“Just tired,” he said. He hated lying. He wasn’t usually one to hide the truth, but his truth was embarrassing.
Her eyes narrowed over her white mug. “You’re never tired.”
“What did your ex-husband do for a living?” Why the hell was he going down this road? He wasn’t a guy for self-pity, but still.
She set her mug down, eyes still narrowed. It was amazing to him how this woman, in all the different times of day, expressions, moments, was always the most gorgeous woman he’d ever known. How he never stopped wanting her; even when he was thinking how he wasn’t worthy of her, he was wanting her. Even when she looked at him like she wanted to kill him, he wanted her. “Why do you want to know?”
He shrugged. To compare myself to him. “Just asking.”
She wagged a finger at him. “Who cares what he did?”
“Just a question.”
“Fine. He was a lawyer.”
Great. That was almost as bad as a doctor. “Oh. Okay, well, I’d better get my day started,” he said, standing up.
“This is half an hour earlier than your usual time,” she said, standing and walking toward him. He ignored how the penguin on her pajama shirt stretched across her breasts and walked to the door. She pulled on the back of his shirt. “You’re not telling me something.”
He turned around and faced her. “Nothing you don’t already know. I never finished high school, Haley.”
He saw the flash of sympathy across her eyes. But true to Haley and her giant heart, she quickly smiled at him and rolled her eyes. “So, that’s no big deal. I’m sure you had your reasons.” She was looking at him like she really hoped he had good reasons.
“I needed money. I couldn’t do both. I never bothered to get it.”
“What about your GED?”
He shrugged. A part of him was scared. What if he failed? She’d know about it. How humiliating would that be? Or if she told Luke? What would he think? First Haley marries a douche and then she gets together with a guy that has no high school education or even a GED? “I’ll think about it. Things are pretty crazy with work and Rosie.” He shrugged into his coat as quickly as possible, needing to get the hell out of there. He had no idea why he had even told her. What was wrong with him?
“I can help you prepare for it. Why don’t I look into it today while Rosie is napping—”
“I gotta go. Don’t worry about it.” He shut her down, hating himself as the sunshine left her face. She was earnestly trying to help him. Then he thought of her ex and all the times he must have shut down her efforts, and he felt like an ass.
“How about an IQ test?” She was looking at him with such hope in her eyes, which he knew he was going to cave.
“Why?”
“I have my suspicions about you, and I think if you do really well on that, you’d have the confidence to get your GED.”
He straightened his shoulders. “I have confidence.”
She looked down for a second and then up again. “Yes, in most areas. But I think this is a sore spot with you, and I don’t want it to be. You deserve more than that. I don’t want you having this hang over your head. You’re perfect, Connor.”
He didn’t move. No one had ever called him perfect. No one ever cared for him so much.
He cleared his throat. “Okay, Haley. I’ll think about it. That’s the best I can do.”
His reward for being stupid was the gorgeous smile that filled her face before he left. Hell, he’d do almost anything for that smile.
…
Haley shut the oven door, satisfied that her lasagna was bubbling along beautifully. She spun around when she heard Connor’s truck pull in. She had been a mess all day. What if she was wrong? What if he wasn’t as brilliant as she thought he was? Obviously she was biased. No, she had to trust her instincts.
She was a teacher, she could identify this kind of stuff. She had also borrowed his tablet a few times and peaked around at his downloaded books and was very surprised to see all the science and history. There wasn’t even a novel. Then last week he’d added a bunch of parenting books. This morning she’d checked and they’d all been read. He was definitely above average. The whole accounting thing at his company, too, was further proof that he wasn’t average. But, in case she was wrong, she’d prepared comfort food—lasagna.
“Hey,” he said, coming in and hanging up his jacket and taking off his boots. As usual her heart raced just at the sight of him. Connor was so completely masculine, but in a way that made her feel safe, instead of threatened. “My God, it smells like heaven in here,” he said, walking across the room.
