There was a buzz and a click then Lexie opened the door. She slipped the card into a slot at the side of the door that turned on the lights and depending on the time of the year, A/C or heating. I stumbled through the door, every muscle in my arms was stretched to the limit. As soon as I was over the threshold I dropped all the stuff I had been carrying onto the sapphire blue carpet. I closed the door behind me with my foot. Lexie had already gone deeper into the room, disappearing behind a half-wall constructed of plaster. It jutted out enough that it obscured the beds from view.
I followed her. The room was like just about every other hotel room I had ever been in. The same generic pictures were mounted on the walls, thin patterned bedspreads were draped over the two double beds, a thirty-two-inch television sat on a light wood desk and standard wall sconces were mounted at the heads of the beds. This room also had a small kitchenette area that housed a microwave, coffee maker and a mini-bar fridge.
I joined Lexie who was standing at the window, staring out at the half full parking lot that was three floors below. Her expression was pensive.
“You just never know how life is going to shift, or how the things that you always thought would be there for you, can go away in a flash,” she said in a quiet voice.
I liked her voice, it reminded me of a teacher I had once had, who had rewarded the class with good job slips. She had given them to us for doing things like, completing our homework, cleaning up the class and other stuff. In the end, when we had collected enough slips we could cash it in for candy. She was one of the only teachers that I still remembered. Lexie had that same quality to her voice, soft but still powerful, as if she didn’t need to yell to be heard, because people just wanted to listen.
“Yeah,” I agreed, because no truer words had ever been spoken. I crossed my arms over my chest, pulling the blanket around my shoulders tighter.
It was difficult to believe that a few days before I had thought that the worst thing in my life was to have to suffer through another build, another show and another run in with Pa. Now all the things that I usually cursed about, seemed trivial. But despite the crap that had hit the fan there had been a few bright lights in the mix.
On the way into town in the tow truck I had got a call in to Dave. He was well aware of all the hoopla that Pa was raising, but had still made it a point to go to the hospital, to be there when I couldn’t be. If I lived to be a thousand years old I would never forget what he had done for me. Someday I would find a way to thank him.
As far as Dave had heard, Gab had made it through the surgery and though he was in guarded condition, the operation had stopped the internal bleeding. Dave had also said that he could still go either way, but that this was definitely a step in the right direction. I grabbed onto the good parts of the news with everything I had.
“You can have the shower first,” Lexie said.
She turned to me and smiled. When she grinned like that, it showed the cute little gap between her front teeth. She turned back to the window, oblivious to the fact that I was studying the contours of her profile. There were so many things to like about her, but especially her smile and how it lit up her face. It reminded me all over again how she was the only girl I had ever met who managed to look better without makeup than with it on.
She ran a hand through her windblown hair and sighed as if the world rested on her shoulders. I couldn’t imagine what someone like her would have to worry about. She seemed to have good friends, money to get what she needed, and the freedom to go where she wanted, what more could anyone want than that. I started to turn, but she grabbed hold of my arm. Her fingers felt gentle and toasty against my skin.
It was surprising how just a touch could have me longing to kiss her. I shook the image from my head. Lexie wasn’t my type of girl, I fucked, she made love, it was as simple as that. There was never going to be anything between us, and imagining anything more than that, was just plain stupid. Love, and all the sissy shit that went with it, wasn’t in the grand scheme for me. But somehow being with Lexie made me want things I couldn’t have, and made me imagine possibilities that I had no business even thinking about.
“I can get you some of Aiden’s clothes to change in to. I’m sure he won’t mind,” she said. She released my arm then strode to the duffel bag, I had abandoned at the door. She unzipped the top, dug around a little until she tugged out a t-shirt and jeans.
“I think you’ll have to go commando since Aiden’s cool, but I don’t think he’s chill enough to lend you his underwear.”
“Like I’d really want to be wearing another bro’s skivvies,” I said.
Lexie burst into laughter. I watched it bubble out of her like someone had popped the cork on the finest champagne. It was beautiful to witness that kind of unscripted lightheartedness, where there was no ploy to get me into bed, and no reason to laugh other than it felt good.
“Are you okay?” Lexie said when her laughter had died away.
It was then that I realized that I had been staring a little too long for it to be normal. Feeling like an insecure dweeb, probably a little like how Dave felt around Paula, I shrugged, then smirked. I was more than determined to keep it hidden that one more time, I didn’t know exactly what to say or do around a girl. Sure I knew how to charm ladies out of their clothes, but not much else.
“Thanks,” I said finally.
It was the only word that I could come up with. I spun around and stalked to the bathroom, more than a little pissed at myself for acting like an awkward fool.
The shower was hot and perfect. It felt better than hard sex if that was even possible. I toweled off and pulled on Aiden’s clothes. The white t-shirt was beyond lame with a picture of a giant, too-yellow Sponge Bob Square pants saying I’m ready, I’m ready, in bold black letters. The jeans fit, but were half an inch too short, leaving my bare ankles on display.
