by K E Osborn
“Jeni, don’t be stupid. You know what I’m talking about.”
I bite my bottom lip—Shit! “How late are we talking?”
“I’m not sure exactly. I can’t remember when I had my last period, but I know it was definitely more than a month ago. But you know me, I never keep track of that stuff,” she says.
“Okay, well, let’s not panic. C’mon, up you go,” I say, dragging her up from the recliner.
“Where are we going?”
“To the drugstore, we need a test.”
“Oh, fuck no. I don’t want to know. Can’t I just pretend like this isn’t happening?”
“Sarah, c’mon,” I say, dragging her through the kitchen. I grab my bag and keys on the way out.
I drive us to the local drugstore and find a parking space close to the doors. We want to buy what we need and get home before the guys get back. I get out of the car, and Sarah stays in the passenger seat. I know how she feels; when I first thought I was pregnant, I was terrified. I walk over to her door and open it.
“C’mon, Sez, let’s buy what we need so we go home,” I say. She huffs and gets out of the car, slamming the door. I take her hand and walk with her into the drugstore, walking quickly along the aisles, looking at the signs to find the right section. We finally find the ‘sex section’ as I call it where everything sex related is shelved—condoms, lubricants, flavored massage oil? What the? And pregnancy tests. Sarah stares at the packets aimlessly. I can see she’s struggling, so I pick up a packet and start to read. She grabs a packet and looks at it, and then grabs another one of a different brand, and then another. She keeps pulling packets from the shelves until her arms are full.
“Um, Sarah, I think you only need one test.”
“No, I’m getting one of each brand that way I know for sure. C’mon, don’t just stand there. Grab some!” she says as she starts to hand them to me. She picks up one of each brand—about ten in total—and we race to the checkout. People are looking at us with eyebrows raised as we rush to the checkout, but Sarah doesn’t notice. She’s too busy trying to get through. The look on the checkout assistant’s face is priceless. Of course Sarah had to pick the one with the pre-pubescent male. He looks embarrassed as he swipes all the pregnancy tests and places them into a plastic bag.
“Um, that will be eighty four dollars and sixty cents, thanks,” he says, his voice breaking slightly.
“Fuck. See, I don’t even know if I’m pregnant yet and this baby is already costing me a fortune,” she says, handing over her card. He hands her a receipt, and she picks up the bag.
“Good luck, miss,” the teenage clerk says.
“Good luck? Seriously? Go fuck yourself,” Sarah says as she walks off.
“Sarah! She didn’t mean that. Sorry, she’s hormonal,” I say as I race after her. She storms outside and I catch up.
“Hey, that was rude.”
“Good luck? Who says good luck to someone who might be pregnant? What a douche bandit, stupid pimply faced jerk.”
“Douche bandit? That’s a new one, Sarah. He was only trying to be nice,” I say as I unlock the car.
“Well, he can be nice to someone who isn’t knocked up, and going to have their boyfriend walk out on them,” she says, slumping into the passenger seat.
“Are you kidding me? Chris wouldn’t walk out on you if you’re pregnant. He’s not the type, Sarah. Remember, he loves you. And let’s not worry about it until we have the results,” I say as I sit down and start the car. Sarah brings her legs up to her chest and holds on to her knees all the way home.
When we make our way inside, I empty the bag.
“Okay, do you want one with a line or a smiley face, or one with a negative or positive sign?” I ask. She frowns at me.
“Open them all,” she says, and starts opening a package. I undo the packages until there are ten test sticks sitting on the counter.
“Okay, let’s go. Grab them all and follow me,” she says, walking toward the downstairs bathroom.
My eyes widen, knowing she means business. I pick up all the tests and follow her in. She takes a seat on the toilet and holds out her hand.
“Okay, I’m not sure I can stop midstream, so you’ll have to pass them to me one by one and I’ll pee on all of them. You ready?” she asks, making me giggle.
“Jeni, are you ready?” she asks again.
“Don’t you want a bit of privacy to um, pee? Do you really want me in here watching you?” I ask as she slumps her shoulders.
