“I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Benton’s breathing remained quiet and steady.
We stayed in position, Benton softly repeating the verse as the threat passed us by.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” His voice quivered on the last few words.
Shaffer and his goons rounded the corner and disappeared.
Benton’s gaze rose, his shoulders slumping forward as his chest deflated. “Let’s get out of here.”
The shock of what just happened had me agreeing and not arguing. Once we got in the car, I figured Benton would haul ass out of there, but he didn’t. I looked over to see him white-knuckling the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. He was working hard to keep his composure—blinking back tears, tensing muscles, and biting his trembling bottom lip. The terror slowly seeped from his body, replaced by relief.
I reached over to touch his arm. “Are you okay?”
He flinched, jerking away. “I’m fine.”
“Those guys are ignorant assholes.”
He nodded his response.
“What was that you were reciting?”
“Isaiah 41:10. It helps,” he whispered.
Benton never talked about being bullied, I just assumed he had been. I knew from experience that no matter how many times hate slapped you in the face, the sting never dulled.
“Has he said things like that to you before?”
“A couple of times in passing.”
“You need to report this…”
His head jerked toward me. “No!”
The fear and anger in his eyes was startling.
“Hollis, no one can know about any of it.”
“I could report it and not use your name.”
“Are you fucking insane? They saw us together. If you report it, then they’ll put two and two together and tell the administration what I’m doing.”
“You don’t know that for sure.”
His breathing sped up as panic took over. “I do know that for sure. Christ, Hollis! Shaffer knows something. I don’t know how but he does. And it’s obvious he’s told his moronic buddies. If he’s pushed, he’ll talk and it will bring attention to me. Then my parents will be contacted and…”
The words flew out of his mouth so fast he was on the verge of hyperventilating.
I placed my hand on his shaking arm in an attempt to calm him down. “I won’t say anything.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
He nodded, taking in a couple of deep breaths. “Thank you.”
“But if things go further than words, you have to promise me that you’ll report it.”
“I’ve dealt with those types of people before. It’s all talk.”
We rode back to campus without another word on the subject. I got the impression it wasn’t the hateful words or even that Shaffer knew that upset Benton the most. It was more the fact that he wasn’t doing as good a job passing as male like he believed he was. I knew the feeling. Just when I had convinced myself that I looked normal in full makeup, someone would stare or make a hurtful remark, shattering the illusion. The ugly comments hurt, but what lingered was the realization that I wasn’t fooling anyone.
THE NEXT WEEK went by as usual. Benton and I never did discuss Shaffer and his goons. I tried hard to honor the promise I made to him and not let on that we knew each other. But I couldn’t help keeping an eye on him during the one class we shared. Benton was more worried about Shaffer figuring out his secret and telling someone, than he was about being called hateful names. I was still in shock. I’d heard those words before. I just didn’t think I’d hear them in this atmosphere.
In elementary and high school being bullied for the slightest difference was so common, in a weird way, you almost expected it to happen. Because of that, you could prepare yourself, somewhat. College students were supposed to be mature, open-minded, and more sophisticated. Sure there were the bitchy sorority girls and the moronic frat guys, but they were the exception to the rule. In college the point was to expand our understanding of others and not condemn them. The problem was, only a few months separated a high school senior from a college freshman. If your mind was clouded with prejudice for most of your life, it certainly wouldn’t clear up over summer vacation.
It was Friday afternoon, Risher and I were walking into the dorm. This was going to be an amazing weekend. We were going on a double date with Maggie and Chuck tonight to the Darius Rucker concert. His music always made me feel happy. Maggie and I were huge fans. She surprised me with the tickets the week after her first visit up here. She was proud that I had made the decision to stay and didn’t allow Leah’s actions to throw me off course. Little did we know then that we’d have a couple of dibbed dudes in our lives.
The concert was sold out, but Risher got lucky and snagged two tickets. The plan was to pair up and split off. Since Maggie and I had the best seats, we decided the fair thing would be for her and Chuck to take them for part of the concert then switch with me and Risher.
“So, what time is Maggie getting in?” Risher said.
“Should be soon. She only has one class on Fridays. She told me she was already packed and planned on leaving right from class.”
“Chuck’s pretty excited about seeing her again. He actually took a shower this morning.”
“Wow, things must be getting serious.”
“She made quite an impression on him. He talks about her a lot and they Skype almost every night.”
As we passed the dorm office, my name came flying out of the door.
I stuck my head inside. “Did you call me?”
Leah sat at the desk with a sour expression on her face. She had taken a part-time job as office assistant of the dorm. Basically, she handed out snide looks and mail.
“There’s a package here for you.”
I walked over to the desk and grabbed the box. Leah suddenly straightened, pushed her shoulders back, and her boobs out. I didn’t need to turn around to know Risher was standing in the doorway.
“Hey Risher! You’re looking all yummy today, as usual.”
He didn’t respond.
“I hope you’re coming to the Zeta party tonight.”
Clearing his throat, Risher said, “No, I’m spending the night with Hollis.”
