by Natasha West
But after a moment, Emma seemed to steal herself and she declared, ‘I think I might be able to go on.’ Jude let out a sigh of relief and said, ‘Can we get going then?’
On we walked for some hours, swinging around to the left, headed in the direction of the M1 motorway, travelling along an old footpath, narrow and stony. As we got within two miles of the motorway, I told the group to take a hard left onto an A road.
But Jude had other ideas. ‘I was looking at the map’ he said, suddenly. I turned to him as we walked, already knowing I was about to have a problem. ‘Yes?’
He started pulling the thing out of his backpack, apparently needing props to illustrate the point he was about to make. He unfolded it, holding it out as he jogged to catch up with me. ‘We need to go to the M1. It’ll be faster.’
Technically, he was right. We could have walked right down it. It might have been a quicker journey, smooth flat concrete taking us practically to the door. It was tempting, but I knew better. And I knew better from direct experience.
I’d only been travelling for a few weeks. It was around two months after the virus had finished its work and I was finished too, finished with my old life in the city. Or rather, it was finished with me. So I’d left on foot, no idea where I was going. I just needed to get the hell away from that city. I grabbed a few things and walked until the buildings thinned out, until city turned to empty roads, turned to green, turned to woods. The further away from the city I got, the easier I could breathe, and I knew I was never going back. But after two weeks of camping wherever I wanted, I ran into a problem. Food.
Of course, I’d packed supplies, but eventually I ran dry and I’d yet to learn how to fish, how to hunt, where to forage. I began to get pretty hungry. I headed south, hitting some of the minor roads, checking out the roadside cafes. But what food was left was spoiled and I kept following the empty roads, walking for hours until I found myself tired and starving, at the main motorway that split the country down the middle like a centre parting. The M1.
Like the freshly minted idiot that I was, I got on it and walked right down the centre lane of the left side, right out in the open. I didn’t know yet what would happen when the law of the land fell away. How quickly some took to a land without authority. I soon found out.
I was looking for a big motorway services, like a Little Chef. The fresh stuff would have gone with the electricity but there might be vending machines full of snacks. I was craving a Snickers, something awful - my body wanted its nutty protein. I’d only been walking down the M1 for an hour when I came to a blockade. Old burnt out cars and tyres, right across. If I saw something like that now, I’d run in the opposite direction. Without hesitation. But back then, I just decided to simply step around the thing. I got within five feet of the blockade when I heard someone say, ‘Oi, Ruby! We’ve got a live one here.’
And out they came, a group of about eight scruffy bastards, men and women, looking very pleased about something. Dumb as I was, even I couldn’t miss the signs. I was in trouble.
I tried to turn around, go in the opposite direction. Then I heard the sound of a gun being pumped and I froze. ‘Hey, where do you think you’re going?’ said a voice and I turned to see its owner, a young woman with wild black hair, a dirty face and a fresh, red scar over her eyebrow. ‘I’m going home’ I told her, sounding even to my own ears like a scared little kid.
Ruby laughed, a nasty, insincere sound and her friends joined in sycophantically. ‘We’re the toll. You gotta pay the fare if you wanna cross’ Ruby explained.
‘I don’t wanna cross’ I told her, knowing it was fruitless, that logic wasn’t going to win this. But I didn’t know what else to do, so I just kept talking. ‘I’ve changed my mind.’
Ruby stepped around the jagged burnt edge of a Passat, the gun dangling at her side. She walked right up to me, almost nose to nose. I saw for the first time that she was a little younger than me, maybe nineteen to my twenty-three. Looking past her, I began to see that they were all about that age. Teenagers.
‘You pay or I shoot you’ Ruby said evenly. I didn’t know if she meant it but I didn’t really want to call her bluff, so I grabbed my bag off my back and dumped the whole thing out, like a coward. Ruby looked at my shit on the ground - a few clothes, some personal stuff, my broken old phone that I didn’t know why I was keeping - and frowned. ‘I was hoping for food, maybe a bit of chocolate, some cash’ she told me, disappointed.
