Now neither of them were sleeping on it.
Willow hadn’t been back in their bed since Harrison moved out, choosing to sneak into the upstairs guest bedroom after both the kids fell asleep. She just couldn’t face that huge, empty bed without her husband. Not knowing when, or if, he’d ever lay next to her again was too much for her battered soul to withstand.
If he’d ever lay next to you again?
Of course Harrison would be back in their bed. Of course he would, dammit! She refused to acknowledge this break as anything more than a minor speed bump. A brief interruption so she could take some time to get her head together and face a few issues that had popped up, issues that had been lingering just under the surface. It definitely wasn’t a signal to the end of her marriage.
She would eventually straighten things out with Harrison. What other choice did she have? Live without him?
No. Impossible.
The ache of living without him had been constant these past three weeks. She could not—would not—live the rest of her life like this.
Just as she lifted her hand to reach for his, the door opened and Athens walked in, followed by his doctor. Willow hopped up from her chair and went to him. He wore a brave face, but she knew he’d cried when they’d taken blood. He always did. Her heart ached just thinking about him facing that alone. Why had she listened when he said he didn’t want her in there with him?
“How’d it go, honey?” Willow asked, wrapping him up in a hug.
“He’s a champ,” Dr. Leroy Fudge said with a playful tap on the top of Athens’s head. The pediatric endocrinologist had been recommended by the kids’ longtime pediatrician, and despite the chuckle she always had to suppress at the thought of him encouraging his patients to give up sweets with a name like Fudge, Willow could not be happier with the care Athens had received thus far. With Dr. Fudge’s help, they would nip this thing in the bud before full-fledged juvenile Type 2 diabetes was ever able to take hold.
“It’ll be a few minutes before we get the results of the blood tests back,” the doctor continued. “But in the meantime, let me say how pleased I am with this young man’s progress since his last visit. He’s down six pounds and his BMI is inching closer to what it should be for a child his age.” Dr. Fudge looked to Athens. “Playing basketball outside is better than playing it on an Atari isn’t it?”
Athens’s mouth scrounged up in confusion. “What’s an Atari?”
“It’s the Xbox back when your old man was young,” Harrison piped in.
“Oh. Well, no,” Athens said. “I’d still rather play against Steph Curry on the Xbox.”
“But he does play outside and he will continue to do so,” Willow said. “We’ve also been taking walks around the neighborhood. You’ve enjoyed those, right?”
“No. It’s kinda boring.”
Apparently, her son had zero concern for her feelings.
“Boring or not, it’s been good for you, so keep it up,” Dr. Fudge said. He turned to Willow and Harrison. “I can’t stress enough how beneficial it is for Athens to have such a strong support system behind him. The two of you should pat yourselves on the back. He still has some work to do, but with the family working together as a unit, I have no doubt we’ll see the results we’ve been looking for in just a few months’ time.”
“Thank you,” Willow said. She deserved an award for the way she successfully managed to smile past the guilt she was suddenly drowning in. She’d never felt more like a fraud than she did at this very moment, accepting the doctor’s praise for being a healthy family unit when they were anything but. She looked over at Harrison and caught the edginess in his tense smile.
They were both frauds.
It left her with a bittersweet ache. It didn’t have to be this way.
Because the doctor was right, she and Harrison did work well together. They always had. The fact that they were apart now, when their son needed them the most, was beyond shameful.
If only she could find the courage to talk to her husband. If only she didn’t fear what his reaction would be if she told him about that damn dinner date—a date she regretted with every fiber in her being.
But why should she regret it? Because it opened her eyes to what had slowly been eating away at her for years? Because she’d finally realized that her perfect little life wasn’t the idyllic existence she’d convinced herself it was?
Willow gave her head a mental shake.
She couldn’t think about this right now. Her focus needed to be on Athens.
“Why don’t we head out to the family area,” Dr. Fudge said, slipping his electronic tablet into the wide front pocket of his lab coat. “Nurse Bautista will meet you all there with the results of Athens’s blood tests soon.”
They exited Dr. Fudge’s office, and Willow went straight to the restroom across the hall. She needed a moment to herself. Despite the doctor’s encouraging outlook, an unsettled feeling remained in her gut. The weight of the past forty-five minutes bore down on her, crowding her brain with the multitude of matters that were currently amiss in her world. If only she could blink and have her life return to the way it was a year ago, before everything began to collapse.
When she finally made her way to the family waiting area, she found Athens and Harrison sitting next to each other on one of the low, cyan-colored couches. Harrison had taken his suit jacket off and laid it next to him on the armless couch. Willow steeled herself against the torrent of thoughts the sight of his muscled shoulders triggered. That’s something she didn’t need to concentrate on right now either.
One of Athens’s favorite programs played on the flatscreen television mounted on the wall, but her son paid it no mind. He was entirely focused on whatever game he and his father were playing. It was probably the car chase game. They both held phones out in front of them, motioning the devices from side to side, as if turning a steering wheel. Athens made a crashing sound, and then doubled over with laughter.
