“Jamie! Jamie. . .it's me, Bill.”
“Bill? What the hell are doing following me? That isn’t your car?” Jamie asked in a demanding tone releasing his grip.
“Christ Jamie, I didn’t know you were picking Ellie up. Steve told me someone was following her when we were bowling last night and with all the news about the murders, I thought I’d make sure she was okay,” he said. “This car is on loan from the garage. I took mine in for a service.”
Ellie jumped out of the car and walked over to them sheepishly.
“You know what happened to the boy who cried wolf Ellie?” said Jamie glaring at his daughter. “Let this be a lesson. Next time something may happen for real and no one will listen.”
Jamie was shaking with the jolt of adrenalin flowing through his veins. Ellie held her head down as Bill picked himself up and dusted himself off.
“Sorry, dad. Sorry, Uncle Bill. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble.”
“Look, Bill.” Jamie said. “Come back to our house for something to eat. You can stop by your place for your clothes, and we can go to the speed dating after we’ve relaxed.”
“Sure, JJ, you go on home, I’ll catch up.”
Jamie was furious, but said nothing more. He had said what he needed to say and for him that was an end to it. While he was steamed with Ellie, he was once again overcome with a cloud of suspicion. I just can’t figure that guy out.
Contents
Speed dating
Bill acted as if nothing happened. Jamie worried their little altercation may have caused them to fall out, but he hadn’t bargained for Bill’s thick skin. Bill looked different wearing his new outfit, and the blue spectacles made him look almost normal. Arriving at the venue in a taxi, Jamie felt apprehensive. The place gave him the shivers, but he just shrugged it off. Standing in line to the ballroom, he could see it looked different. Separate tables had been set around the room with pink tablecloths. White rose displays with candles, decorated the centre of the tables. Rows of pink and white balloons from floor to ceiling, strategically placed around the room, with the lights dimmed and Italian background music, created a romantic ambience.
Checking through reception, they where all given a form listing the women by name and number, together with a numbered nametag. Directed to the bar, Jamie started to feel nervous and wished he had written down some questions, as he looked around the room. The women were stunning, and Jamie couldn’t understand. What are they doing here? Definitely a class above the singles’ club.
“Jamie, pinch me. I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.” Bill poked him in the arm. “Have you ever seen this much freakin cleavage in one place?”
“Yeah, I’m thinking that, maybe we could be out of our depth. Most of them look ten years younger than us.”
“What do you mean out of our depth? Never mind looking at the women, look at the competition. We got nothing to compete against; they all look like geeks. Come on let’s steal a march on ‘em.”
Bill started to circulate and Jamie followed, far from positive it was a good idea.
“Come on, Jamie, don’t be bashful. Pretend you’re at the singles’ club and remember what I told you, only positive questions,” said Bill. He headed straight for the most beautiful of them all, a tall slim blond, as she stood talking to her friend and sipping wine.
“Hi ladies. Aaah, Linda, what brings you here?” he asked, looking at the nametag.
“Hopefully to find a date, err sorry I didn’t catch the name?” asked Linda, stating the obvious and squinting at Bill’s nametag as if she forgot her glasses.
“Name’s Bill, number twenty. I think it’s our lucky day. Just tick ‘yes’ on your form and let’s get the hell out of here.”
“Hmm, not very original, but ten out of ten for trying, Bill,” she said laughing.
“Don’t say I didn’t ask, Linda. Remember Bill, number twenty, catch ya later.”
“Like a rash it would seem. . .Bill,” she replied as he peeled away to the next target.
“I’m in there! She’s blind as a bat. . .come on join in this time.”
Jamie knocked into a gorgeous brunette, spilling her drink as Bill disappeared.
“I’m terribly sorry! What’s that you’re drinking? I’ll get you another, Jackie, is it?”
“Well you can read, that’s something. At least you didn’t offer to buy me a drink. Nice turn of phrase Jamie, it shows you’re not a complete idiot,” she said, checking that the drink hadn’t stained her outfit.
