by Zoe Chant
“Maybe you were just tired,” Leah decided. “You didn’t sleep much last night.” And neither had Leah, of course—now that she was waking up a bit, she felt much, much better for the long nap.
Once Emily was done eating, she didn’t want to be put down, and cried when Leah tried to get her to explore the new space. “Okay, okay, if that’s what you want,” Leah said finally, and set Emily on her hip while she looked around for something to do.
It was hard to find anything. There was really nothing to clean, and no chores to do. The place was tidy, the floors were swept, the carpets were vacuumed. There were no dishes in the sink at all.
Remembering Jeff’s instructions, Leah looked in the fridge. She found a Tupperware full of chicken, vegetables, and rice and heated it up for herself. She offered Emily a few bites, but the baby turned her face away.
“Still full, huh?” Leah popped the fork in her own mouth. “More for Mommy.”
Even reheated, the food was delicious, subtly spiced and filling. Leah was impressed. Her own cooking skills tended to be more serviceable than anything; she could put dinner on the table in half an hour or less, but she never had the time to learn new recipes or put together something really elaborate.
When she was finished, she washed her dishes and again found herself with nothing to do. Emily was still being clingy, so she went and sat down in a big comfy armchair in the living room with some books. “Want to read, baby?”
They read a few of Emily’s books, and then Emily wanted to hold the books herself, so Leah handed them over to her and found one of the gardening books she’d brought with her. It had been a long, long time since she’d found a few spare moments to sit down and read.
So they spent the rest of the afternoon like that, and Leah read through a whole section. It had some baby-wrinkled pages by the time she was done, but nothing got ripped, and Emily stayed quiet.
It was wonderful. Just to be able to sit down and read...Leah started thinking about her mom’s place, and the small yard. Maybe she could start a garden there in the spring? If she had the time, she reminded herself, which she might not.
As it got later, Emily started fussing. Leah changed her again, but she wouldn’t calm down even when she was dry, and she didn’t want food, so Leah walked her up and down the hall, bouncing her occasionally, which kept her calmer.
Around five-thirty, the front door opened. “Hello?” Jeff called. “I’m home!”
Leah came into the front room. “Hi,” she said. “We missed you.”
She said the words without thinking, and then almost winced—just like this morning, that sounded so very, very domestic.
But it was true. As much as it had been nice to just sit around all day, napping and reading with Emily, it would have been even nicer if Jeff had been there with them.
There was a smile spreading over Jeff’s face, and he set down the bags he was carrying and took off his winter gear—and put it all neatly away, Leah noticed. Then he came right over to her and kissed her on the mouth, lingering for a minute. Leah closed her eyes.
When he pulled away, he dropped another kiss on Emily’s head. The baby sobbed, waving her fists.
Jeff raised his eyebrows. “Wow, not everything’s sunny in Emily’s world today, is it? What’s up, kiddo, are you mad about something?”
Leah shook her head. “She’s just fussy. Maybe she’s coming down with something, or maybe it’s just all of the strange places she’s been lately. She took a heck of a nap earlier, but she’s due for another one soon, isn’t that right?” She jounced Emily, who sobbed harder. “That’s right.”
“Well, I hope she doesn’t sleep through dinner,” Jeff said. “I’ve got plans. Actually, I should get started soon if we want to eat before bedtime.” He went back to pick up the bags he’d brought in, and Leah realized they were groceries.
“Well, let me see if I can put her down, and then I’ll come help out however I can.”
“No, no,” Jeff said. “I’m cooking for you. You can’t help.”
Leah smiled. “I’ll come keep you company in the kitchen?”
“That sounds perfect,” Jeff said. “Goodnight, honey.” He touched Emily’s red cheek.
Leah took Emily back into the spare room and closed the door, so the kitchen sounds wouldn’t distract the baby as she was trying to sleep. “Come on, Emily,” she said. “Time for a nap.”