“Lasagna,” she said, trying not to let her eyes wander.
“You spoil me,” he said over his shoulder. “I’m going to peek in on Rosie then shower. And I’ll do that stupid test if you want.”
“Yes!” She clapped her hands, quickly trying to look cool when he turned around to give her a look.
“I mean, sure, that’d be great. Take your time,” she called out as she raced toward the laptop. She was going to get the test set up. She loved that Connor always went in to see Rosie when he got home. She was usually sleeping, but he stood over her bassinet and his face would transform from hard and serious to soft and sweet, and it always made her feel like she’d burst with love.
Twenty minutes later, Connor came back into the room and joined her at the table. He sat beside her, and she tried not to drool because he smelled better than the lasagna. His short hair was damp, and his thin navy T-shirt clung to the hard lines of his body. “You look like you’ve been plotting all day,” he said with an adorable half smile.
She tried to look casual. “Of course not. I’m far too busy for that kind of thing. Here,” she said, shoving the laptop toward him. “I have the right browser open. I know this is an accurate site and test.”
“Are you kidding me, Haley? Right now? I meant I’ll do it…sometime,” he said, running a hand through his hair.
She shook her head quickly. “Trust me. It’ll be over super-fast…because you get docked points if you take too long on the questions.”
He rolled his eyes and then glanced down at the screen. She could tell a part of him was curious about the test. She held her breath, and low and behold he started typing in his info.
“I can’t do this if you’re going to be staring at me and breathing in my face,” he grumbled.
She swallowed a nervous laugh. “Okay, I’m going to check on the lasagna. Call me when you’re done!”
“So you’re bribing me with food.”
She stood and patted his hand. “See, I knew you were smart.”
He let out a laugh that sent shivers through her body. She opened the fridge, finding ingredients for a hearty salad while trying to look casual.
“Is there a ratings chart?” he said with a sigh.
“Yup. You’ll get it with the results,” she said in an extra cheery voice.
“I hope there’s not an idiot range.”
“I don’t think that’s the PC term for that, but don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll be in the average range,” she called out as she assembled her ingredients on the counter.
“Thanks,” he said dryly.
“Okay, I’m done,” Connor called out what seemed like only minutes later.
She looked over at him. “That was fast.”
He shrugged.
“You did do the test, right?”
He nodded and glanced at the screen. “Oh look, an email with my results.”
Haley practically fell over her own feet as she ran across the room. She was about to snatch the computer from him when she realized he might want to check the results before her. She placed her hands in her back pockets to avoid grabbing the screen. He gave a low chuckle and handed her the computer. “What are you doing?”
He shrugged. “You seem a bit more concerned about this.”
She sat down with the computer and didn’t bother denying it. “You’re right. Are you sure yo
u want me to open it?”
“Go ahead.”
She nodded and then clicked on it. Then she almost fell off her chair. She looked up at him, knowing her eyes were giant. “Omigod.”
He sat a little straighter. “What?”
“You scored one-fifty.”
“Is that bad?”
“It’s…exceptionally gifted.”
He blinked. “What?”
She nodded and handed him the laptop. “Look.”
He stared at the screen a few moments and then ran his hand over one jaw. Her chest was squeezing with happiness for him. He’d been carrying around shame, thinking he wasn’t smart enough to finish high school, when the reality was the complete opposite. He was crazy smart. Smarter than Luke, who was the smartest person she knew. She was going to file away this info in case she needed to reference it in the future. “I guess you don’t need to worry about passing your GED,” she said with a smile.
It took a moment, but then Connor gave her a slow, purely satisfied male grin. Her stomach flipped over a few times. “I guess not.”
“Now, don’t let these results go to your head,” she said, her eyes narrowing.
He threw back his head and laughed, and she smiled along with him. “I couldn’t imagine it changing me too much. I might have an air of superiority for a bit, but I’m sure it’ll only last a few days,” he said, barely containing his smile.