When I exited the bathroom, Lexie was stretched out on the bed closest to the window watching TV. When she gazed up at me her face revealed the same reaction as I’d had when I had spotted myself in the mirror. Mirth with a side of shock, that I had actually put the damn shirt on. She quickly shifted into a natural smile that said I looked just fine; I appreciated the sentiment, even if it was pure bullshit.
“You look great, in a Cartoon Sheik kind of way,” she said, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.
I huffed out a quick breath. “That’s what you call it?” I asked, cocking an eyebrow in mock anger. Lexie was giggling so hard she couldn’t even talk. It was infectious, and soon I was laughing as hard as she was. The laughter seemed to come from deep in my belly, and felt as foreign as it did good.
“I guess I’m next,” Lexie said.
She jumped off the bed, grabbed a bundle of folded clothes that she must have retrieved when I was showering then walked past me. A hint of something cinnamony, like red-hot candies, drifted my way as she passed. I heard the shower start a few minutes later. I folded my dirty pants and boxers then placed them at the side of the bed. I sprawled out on the bed opposite the one Lexie had been lying on. Without leaving my comfy spot, I retrieved the remote control from where Lexie had left it on a night stand.
I flicked through the channels until I spotted a movie called The One featuring Jet Li. I had always liked Jet Li and had in fact learned a lot of my fighting moves from copying him. More than a few times he had been responsible for getting me out of scuffles alive. The movie broke away for a barrage of commercials that were always stuffed between shows. Before the movie came back the screen shifted to a live feed that said Breaking News. I gasped when I caught sight of Gabriel’s face, filling the screen. Whatever sense of peace that I had enjoyed moments before was trounced.
“Sources say that the stage collapse that has left Gabriel Sanders in critical but stable condition might not have been accidental after all. Channel 5 News has learned that the police are doing a thorough investigation into the incident and have a suspect for the sabotage in custody. Mor
e on that developing story at six.”
My mouth dropped wide as I tried to absorb what I had just heard. Pa had accused me of collapsing the stage. Sanford had confirmed that piece of information, so I couldn’t understand who was in custody. I grabbed my cell. Even though it had gone flying in the accident and had landed in the foot well of the drivers seat, my cell was still usable. I punched in Sanford’s number. He picked up on the second ring.
“Sanford,” I said.
“Ransom? Are you all right?” he asked in a hoarse voice, cutting me off.
“Who do the police have in custody?” I asked, not bothering to answer his question.
“It’s Dave,” Sanford said in a rush of air. He ignored the niceties of conversation exactly as I had.
“Dave? Are you fucking serious? How did it go from me being set up, to Dave getting fingered?” I shouted.
“Your father gave you up too. You’re wanted for questioning and as far as I can see if you don’t come in soon they’re going to issue a warrant for your arrest. Dave got pulled into the mix when your father caught wind that you were on the run. He’s not dumb, he knows that the only way he’ll get you back is if he messes with Dave. He knows you Ransom, God forgive me but that bastard knows you too damn well.”
“Then I’m coming in,” I said in an even tone that was touched with ice. “There’s no fucking way that Dave’s going to take the fall for…”
“Something you didn’t do…” Sanford finished. “I know you’re upset, but for once in your life you have to keep a cool head. Not everything can be solved in a second, things take time.”
Sanford stopped talking, the silence stretched. I was so discomfited by the empty space in the conversation that I almost started talking; Sanford did instead.
“I’ve sat back and watched your father, watched him play people, move them around and arrange them like pieces on a chess board. He’s a master manipulator, but nobody but a select few know about all his underhanded actions. And anyone who does…well they get pushed out of the circle.”
He sighed loudly into the receiver.
“I’ve only stayed on this long because I’ve turned a blind eye to everything, pretended that I was naïve to it all, and in that way I’ve gotten closer to your father than anyone else. I never planned to really do anything about what he did but now, with this whole thing blowing up all around me…”
I heard static on the line like he had moved to a place where the service was poor.
“All I can say is give me time on this Ransom. I need some time. Stay away from here, away from the cameras, go underground…”
“How the hell can I do that I’ve got barely enough money to pay for a hotel room…” I snapped.
I knew that I should have been appreciative for Sanford’s help, but it all seemed too complicated, too calculated. I refused to be anything like Pa, who just as Sanford said, had played people his entire existence. I believed in facing my problems head on, but Sanford was asking for me to be something I wasn’t. I had no idea if I could do what he wanted.
“I have some money, I can wire it into your account so you’ll have what you need, but use it sparingly because the well isn’t infinite. Lose your phone because they’ll track you on it…I’ll try to get Dave out on bail, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to post the bond if they set it too high…”
“Are you serious?” I asked incredulously.
How in the hell had everything gone so sideways in a matter of hours. It was as if someone had taken my ordinary life and replaced it with something out of a movie. As thrilling as it might have seemed in a movie, it was terrifying in real life.
“I’ve never been more serious in my life,” Sanford said in a quiet voice. This time it was me who went silent because it seemed too fucked up to believe that it was actually happening.
“Ransom, are you okay?” Lexie’s voice came to me, as if through a thick fog that I couldn’t seem to see beyond.
“Text me your bank details then lose your phone. Call me when you get a new one, and I’ll tell you what to do next,” Sanford said.