Willow swore her heart swelled to twice its normal size. It had been weeks—three weeks, to be precise—since she’d seen such a carefree smile on her son’s face. Athens was a mama’s boy to his core, but he loved his daddy just as hard. She’d tried not to think too much about the toll this separation was taking on her kids, but it was impossible to ignore when the evidence was staring her right in the face.
Athens missed his father. Harrison missed his son. They shouldn’t be apart.
She pressed her quivering lips tightly together, willing her emotions to remain in check. Goodness, but she was a mess today.
Who was she kidding? She’d been a mess for weeks. Months.
Willow cleared the emotion from her throat as she continued on toward them.
“Who’s winning?” she asked. She stood just over Athens’s shoulder.
“I always win,” her son said, cocky as all get out.
“Only because I let him.” Harrison playfully elbowed him on the arm. He looked over at her and their eyes locked. The enthusiastic grin he’d shared with Athens softened into something more subtle. Tender.
Willow’s chest tightened with awareness as warmth flooded her insides. Her heartbeat hammered in her ears. Excitement fluttered in her stomach as her husband’s sweet, soft gaze traveled over her like a gentle caress.
The moment was broken by Nurse Bautista’s jovial greeting. “The Holmeses are here! How is my favorite family?”
Athens hastily set his phone aside and perked up. He had the most adorable crush on the pretty, petite nurse.
“I have good news,” the nurse teased, wiggling Athens’s patient folder in her hand. “Why don’t we go into the consultation room so I can make your day?”
And make their day she did. Relief cascaded through Willow’s bloodstream as the nurse ran through the panel of test results.
“His blood sugar levels were down by twelve points. Even better, his A1C level is at 5.9 percent. That’s as close to normal as he’s been since he started seeing Dr. Fudge.�
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“That’s awesome, dude,” Harrison said, holding his hand up for a high five.
“Where’s mine?” Nurse Bautista asked. Athens hopped out of his chair and slapped his palm with hers. “Whatever you’re doing, keep it up. Pretty soon you won’t have to come in and see me at all.”
Willow had to hold in her laugh at the way Athens’s smile immediately faltered. She’d have to watch him. Her son might sneak some chocolate just so he could see the pretty nurse again.
“Or, maybe we can still drop in occasionally, but you wouldn’t have to get stuck with the needle anymore,” Willow suggested.
“Oh, yes,” the nurse said. “I like that even better. I would be crushed if I didn’t get to see you once in a while.”
Athens’s light brown skin turned as red as a ripe strawberry.
“Keep up the good work,” she said, holding her hand up for another high five. “You too, Mom and Dad,” she said, giving both Willow and Harrison high fives as well. “You both should be proud of what you all have been able to accomplish. It’s not easy to reverse the tide on a pre-diabetic diagnoses, but if you all keep up what you’re doing, I have no doubt Athens will be just fine.”
The nurse provided her with a new list of foods they could now incorporate into Athens’s diet before seeing them out of the consultation room.
As they made their way to the parking lot, Harrison said, “Well, it sounds as if we’re at least doing one thing right.” He rubbed Athens’s head. “I’m proud of you, Little Man. Good job.”
He opened the SUV’s driver’s side door and held it while Willow climbed in. Instead of closing it, he leaned one hand against the rim and said, “That goes for you too, Mom. I know it hasn’t been easy. His progress shows just how badass you are.”
“No cursing,” Athens called from his side of the car.
“Sorry,” Harrison replied.
He smiled. So did she. It felt…nice. Comforting.
If someone had told her just a year ago that receiving a simple smile from her husband would have this kind of effect on her, Willow would have laughed herself into a choking fit. She’d spent nearly half her life on the receiving end of those smiles. For the past seventeen years, Harrison’s subtly sweet and sexy grin had been the first thing she saw when she woke up in the morning and the last image she saw before she closed her eyes at night. She’d taken for granted just how lucky she’d been to have that charming smile in her life. She’d taken so many things for granted once she’d found Harrison, like how well they worked together as husband and wife, as the parents to their children. As a family.
Without giving much forethought to her words, Willow said, “Why don’t you come to the house for dinner tonight?”
She understood the surprise widening Harrison’s eyes on an elemental level. It’s exactly what she was feeling on the inside. Where had that even come from?
“Yes, yes, yes,” Athens yelled. Thank goodness the seatbelt was there to restrain him. He would have hit the car’s ceiling with all that jumping around. “We can play basketball before dinner. We can, right, Mama?”
Well, there was no taking the invitation back now. Not that she wanted to. They needed this.
“Sure can,” Willow said. She turned to Harrison. “So?”
“Yes. Of course,” Harrison said. “Of course I’ll come to dinner.” He peered down at his phone. “I need to get back to the office, but only for a little bit. I’ll come over to the house as soon as I wrap up my notes from this morning.”
Willow nodded. “Good. We’ll see you then.”
“Thank you, Wills.” The gratitude shimmering in his light brown eyes nearly caused her own to well with tears.
She nodded. The fullness in her throat wouldn’t allow her to speak.
Harrison closed her car door, then walked over to his own. He waved as he drove past them.
