All thoughts of the night before had evaporated in the length of time he had spoken on the phone.
“I gotta go.”
He swallowed. Tears glittered in his eyes. “It’s my brother, I…” He sucked in a mouthful of air.
“I’m so sorry Lexie, I’m the biggest fuckhead in the world for what I did last night.”
With that he turned on his heel and was out the door, gone. I stared at the space he had occupied just seconds before. I wanted to forget Ransom, and everything that we had done. But as Mom always said, if wishes were real the streets would be paved with gold. Like it or not, I wasn’t going to forget Ransom anytime soon, probably never.
19. RANSOM
Everything was so fucked up. I didn’t know which way to turn. A few days before I had been ragging about it being too hot, now I wasn’t sure if Gabriel was going to make it through yet another emergency surgery. Compounding the already screwed up state of affairs, was that somehow I had managed to deflower someone who I had no business even looking at.
Finding myself naked in bed with Lexie just a few feet away was difficult enough. Discovering that we’d had sex was devastating. I didn’t know Lexie well, but what I did know about her said that she wasn’t like the broads I screwed. Lexie was the kind of girl who should have made love for the first time, not had dirty sex with a stranger. She was so pure, wholesome even, and I had managed to ruin her, like a beautiful brass vase marred with fingerprints, only these marks couldn’t be removed. My need to escape, for release, had come at a very high price and there was no going back from my fuck up.
And worse still was the expression of misery on her face. I knew that she more than likely regretted having sex with me, but that hadn’t been the only reason she had been upset. Not only had I taken her innocence, but I had also made her feel less than, as if she wasn’t good enough to be with me. Unfortunately the revelations about why she had really been upset had come too late, and now she would never know that it had nothing to do with her, and everything to do with me being an absolute head case.
I had almost turned around and sprinted back to explain it all to her. Even as I went over it in my head I had to admit that her conclusion made complete sense. I had spewed bullshit, like everything was her fault, and I still couldn’t believe that I had said that I didn’t sleep with girls like her. It seemed incomprehensible, that in a few words I had stripped her self-worth away. I was so much like Pa that it was nauseating. The only solace that I took was that Pa was intentionally spiteful, I was a backward asshole, who twisted my words into something that was completely the opposite of how I felt.
The guilt I felt about sleeping with Lexie was only muted by the terror that lodged in the pit of my belly about Gabriel’s surgery. It had been three hours already, and there still hadn’t been any word. I was sure that I had worn a path in the linoleum of the ICU waiting room with all the pacing I had done.
I missed Dave’s steady presence but understood that he needed some sleep after spending the whole night sitting in a chair while I was off getting drunk. Asshole didn’t even come close to describing my actions. I knew I didn’t deserve a friend like Dave, but I was a whole lot grateful that he had put up with my shit for as long as he had. I still hated being in the hospital and all the memories it evoked, but I knew I couldn’t run away again. Gab deserved better.
When the jackhammer that seemed to be drilling into my brain went into overdrive, I collapsed in a puke green fake leather lounge chair. As soon as I stopped moving thoughts about Lexie flooded my mind. There was a naturalness to her that none of the girls I had been with in the past had. Not to mention the obvious differences, like how even with no makeup, she still looked pretty. Not many girls could pull off the fresh-faced look like she did. Her eyelashes were dark and thick even without the black crap that most girls wore. Even her lips had color, like the pink of a carnation bud.
She was a real girl and deserved a real relationship, way more than I could ever give her. At the very least she deserved an explanation, something that she would never get since I had bailed without even getting her number. The rational part of me said that I should have been relieved that I would never need to see her again, but I didn’t feel very rational. Not only had I robbed her of her virginity, but I had burned out of there like none of it had mattered.
I hardly knew Lexie, but seeing her cry had shattered something in me, and made me remember Ma, and how Pa had thrived on making her break down. Sometimes, I thought it was better that Ma had died because at least she hadn’t had to live with Pa’s cruelty anymore.
I stretched out in the chair as much as it would allow, tilting my head back against the headrest. As soon as I had closed my eyes a replay of Gabriel’s accident went like a continuous feed through my mind. I stared down at the splinters still embedded in the skin of my knuckles and beneath my fingernails. Already the skin around the shards of wood was reddened and sore. I was a mess, and was probably starting to stink since I hadn’t had a shower in a while. All thoughts of personal hygiene and a few cuts, were trivial compared to the idea that Gabriel’s life was hanging in the balance.
“Finally decided to grace us with your presence.”
Pa’s voice sliced through the air, startling me. I lurched to my feet, dizzy from the suddenness of the move. Pa was showered and fresh. His shirt crisp white, his pants perfectly ironed, even his expression of smug satisfaction didn’t seem to indicate that his son was in surgery fighting for his life. As much as I hated Pa, his complete lack of agitation baffled me. At the very least he was losing his son, at the most he was losing his gravy train.
He glowered at me with his watery blue eyes. As always, the intensity of his stare had me wanting to take a few steps back; I stood my ground. He loomed large with his fists at his thick waist. His legs were spread apart in a wide stance that said he wanted to beat the living shit out of me. Not exactly breaking news. Right then I kind of felt like I deserved his wrath, I had fucked up bad in so many ways, punishment seemed warranted.
