,” Leah said. “Okay, honey, you’re not starving, here you go—I would be happy to spend time with you, too, Jeff. I—I like you.” That sounded a little too bald, so she quickly added, “And Emily likes you, too.”
“That’s what I was trying for most.” Jeff grinned at Emily, whose face was covered in peaches. “You have good taste, huh, kiddo?”
“You’re good with babies. You must not have been kidding about all those nieces and nephews.”
“Nope. I have five siblings, and they’re all married. That means a horde of babies running around at every family gathering.” Jeff smiled again, and this time it looked wistful.
“I’m sure you’ll be a great father, whenever you get married,” Leah offered, again shoving down her jealousy of Jeff’s future wife.
“I hope so,” he said. “No one’s stepped forward to volunteer for the other half of the equation yet, so it’s all theoretical so far.”
“Oh.” Leah took a big bite of her sandwich to keep from having to respond any further. She didn’t want something like, I volunteer! How about me? to fall out of her mouth by accident.
"What about you?" Jeff asked her. "Do you have any siblings?"
Leah swallowed her peanut butter with some effort. "No," she said. "My parents got
divorced when I was a baby, and my mom never remarried, so I never had any siblings."
"What about your dad?"
Leah shrugged. "He wasn't around much after they split. I'm not sure where he is now."
Jeff's lips parted in what looked like unhappy surprise. "He wasn't around at all?"
Leah shook her head. "He left town and we didn't really hear from him." She looked down at Emily and sighed. "I wanted something better for her, but I guess that's not how it worked out."
Jeff leaned forward, and when she looked up, he met her eyes. His were glinting silver in the firelight, and they looked fierce, almost angry. But his voice was soft. "I didn't want to ask about her dad. It's not my business to bring it up. But if you want to talk about it...?"
Leah didn't. She didn’t want to get her whole sordid, awful story all over this kind man who came from a family where fathers didn't abandon their children and everyone got married, had tons of babies, and lived happily ever after.
But she'd brought it up, so she should give him at least a little bit of an explanation. "We were engaged. But...he didn't want a baby," she said briefly. "So he left."
"Can I ask when? If you don't want to talk about it anymore, that's completely fine."
"It was about nine months ago." Leah kissed Emily's head, glad that she wasn't old enough to understand what they were talking about yet. She reached for the peaches, so Leah fed her another bite.
When she looked up, Jeff's mouth had compressed into an angry line. "He left you when your baby was a month old."
Leah nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
"Did he leave you any money? Any way of supporting yourself?"
She shook her head.
"So you've been all alone with a baby for nine months?"
"Yep." She took Emily's hand, waving it a little to distract herself from the content of the conversation. "I had a little saved up—thankfully Rob and I hadn't merged our bank accounts or anything—and I was able to work part-time and get childcare from some of the town ladies who were kind enough to do it for free or for cheap.”
She didn’t look up at Jeff. She didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. She’d accepted that her story was sad and pathetic, and that was fine. She’d given up on pride a long time ago. But she didn’t want this man to think she was pathetic.
So she didn’t look, just kept talking.
“I scrimped and saved and made my money last as long as I could. But it ran out. So now I'm on my way to my mom's place to stay with her. And hopefully I can find a job with flexible hours, and some kind of affordable childcare, and start saving up some money." She waved Emily's hand again. "We'll make it work, right, baby? We can make it work."
"Ba! Ba ba ba!"
"More peaches, I hear you." Leah fed her another bite.
Jeff stood up suddenly. Leah looked up, startled, but he was already pacing over to the tiny kitchenette window, looking out at the snow.
"I know that men do this sort of thing," he said conversationally. Leah wasn't sure if she was imagining the thread of strain running through his voice, or if he really was trying incredibly hard to keep his voice level.
"It's not like I didn't know that fathers abandoned their children, and those children's mothers, all the time. Obviously I know that. But meeting you and Emily...Leah, I can't understand why anyone would do that to you. And I think it takes a special kind of monster to leave a mother and a baby without any support, or money, or love."
Monster. Leah had never thought of Rob as a monster. He was just a man, with a man's flaws. Of course he didn't want to change diapers and clean up spit-up. Of course he'd rather be out having beers with his friends than spending time with an infant. Wasn't that what men were like? Weren't all men like that?
This man wasn't.
This man was telling her right now what he thought of men like that.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you," Jeff continued, "and I can’t tell you how much I admire you for doing this on your own. If there's anything, anything at all I can do to help, please tell me. Please don't hesitate. I'll do it, I promise you I will."
Leah swallowed. She was tearing up, and she tried to keep any hint of that out of her voice.
He couldn’t help her. Because what she needed most was money, money to fix her car and support Emily, and it wasn’t like he was a millionaire who could just drop cash on her head. And she didn’t want to take money from him, even if he had it. She didn’t want this connection that she felt with him to become a...transaction.