Then she rose cheerily from the disappointment. ‘But if you can’t give me food, you’ll have to give me entertainment’ she told me with a leer. I didn’t know what that meant but the way she said it, I was about ready to crap myself and if I’d had any food in my system, I don’t doubt I would have.
‘What you gonna do, Ruby?’ asked one of her scrawnier friends, a guy with eyeliner, around seventeen. I awaited the answer with baited breath. I heard the group at the blockade start to cackle in anticipation. Ruby looked me up and down and then said. ‘You get ten seconds.’ She raised the gun and pointed it directly at my face. I stared down that awful black hole, my death down the other end of it, and then Ruby said, ‘Ten.’ I didn’t move and she said, ‘Nine.’
It was only then that my body unlocked itself and I realised that I was supposed to run, that she wanted to hunt me. The entertainment wasn’t in killing me, I hoped. It was in watching me run away - scared, screaming and crying. And if I gave her that, if I acted like a silly scared fool, then she might just let me live. So I did it. I gave a performance that came pretty naturally, all things considered. I ran back up the motorway with my tail between my legs, screaming for mercy, hearing shots hitting the ground behind me, knowing that the next one might hit me in the back and that would be that.
But eventually, the shots faded. The laughter of Ruby faded.
Looking back on it now, Ruby wasn’t just a psychopath with a penchant for the screams of strangers, although she was that. But she was also a child, all of them were. They were just kids who’d survived the virus and felt powerful for the first time in their lives. They were the last of humanity and what they might have done was build a society that made more sense than the one they were raised in, one that served them better. But that unique power they now had, they didn’t understand it. So the meaning they chose to give their power was none, playing with it like a toy, as a child would. I guess that’s to be expected.
It was an early lesson on what kind of world I lived in now, filled with people like Ruby, kids celebrating the end of the world by destroying what was left. Oh, and it taught me something else. Never, never go near the M1. From scraps and rumours I’ve heard since, that sort of thing was not an isolated incident.
‘Jude, we can’t go down there. It’s dangerous’ I told the kid.
‘How do you mean, dangerous?’
I wasn’t going to tell him the whole Ruby story, so I just said, ‘It’s full of opportunists who’ll rob us blind and maybe kill us too. And they won’t be scared off by a baton, either.’
I thought that would be enough to put Jude in his place, but he wasn’t giving up so easily. ‘It’ll save us a whole day, though’ he whined.
I turned to Alice, hoping for some back-up. I wasn’t taking this too seriously. Jude seemed like he had the least amount of say in the situation. ‘Hey, can you put this kid on a leash? I don’t have the energy to explain how I’m keeping him alive.’
Before Alice could open her mouth, Emma was on me. ‘Hey, you don’t talk to him like that, alright? He’s got a point anyway, why the hell are we taking the long way around?’
I started to repeat my point, but apparently, Emma’s question was rhetorical. ‘I think we should head that way, if that’s what Jude wants to do’ she said firmly.
‘Jesus Christ, it’s full of murderers, you idiots’ I said, raising my voice despite myself. Emma stepped closer, her eyes blazing. ‘Who are you calling an idiot?’
That’s when Alice stepped in, cleaving a path between Emma
and me. ‘Hey, look, maybe we should talk about it, take a vote?’
‘I think I was pretty clear on the fact that this isn’t a democracy’ I told Alice.
‘You know what?’ Emma said. ‘I don’t even know why we need you anyway. I can walk to Gable without someone telling me how.’
‘Tell that to your ankle’ I muttered.
Alice tried again, vainly, to broker peace. ‘Emma, we talked about this.’
‘You talked about it’ Emma spat. ‘And I don’t think Olly’s going to be happy that you’re giving his van away. That thing’s his pride and joy.’
‘He’ll get over it. Let’s just find him first and then he can shout at me all he wants.’
‘That’s my point’ Jude interjected, hesitantly. ‘We’ll get there faster if we take the M1.’
‘Exactly. So we’re going’ Emma agreed.
I looked to Alice. The deal I’d made with her was as an escort, one who knew what she was doing. Emma and Jude were her problem. But Alice had missed the boat on breaking up this little mutiny. Emma had made her mind up. ‘Me and Jude are going this way so you two can do as you please’ she said, presumably addressing me and Alice. She was already leaving, Jude scuttling in her wake.