“Get fucked. I’m not doing this on my own. So whether you like it or not, you’re going to watch me pee and you will enjoy it. Now, hand me a stick,” she says with finality.
I take the cap off the pregnancy test and hand it to her. She exhales and takes the stick forcing it between her legs. I hear the trickle and inwardly shudder. This is so weird.
“Next stick,” she says, waving around her free hand. I giggle and hand her the next test. She pulls the first test out and places it on the vanity beside her, then puts the next one in mid-stream.
“Next,” she says, and I hand her the next one. We repeat this ten times until the last stick is used.
“C’mon, just a little more, bladder. Jeni, squeeze my guts,” she says, making me laugh.
“No way, squeeze your own guts.”
She clenches and gets enough for the final test, while I sit on the edge of the bath tub trying not to laugh at all the tests lined up on the counter. She gets some toilet paper, and I turn away while she does what she needs to.
“Oh, Jeni, you’re such a girl,” she says as she flushes the toilet.
“Okay now what?” she asks
“Now we wait, three minutes.”
“Let’s take them all out to the kitchen, and we can lay them out next to each other.”
Sarah picks up all the sticks, and we walk out to the kitchen. Placing them all on the counter, she stands back and watches them.
“Sarah, watching them won’t make them turn any quicker,” I say, pulling her from the counter and walking with her out to the deck. We sit down, and I notice Sarah’s legs are agitating up and down, and she’s fiddling her fingers together.
“What am I going to do if I am, Jeni?” she says so quietly I can barely hear her.
“Well, that’s something you and Chris will have to discuss. Have you ever talked about having kids?”
“Are you kidding me? We only just said I love you to each other not that long ago, remember? He’s going to bolt. Shit, fuck, ass, balls, I’m going to be a single mother for sure. Fuckity, fuck, fuck!”
“Hey, it’s going to be alright. Just think, Chris loves you. He doesn’t want anyone but you. You’re it for him. You have to believe that, and if you’re pregnant, I know he’ll be thrilled about it. Just think about what a great dad he’ll be,” I say.
“Chris as a dad. Yeah, I can see him now with his little princess up on his shoulders walking her around and having his face painted along with hers at the fair. He’s going to love her so much.”
“Her?”
“Absolutely. If I’m pregnant, I’m not having a boy. No way. If it’s a boy, he can go back in. I don’t understand boys at all; no, she has to be a girl.”
I can’t help but laugh at her. “Okay, she’s a girl,” I say, and look down at my watch.
“See, it won’t be that bad if you’re pregnant, will it?”
“I guess not. It will be kinda cool having a little girl that I can dress up and play with.”
“She’s not a doll, Sarah,” I say, laughing. “Okay, well, are you ready to find out?”
I see her tense up.
“No,” she says honestly.
“Do you want me to look?”
“No,” she says, making me laugh.
“Well, one of us has to look,” I say, standing up, taking her with me.
“We’ll do this together,” she says. I feel her whole body shaking.
I walk with her over to the kitchen counter.
We look down at the tests in front of us, all displaying the exact same thing.
CHAPTER 19
“Smiley faces...they’re happy ‘cause I’m not pregnant, right?” she asks as I bite my bottom lip. She studies the other tests, and I let her absorb the information.
“Two lines? What does that mean? Wait, I thought positive meant yes? What the hell?”
I hold onto her hand.
“Oh fuck, shit, fuck… oh God, I think I need to sit down,” she says, her face turning ghostly white. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and lead her to the outside sofa by the pool.
“Okay, it’s alright. C’mon, let’s sit down,” I say. Sarah is pregnant.
“Jeni, I’m freaking out.”
“I know, Sez, it’ll be okay. I’m here and so is Aiden, and of course Chris. We’ll all help you, no matter what. And just think of Trish, she’s been at you for years to give her a grandchild. She’ll be thrilled.”
“Fuck Mom and what she wants. Is this what I want?” she asks.
“I don’t know, hun, only you can answer that question.”
“Chris is going to hate me.”
“Sarah, Chris will not hate you. Don’t freak out until you know how he feels. They should be home any minute now, so you won’t have to wait long to tell him,” I say.