"Thank you," she said as levelly as she could. "You’re already doing so much. If you want to do more, you can cook us that dinner. I'm really—I'm really looking forward to that."
Her voice caught at the very end, and Jeff turned around immediately, just in time for a tear to slip out of one eye and streak down her face in a hot line.
Instantly, Jeff was at her side. He had a hand almost on her shoulder, but hesitated. "Is it okay if I—"
Leah was so tired of being strong. She was so tired of doing it all herself, with no one to help her if she needed help, or to comfort her when she cried. And maybe she didn’t care as much about looking pathetic as she’d thought she did, now that he was standing next to her, almost touching her with those big, warm hands. She nodded.
Jeff's arms wrapped around her and Emily, pulling them in until Leah's head was resting against the warmth of his chest. His grip was strong, strong enough that it felt like nothing would be able to snatch her away again.
"I'll help you," he said, and she could feel his voice rumbling deep beneath her ear. "I swear to you, I will help you. You don't have to do it all alone."
Leah closed her eyes and tried to believe that. For a few seconds, she almost did.
After a minute, she felt a warm pressure on the top of her head. Jeff's mouth. Jeff was pressing a kiss to her crown, his lips brushing her hair. A warm flush went through Leah's body, and she pulled back, juggling Emily over to her other side.
She looked up at Jeff. He was looking down at her, the firelight haloing his body and lighting his hair. But his eyes were dark, and she saw something unmistakable in them.
He wanted her.
The flush through Leah’s body turned hot. It was like all of her worries and doubts were burned away in a wash of fiery heat.
When was the last time she’d felt wanted? Not since Rob left. Not since long before Rob left.
And Rob had never made her feel quite like this. Jeff was looking at her like she was beautiful, like she was something wonderful to see. Not just a sex object, but something precious. And even in addition to that, like she was sexy.
Leah couldn’t even remember the last time she’d felt sexy.
“Um,” she said, totally unsure what to say. What actually came out was, “It’s way past Emily’s bedtime.”
He didn’t seem taken aback, or annoyed at the change of subject. “Seems like it would be,” he said softly. “Do you want me to set up the Pack-n-Play?”
“That would be great,” she said. “I’ll get her cleaned up and changed.”
There was a long, charged moment, where they were still looking at each other, and neither of them seemed to want to break eye contact to move.
Leah made herself tear her eyes away, and stood up purposefully, Emily sitting on her hip. “Let’s go clean you up, honey, and then it’s time for night-night,” she told her, keeping her eyes on the baby. It staved off the temptation to fall into Jeff’s arms.
Jeff let out a long, slow breath and turned away to find the Pack-n-Play, while Leah snagged the diaper bag and retreated to the bathroom.
Emily did not enjoy having her face scrubbed, but they managed it all right. Leah decided not to try and give her a bath. Instead, she got her into a clean diaper and a sleeper, and came out into the main room to see the Pack-n-Play set up next to the couch.
Jeff was frowning at it. “I think this is a good distance from the fire,” he said. “I put it close
enough that she’ll stay warm, even when it’s burning down in the middle of the night, but not so close it feels scorching or makes her too hot.”
Leah came over and stood next to it consideringly. “It feels fine right now,” she decided. “And believe me, if she gets uncomfortable in the middle of the night, she’ll let us know.”
Jeff raised his eyebrows, and Leah realized that what she’d said had sounded like they were going to be in bed together.
Was that what she wanted?
It was. No matter what happened, tonight she wanted to snuggle up next to this gorgeous, kind, wonderful man, to keep each other warm, and to feel his arms around her, making her feel safe and secure.
Emily grabbed her shirt.
“I have to nurse her real fast,” Leah said, smiling apologetically at Jeff. "It's the best way to get her to sleep. It won't take long—she doesn't want a meal, just the comfort of it."
"No problem," Jeff said, looking around. "I'll just go..."
"You don't have to," Leah said. "I'm not shy about nursing. But if it makes you uncomfortable..."
Breastfeeding made a lot of men very, very uncomfortable. Leah had never quite understood what it was, how breasts could be the sexiest, most desirable thing in the world to a man by themselves, but the second a baby was attached to them, the man had the sudden need to run the other way.
But Jeff said, "Okay. If you're sure you don't mind."
Leah shook her head. "Nope."
Jeff still looked away while she got Emily situated, and Leah still used the scarf as a makeshift cover, just to keep him from potentially getting too put off, but when she was all settled on the couch, he sat down next to her, and didn't look weirded out at all.
"This is amazing," he said, gesturing to Emily.
"I know," Leah said, even though she thought he might mean something else. "She's being really good for being up so far past her bedtime."
Jeff laughed. "No, I meant...nursing. I really admire women for being able to do so much with their bodies. Just the possibility of taking the tiniest bit of genetic material and making a whole human being out of it, and then nourishing that human being...it blows me away."