“I’m happy for you,” she said. “This is a new beginning for you. You’ve got Rosie, you now know that you can get your GED and have that satisfaction.”
A look passed across his eyes, and he didn’t say anything for a moment. “So what would you say if I said that wasn’t enough?”
Her mouth dropped open slightly, and her heart started racing as his gaze went to her mouth.
“Haley,” he said, leaning forward.
“Mmm-hmm,” she said, finding herself without words as she got sucked into the Connor-cocoon.
“Because of my superior intelligence, I’m detecting your uncontrollable attraction to me.”
She threw a napkin at him. He caught it, along with her wrist and tugged her onto his lap. “I knew that stupid test was going to be trouble,” she said, unable to stop smiling. It was a strange feeling, having all her senses on high alert, her pulse racing, yet being on the verge of laughing.
“Oh, so now it’s a stupid test?” he asked, still smiling as his hand moved up to tangle in her hair and rest at the nape of her neck.
She tried laughing, but she was having trouble thinking straight. All she could remember was what it felt like to kiss him. She couldn’t remember anything else, anything bad. “I think I knew that night I first met you that you were special,” she whispered, taking her hands and placing them on either side of his face, feeling the prickly stubble, the strong jaw. She felt it tense beneath her palms, watched his eyes darken, felt his hand tighten against her neck. She felt, and felt, as he pulled her in for a long kiss that robbed her of her previous identity.
He kissed her thoroughly and passionately, showing her how she could be in this moment without having the baggage of her past intrude. She linked her arms around his neck him as he stood, and wrapped her legs around his waist. She followed him down onto the sofa, her body against his, her mouth not leaving his.
He peeled off her sweater and tossed it onto the ground. He paused to look down at her, and she held her breath. His one hand slipped under the strap at her shoulder, “Beautiful,” he said in a throaty voice before kissing her again. His other hand traveled down her back and slipped under the waistband of her jeans. “There’s no going back after this,” she whispered.
“Who would want to go back?” he said against her mouth. “I’d never want to go back to before you. There is no before you. Everything started with you, Haley.” And this time when he kissed her, she relinquished all control of her fears. She handed them off, trusting him, loving him. She was willing to risk her heart for her night with him.
Her last coherent wish before she was completely consumed by him was that he would always be like this, that he would always love her like this, because this, this was life-giving.
Chapter Ten
“This was the best night of my life,” Connor said, putting his feet up on the coffee table.
The fire was roaring, Haley was curled up beside him, a tray of lasagna was finished, and he’d just had the best sex of his life. Because it wasn’t sex. Not with Haley. He’d known that. Because he had feelings for her before he slept with her. Profound feelings. Ones he’d never had.
“I have to agree,” Haley said with a laugh. She placed her hand on his chest and looked up at him. He saw the emotion in her eyes, saw his own staring back at him. He wanted to make her all the promises in the world, but he knew she was going to have to give up her past and confide in him.
“I don’t want you to leave. When it’s time for you to start work in September.”
Her breath caught. “What do you mean?”
“I want you to stay with me and Rosie…keep your job, do whatever. But stay here, with us.”
His gut was clenched because of the enormity of what he was saying. She blinked and then her eyes were filled with tears and she didn’t say anything. “Hey, you don’t have to give me an answer tonight.”
“I can’t…” She took a shuddering breath and it was killing him, seeing her looking so shattered. He didn’t want her to hold it in anymore, whatever it was that was eating her alive.
“What is it, Haley?”
She started crying and, instead of pulling away, reached for him, almost leaped into him. She clung to him as though he were her lifeline—a first for him. No one had had that kind of faith in him. She believed that he was strong enough for her and whatever pain she was holding onto. He held her to him, stroking her back, her hair, planting kisses on her head. “I don’t know if I can do it again. I don’t know if I have it in me. Sometimes I feel like the old life never really happened, and then sometimes I hear his voice. I was so stupid. I was so young and so desperate for a family. It had always seemed so sad and lonely growing up. It was just me and Luke and our mom, and because she had to work to support us it was usually just me and Luke.”