Both mine and Leah’s eyes doubled in size at the innuendo.
“Risher, I don’t understand your taste. Why would you waste time with that when you could have this?” She stuck her boobs out a little more.
“Um… hello? I’m standing right in front of you and I can hear you,” I said.
Risher walked up beside me. “Hollis, please. Leah asked a very good question that deserves an answer.”
He faced her, placed his palms flat on the desk, and smiled. “Leah…”
“Yes, Risher,” she answered, batting her eyelashes.
“I prefer quality over quantity. If I ever hear you talk to or about Hollis that way again, I’ll go to your adviser and let her know exactly how you earned that A on your English paper.”
My mouth dropped open. It took Herculean strength to keep from spiking the box and doing a victory dance.
“I worked really hard to get that A,” Leah huffed, squaring her shoulders.
Risher leaned in closer. “You worked getting Professor Jonas really hard. I mean it, lay off Hollis.”
He pushed off from the desk, took the package from me, and walked out the door. My gaze followed him.
Turning back toward Leah, I raised my hand high, snapped my fingers, and threw her some attitude. “That’s my boyfriend.”
I found Risher standing outside my door, concern written all over his face.
“Thank you for that.” Rolling up on my toes, I kissed his cheek.
“You’re not mad?”
“Why would I be mad?”
“It’s not that
I think you can’t handle yourself.” He glanced away, his cheeks turning a pale pink. “I like taking care of you.”
#Swoon.
“I like being taken care of by you.”
He cupped the left side of my face and slowly ran his thumb over my chin. “I won’t let anyone talk to you that way, Hollis.”
It was incredibly easy for me to get lost in all things Risher. Without even knowing it, he made me forget about the past year, the ugly names, and the mean looks. I felt like a normal girl falling for this perfect boy. He used the time we spent together to get to know the real me. I knew the day would come when he’d ask the questions and he had a right to the answers. I almost came clean several times. Figuring it would be better if I volunteered what had happened instead of him asking. It seemed like it would be less awkward that way, but I kept my mouth shut. I was getting addicted to the way he made me feel and I didn’t want it to end. But when Risher got close to the abnormal areas, it snapped me back to reality. I wasn’t that normal girl anymore.
Subtly I turned my face away, out of his reach. My gaze dropped to the ground.
“Hollis, did I do something wrong?”
I shook my head. I felt the familiar touch of his fingers on the tip of my chin. He tilted my gaze up to meet his sincere beautiful eyes.
“Talk to me,” he whispered.
Why do you like me? Why did you pick me?
“Nothing’s wrong. You’re always so sweet to me, Risher.”
“You’re easy to be sweet to.” He gave me a shy smile before tipping his head down, indicating my box. “You want me to take that in for you?”
“Nah, I got it. My roommate’s probably taking her afternoon nap, anyway.”
“She sure does sleep a lot.”
Since becoming his girl, I had to come up with a reason not to invite Risher into my room. A sleeping roommate was the best I could come up with at the time. I hated lying to him, but I didn’t have much of a choice.
“She’s pretty lazy,” I said.
He handed me the box.
“I’ll see you later.” He placed a lingering kiss on my forehead.
“I’ll see you later.”
Our eyes stayed locked as we exchanged smiles. We never quite got the hang of saying goodbye to each other. Risher winked and then walked away without another word.
Floating into my room, I tossed my backpack on the desk and plopped down on my bed with the box. Mom mentioned she was sending a care package, but was very secretive about what was in it. With Risher standing up for me, Maggie coming, and a surprise from home, the weekend was already all kinds of awesome.
I peeled off the packing tape and folded back the top flaps of the box. My mouth watered hoping that one of the treats inside would be Mom’s homemade peanut butter and chocolate-chip cookies. I grabbed the crinkled-up paper that hid my surprise and tossed it to the side.
At first I didn’t recognize anything in the box. I knew for sure I was not looking at cookies. Then the cylinders in my brain started firing.
“Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” The words flew out of my mouth, getting louder with each repetition.
Benton came running out of the bathroom dressed in a damp T-shirt and sweatpants. His hair still wet from a shower.
“Hollis, what’s wrong?”
I looked up at him. “It’s a box of dicks. These are dicks in a box. Who would send a dick box?”
“Stop saying dicks.”
“That’s what they are.”
Benton snatched the box off my lap. “Why did you open my mail, anyway?”
“Your mail?”
“It says Abigail Daniels right here.” He pointed at the label.
“I’m sorry. Mom said she was sending me a care package. I didn’t look at the name. I just assumed.”
“Well, from now on, check the name before you tear into things.”
“What’s with the box of dicks?”
“They’re called packers.” Benton opened the top drawer of his dresser, placed the box inside and slammed it shut.
“They look like dicks to me.”
“Basically, that’s what they are,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Why did you order those?”
A loud sigh escaped him. “Christ, Hollis. Do you have to have every little thing explained to you?”
“No, not every little thing. But a box of dicks I do.”
