For I Have Sinned: Bastian and Rob 1 (Southern Sin)

by Julia McBryant

  “But you like it when I beg, Daddy.”

  Daddy looked away. “It’s not the same.”

  Bastian nuzzled him. “Why not?”

  “Because I’m teaching you patience, and if we both enjoy it, that’s a side benefit. I’m not tormenting you.”

  Bastian didn’t see much of a difference. Whatever. He furrowed his brow. “But I don’t feel well.”

  “You don’t?” Daddy sounded alarmed. “What’s wrong, sprite?”

  “I don’t feel good. I think I wanna go to the doctor.”

  Daddy sighed. “Bastian. You don’t need to go to the doctor.”

  Bastian wiggled his hips. “Daddy, I think I really, really wanna to go to the doctor.” Daddy was totally getting hard on him. Bastian paused. “I need to go to the doctor, Daddy.”

  “Do you?” And oh God did Daddy get stiff. “It’s a good thing I have plenty of medical training. Lie down and take your clothes off while I get some things, please.”

  Bastian stripped and laid on his back. This was going to be fun, oh, the delicious anticipation of what Daddy might do to him. His cock stood stiff, straight-up. Daddy returned with — stuff. A lot of stuff. He set it down on the bedside table. “First I have to examine you.” His gentle fingers began touching Bastian all over. He stroked Bastian’s neck and traced his ears; Daddy ran his hands down Bastian’s arms. When he reached Bastian’s chest, he paused. “I need to check your reflexes. This shouldn’t hurt.” He pinched Bastian’s nipples sharply. Bastian gasped, especially when he twisted them a bit. Daddy drew back. “Yes. They harden like they should.” He frowned. “Let’s try again.” He stroked and pinched; they drew out some more. “Hmmm. Reflexes are excessive.”

  Daddy felt down over his tummy, periodically asking him if this part or that one hurt. Bastian shook his head.

  “Now I’ll need to examine this part.” Daddy kept that same business-like tone. “I’ll need to prep the area first. You’ll have to stay very still for me, please.” Daddy used a cloth to wet his very short patch of pubic hair and picked up a razor. Oh fuck. With practiced strokes, he shaved Bastian completely bare. Bastian hadn’t kept everything bare since he swam. Daddy’s fingers stroked over the part he’d shaved, as if he were checking every single bit of skin. “Good. Nothing out of the ordinary. But this.” And fuck he took the base of Bastian’s shaft between two fingers. “Good, firm erection. Very firm, in fact. But inappropriate right now, I’d say. Bastian, do you find yourself getting erections often?”

  Daddy looked so serious. “Um, yes?”

  “How often?”

  “A lot?”

  “How often do you masturbate?”

  Bastian flushed but his cock was so fucking hard. “Maybe twice or three times a day?” Daddy knew that. Bastian had to call and ask permission.

  “Even for a boy your age, that’s excessive. You realize that may be why you get such inappropriate erections, don’t you? How do you do it?”

  “How do I …?”

  “Show me how you masturbate, please.”

  Bastian took his cock in his hand. Daddy stared at him and it only made him harder. He slid his foreskin up and down, up and down. His breath hitched and he didn’t stop.

  “That’s quite enough.” Daddy sounded bored. “You’re clearly oversexed. Let me check a few other things.” He cupped Bastian’s balls, weighing them in his hands. “Oh. I see what the problem is. You need to empty these out, don’t you?”

  Bastian nodded.

  “Let me take your temperature.”

  Bastian opened his mouth obediently. But the thermometer didn’t go there; Daddy slicked it with vaseline and slid it deliciously inside his ass. Bastian made a small noise. “Did you like that feeling? Interesting.” When it beeped, he checked it. “Normal. Well, you feel restless and can’t sleep. You need to have that tension released.” Daddy pulled open his drawer of toys, oh God, what the fuck would come out of there? He selected a slim vibrator. He coated it in regular lube and teased Bastian open a bit, then slid it inside him. Bastian bit back a moan when he turned it on.

  “I just need to find the right place. You’ll know when I have.”

  Bastian almost shouted when he did.