Emily was very annoyed at the prospect of napping, and it took two stories, a couple of songs, and some rocking and back-rubbing before it seemed like she’d consider it, and then another fifteen minutes of staying completely still as her eyes almost closed...and then jerked open on another sob...and then almost closed again...and on and on.
When Leah finally slipped out the door of the spare room and into the kitchen, Jeff was well underway with dinner. There were knives and cutting boards out on the counters, a pot was bubbling on the stove, the oven was going, and he was washing dishes, his sleeves rolled up.
His forearms were tanned and strong, muscles moving in them as he picked up bowls and pans. His feet were bare, too. It was strange that his forearms and his feet were suddenly so interesting to Leah when she’d seen the whole naked package yesterday, but she guessed it was like the days when a lady’s ankle was scandalous—because Jeff was otherwise completely covered by his clothes, these little exposed parts were somehow the sexiest thing she’d seen in a while.
She watched him doing the dishes for a minute before she came in. A man willingly doing the dishes—now that was possibly the sexiest thing she’d ever seen.
Finally, as he was turning the water off, she stepped up behind him, hesitated, then slipped her hands around his waist.
“Hey,” he murmured, and she could hear the open pleasure in his voice.
“Hi,” she said, resting her forehead between his shoulder blades. “Can I help with anything?”
He shut off the water, dried his hands, and turned around to pull her in for a hug. “You can hang out right here and keep me company.”
“It smells amazing,” she murmured into his chest. “What are you making?”
“Thanks. It’s beef chili. I thought we could have the perfect dinner for a snowed-in evening, because we missed our chance back at the cabin.”
She smiled. “Are you knocking my peanut butter and trail mix?”
“Never.” He kissed the top of her head. “It kept us from going hungry, and when stranded in the wilderness, that is the number-one most important factor. You were really well-prepared out there, Leah. Like I said, I was impressed with how you managed to pack exactly the right supplies, even with no survival training.”
She was glad her face was hidden, because it was starting to heat up with a blush. “It was just common sense. I’m sure anyone else would have brought the same things.”
“No,” Jeff said seriously, “they wouldn’t. I’m a park ranger, remember. I deal with stranded or lost hikers all the time, and you’d be amazed at how many people don’t have the most basic survival equipment with them when they’re out in the wilderness. No food, no medical supplies, nothing to keep them warm...it happens all the time. You were smart. You were prepared. And that helped both of us.”
Leah broke away from his hold, turning away. “Jeff...you seem to have this picture of me in your head. Like I’m some kind of—I don’t know. But you’re wrong. I’m only out here because I screwed up.”
Jeff came up behind her and laid a hand lightly on her shoulder. “Screwed up how?”
“In every way.” Leah knew she should turn around and face him, but she didn’t want to look into those endless grey eyes while she said these words. “I couldn’t keep my fiancé, I couldn’t support my daughter, I couldn’t even make plans for the future with any realism. I’m on my way to stay with my mom, who doesn’t need or want any extra mouths to feed, but it’s my only option. And now my car’s broken down, and I don’t have the money to get it fixed, and I’m imposing on you because I also don’t have the m
oney to stay anywhere else...”
“Whoa, whoa!” Jeff interrupted. He tugged on her shoulder until she turned around and looked him in the eye.
“Leah, can I tell you how I see the situation? Because it’s not the same at all, from my perspective.”
She nodded.
“The way I see it, your ex abandoned all of his responsibilities and left you to try and do an impossible task by yourself. You succeeded for way, way longer than any reasonable person would expect, and now you’re asking for help from your family, exactly the people who should be helping you out in a situation like this.”
Leah started to protest that her mom had no obligation to help her if she didn’t want to, but Jeff held up a finger, and she subsided to let him finish.
“You had the bad luck to be driving in an unexpected snowstorm, but that was my good luck. And listen carefully now, because this is the most important thing that seems to be different in how we see the situation.”
Jeff took hold of her shoulders and spoke the next words with a determined truthfulness that was impossible to disbelieve.
“You are not a burden, Leah. I know you think that you and Emily are an inconvenience to me, but that’s just not true at all. I’m so glad I met you both. I’m so glad you’re here right now.