He was silent for a few more beats, waiting for a response to his statement that begged an explanation. Knowing that nothing I said would help the situation, I returned his glare with one of my own. Though no words were exchanged, Pa took my measured stare as an affront. His face mottled red with touches of purple.
“You little bastard, you dare look at me like that when it’s all your fault that this happened,” he growled.
His lips pulled back from his teeth in the best impression of a snarling dog that I had ever seen. It took me a few minutes to register what he had just said.
“My fault?” I said, my voice rising in pitch.
He closed the distance between us until his puffed out chest hit mine with enough force that I stumbled back.
“Yes you little shit. You were responsible for the build and the stage. You probably didn’t bother to put all the screws and nails in so you could get your lazy ass to bed.”
I shook my head, hard enough that everything was a blur.
“I did the build like I always do, I would never put Gab in danger, not to mention the crowd who came to see him…”
“You’ve always been jealous of your little brother, guess you thought you’d take him out of the equation so you wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore,” Pa spat, cutting me off mid-sentence.
“That’s not true.”
I knew I was shouting, but I couldn’t seem to care because what Pa was saying was all bullshit.
“The police are going to question you on this,” Pa said. An expression of absolute satisfaction spread across his face.
This time I did back away because everything he was insinuating was all lies. I would never hurt Gab, anyone who knew me and about our relationship would understand that.
“And since you already have a rap sheet, well lets say the cops are pretty interested in your side of the story.”
“Rap sheet?” I said incredulously. “I don’t have a rap sheet…”
“You can’t tell me that a young strapping boy like you has already forgotten about the strings of times that Sanford and I bailed you out of jail.”
The hatred in his eyes made my stomach turn in on itself.
“But you said that I wasn’t going to be charged…I…”
“Did I now?”
His grin was brittle, his scathing laugh like fingernails against a chalkboard.
“Aggravated assault, resisting arrest, you’ve shown quite a penchant for violence. You like hurting people don’t you Ransom? You’ve always had something wrong in here,” he said, tapping the side of his head.
“Just like your Ma,” he added as if it was an afterthought. It was anything but. Every word that passed through Pa’s sneering lips was meant to be as caustic as possible. He wanted to hurt me, to watch me react. He was my puppet master and I was his marionette.
I lunged at him, wrapping my hands around his thick neck. Clearly surprised by my move, he staggered back. The weight of his thick girth was enough to unbalance me, forcing me to release my hold on him. He recovered like the seasoned fighter he had once been, and delivered a full-on uppercut to my jaw. The pain was instant and relentless, but years of experience at the hands of Pa had toughened me enough that I rebounded as quickly as he had. Bitter rage at his mention of Ma seemed to afford me super human strength and speed. I struck fast and hard, one punch landing in his gut the other under his chin. His head snapped back so forcefully that I wondered if I had broken his neck.
Once again Pa’s history of violence made him a pro fighter. Having spent most of his youth sparring in boxing matches and of course underground fights where people bet on who would get beat to a pulp first, he was hardened as I was. That meant that he didn’t go down easy. Blood trickled from his nose, fire and loathing blazed in his eyes. I was positive that if he’d had a knife in his hand right then, he probably would have gutted me like a rabbit.
“What’s happening here?”
A middle-aged nurse stood in the doorway of the waiting room. Dressed in mint green scrubs, she eyed Pa, then me. Her gaze came to rest on me, as if I was the guilty party.
Pa smirked at me then made a dramatic show of swaying, as if he was going to pass out. He wobbled as he turned to face her.
“I need help, my son, he’s not right in the head, he’s beating me,” Pa said.
The fear in his voice was so realistic that if I hadn’t known him for the lying, sadistic, son-of-a-bitch he was, I might have believed him too. Not willing to wait around to see how everything would shake down, I pushed past Pa.
Clearly frightened about what I might do, the nurse side-stepped out of my way. I barreled down the hallway. I had no idea where I was going only that there was no way I was letting Pa pin the stage accident on me.
As I sped toward the exit all the gears snapped into place. Pa had been planning to take me down for a long time, the accident had just been divine timing, an opportunity to use my past mistakes to implicate me. I didn’t want to believe it but I also knew that there was no other explanation. My temper and rash actions over the years had given Pa all the rope he needed, and now he was going to hang me with it. With that grim reality planted firmly in my mind there was only one thing left to do, get the hell out of there before the police came to lock me away.
20. LEXIE
Right on schedule there was a knock on my door. Even before I fully opened it Trinity rushed inside the hotel room. As was standard, she looked amazing and coifed as if she had just left a beauty salon. There was no sign whatsoever that said she had been roughing it in a pup tent.
Today she was dress in a pumpkin orange puffy blouse that was made of a sheer fabric. Her lacy black bra, clearly visible beneath her shirt matched her three quarter length pants that were edged in the same lace as her bra. A simple pair of black flats completed the look. Her hair was in loose ringlets as if it had been freshly washed and curled. As usual I looked like a hobo next to her. It certainly didn’t help matters that my eyes were still puffy and red from crying. I had splashed cold water on my face until it had hurt. It had helped a little, I hoped it was enough so she would have no idea that I had just finished bawling my eyes out.