  Daddy didn’t touch Bastian’s aching cock. “I’m going to relieve some of that tension for you now. You’ll need this done on a regular basis by someone who knows how.” He pressed and rubbed it against the good spot as Bastian arched off the bed. Bastian closed his eyes. When he glanced over, Daddy had taken himself out and was jerking himself hard, staring at Bastian’s ass. That and the vibrator rubbing inside him were enough. He bucked up and came hard, spurting sticky all over his cock and belly.

  Bastian blinked a few times.

  “Did you like that?” Daddy began taking his clothes off.

  Bastian nodded, sort of blankly. That had blow his fucking mind.

  “As for treating you like a sub, you’re not my sub and I don’t treat you like one. We can play games but you’re not a toy. I’m your daddy. But look at all this sticky come.” He touched Bastian’s stomach. “I hate to waste it.” He stretched out next to Bastian. “I never get you like this, sweet boy. You always want pinned. But I bet if I’m very, very gentle and very, very patient, you’ll go again, won’t you?”

  Bastian nodded.

  Daddy began spreading Bastian’s come over his shaft, still tender from such a hard climax. His gentle, teasing fingers turned Bastian on anyway. “I love doing this. I love playing with you and making you hard, sprite. I think you were a smart boy. I think Daddy cuddles are the best thing for you right now. You had a hard day and you need cuddled.”

  Bastian nodded again. He turned toward Daddy. Daddy swiped the last bit of come from his stomach and rubbed it inside his ass. Bastian hummed with pleasure and spread his legs. “That’s it, little one. You love when I play with you with your own come, don’t you? I should have kept some for myself. But you’re not all the way hard yet, naughty boy.” He flipped around. “Be a sweet little sprite and suck on my head for me. Don’t do anything else or I won’t last. Be good and gentle. Can you do that?”

  Bastian took Daddy into his mouth and sucked gently. What was Daddy going to do to him? Then Daddy’s warm mouth enveloped his cock, and his tongue started licking him. Oh Christ Daddy was licking the come off his cock. Ohmygod. Daddy was cleaning him off, bit by little bit, carefully working all over him. Bastian immediately stiffened in his mouth. Daddy laughed around him. He held the base of Bastian’s shaft and licked all over his foreskin, then worked his tongue inside and very carefully cleaned off his head. Bastian was moaning by the time he finished.

  “You liked that.” Daddy smiled.

  “You liked that.”

  “Never said I didn’t.”

  “You just licked up all my come.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “That’s sofuckinghot.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Daddy, you’re so stiff.”

  “Yep.”

  “Please, please fuck me, Daddy.”

  “Stand up against the wall. I want to be right against you.”

  Bastian stood and braced himself. He liked it this way sometimes. Daddy must have slicked himself because he slid right inside and hit the right spot. Bastian moaned and wiggled on him. Daddy’s cock rubbed exactly the right way. Daddy held him with one arm, took his cock in one hand with the other, and made him turn slightly. He kissed Bastian gently and stroked him with a slick hand. Bastian rocked between his dick and his hand while Daddy sucked his bottom lip the way he liked. “Can I fuck you now?” he whispered in Bastian’s ear finally. “I’m so stiff for you, baby boy. It’s so hard to wait.”

  “Please, Daddy?” Bastian planted his hands against the wall.

  Daddy kept playing with his cock and started fucking him and oh God that stiff cock worked him; Daddy’s cock filled him up, and Daddy’s hand jacked him off at the same time. “Daddy fuck me more. I want it so bad, Daddy, I’ll be your
little slut, I swear I’ll be a perfect little slut for you, Daddy.”

  “God, I shouldn’t like it when you talk like that.”

  “Daddy, I’m such a little slut for your big dick.” Bastian couldn’t resist. “I’m a bratty little boy who needs fucked so bad. Jerk my cock until I spray all over. Please? I’ll be such a sweet little angel for you if you just give me that big hard dick. You love my tight ass, don’t you? You love keeping it just for yourself, it’s all yours, Daddy, I’m your bratty little slut —”

  Daddy lost it in him, a hot flood that filled him up. “Oh, God have mercy, Bastian, you’re a menace to decent society.”

  Bastian was so close. “Daddy, don’t stop. Lemme finish.” He reached down jerked himself three of four times, then came hard, all over the goddamn wall.

  “Naughty boy.” Daddy kissed his neck. “Didn’t say you could do that.”