“Because you know what I’d be doing if you weren’t here? Looking for a way to keep myself busy. Cooking dinner for myself, and wishing I had someone else to cook for. I don’t want you to leave, Leah. I want you to stay here as long as you’re willing. Forever, if you want to.”
Leah’s mouth fell open.
Forever? She had to have heard that wrong. Or Jeff had to be...mistaken, or something.
But Jeff had been looking straight at her and speaking clearly and forcefully. He knew what he was saying, and he meant it. She couldn’t believe anything else.
“Jeff...” She didn’t know what to say. “If it were just me...I’d say yes. I’ve come to really”—love—“care for you, since we met. I’m happy when I’m with you, and if I lived here, if it were just me, I would want to spend as much time with you as I could, for as long as possible.”
She took a deep breath. “But it’s not just me. It’s my daughter, too. You can’t want to become a father to someone else’s baby. I love Emily more than anything, but you don’t know how stressful it can be, how much work and time a baby takes...You lose sleep, you don’t get time to yourself. You can’t want to take that on for someone you just met.”
“You’re not ‘someone I just met,’ Leah,” Jeff started, but he was interrupted by a shrieking wail from the other room.
Leah smiled sadly at him. “See?” she said, and pulled away to go get her daughter.
***
At first, Jeff was frustrated that the conversation had been interrupted at exactly that moment. The moment when he’d been about to tell Leah that she was his mate.
That they were destined to be together—and so he was destined to be Emily’s dad.
The thought sent a rush of happiness through him. A dad. He was going to get to be a dad, all at once, right away, instead of having to wait through dating and engagement and marriage and trying to conceive. That baby there in the other room was going to be his baby.
Assuming Leah decided to stay with him.
That was the most important thing, and that was why, after a moment of thinking about it, Jeff wasn’t sorry that they’d been interrupted.
Because he could tell Leah that she was his mate until he was blue in the face, but he would bet all the money he had in the bank that it wouldn’t convince her to stay. She wasn’t a shifter, and therefore had no way of knowing what the mate-bond meant.
More importantly, she’d heard words of commitment before. She’d been engaged. Jeff had heard her story, and he knew that she’d gotten used to disappointment and heartbreak. The way she’d looked when she told him she was a screw-up...her mouth set, her eyes sheened with tears that she stubbornly kept back.
He wasn’t going to convince Leah with what he said. He was going to convince her with what he did.
So he turned the chili to a low simmer and followed Leah into the spare room. She was just picking a sobbing Emily up out of the Pack-n-Play.
“She threw up,” Leah reported. “I’m so sorry, Jeff; she’s definitely sick. She feels warm, too.”
“Poor kid.” Emily’s face was flushed and her hair was damp with sweat. Her face was messy and she was sobbing miserably. “What does she need? I’ll run out to the store.”
“Pedialyte and infant Tylenol,” Leah said, sounding tired. “Where’s your washing machine? I need to get these sheets off...”
“You’ve got your hands full,” Jeff pointed out. Emily was clutching tightly to Leah and didn’t look like she wanted to let go anytime soon. “I’ll get the sheets in the washing machine and then head out to the store.”
“Jeff, you shouldn’t have to do any of this.” Leah was stroking Emily’s hair and rocking her lightly as she sobbed.
“Leah,” Jeff said, “I want to do this. I want to help Emily feel better. I want to do whatever it takes to get her well. And I want to do it for you, too. Okay?”
He held her gaze as he said the words, and finally, she nodded once. “Okay.”
“Let me know if there’s anything else you need,” Jeff said firmly, and went to change the sheets.
He stripped the Pack-n-Play mattress as efficiently as possible, got the sheets in the wash, and found some cleaner for the mattress. Then he hesitated, looking at the label. Was it safe to use on a baby’s mattress?
Well, he was headed to CVS anyway; he’d get something natural and baby-safe while he was there.
He stowed the cleaner and went back to the kitchen, giving the chili a quick glance. The biscuits were about done, so he pulled them out of the oven and set them aside to cool.