There was no way that I was going to tell Trinity about Ransom, as far as I was concerned the night had never happened.
“How do you manage to do it Trin?” I asked, with a shake of my head. I wanted to keep the focus on her, that way she would be less likely to pick up that anything was up with me. Though what I was saying wasn’t a lie.
She cocked a golden eyebrow. “Do what?” she asked, confused.
“Look like a goddess despite the fact that you slept in the woods last night.”
She smiled brightly. It only served to make her look even more stunning.
“Sleep might be a little generous of a word,” she said, waggling her eyebrows.
As was her custom she easily deflected the question about her beauty. If there was one thing Trinity wasn’t, it was vain. On the other hand, Aiden looked every bit the part of a sleepless camper. His hair was limp and unwashed, his red t-shirt had a few smudges of what looked like mud. I didn’t want to ask where the mud had come from, but judging by the way he was grinning like a fool; they’d had a lust filled night. Much like mine I guessed. A fleeting memory of being with Ransom made my lower stomach tug in a way that had me remembering every detail of the night before.
No matter how badly everything had turned out after, the sexual experience had been more than erotic. Ransom had made me feel some very powerful things. I knew that we would never be together again, still, I allowed my mind to drift for a second back to the concept that whatever sex I had in the future, would always be gauged by the way Ransom had made me feel. Sadly the morning after, and Ransom’s need to get away from me as fast as possible would always overshadow the bliss I had felt.
Aiden stuffed his hands into the pockets of his faded jeans. His biceps flexed with the move. Without my bidding I was comparing Aiden’s muscles to Ransom’s. I conceded that if there was ever a muscle man competition between the two of them, Ransom would have definitely won for sheer bulk.
As if to prove her point about their passion filled night, Trinity wrapped a slender arm around Aiden’s trim waist, tugging him until their hips pressed together. She shot him an overtly suggestive glance that had him turning every shade of red. In my opinion there was nothing cuter than when a boy blushed. When Trinity finally managed to drag her simmering stare away from Aiden, she locked on me.
She tilted her head to the side.
“I know that look,” she said, “but what I don’t get is how it’s on you right now when you told me that you were crashing early and…”
My heart seemed to stop beating because how could she know that I’d had sex the night before. I opened my mouth to explain.
“Don’t look so freaked out, I’m just messing with you. You’re more than free to have a drink or two, or three…” she said with a snicker.
I pushed out a sigh, more than a tiny bit relieved that I had read her wrong.
“I was depressed and I got a little drunk.”
“Honey from the way you look, like a truck backed over you a dozen times and one for good measure, there’s no little in front of how drunk you must have gotten.”
“Trin give me a break. I had every bit of hope that I could somehow salvage my screwed up life, snatched away from me yesterday. I’m still dealing.”
She shrugged noncommittally.
“Well I guess there are worse things you could have done than to empty the bar fridge in your hotel room.”
I smiled wanly, satisfied that she had filled in the blanks without me having to. As far as I was concerned a conversation about what had gone down the night before would never happen. The whole “whatever happened in Vegas” mantra popped into my head, only in this case it was whatever happened in Apern.
“You’re going to have one hell of a bill, they charge your firs
t born for a tiny plane-sized bottle of vodka,” she said with a grin.
I nodded, imagining the bullet I had just dodged, zinging by my temple. I grabbed my purse and suitcase then followed them to the front desk.
“Aiden can you go out and turn the A/C to max. I feel pretty seedy and I know that if it’s one bit hot I’m going to hurl.”
“Sure, no prob,” he said. He cast his eyes toward Trinity. “You coming?”
Trinity leveled her gaze on me. I flicked my hand, shooing her away.
“We’ll be waiting in the car,” she said with a little wave, then linked hands with Aiden. I couldn’t help but wish that someday I would have someone look at me the way Aiden did Trinity.
As requested Aiden had the car colder than a glacier. I more than appreciated the effort. As soon as I had settled into the back seat, the fact that I hadn’t eaten yet was brought to my attention by the persistent growling of my stomach.
Aiden directed the car onto the main street. We drove down the same route that I had walked the night before. I couldn’t stay the shudder that ran through me when we passed the alleyway where I had been attacked.
“I need Tylenol, now,” I groaned.
Even with my sunglasses on, the light was luminescent and seemed to penetrate deep into my brain, making my already pounding head only worse.
“There’s a hospital up ahead, they should have a pharmacy where you can get Tylenol,” Trinity said.
As soon as she had spoken, a plan formed in my mind and my heart jumped with excitement. It was as if the powers that be, had handed me one last opportunity to see Gabriel Sanders. I wasn’t about to ignore it.
Even in my head the concept of barging in on someone who was badly hurt sounded wrong. But my need for answers, the whole reason for my being since Mom had died, said I wasn’t going to do anything to hurt him. Was asking a few questions really that wrong?
“Yeah they…” I started to say then clapped my mouth shut. The last thing I needed to reveal was that I knew anything at all about the hospital.
Ransom (Holding Ransom # 1) Page 20