Torn, Alice looked at me. ‘I don’t think I can stop them’ she pleaded.
I shrugged. ‘I’m telling you, I’m not going over there.’
She turned to watch them, stuck. ‘Jude!’ she called. ‘Don’t do this! Please?!’
Jude looked over his shoulder. ‘Just come with us, Auntie Alice.’ And he turned back, jogging to catch up with his mother, her angry stride quickening her pace, her ankle injury forgotten. They rounded a corner, and a collection of bushes broke them from view.
Alice turned to me. ‘They’re going to die out there, aren’t they?’
‘Nothing’s certain. But it’s possible’ I said. But the word I really had in mind was probable.
Alice gave a small moan. ‘Then I have to go with them. Thanks for getting us this far. The van’s yours, keys are in the kitchen drawer, just needs a carburettor’ she said sadly. And then she turned, took one deep breath, adjusted the straps on her backpack and strode purposefully in the direction that Emma and Jude had gone.
I shook my head. I wasn’t going to follow them, if that’s what they thought. They were heading in the direction of trouble and for what? To save a day’s travel? They would find out soon that the cost of a day might be pretty high.
And Alice had turned over ownership of the van to me now, so I didn’t need to take one more step in the direction of Gable. I was free of them and their silly family squabbles. I was free of angry Emma, free of pathetic Jude. Free of Alice, who knew full well that I was right and had only followed those two fools out of dumb loyalty. She was willing to risk death just to keep two people safe who were fighting her every step of the way. What the hell kind of way was that to go through life, I asked myself. By now I was muttering, actually talking to myself in my frustration and anger. ‘Alice, you’re a sucker.’
I began to walk back, in the direction of the Quinn farm, to collect my vehicle, maybe find somewhere en route to grab that carburettor and find out how to put the thing in. Thirty minutes spent telling myself that if the Quinn family wanted trouble, then they were welcome to go looking for it. That Alice’s problems shouldn’t be mine.
I was pretending to think that for quite a while, walking steadily, trying to outrun the shadow that ran alongside me. The shadow of someone who wouldn’t walk away from someone who needed her. Alice’s shadow.
‘For fuck’s sakes’ I yelled as I ground to a halt, kicking a stone that flew a few yards, landing with a crack. Then, and only then, did I turn and head for the motorway.
Fourteen
Alice
I had to jog for about half a mile before I caught them up. The whole way, I was telling myself that it wasn’t too late, that I could get them to listen to me. But I was lying to myself. Jude, I could have handled. But Emma? She’d gotten tangled up in her own pride and once that happened, she was a juggernaut, nothing would stand in her way. And she’d set her sights on the motorway so that’s where we were going, for better or worse.
I considered the possibility that Rachel had been exaggerating about the motorway. But I doubted it. It didn’t seem her style.
I wondered if I’d ever see her again. I thought not. Because I was probably about to go and get myself killed. Part of me wanted to run back to her, follow her to Gable, let Emma and Jude take their chances. But then what? I’d have to explain to Olly that I’d let his wife and son wander into hell. It was no real choice. Better to take a risk with my very life than have to tell my brother I’d let him down. There wasn’t much left in the world that I cared about, but my older brother’s opinion of me ranked as high as it ever had. Even if he was dead, I still couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing him.
So I had to keep going. Whatever it cost.
‘Jude!’ I shouted, and my nephew turned to me with a relieved grin. Even Emma looked semi-pleased. ‘Wait! I’m coming!’ I yelled, jogging toward them.
As I caught them up, Emma said, ‘What about your little buddy?’ I shot her a look and said, ‘Look, if we’re doing this, let’s just do it.’ It was one thing that she’d won. She wasn’t allowed to crow about it as well.
We stood at the end of the exit that ran up to the M1. No one moved for a few minutes. We were trying to see if there was anything to worry about, Rachel’s words still ringing in our ears. But it was just a big empty road.
Eventually, Jude said, ‘Looks alright.’