“I’m supposed to live like a male as much as possible. Males have dicks.”
“Males have one dick. There’s like ten different ones in there.”
“There’s only five. It’s a sampler box. They were running a special.”
I clamped my mouth shut, trying to keep the laughter from bursting out of me. My face heated up as the pressure kept building. Benton’s eyebrows shot into his forehead as he looked over at me. That was enough to open the floodgates. I fell back on my bed and Benton stumbled back against the wall, laughter bouncing all around us.
“Oh my god! I can’t breathe,” Benton choked out.
“Next time, it would be nice to have a heads up when your penises are coming.” I rolled back and forth, holding my stomach.
Suddenly the door swung open.
“Heller!”
At the sound of Maggie’s voice I bolted upright. Benton swirled around and ducked into the bathroom. I flew across the room, pulling Maggie into a tight hug.
“Maggie!” Twisting our bodies, I moved us quickly away from the bathroom.
In his rush, Benton hadn’t closed the door the entire way and he was still visible.
“Good lord, Woman! Did you miss me?” Maggie said.
“I did!”
Maggie wiggled her body, trying to free herself from my hold. “Hollis, would you let go? I don’t want to be all bruised up for Chuckie Boy.”
I let my arms fall and quickly grabbed my already packed overnight bag. “Let’s get this weekend started.”
“Hold up a sec.” Maggie pushed her sunglasses down to the tip of her nose and peered over them. “Who’s in the bathroom?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I shook my head and tried to look as clueless as possible.
“Hollis, I know someone else was in here. A male someone else. Is it Risher?
My head shook faster.
“Were the two of you having a little afternoon delight?”
My head swung from side-to-side so quickly, it almost twisted off.
Craning her neck, Maggie whispered, “Is that Abigail’s mysterious guy?”
“Ye… eee… sss,” I stammered.
“Oh, I gotta get an eyeful of him.”
I grabbed her upper arm. “Maggie, he’s really shy.”
“So.”
“And awkward.”
She jerked her arm away and tiptoed over to the bathroom door. “I just want a peek.”
I walked up behind Maggie with my bag in hand as she peered through the opening.
Luckily, Benton was facing in the opposite direction. Maggie hadn’t spent a lot of time around Abigail, but she was very observant. I was sure she’d see some similarities in Benton’s facial features and put two and two together.
Looking over her shoulder, she whispered, “Nice ass.”
My arm hooked around hers, pulling her away. “Let’s go.”
“In fact, I kind of wish my ass looked that good.”
“Maggie, come on.”
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?”
“Now is not a good time.”
Her mouth fell open. “Oooh, is he in there with Abigail… showering?”
“What? No. Abigail stepped out to get… pizza.” I tugged her toward the door. “Come on. I want to get to the hotel and get ready for our date.”
Maggie stood firm. “We have plenty of time.”
I tugged harder. “I have some new outfits I want to show you.”
She whipped around. “Really? You went shopping? Risher’s already had a positive influence on y
ou.”
“Yeah. Very, very positive. Let’s go.”
Once outside, I sent Benton a text before getting into Maggie’s car.
Me: Sorry about that. Coast is clear. We’re headed to the hotel. Will be back Sunday afternoon.
Benton: Is she suspicious? Did she say anything?
Me: Only that you have a nice ass.
Benton: I’m not really sure how to respond to that.
Me: Let’s just let it lay.
Benton: Thanks, Hollis.
Me: ☺
My head shot up to find Maggie pounding on the roof of her car.
“Hey, I thought you were in a big rush to get the weekend started.”
“I’m ready.”
“Yeah, I see how ready you are. Busy texting cute booty boy, Risher.”
I tossed a smirk over to Maggie and slid my sunglasses on, letting her think what she wanted.
WE CHECKED INTO the hotel and went to work getting ready for our date with the boys. Since the concert was in Charlotte, we decided to stay at a hotel near the stadium instead of driving the forty-five minutes back to town.
Maggie was very impressed with my new wardrobe from the House of Abigail Collection. Even though most of the clothes were in varying shades of pink, there were some exceptions. Comfort was key for me, so I chose a pale butter yellow maxi dress with a brown braided rope belt, topped off with a faded denim jacket, and a pair of nude strappy wedge sandals. As usual my hair was down and swept to the side. Maggie insisted on doing my makeup. Once I freshened the heavy foundation, she went to work, giving me slightly more dramatic eyes, sunkissed cheeks, and deeper pink lips. Maggie shimmied into a short-sleeve multicolored chevron striped mini-dress, matching it with a pair of dark brown cowboy boots. She gave herself smoky eyes and pouty lips. Finishing off the look with her hair tied into a high ponytail. She looked cute, sassy, and sexy.
I was taking one last glance at myself in the full-length mirror when my phone beeped with a text.
Risher: Your chariot awaits. ☺
Me: So excited! We’ll be down in a sec.
Risher: Don’t keep me waiting too long. It’s been like 2 hours since I’ve seen your pretty face. I got withdrawal shakes.
Stop! Page 11