Jamie shuffled off to buy her a drink and just as he returned, the master of ceremonies blew his whistle for everyone’s attention. He tapped a glass with a spoon as if he were about to make a toast at a wedding.
“Attention everyone, we’re about to start. Would the ladies kindly take a seat at their corresponding, numbered tables?”
It was like a stampede of horses as they made their way across the wooden floor in high heels.
“How did you get on, any luck?” Bill tugged his shirt.
“Not really, I’ve already put a ‘No’ down against Jackie, number thirty. She thinks I’m an idiot.”
“Purty sure I definitely scored with about three of them so far. I can’t wait to see the rest,” said Bill just as the master of ceremonies called everyone to order.
“Ladies and gentlemen, you’ll notice two empty tables. Unfortunately, it happens from time to time, two of the ladies cancelled at the last minute. Would the gentlemen, who should be meeting someone at tables five and six, please retire to the bar or wait at an empty table?”
“That’s all we need, more men than women. That’ll cut our odds,” uttered Bill.
“When I blow my whistle, get started. You have three minutes to make your introductions. At the end of the session, when I blow my whistle, the gentlemen move to the next table on your list and so on. At half time, I’ll blow my whistle twice for you all to retire to the bar and take a break. I’m sure you all know to tick ‘Yes’, ‘Friend’, or ‘No’. I would advise you to tick the boxes after each introduction. Good luck everyone,” and with that he blew his whistle.
Jamie was petrified and kept repeating, “What, why, where, when,” as he walked over to his first table to a good-looking young woman who appeared equally nervous.
“Hi, my name’s Amanda,”
“What, why, err sorry, Amanda. . .Jamie Jameson, you can call me JJ.”
“What’s your favorite hobby and why, JJ?” she said reading from an index card.
Jamie thought crosswords, but it came out differently.
“I like to keep fit. I think it’s important to look after your body, and you?”
“Cryptic crosswords,” she smiled. “Good for the mind. I don’t think I could handle the torture of a gym.”
Jamie could have left there and then, taking Bills advice. He thought she would have considered him boring, if he had said “crosswords.”
“Why are you here, Amanda?”
“Good question. I’ve had a bad time since my husband divorced me and it caused me to have a spell in hospital, you know...” She stared at him with vacant eyes and reaching over to hold his arm, she whispered, “But I’m better now.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” said Jamie, as alarm bells sounded. He sat back in his chair to release her hold on his arm.
“What do you do for a living, Jamie, and what do you enjoy the most about your work?”
Jamie couldn’t care less about choosing his words now. In his mind he was already ticking the ‘No’ Box.
“I’m a salesman. I sell advertising. The thing I like best is driving into work and driving home again to my two grown up children, who incidentally are a nightmare,” he replied. If that doesn’t put her off, nothing will. “What do you do, Amanda, and what do you like the most about your work?”
“Oh, I’m between jobs. I have two children to look after and some days I could just scream! The pills help, still, some days I find rewarding.”
Jamie
had lost interest as they labored on, from question to question and prayed for the whistle. It finally blew to the rescue. He was sure that session was longer than three minutes, as he made his way to the next table. At least the experience had given him a few pointers.
Arriving at the next position, Jamie felt more confident, until he saw it was the blond Bill had talked to at the bar. She looked different with the light from the flickering candle casting shadows across her face. She was stunning! In the half-light, he spotted the tell tale creases in her neck that belied the fact her face looked ten years younger. She wasn’t wearing a bra, the contour of her breasts where far from natural looking and he was sure one nipple was lower than the other one. Jamie wanted to tick ‘No’ and move on, he wasn’t about to date someone that followed his ex wife’s path of plastic surgery. He noticed a glasses case in her handbag.
“Hi, you’re the friend of that cheeky guy at the bar. You seem to be the one without the tongue, a little like Laurel, as in Laurel and Hardy.”