‘This bit does, anyway’ I told him with a look. He pretended not to notice it.
We followed the exit ramp, reaching the motorway, and walked right onto the road. It seemed a long way across, separated into six lanes by white dashes. Looking at it empty was still strange, even after all this time. Back in the old days, it was always full of cars, lorries, buses. Sometimes it would be so full that it would grind to a halt and people would sit there, hour upon hour, waiting to move. Seems strange now, the concept of waiting, just so you could get somewhere quicker. But the road was empty now and always would be, it’s worn concrete stretching out forever.
It looked to be about lunchtime by the sun, high in the sky, clear through the clouds. I looked both ways, feeling like I’d lost my bearings and said, ‘So, left?’
Jude turned his map around twice and said, ‘Yep, left.’
We walked in watchful silence, all of us pretending we weren’t looking out for the dangers Rachel had warned us of. Rogues, thieves, murderers. But half an hour passed, and I was starting to think that maybe Rachel had it wrong, that it wasn’t so bad. There wasn’t a soul to be seen anywhere, only us three, walking north. The worst thing was the sun in our eyes. The second worst thing was how hungry I was. All the food we’d packed was mostly gone. Bread, boiled eggs, some cheese from the neighbour’s cow. All we had left was dried food, old noodle packets that we’d kept for an emergency such as this. I wondered if I should suggest eating now or wait until later. Maybe we should just stick it out, make it last longer…
That thought was broken by the sound of a car alarm, screaming, the sound all around us. I hadn’t heard such a thing in years. I turned to see Jude, eyes wide with panic. ‘What’s that?’ he shouted.
Emma clapped her hands over her ears, telling him, ‘It’s a car alarm. Can’t you remember them?’
Jude looked at her. ‘Of course I can remember them. What I meant was, why would a car alarm be going off now? There’s no cars.’
We scanned the horizon to find he was right. We’d passed a few rusted and abandoned vehicles on the road but right now, there wasn’t a single car within our sight. But the alarm, it was screaming, and it was virtually on top of us. That cacophony, with no context, was a chilling thing.
I didn’t know what to do and my first instinct was to wish for Rachel, that she’d know what this was and what we should do
about it. But we didn’t have Rachel anymore.
Emma came up with the first suggestion. ‘Ignore it, let’s just keeping going.’
‘You’re kidding, right?’ I gaped.
‘It’s probably just some old car somewhere that a bird landed on’ Emma said, as though I were the idiot. Jude nodded, thankful for a reason that made sense, a reason he didn’t need to be scared of. But they were wrong and I knew it.
‘That’s ridiculous. Any battery should have run out by now. If it’s still going, someone would need to keep it running’ I explained to them. ‘And why can’t we see it? I want to turn back, get off this road, find that other dirt road we were on-’
‘No. We need to keep on’ Emma said, shouting to be heard over the alarm.
‘Emma, don’t be stupid’ I cried at her. Every second that passed with that noise felt like a countdown to something awful. Anyone with a brain would have legged it by now. Not Emma, though. It wasn’t lack of IQ that kept her in place, it was arrogance. Although, in a situation like this, maybe that was a kind of stupidity.
I turned my attention to Jude. If I couldn’t wear Emma down with sense, I needed to get him on side. ‘Jude, I know you’re keen to get there quickly but you must know this isn’t safe?’
Jude looked back and forth between me and his mother, torn. As we waited to see what side he’d come down on, the alarm abruptly stopped. Emma let out a sigh of relief and said, ‘Thank god, we can hear ourselves think now.’
But I wasn’t relieved. Not a bit.
And then Jude pointed down the road, saying in a shaky voice, ‘Who’s that?’
I turned in the direction of the finger and saw him. A tall man, most likely in his fifties, once muscly and now running slightly to fat, smiling and waving. ‘Where the fuck did he come from?’ I muttered to myself.
The man began to jog towards us, hands in the air, indicating a lack of weaponry. ‘Sorry, sorry’ he said breathlessly as he reached us. ‘Sorry about that noise. I think you tripped my alarm’ he explained as he reached us.