As she watched the black Mercedes turn onto St. Charles Avenue, back toward downtown, Willow had one goal in mind. To make a meal her entire family would enjoy so that they could feel whole again, even if only for a short while.
Chapter Three
As she unwrapped the fresh salmon steaks from their butcher paper packaging, Willow couldn’t stem the nervous excitement buzzing inside her head. She was cooking dinner for her family, something she’d done thousands of times for nearly two decades. It shouldn’t have been a big deal. But it was. It was the most important meal she’d cooked all year.
After leaving Dr. Fudge’s office, she and Athens drove straight to Whole Foods. Willow tossed aside her original dinner plans. There would be no spaghetti and meat sauce tonight. Instead, she’d decided to prepare one of her family’s favorite meals, grilled salmon with garlic and herb butter sauce, sautéed asparagus, and roasted sweet potatoes. And for dessert, a diabetic-friendly cherry-apple crisp.
Not her typical Monday night meal, but this wasn’t a typical Monday in the Holmes household. There was something markedly different in the air. Tonight felt special, more meaningful.
Tonight, they would be a family again.
Willow caught movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to find Lily standing before the open pantry door, a backpack slung over one shoulder.
“Why are you wearing your backpack?”
“I’m going over to Amina’s,” her daughter said from inside the pantry.
“No. Not tonight.” Willow shook her head. “Your dad is joining us for dinner.”
Lily came out of the pantry holding a bag of kettle corn. There was a spark of surprise in her eyes before she changed her expression back to the dull, disinterested facade she’d been wearing so well for the past few weeks. Willow was sooo over that look. She wouldn’t be the least bit sorry if she never saw it again.
“What’s so special about that?” Lily asked with a shrug.
“Liliana.”
“What? Just because the two of you decided to separate, now it’s a big deal that he’s coming to dinner?”
Willow pulled in a breath and counted to five, reminding herself that teenagers were not demons and that her daughter had a right to be upset.
“First of all, it isn’t an official separation,” Willow pointed out. “We’re just—”
“Taking a break,” Lily said with her signature eye-roll. “Yeah, I know.”
“Okay, so here’s what we’re not gonna do.” Willow dropped the bundle of asparagus onto the counter and turned fully so that she was facing her daughter. She wagged her finger. “You and that tone? It’s not happening.”
Lily’s expression brought Surly Teenage Girl to an entirely new level. Willow wiped her hands on a dishtowel then walked over to her.
“We’ve talked about this,” she said, rubbing the shoulder that didn’t have a backpack slung over it. “Your dad and I just need to figure some things out. You’re older, I expected you to have a better understanding of all this.”
The sheen of contriteness and shame glimmering in Lily’s eyes triggered yet another wave of guilt. It was unfair to expect a teenager to handle something that she, at forty two, had struggled with for the past three weeks. This had all come out of left field for both Lily and Athens.
Well, maybe not totally out of left field. She and Harrison had tried their hardest to shield their kids from the issues they’d been having in their marriage, but Willow wasn’t foolish enough to think they’d hidden everything. Lily had sensed something was going on between them for several months now, but she doubted her daughter had anticipated seeing the day when her dad would pack a bag and leave. Even she hadn’t seen that one coming.
When she looked back on it, Willow realized they’d probably done their children a disservice by keeping them in the dark. It had to have been a shock to go from seeing the loving couple they’d always known their parents to be, to two people now living apart. Was there any wonder her sweet, loving daughter had turned into a salty little shit over the past few months?
Willow ran a hand down Lily’s hair and
cupped her cheek.
“I know this is difficult. It’s difficult for all of us.”
“So why…why are you doing it?” Lily asked. The hiccup in her voice rent Willow’s heart in two. “Why did Daddy have to move out in the first place?”
She didn’t know how to answer her daughter’s extremely legitimate question. At least not without revealing more than she wanted to reveal, more than she even wanted to acknowledge.
There were so many factors that had led her to the place Willow now found herself in. Little things that had been building, piling one on top of the other, until it had all come crashing down. In the weeks since she and Harrison decided to give themselves some space, she’d chosen the utterly ridiculous tactic of not thinking about why they were apart, as if ignoring the issue could miraculously cure all that ailed them.
She wasn’t a stupid person. She knew nothing would change until she and Harrison sat down and talked. A lack of communication was one of the reasons their marriage was in the state it was now in. But Willow wasn’t sure she was ready for that conversation. Just the thought of opening up to Harrison, of revealing the truth about how sitting across the table from another man had opened her mind to all that she’d been missing; it made her heart rate escalate.
She ran her hand along Lily’s braided hair. “It’s like we said when we sat you and Athens down a few weeks ago, your Dad and I want to see if a little time apart will help us clear our heads. That’s all. It’s not uncommon when people have been married for as long as we have to take a little break and assess their relationship. As a matter of fact, it can be a good thing. It gives us both a chance to reflect on how important we are to each other, and to our family as a whole.”
Willow struggled to believe a single word of the bullshit coming out of her mouth right now, but her words seemed to put Lily at ease. Her daughter nodded.
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