“Yeah, Linda, you’re quite perceptive. I suppose my character is a little like Stan Laurel.”
“Sorry I didn’t catch your name?” she asked.
“You can put your glasses on if you like, Linda. My names on the tag.”
“Ah, I can see we should tick ‘No.’”
She sat back with her arms crossed, her body language clearly confirming her words, as they waited for the three minutes to pass in cold silence.
Standing up to leave as the whistle sounded, Jamie hesitated and turned back to her.
“You know something, you’re a beautiful woman. I’m sure you would look equally beautiful wearing your glasses.”
Moving on to the next table, the girl looked way too young and Jamie was sure he was wasting his time.
“Jamie. . .that’s a friendly name. My name’s Gina, pleased to meet you. Can we cut to the chase?”
“Err yeah, sure, whatever.”
“I have a lingerie business and it takes me all over the world. I want a man who can drop everything at the press of a button and take me out on a date. I’ve little time in my life, so I have to manage my time effectively. My question is, could you be that man, Jamie?”
Jamie was dumbstruck, how could he answer that? He thought hard, searching for an answer.
“Could I be that man? Hmm, first I must be a good twenty years older than you.”
“Let me stop you there. Age doesn’t come into the equation. You’re attractive, you look a little like a younger George Clooney and you scrub up well, so I wouldn’t have a problem there.”
“George Clooney? I’ve had that said before,” said Jamie, feeling a bit uncomfortable at the comparison after his last escapade. No doubt about it, she is gorgeous, thought Jamie. “Gina, if I was twenty years younger, I’d grab you by the hand now and whisk you away, but I have to pass. I have two children near your age, and I’m looking for someone to grow old with. Really sorry.”
“Oh don’t be sorry, at least you’re honest, and after all, that’s why we have the three minutes. Good luck with your quest.”
“You too, Gina, although I can’t see you having a problem. You’re gorgeous.” Jamie found her very interesting, as they continued to chat. She oozed confidence, knowing what she wanted and was determined to find it.
The next table was even more interesting. The woman was nearer his age and had the most amazing eyes that caused him to avert his gaze. Introductions over, he thought he would jump in first.
“Why are you here, Jenny, and what do you hope to achieve?”
“Straight to the point, Jamie; you’re the first one to ask that. First, I’m here with the other girls from the office for a night out. It seemed to be a good idea, more fun than propping up a bar, and second, I’m single, so if I could find a date... that would be good.”
The questions and answers ran smoothly. He was sure he would tick ‘Yes’ on this occasion. There was just time for Jamie to ask one last question.
“What sort of hobbies do you have, Jenny?”
“Horses, oh and cats and dogs. I have two horses, four dogs and three cats.”
The whistle broke the magic spell and that last answer made him edgy. Jamie tried to picture himself mucking out the stables and clearing dog shit from the lawn.
Even worse, what would I do if the cats use my armchair as a scratch pad, he thought. He moved to the next table ticking ‘No’.
Jamie took a leaf out of Jenny’s book and treated the rest of the evening as a night out, enjoying the conversations until the whistle blew twice for half time. Bill joined him at the bar and since Jamie wasn’t driving, he bought a stiff drink.
“What do you think, isn’t it great?” asked Bill.
“Yeah, I’m enjoying myself. There are some nice people here and the waiters call at the tables to top up your drinks, helps oil the wheels.”
“How many ‘Yes’ boxes have you ticked?” asked Bill.
“None.”
“What? Are you mad? I’ve ticked fifteen ‘Yes’ boxes. Here let’s compare the ones we’ve seen. You must be doing something wrong. As long as they have a pulse, you should be saying yes. You can decide if you like them afterwards.”
“A pulse? Oh yes I remember, you mean like a plot in a book with a beginning, middle and end?”
“No you fool, I mean as long as they’re breathin’ air.”
“They’re all very nice, but I haven’t found anyone who made me feel that spark. I came close with Jenny, but the horses put me off.”