  Bastian didn’t answer. He went to the bathroom and cleaned up. That gray mist had dropped down again. Everything came back in an ugly haze. Playing with Daddy was the best, best thing and then it stopped and everything was bad again. He needed cuddled.

  “How was that, baby boy? Was that fun?”

  Bastian nodded.

  “Are you sure? You don’t look like it.”

  “It was fun. I liked it.” Bastian didn’t ask for cuddling. He didn’t want Daddy to know how much he needed it. Daddy would leave if he knew.

  “Come cuddle, sprite. You’re tired and you’ve had a hard day.” Fuck. Exactly what he wanted but if he showed Daddy he wanted it, Daddy would leave. Bastian crawled into Daddy’s arms and let himself be held. He almost cried at the sheer mercy of human contact, but he didn’t show it. He pretended he didn’t want it.

  “I’m so sorry, sweet boy. I wish you would’ve trusted me enough to tell me.”

  Bastian scrunched tighter. “I think I wanna go to sleep now.” Might as fucking well.

  “That’s probably a good idea, honey.”

  Bastian got the extra comforter from the bottom of the bed and did something he only allowed himself when the hole inside him gaped too wide, too enormous: he wrapped it around and around and around, as tightly as he could, so he was nearly immobile, leaving only a small bit of his face uncovered. He closed his eyes. The pressure and immobility still didn’t help.

  “Bastian?” Daddy sounded alarmed.

  “What?”

  “What are you doing?”

  “I sleep like this sometimes. It feels good.”

  “No. No, no, no. Dear god.” Daddy untangled him. Fuck everything. “No, Bastian. Come here. Right here. I will fucking sleep on top of you if I have to. But you are not doing this. You are not just … whateverthefuck you’re doing. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I fucked up again.”

  Daddy hauled him bodily out of the blanket. “I never should have played around with you. I should have known better. I’m so sorry. You were just — you didn’t need that, baby. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have fucking done that.” Daddy was clearly so angry at himself. “Do you want me spooning you or mostly on top of you?”

  “I don’t want you touching me. Why don’t you go home tonight, Rob?” He did not want Daddy to go home. He wanted to Daddy to stay and take care of him and hold him and love him but if he said that Daddy would know how bad it was, and Daddy would go away for good.

  “Nope. Not happening. Not tonight. You can kick me out any other night, but not tonight, baby boy. Do you want a daddy?”

  “That has nothing —” Bastian started. He didn’t get it.

  “Do you want a daddy?”

  “I’m not talking —”

  “I said, do you want a goddamn daddy?!”

  Daddy didn’t yell at him. Something inside Bastian curled up and cracked and scared him.

  “Yes.” Bastian swallowed hard. One more goddamn reason to cry, as if he needed another.

  “When I told you I was your daddy, I said I would take care of you, didn’t I?”

  Bastian nodded. Talking seemed like a bad idea, mostly.

  “Then you have to let me take care of you if you want a fucking daddy. That’s the most important part, isn’t it?”

  Bastian nodded again. Talking looked worse and worse.

  “Then just let me take care of you, sprite. Come over to me. Let me hold you and don’t go all stiff and curled away. Don’t try to make everything go away by distracting yourself with sex. Just come lie down with me. I’ll hold you as tight as you want me to. I’ll even mostly pin you if that makes you feel safer and helps you relax. And I’m going to talk to you until you go to sleep, okay?”

  What the fuck. He could start a screaming fight to get Daddy out of the house, or he could just — just let go, and live with the utter terror that Daddy would see everything and Daddy would leave. He crossed the bed. Daddy laid mostly on top of him: so perfect and safe and so much less lonely than curling up alone that Bastian went limp into it. Daddy gathered Bastian’s arms under his and held them there. “Okay?” Daddy’s voice was soft and gentle and made Bastian’s throat hurt from the effort of not crying.

  Bastian nodded, just a little bit. Just enough.