“What if I don’t want to do any of that… I mean Dave’s my best friend and he did nothing wrong and…”
“And you did?” Sanford said in a gruff voice. It sounded nothing like him.
“I’ve got to go, do what you feel is right Ransom. I can only hope that you’ll give me a chance to fix this.”
The line went dead. I sat in stunned astonishment. A multitude of emotions rolled through me, but nothing more developed than pure unadulterated rage. I jerked to my feet. Before I could stop myself, I fired the remote control at the wall. It connected with the surface, the batteries flew out to the side and jagged pieces of plastic scattered.
“Ransom! Stop!” Lexie shrieked.
The fear in her voice was enough to bring me out of the red haze of fury that had rendered me completely deranged. I locked on her, witnessed her wide-eyed expression, the way her bottom lip trembled, and how she clasped and unclasped her hands. I saw terror in her stance, and I had put it there. I remembered Ma, and how Pa had done that to her. Made her a shadow of a human, someone who reacted to life, never daring to step forward into the thick of it. For all I hated and despised Pa, I was more like him than I had realized. If it was possible to cut away the pieces that made me like him, drain the parts of my blood that connected us, I would have.
All the muscles in my body that had been filled with tension and hate, and too many feelings to name, uncoiled until I felt like jelly, unable to stand. I collapsed into a heap on the floor. I felt wet on my face and when I touched my cheek I realized that I was crying. Pa’s voice rang through my mind, men don’t cry only sissies cry, are you a sissy Ransom, are you a girly boy. High-pitched laughter followed the deprecating words.
I felt so small and insignificant, like the cardboard box that something good came in, worthless and disposable. I buried my face in my hands, wishing that I could see Gab again, carry him on my shoulders when he couldn’t walk. But more than that I wanted Ma to be there, to never have died, to have never left me with the monster that was my father. As the shudders of pain worked through me I felt impossibly gentle hands touch my hair, stroking it with care.
When I looked up Lexie was there, and all I saw was her face. Tears glittered in her eyes, but she was smiling too, as if saying that everything was going to be all right. In that moment I wanted so much to believe her. I wanted to imagine that somehow Pa would disappear and Gabriel would be safe and whole, that Dave would no longer be blamed for something that he didn’t do, and for the first time in my life I would be free. When I peered into Lexie’s beautiful eyes I saw hope there, a chance for something different from what I had always known.
Without planning to, I pulled her in to me, until her cheek was pressed against my face. I felt her chest expand against mine and the rapid beat of her heart ticking with life. She wrapped her arms around my waist then burrowed beneath my chin, her silky hair smooth against my flesh. And as I wept for every injustice that I had endured, we held each other and for once in my life it felt like someone cared about me. Just me.
24. LEXIE
I had never seen a man cry before. It was horrible to watch Ransom in the state he was in. From the outside he looked solid, made of rock, something that you could smash and hit over and again, and still you’d never leave a dent. Clearly I had been wrong, he could be damaged.
Witnessing his intense grief made me wonder if Gabriel had died. I felt like the least equipped person to comfort anyone with their anguish, but as far as I could see I was the only one in the room. I tentatively stepped closer to him. I was still on edge after the explosive scene that I had witnessed before he had broken down. It was hard to downplay the crazed look in his eyes, like a beast who wanted to rip someone limb from limb. His moods swung so wide and so extreme that it left me jogging to catch up.
I moved closer until I was standing directly above him, he didn’t seem to notice tha
t I was even there. It was then that Ransom stared up at me. The sorrow in his expression made something that had never quite healed, rip open inside me again. In his eyes I recognized the pain that I suffered every time I woke up, and remembered that it was one more day since Mom had left me.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. Even so I tried to smile, as if it would make him feel better. Without planning to, I squatted down next to him. I watched him for a few minutes, before I did what felt as natural as smiling at a baby, I wrapped my arms around him. I held him against me as his body shuddered with release. My head fit perfectly in the crook of his neck. Ransom’s arms came around me and he pulled me as close as our bodies would allow. His arms were so tight around me as if I was the only thing that kept him tethered to the world. His scent, warm skin, salty tears and just showered clean, enveloped me. Neither of us said a word as we held each other.
“What happened?” I whispered when Ransom had calmed.
“I’ve lost everything,” he said in a croaky voice. The statement seemed to confirm my initial fears that Gabriel had died.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I said in a voice that sounded emotionless even to me. How many times had I heard that little panacea directed my way, and every time I had, I had thought that it meant pretty much shit all, because it couldn’t scrape away the loss that clung to every part of your life. Yet here I was saying the exact same thing. Death made us uncomfortable, like the elephant in the room that nobody wanted to admit was there, but that eventually had to be acknowledged.
Ransom tipped his face to mine, his rich chocolate eyes focused on me with an intensity that left me breathless.
“Gabriel is fine…for now at least,” he said.
“Oh,” I said, relieved.
I didn’t want him to suffer through something like that. I, more than anyone, knew how death changed you, made you something you never would have dreamed.
Ransom (Holding Ransom # 1) Page 24