“No, dude. He did it himself.” I looked over at him. “I know I’m his mom and all, but I swear that kid is a genius.”
“He is. Who else learns to read at two years old?”
“Excuse me.” I threw a shirt at her face, laughing at the look on her face. “I learned to read at two.”
“Yeah, but you’re a girl. Boys are slower than girls.”
I laughed. “You didn’t know how to read at two and you’re a girl.”
“Freddie was super slow.” She stuck her tongue out.
“And Freddie’s a boy.”
She threw the shirt back at my face. I laughed as I caught it.
“You look tired,” she commented.
“I am.”
I was so exhausted from the long week. Between work and Miles’s after daycare activities, I was drained. We’d been working on the bid for the hotel and had some sock designs, but the car was a pain in the ass, mainly because we kept looking at past designs and were trying to come up with a cool, new concept. To add to the stress, the director of acquisitions, Ryan Ford, was on vacation. Who took a vacation the week they started a high-paying job? A man. That was who.
“Why don’t you go shower and change, and I’ll finish folding and putting away his clothes and tuck him in tonight?”
My shoulders slumped in relief, letting out some of the stress they’d been holding. I tilted my neck back and forth, hoping to alleviate the pain there.
“You’d be a total lifesaver. I’ll tuck him in, though.” I smiled. Tucking him in was my favorite part of the job.
Once I was showered, I felt refreshed. I picked up some scattered toys on my way over to Miles’s room and stood at the doorway just as Celia was finishing The Giving Tree. It was impossible for me to read that book and not get choked up, and apparently, she felt the same way. Walking over to them, I shut off his lights and turned on the nightlight by his bed, as Celia closed the book, gave him a kiss, and stood. I crouched and gave him another.
“Did you use the restroom?”
He nodded.
“I mean in the last ten minutes, have you used it?”
“No.”
“Miles! Please do that now.” I uncovered him and watched him walk to the bathroom across the hall. I’d do anything for my child, but if I could avoid washing the sheets again, that would be awesome. Once he was back in bed, I pulled his covers up around him, gave him another kiss, and said good night.
Celia and I walked out in silence, waiting until we were in the kitchen to speak.
“Are we going out on Saturday?” she asked.
“I told Sam we would, but ugh.”
“Ugh, nothing. You haven’t gone anywhere since we moved here, and I specifically remember you blaming your lack of a love life on not having someone to watch Miles. Lo and behold, you now have Freddie and me plus Grandma Joan and Mom who are coming tomorrow, so no excuses.”
I grabbed us each a glass of wine. “I never said anything about my lack of a love life. That was you. Even if I did want a love life, I don’t plan on meeting anyone at this bar slash restaurant slash lounge or whatever it is. I’m going because Sam had a hand in designing it. That’s it. Maybe you should worry about your own non-existent love life.”
“That’s different,” she said before taking a sip of wine. “I’ve decided to take a year of celibacy. I think everyone can appreciate that cleanse. You’ve had almost four years. You’re overdue.”
“It hasn’t been four, stop being dramatic.”
“I’m not saying you haven’t been busy, but now you have this awesome, lucrative position with an equally awesome office, and this great kid and . . . I don’t know. Don’t you feel like it’s time?”
I took a sip of my wine and then set the glass on the counter, running my finger along the rim. “I hooked up with that French guy, remember?”
“Oh my god. Stop. We said we wouldn’t count that.” She laughed. I felt myself smile. It had been a mess. “What about Cody? Have you spoken to him?”
“Cody and I are friends. Nothing more, and no I haven’t spoken to him. He knows we’re here, but I’d rather keep things as platonic as possible.”
“Because you don’t want to lead him on.”
“Exactly.”
“That guy would trip over his feet if you gave him a shot.”
“I like him standing. Thanks.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Fine.” I huffed. “It isn’t that he isn’t a great catch. He has it all. I just don’t see him in that way.” It was like Sam all over again.
“You definitely have a type,” she said. “Cody doesn’t have the build to qualify.”
I laughed. “By type, I don’t mean body type.”
“He isn’t alpha enough for you.”
I scrunched my nose. He wasn’t. “But he is cute. He’s more your type.”
“God no. He’s too much of a goody-two-shoes.”
I laughed. “Speaking of bad boys, have you spoken to Ben again after he called a few weeks ago?”
“He called again the other day. I didn’t answer.”
“Why not?” I couldn’t understand her. Every time she had a little bit of wine in her she’d talk about Ben with regret in her voice. He was a super successful soccer player. Super hot. Super rich. Super . . . male. He was totally up her alley, with his tattoos and his sexy smirk.
“All those things you just listed.” She raised an eyebrow. “They seem like pros until you’re in a relationship with the guy. Then all of those things that attracted you in the first place become all of the things that make you self-conscious.”
“Because of the girls?”
“I think that’s a big part of it. The whole larger-than-life existence those people have . . .” She shook her head. “Imagine these baseball players and American football players? Multiply that by a million. Their football is in a league of its own. They get hit on by women from every single country, every single town, every single . . . it’s too much. I can’t handle it.”