  “You were so brave today. You did so well. I wish you’d have trusted me. You’re so alone sometimes, it makes me so sad for you. You think I don’t notice. And you’re such a good boy, such a sweet boy and a loyal boy and a kind boy, and you’re so bone-deep lonely, Bastian. I want to take care of you and make you happy, sweet boy. Can you let me help you? Can you let me help you be happy? This won’t be forever, little one. It’ll end so, so soon, and we can be together without worrying all the time. I won’t be a priest and you won’t be in high school and we won’t have to live like this. You’re a good, sweet boy, little one. Such a good boy. You’re going to go to sleep, and I’m going to call in, and I’ll make you pancakes in the morning, would you like that? Shhh.” Daddy’s voice swung lower and lower. Bastian was a good boy, so sweet and good and kind and brave, and everything would be over, everything would be okay and more than okay and wonderful. Bastian didn’t feel happy. But he felt taken care of.

  ****

  Bastian was faking his way through the haze until graduation day, that shining promise of freedom so goddamn close. He couldn’t climb out of whatever had grabbed him. He did what he was supposed to, threading his way through school with a smirk and an untucked shirt. He harassed Daddy. He lived for playing with Daddy and cuddling with Daddy and for Daddy taking care of him. That made everything okay for a little while, but he had to be so careful. He couldn’t let Daddy know how much he needed it. Daddy couldn’t know how much he craved it and depended on it. He made sure Daddy caught him leering at girls.

  “What was that look for?” Rob demanded one night over pizza.

  “What look?” Bastian blinked innocently.

  “You spent most of Mass looking down Meredith Holcomb’s uniform shirt which by the way should not have been unbuttoned that far.”

  Bastian shrugged. “She has nice tits.”

  “You aren’t supposed to be leering at tits.”

  He made himself grin. “But I like leering at tits, Daddy-O. Don’t you like leering at tits?”

  Rob made a sound. “On occasion. But not — god Bastian, that was fucking indecent. You were eye-fucking her through the whole homily.”

  “How’d you know? You were giving the homily.”

  “Better vantage point, brat.”

  “I miss girls.” Bastian whined, just to see what Daddy would do.

  “Too bad. Exercise some goddamn self-control.”

  “But they’re soft and they smell good. It’s different.”

  “Yes. It is. But you’re in a committed relationship, with a man, and I’m not doing that bullshit open relationship crap again.” He sighed. “Stay away from girls, Bastian, and if I ever catch you with one, I’ll make every form of discipline I’ve ever given you look like a walk in the goddamn park.”

  Bastian huffed.

  They didn’t
just have sex. Rob brought him games. Bastian laughed at him when he pulled out a board game called Carcassone. “What the fuck is this?”

  “It’s a tile-based game. You’re going to like it, I swear.”

  “Board games are called bored games for a reason, Daddy-O.”

  “One game. One game and if you hate it, you’re free.”

  Bastian started making castles and roads. Soon he was trying to beat Rob. He made him buy all the expansion packs and they played almost every night. Bastian pretended boredom when they visited the dorky game shop, but he always found something he wanted to try, and Rob always bought it, and soon they were playing games as much as they watched movies or read. They made Bastian laugh. Bastian needed to laugh so much.

  Rob gave him books, books he said everyone needed to read to live: Faulkner and Fitzgerald, Mishima and Marquez. Then he’d discuss them with Bastian. Bastian rolled his eyes and called it the Bastian McCarthy Improvement Program, but he liked having someone to talk to about things that mattered. Someone cared what he thought. Someone listened.

  Rob asked about stupid stuff, too. “How’s English class? What are you reading? Tell me how he’s teaching it. Let me see your paper.”

  Bastian asked him about class. Rob told him, too: which kid (he refused to use names) was doing well, which he worried about. Rob worried about so many of his kids. That’s what he called them: my kids. He brought them home and once he started talking about them, he didn’t stop. Bastian learned to hold Ziggy on his chest, stretch out on the couch, pet her, and listen. Rob needed someone to tell. He longed for someone to tell, it seemed like, he’d been waiting forever, like he’d carried all this stuff around, desperate for someone to share it. Bastian hated to think of Rob without him. Stupid, but when he imagined Rob leaving school, going back to his house to sit alone all night, alone with his students bouncing around in his head, no one to talk to and nothing to do, Bastian would cry.

  Rob caught him at it once. He was talking about one kid or another and must’ve glanced over at the wrong time. Bastian didn’t think he’d look, he never did, and was staring at the ceiling, tears running down his face.