“You’re nuts, JJ; I wouldn’t mind saddling that one.”
“I thought we agreed why we are here. Aren’t we supposed to be trying to find someone to have a relationship with and to look past the challenge of trying to bed them all. What happened to compatibility?”
Bill sulked then jumped up on a barstool only to reveal his Spiderman socks. The image of his new outfit was destroyed. Well, he sure makes a statement! No way he’s changing. Proves the adage, “You can change a man’s appearance on the outside, but not the essence of the man that hides within.”
“Look, Bill, I’m not having a go here. If you finish the night with twenty-eight possibilities, and if only half are positive matches, how do you plan to date them all?” asked Jamie. He ordered another drink, despite feeling tipsy.
“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Bill agreed reluctantly. He worked his way down the list and cut it to four.
“Come on, there’s one more to cross off your list. You can’t be serious about Gina, the lingerie girl?”
“She was my favorite! I can fit her in between the others. She’d make a great trophy,” replied Bill. Jamie glared until he crossed her off his list.
Fortified with a little more alcohol and armed with the experience of the first round, Jamie made his way to his table, one of the empty ones. Finding his glass empty, he called the waiter for another drink. Looking around at the other tables everyone seemed to be smiling at each other as if it were obligatory. Some, he noticed seemed to be getting on better than others and obviously it worked for some. But the more he thought about it, he just wanted to go home. He started to think about what Mary had said, about him feeling happy with his own persona, and he didn’t feel he was in that special place. The last thing he wanted to do was date someone and waste their time, just to prove he has what it takes. He started to think about when he touched Mary’s hand and the feelings it gave him. He wished she was available, but he just didn’t consider it a possibility.
The whistle blew and he moved to the next table, the second empty one and finding his glass equally empty, he called the waiter again. A little over lubricated with whisky, the whistle blew and this time, he found himself seated face to face with Susan. He decided to change tack.
“Susan, before we start can I ask you some quick fire questions and, please, just answer yes or no.”
“Yeah… sure, fire away,” she said intrigued.
“Do have horses or any pets for that matter?”
“No.”
“Are you looking for something long term?”
“Yes.”
“Do you suffer from any sort of mental illness?”
“No.”
“Then for Christ sake will you marry me?” he said laughing and almost falling off his chair.
“You’re drunk,” she laughed too.
“Sorry, Susan, I’m sure you’re a nice girl, but I need the restroom.”
Jamie staggered to the restroom and couldn’t stop laughing. The master of ceremonies followed him.
“Are you okay, sir? You don’t look well.”
“Look, I’m sorry, but my nerves got to me and I’ve had too much to drink. I’m afraid I need to sit the rest of the night out.”
“Don’t worry it happens. I’ll just move one of the empty tables.”
Jamie went to sit in the lounge area, out of sight of the tables. He tripped and fell grabbing some guy by his coat, but landed on his knees. They both stepped back. Jamie looked up and saw the guy and his friend with their hands moving inside their coats. Shit, that guy is packing a shoulder holster. Jamie half held up his arms, his palms facing them.
“Hey, sorry about that. One too many to drink.” He watched as they backed off to the exit and noticed they both wore earpieces. It must be the police staking someone out. Jamie stood up and went to sit on a sofa. After some time sobering up, he was startled when someone tapped his shoulder
Contents
Jamie bares his soul
Jamie was a little more than surprised and felt alarmed as his thoughts had turned to the two guys earlier. He turned sharply to see who it was.
“Susan, what are you doing here, has it finished?”
“Don`t look so alarmed, I won`t bite.”
“Sorry I was miles away,” he said embarrassed at showing his nerves were on edge.
“They’re just having a fifteen minute break. I think everyone’s had a few too many. It’s more of a toilet break. Your friend Bill’s at the bar. I’ve just had my three minutes listening to him. I couldn’t get a question in. He’s busy talking to some woman at the bar and I said I’d look out for you. Besides you owe me three minutes.”
Survival Instinct Page 13