I hear the front door shut, and Aiden and Chris laughing as they walk inside. Sarah and I quickly jump up from the sofa and run to the kitchen only to be met by two burly males, looking as white as sheets. They are both staring at the masses of positive pregnancy tests sprawled out over the kitchen counter.
“So not it,” Chris jokes, punching Aiden in the arm. Aiden looks at me, and I swear I see him stop breathing.
“Great, just great!” Sarah yells and throws her arms in the air. Chris stops joking around and looks at her.
“Oh shit,” he says, looking at Sarah who’s tearing up.
Aiden glances over at Chris, whose eyes are now wide with shock. Chris picks up one of the tests and looks at it. He swallows hard and places it back down on the counter.
“Who?” Chris asks quietly. Sarah lets out a quiet sob, and he knows instantly.
“Babe, are these yours?” he asks and takes a step toward her. She can’t even look at him. Sarah, who’s normally so loud and boisterous, actually looks terrified.
“Holy shit,” Chris says.
“I’m sorry, Chris. I understand if you want to leave me. I had no idea, I swear,” Sarah says, tears falling down her cheeks. Chris takes another step toward her, and Aiden looks directly at me. I bite my bottom lip as the tension reaches critical level. Suddenly Chris starts laughing, shocking us all. We look at him; he has the biggest smile beaming across his face.
“Are you serious? Babe, don’t be sorry. Is this really happening?” he asks as Sarah looks at him bewildered. She nods, and he smiles at her so brightly it lights the room.
“I’m gonna be a dad,” he says loudly, and then sweeps Sarah up into his arms and twirls her around in a circle. She squeals, and he kisses her passionately. I watch my best friends sharing their happiness. Aiden walks over to me and takes my hand, intertwining our fingers. He then gently kisses my forehead.
Their lips part and Chris lowers Sarah to the floor.
“You’re gonna be a great dad,” she says, and finally her face finally lights up with a smile. Chris laughs and holds onto her tightly.
“I can’t believe it. I’m so happy right now. Aiden, dude, I’m gonna be a dad!” he says, swaying Sarah in his arms.
“Congratulations, man,” Aiden says, walking us over to them and shaking his hand. Chris and Sarah put out their arms and hug us both.
“Group hug,” Chris calls out. Aiden slaps him on the back, and I hug Sarah tightly.
“Are you okay?” I whisper to her. She looks at me and nods her head; I see tears forming in her eyes.
“I’m so happy right now. I think this might just be the best day of my life. Sarah you better be making me a son, in there,” he says, rubbing her belly.
“Um, I don’t think so. It’s a girl or nothing babe.”
“Okay, hold up. Nuh-uh, it’s got to be a boy. Well, for our first one anyway, and then you can have a girl. Always good that the big brother can look out for his sisters.”
“Wait, you want more than one?” Sarah asks.
Aiden and I slowly walk off to let them have some alone time together.
“Hell yeah, I want a whole Starke tribe,” Chris says, making Sarah laugh.
“You’re calling our kids a tribe. What are they? Pigmies from a desolate rainforest village?”
Aiden and I chuckle as we walk out to the deck and sit down by the pool.
“Wow,” Aiden says.
“I know. You should have seen Sarah freaking out. She thought Chris was going to leave her.”
“He wouldn’t do that. He’s too in love with her. It’s so weird because we were talking about children today, and how much we both want them. The world works in mysterious ways.”
“Tell me about it. You know she made me stand in the bathroom and hand her pregnancy tests to pee on. I will never get the image of Sarah on the toilet out of my head,” I say, making Aiden chuckle.
“I’m so happy for them,” Aiden says, holding my hand tightly.
“I know. Me too. I can’t wait until we’re married and can make babies.”
“Well, I think that we need to get a lot of practice in beforehand to make sure we’re doing it right. In fact, I think we should start practicing as soon as they leave,” he says, leaning over to kiss me passionately.