He held onto her a little tighter because he knew this was so far from what her dreams were.
“When I met David, he said he wanted all those things. He introduced me to his family and they owned a big law firm, and everything seemed so perfect. He was the first real boyfriend I ever had, and I thought I’d hit the jackpot. For a while everything was fine. Then little remarks would start popping up. At first it seemed like he was concerned and wanted the best for me. He would tell me things like I shouldn’t work anymore, but then I would tell him I loved my job. He would drop it and then bring it up again, but then start adding little insults with it.” She paused, like she didn’t want to keep talking. He tried to keep his expression neutral even though he knew where this was going. This was textbook.
“Then there would be other things, like how I should dress, where I should shop. He’d insist on paying for things, going shopping with me. I was in my early twenties and had never grown up with money. It was a fairy tale. We got engaged. He bought me a car. We lived in his massive penthouse. We entertained people from his circle.” She looked down at her hands on his chest and then looked him straight in the eyes. “I liked it at first. I liked how it felt to have money. But then he started criticizing my friends. I found out later he’d hide it when they’d called for me and wouldn’t give me messages. He even hid messages from Luke. He was slowly taking me away from the person I was and the people I loved. He was isolating me. It was a way of controlling me. He’d make remarks on what I was eating. If I was gaining too much weight. What the ideal clothing size should be for me. He got me a personal trainer and discussed an eating plan for me with my trainer.
“Omigod,” she said, a bitter laugh ripping from her mouth. “Just saying all this aloud is so humiliating. How co
uld I have let myself be controlled like that? If Rosie ever had a guy like that, I’d kick him to the curb myself. He belittled me and slowly chipped away at the strong woman I thought I was until there was nothing left.”
“You’re still here,” he said gruffly.
“After we got married, we started trying for a baby. I got pregnant really quickly.” She stopped speaking and her eyes filled with tears. She turned from him and stared out the window. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes. He squeezed her shoulder gently, wanting her to continue before she changed her mind, but hating that whatever was coming next was going to be brutal to listen to.
“I lost the baby a few weeks later, and it was the lowest point in my life. I had never felt so empty, so completely lost, than that night in the ER. And David…he didn’t offer any kind of comfort. A stranger, a nurse, stood there and held my hand as I lost that baby. He had turned from me in disgust. And in the days and weeks that followed, not a single day went by that he didn’t call me worthless. I had another miscarriage, and after that…” She blinked rapidly, and he knew she was struggling to hold onto her control. His heart hurt for her. It physically hurt to listen to her, to the loneliness she must have felt. What a bastard. If he had five minutes alone in a room with that guy…
“What, Haley?”
Her face closed up. “By this point I knew there was no way I could have a baby with him. He was not the man I wanted to have a child with. He was not the man I wanted to father a child. He was nothing like you. Rosie is so lucky to have you,” she whispered, turning to him, tears running down her cheeks.
She gutted him and humbled him. He didn’t even have words for what she’d just told him. “Haley.”
She shook her head and put her finger on his lips. “You are everything I ever wanted in a husband, in a father for a child. You think you’re not. You think you’re not good enough. But you, Connor, are more than good enough.”
“I’m here, like this, because of you. Don’t think I’d be here with Rosie, without you. I wanted you the second I saw you. I knew you were special,” he said, lowering his mouth to hers, kissing her long and slow. “I’m sorry you lived through that. I’m sorry that was the first guy you met. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry,” he whispered harshly. “I wish I had done so many things differently. But I wish I could have been the guy for you back then,” he said against her lips. She clung to him, kissed him, and held him like a lifeline. He couldn’t get enough of her—the taste of her, the feel of her, the sound of her. He didn’t want the night to end.
Baby on the Bad Boy's Doorstep (Shadow Creek, Montana) Page 11