“It’s been great for your poetry, though.”
“Hell yeah.” She laughed and then sobered. “So, have you thought about telling Rowan?”
“No.” My chest squeezed. “I mean, yes, I’ve thought about it and thought about it and thought about it, but I can’t. It would be a horrible idea.”
“I get it. I mean, I can see the pros and cons, but I get it.”
“I can’t hide him forever,” I said. “I don’t want to hide him forever, I just can’t think of the right time to tell him. What would I do? Show up at his doorstep?”
Celia shrugged as if she didn’t know what to say. We fell into a comfortable silence, finished off our wine, and washed the glasses before saying good night.
On my way to bed, I peeked into Miles’s room one last time, watching the way his little chest rose and fell. A part of me was dying to tell Rowan because I felt guilty. I knew it was wrong for me to keep something this big to myself, but then I remembered Camry and Mildred and I stopped myself every time.
Telling Rowan would mean those women would be in my son’s life, and that was something I couldn’t tolerate. There was no way I would let them poison the sweetness Miles had.
Did it make me selfish? Yes. Did it make me wrong? Probably. Did I give a shit? No. This was my son’s wellbeing, and it was something I didn’t have to debate with anyone.
Chapter Eight
Tessa
I’d been on the phone with Ryan Ford the entire morning. His flight had been delayed, so instead of canceling the meetings, we’d conferenced in the marketing director and the accounting department to update everyone on this week’s agenda and key performance indicators. Chloe knocked on the door and peeked her head in just as I was hanging up the phone with him. Her brows rose when she took in the expression on my face.
“Uh-oh. Should I have listened in on that call to take notes?”
“He’ll be in and out of the office tomorrow, but I have to take over the meeting with t
he sock company. He’s emailing me details as we speak, and . . . I think that’s basically it. How are Seth and Tommy coming along on the car and hotel?”
“They already finalized the leather for the car. They want your input on the design when you get a chance.” She jotted everything down on her digital clipboard and looked up when she was done. “They are still waiting on the files from marketing to see what the rest of the hotels look like. Since we have to bid to work on it, they are obviously looking for something different.”
“Agreed.” I leaned my head against my chair and closed my eyes, letting the to-do list run rampant in my mind.
“Rumor has it the owner of the hotel is Ryan Ford’s brother.”
My eyes popped open. “How do you know this? And why would Ryan work here if his family is in the hotel business?”
“No clue. Like I said, it’s just a rumor around the break room.” She smiled. “You know, the place lowly employees hang out in.”
“Shut up.” I clicked on the email from Ryan and forwarded it to Chloe.
She laughed as she stood. “I’m going to go confirm the meeting for today and then I’ll let Seth know.”
“Perfect.”
We’d be using the same textiles company for all of our projects, and if I were the one going to those meetings, I’d definitely need to get acquainted with the place. We had three big accounts to focus on, but I had to give the socks attention as well. I was a firm believer that no company was too small to thrive, and if they were taking a chance on us with their fabrics, it was only fair that we take one on them with our designs. Once she left, I got on the phone with marketing so they could fill me in on whatever they’d dug up on the companies and their audience.
Once I was assured I’d have the information by this afternoon, I opened the file Ford had sent me and frowned as I pushed the speaker button and called Chloe.
“Yes?”
* * *
“This company has no name?”
“Which one? The textiles? I included it in my last email to you.”
I clicked on that and froze. “Hawthorne? Are you kidding?”
“Uh, no. I thought you’d be happy. Sam will be there.”
I opened my mouth, closed it, opened it, and closed it once more. Sam would be there. So would Rowan if he was in town. Maybe he wasn’t. Still, it didn’t change the fact that I’d probably have to see him at some point, and wasn’t that what I wanted deep down? A way to finally fess up about Miles and take this load off my chest? But not like this. I hadn’t really planned on it going over like this.
I was still a nervous wreck on the inside as Chloe, Seth, and I left for the meeting. I had wanted Tommy to come, but Chloe had convinced me that he was better off at the office working on the hotel bid since that was our biggest project.
Seth and Chloe tossed around concepts for the car. I barely paid attention, too consumed with thoughts of seeing Rowan. I’d sent Samson no fewer than ten text messages, all of which went unanswered.
“What about apples? Too corny?” Chloe asked.
I blinked. “Corny.”
“Not good,” Seth agreed.
Chloe took out her clipboard and made a note.
“Do you take that thing everywhere?” Seth asked.
“Everywhere,” I said.
“That is not true,” Chloe argued.
I looked at Seth and whispered, “Everywhere.”
He chuckled. Chloe rolled her eyes but smiled because she totally did take it everywhere. Not only that. She had two of them—one big and one small.
“Why not just use a smartphone?” Seth asked, waving his One Plus.
“Ew, Android,” I said, trying to make my voice normal and get back into the mind frame I’d been in when we left the office.
“Android is so much—”
I put my hand up as we got out of the subway and walked toward the office. Chloe was actually using her phone to map the way. “I know. They update their software all the time and you can download it yourself. I understand the hype. I just don’t like it.”
“Because it isn’t pretty.”