Emily was still sobbing, but more quietly, now, muffled. Jeff remembered Leah saying she was warm, and went looking through the diaper bag, and then Leah’s little first-aid kit. Sure enough, there was a baby thermometer, so he went back to the spare room.
Leah was pacing back and forth in there, with Emily snuffling into her shoulder. She was murmuring something in the baby’s ear, too quiet for Jeff to understand the words, but the tone was soothing.
“Here,” he said. “If you need it.” He held up the thermometer and set it on the side table. “I’m going to head out to the store. Is there anything else you need? Extra...anything? I’ll get diapers, too,” he said with sudden realization. She would need diapers eventually, after all, no matter what happened.
“She’s in a size three,” Leah said. “Thanks.”
“Of course.” Jeff came over and kissed her quickly, and then kissed Emily’s sweaty cheek. “Feel better, kiddo. I’m going to go get you some medicine, okay?”
Emily sobbed. Leah hugged her tight. “Go on,” she said, and hesitated. “The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back.”
Warmth rose in Jeff’s chest at her words. He kissed her again. “I’m leaving now.”
He grabbed his keys and went out to his car with Leah’s words echoing in his head. That sounded like...a step forward, at least. It wasn’t an apology for being a burden; it wasn’t abject gratitude for doing a favor.
It was the sort of thing you might say to a husband or wife. Someone who you wanted or needed in your life, someone whose job was to help you out with things.
Definitely a step forward. Jeff smiled to himself and put the car in gear.
CVS was only a short drive away, although he kept it to careful speeds because the roads were a bit icy after the storm and today’s warmer temperatures, followed by the drop when the sun went down.
Inside the store, though, he got a bit carried away.
He got diapers, Pedialyte, and baby Tylenol, but he also grabbed several other kinds of baby medicine, on the theory that even if they weren’t going to help Emily now, it was better to have them around for the futu
re. He picked up baby food, wipes, baby shampoo, a teething ring, and anything else that looked like it might come in handy at some point, because he wanted to be prepared.
He also got a full set of organic, hypoallergenic, child-safe cleaning supplies. He didn’t want his home to be toxic to a baby.
Jeff paid for everything, loaded it all back in the car, and drove sedately and safely back home, even though he badly wanted to floor it—he was suddenly aware of how much time he’d taken picking out forty-seven different things.
Leah met him at the door, her eyes going wide at all of his bags. “My God, Jeff, did you buy out the store?”
“I wanted to make sure we had everything we might need,” Jeff defended himself. “The medicine is in here, though.” He twisted his hand so she could take the smallest, lightest bag, where he’d made sure to put all the essentials together.
Leah took the bag from him. Emily was still tucked against her shoulder, no longer sobbing out loud, but making an upset whiny noise. “Thanks,” she said, as Jeff shut the door and started shedding all of his winter gear. “Could you...” She stopped.
Jeff looked up. “Could I what?”
“Could you grab a bottle from the diaper bag and put the Pedialyte in it?”
Jeff restrained himself from falling to his knees and saying, She’s asking me for help! Thank you! Instead, he smiled. “Sure. I got orange, grape, and strawberry—does she like one better than the others?”
“Grape is probably best. Thank you.”
“No problem.” He set down his bags and went to dig through the diaper bag for a bottle.
Once Emily had the bottle clutched in both hands, Leah sat down on the couch with a sigh. “Thanks for this,” she said. “She doesn’t want me to stop walking otherwise. And hopefully this’ll keep her hydrated.”
“Good,” Jeff said. “You hang out there for a second.”
He repurposed a shelf in the hall closet for baby items—the closet wasn’t packed full by any means, since he was just a single guy and the house was definitely too big for him. All of the diapers and wipes and other supplies fit neatly into it.
Once he got everything from the store stowed away, he went back into the kitchen and finished cleaning up in there. When he leaned into the living room to check, Emily was blinking sleepily against Leah’s shoulder, looking like she might conk out at any minute.