***
Chris called Aiden to invite us over. He had a surprise and wanted us to be there for it. Aiden and I let ourselves in and walk inside Sarah’s house, down the hall to the kitchen. There’s bouquets of red roses everywhere—and I mean everywhere—it’s like a garden in here. Chris is pacing the living room floor. I look up at Aiden in confusion, and he shrugs obviously as confused as I am.
“Hey, Chris,” I say, getting his attention. His eyes shoot toward me, and he exhales.
“Quick, Sarah will be home soon,” he says, ushering us in to the living room. Aiden and I chuckle. He fusses over a vase of flowers, rearranging them as he keeps looking at the clock on the wall. Chris really does seem out of sorts.
“What’s with the flowers, dude? You trying to out do me or something?” Aiden asks with a smirk.
“Well, you set the standard pretty high, you asshole. These freaking flowers cost me nearly a whole month’s wage,” Chris says with a chuckle.
“Sarah’s going to love them. I know she will feel so special after seeing the trouble you went to, to surprise her like this.”
“She better, the surprise is what’s in my pocket,” he says, making me laugh at his innuendo joke. We hear the front door open, and the sound of high heels clanking on the floor.
“Oh fuck,” Chris says. He starts to look a little pale. What the hell is wrong with him?
He suddenly falls to the floor on his knees and grabs a single rose from the bouquet in the vase on the floor next to him.
“Dude, are you okay?” Aiden asks.
“Shut up,” Chris says, sounding panicked. Aiden looks at me with a smirk and I shrug. Sarah walks in and stops dead in her tracks when she sees all the flowers. She places her bag on the kitchen table and looks down at Chris who’s kneeling on the floor with the rose between his teeth. She laughs and walks over to us.
“Chris, what are you doing on the floor?” she asks as he hands her the rose.
Oh my God he’s proposing! A wave of excitement flows over me as I am overwhelmingly happy for my best friends.
“And what’s with all the flowers, Aiden?” she says as she glides her flingers over the top of some of the roses.
“Not me this time, Sarah, this was all Chris,” Aiden says.
“See, dude, I told you. You set a high standard.”
“Wait, these are all from you, Chris? For me? Who are you a
nd what have you done with my Chris Starke?” Sarah asks, patting him on the head with the rose bud.
“Okay, everyone shut up, I’m trying to do something here,” Chris says, making us all laugh.
“It’s not funny. This is a serious moment. Sarah, babe, I love you and I have for… well, ever. You’re having our child, and I can’t wait for him to get here.”
“You mean her?” Sarah says as he takes her hand in his. She smiles at him, and he exhales and shakes his head.
“Whatever, don’t distract me. I wanna do this right,” he says.
“Do what?” Sarah asks. Chris fumbles around in his pocket and pulls out a small ring box. Sarah’s eyes widen so wide I think they may fall out of her head.
“Oh my God, Chris,” Sarah says. Aiden intertwines his fingers with mine, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
“Dude, one knee not two,” Aiden says quietly, making Sarah and I giggle.
“Oh fuck. Thanks, man,” Chris says as he adjusts his left leg. Sarah’s biting her bottom lip, and I’m pretty sure she’s shaking.
“Sarah Carlisle, will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me? Please say yes, this ring cost a fortune,” Chris says, making us all laugh. A single tear runs down Sarah’s face, and Chris opens the ring box. Sarah’s eyes open wide, and I think she stops breathing for just a moment. I’m so happy for her right now. She stands there in silence just looking down at the ring. Chris pulls it from the box, takes her left hand, and slides it on her finger. She holds it up and looks at it sparkling in the light.
“Holy shit, it’s so pretty,” she says.
Chris coughs trying to get her attention. “Um, Sarah, I’m dying here, babe, plus my knee is aching from the hard floor. Can you put me out of my misery?” Chris laughs, as do we. She looks at him and grabs the collar of his shirt and pulls him from the ground. He stands in front of her, and she leans in and kisses him with such passion, I feel like I should look away. Aiden kisses my head and wraps his arm around my shoulder.
“Ahhhhhh,” Sarah suddenly screams while she bounces up and down turning in circles. “I’m so freakin’ excited,” she says as Chris stares at her.