“No, because it isn’t practical.”
Seth scoffed.
“We make a right here,” Chloe announced. We followed.
“It is practical. You just said we can update the software,” Seth said.
“Yeah, so can I, by doing the update.”
“It isn’t the same.”
“Can we just agree that all phones are awesome because if it weren’t for technology we’d be using a legit paper map right now and Seth would be arguing that we were going the wrong way and refusing to ask for directions?” Chloe eyed Seth as he pulled open the door to the building.
When I stepped in, I tried to do as Rowan would have done and shoved my feelings into a box and lock it. It seemed to work as we took the elevator to the fifth floor and exited, but then panic gripped me, tightening its fist around my heart. I may have to work with him and if I did, there wouldn’t be any way for me to keep him from finding out about Miles. Again, I reminded myself that it was what I’d wanted. I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to be in Miles’s life. I just didn’t want her to be in it too. The thought of Camryn hit me like a brick.
“Are you okay?” Chloe asked, grasping my shoulders to steady me. I hadn’t realized I’d stumbled.
Samson came rushing from behind her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and gently moved her out of the way so he could take her spot. “I just saw your texts.”
“A little late.”
“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes scanning my face. “What’s happening? What’s the emergency?”
I fought the tears I felt rushing as I looked at him, my dear friend, who’d been there for me when I was down, whom I worried about when he was down, who shipped gifts for Miles and visited him and treated him like his own blood without knowing that he actually was. It wasn’t until that very moment that the magnitude of it all hit me. The lies I’d weaved started to wrap around my neck slowly, keeping the truth from spilling out.
“What’s wrong?” Sam asked again, concern shining in his eyes. I tried to blink away the tears but blinking only made them trickle down my face quicker.
“I have to tell you something.”
He grabbed my arm and ushered me away from Chloe and Seth, down the corridor, and outside the glass doors I’d just walked through. Once we were out of earshot, he faced me.
“What’s going on?”
I took a shaky breath and wiped my face. “Miles isn’t Cody’s.”
His eyes widened slightly, his lips parting as he stared at me. After what felt like an eternity, he cleared his throat. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“He’s Rowan’s.” I swallowed the knot in my throat and blinked away briefly, still feeling like I could barely breathe.
“Are you . . . Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t.” My stomach started to hurt. I pressed a hand there. “I didn’t want Miles anywhere near Camryn or your mother. With me living in another country, I just wasn’t sure what . . . I made a mistake,” I whispered, wiping new tears. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hide it from you, but then you assumed Cody was the father, and I let you because I wasn’t ready to tell Ro and I didn’t want you to carry this burden.”
“You need to tell him, Tessa.” His jaw twitched. “He deserves to know.”
“I’ll do it, I swear I will. I just need time.”
“Tessa.” Sam heaved a deep breath, covering his face with both his hands before raking them through his hair. “Oh my god.”
“I know. I’m so sorry.” I reached for his arm, holding him by the wrist. “You know I love you like a brother and Miles thinks of you as an uncle just like Freddie. I was just trying to protect him—”
He dropped his hands and raised his gaze to mine. “This is going to break my brother’s heart.”
I wanted to argue that, but the tightening in my throat wouldn’t
ease up. I wanted to remind him that his brother wasn’t like us, he didn’t feel things the way we did, but there was no use. I didn’t know Rowan anymore. For all I knew, the depiction I’d drawn up in my head of him working twenty-four seven and ignoring Miles was wrong. Maybe he’d see Miles and experience the pureness that he brought and decide he wanted to keep him around. It was hard to turn that kind of love away. The unconditional, maddening love that split you in two but made it impossible to live without it. If this had been the other way around, I’d be heartbroken without question.
Chapter Nine
Rowan
The commotion outside of my office had me heaving a deep sigh before I yanked open the heavy door. Chloe was standing in the hallway next to a guy I didn’t know, which was interesting. I had been expecting Prim to send Ford.
“Who are you?”
“Seth. I’m with them,” he said by way of explanation as he walked over and shook my hand.
“Rowan,” I said, returning the shake.
“I know. I read the article Times did on you.”
“Ah.” I smiled. It seemed like everyone I met lately had read the article.
I looked at the two of them. “Prim sent you for this then?”
“Uh, yeah, but—"
“We’re ready,” Sam announced as he rounded the corner.
He looked odd, his expression not alight the way it normally was when Chloe was around. I was about to ask who we were when Tessa rounded the corner behind him. I sucked in a breath. My heart, which hadn’t seemed to function correctly since I’d last seen her, was launched into my throat. I put my hands in my pockets and leaned against the doorframe, watching the way her hips swayed in that wine-colored hip-hugging dress. It should be illegal for her to walk around in that dress. All I could do was picture myself pulling it over her hips—
Jesus.
One look at her and she did this to me.
I needed to focus on something else, but I couldn’t stop staring. She looked lethal, self-assured. Confident.
She was a woman who could walk into a meeting with just about anyone and slay. Knowing that person was currently me was both seductive and scary. She stopped in front of me and met my gaze head-on. I cleared my throat, hoping to regain some kind of balance in this situation.
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