by K E Osborn
“Yeah, can’t keep Master Luke waiting I suppose.”
She exhales heading toward her luggage and hoists her handbag over her shoulder.
“I’ll miss you,” I call out as I am glued on the spot. I can’t stand to walk her out as that will mean finality and that she’s really leaving.
“Me too, Danger… like you wouldn’t believe.” She turns, opens the door, and walks out of my life.
My chest heaves and my body slumps as if it’s caving in, and I run my hand through my hair trying to fight back the urge to scream. Or sob, I’m not sure.
The door closes with a loud thud which shatters my heart into a million tiny pieces all splintering through my dark soul, tearing at the darkness forcing it to flood through the rest of my body. I feel hollow, as raging heat seeps through my bones from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair. My hands clench by my sides as I grit my teeth and they squeal with the harshness of me grinding them.
My anger boils over and I turn to the nearest wall letting out an almighty bellow and thrust my fist into the plasterboard, splintering shards of dust and wall down to the floor as my hand goes right through the white paneling. I groan as I pull my hand from the hole and shake it. My knuckles throb and I check them out noticing them grazed and bleeding. My chest heaves with my intense breathing as I pace the floor losing the plot.
My girl has gone out into a world that thinks she’s worthless and nothing but a whore, when I know better. Yes, I know her past. Hell, I fucking hate it, but I’ll be damned if I will stand here and think Lunar is anything but the gentle, fun loving, tough chick that I know and lo—
I stop myself before I think the word. It’s too soon to be thinking that, and with things the way they are I can’t be thinking like that. It’s not good for any of the outcomes headed our way. I have to focus. I need a drink, but it’s eight in the fucking morning. Hell, if I were a druggie I’d be snorting that shit right now, but I’ll have to deal with the next best thing.
A chat with my best friend.
Walking over to the bed, I pick up my cell and dial Ryan’s number.
It rings and rings, and I feel like the fucker isn’t going to answer in my time of need, but eventually his sleepy voice chimes down the line.
“Duuude… it’s like four in the morning.”
Shaking my head, I groan. “Ryan it’s eight, and I need you! Shit’s hit the fan. Lunar left, and I need someone to talk me down.”
There’s ruffling and I hear a girl moan, making me roll my eyes as he finally comes back down the line. “Lunar’s gone?”
“Yes. A reporter found info on her and the Savages. They’ve leaked fucking everything, painting her as a whore. Luke made her leave.”
He exhales. “Fuck, okay! I’m getting dressed and coming over. I warn you though, I have a hangover.”
“Ryan, come back to bed,” the female voice calls out.
“Woman, I don’t even know who you are. Can you like… make like a tree?”
Rolling my eyes as I hear her scoff, I sit down on the bed. “Thanks man, sorry to interrupt.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t up to anything else today anyway, my head is fucked. I’ll get dressed. Be there in like two minutes.”
“Thanks, dude.”
I hang up to let him deal with his situation before he helps me deal with mine, and flop back on my bed scrubbing my face with my hands—one of which is very sore indeed.
Two minutes later there’s a knock at my door, and I slowly ease up off the bed and plod across to open it. Ryan looks like shit, the bags under his eyes are large and black and his hair looks like he’s been electrocuted. I almost manage a smile. Almost.
“So the bitch in my room turned on the television and it’s a fucking media circus. You should not turn on the television right now, there’s a shit storm.”
Slumping, I exhale while standing aside and letting him walk past into my room. We traipse the hall to my room, and he looks at the hole in the wall and then back to me, but doesn’t say anything as we take a seat on the couch.
“I’m sorry she had to leave. I know you liked her, and I was hoping you’d work out. She’s far better than Ella.”
Cringing at the mention of her name, I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing with herself nowadays. Does she know I’m in Australia, and making it this time without her and her family? Does she care? Who am I kidding! She probably has no clue, and doesn’t give a stuff so why do I waste time thinking about her?
“I do like Lunar, and there was always a question mark over what happens when Australia is done. We never talked about it, I just assumed she would stay here. She has her family, and I need to get back to my sister and to the States. I can’t keep living in different countries, you know what I mean?”
Ryan nods. “True. But what if Lunar came with us back to the States? You don’t know unless you ask.”
Sighing, I slump down further into the couch. “Well, it’s too late now anyway. She’s gone, and if Luke has his way she’ll never be back.”
A knock on the door startles me, and my hopes rise that it might be Lunar. I rush toward the door opening it frantically with half a smile waiting to see my pink and yellow haired beauty standing there waiting with open arms, but no it’s Effa.
My half smile falls and I frown. She winces and puts her hand out on my arm in a sign of comfort. “Don’t be so disappointed to see me now, Danger.”
Shaking my head, I slump my body. “Sorry, I was just hoping you were someone else.”
She nods and exhales. “It’s shit about Lunar. But do you wanna work on the song to keep you distracted?”
I’m surprised at how good she looks today considering she partied harder than Ryan last night, no bags under her eyes for Effa. Her hair is perfect, her skin clear almost as if it’s sparkling, and her eyes glisten and gleam with a smile. She really is very attractive in her own way.
Managing another half-smile, I nod. “Sure a distraction would be good.” I stand aside letting her in and she skips across the hotel room carpet. I shake my head at how she can be so spritely, but I guess she’s young. Then again, I’m young too at the age of twenty-two, although she’s only eighteen, so I do have a few years on her.
Chapter Twenty-One
LUNAR
After meeting with Luke, I had a sit down interview, one on one with a reporter of his choice and she took down my side of the story. I told her I was taking some time away from the band, so they could have their success without my background being an issue. She asked about my affair with Danger, and I started to get annoyed stating it wasn’t an affair but a relationship, and Luke shut that down quickly ending the interview.
Who knows what’s going to go out into the media?
I’ve been on a plane to Adelaide after a bastard of a time at the airport. Reporters were everywhere hounding me, not to mention the Recoil fans who were yelling at me for being a whore and probably giving Danger syphilis, herpes, and whatever else they were screaming at me. To say my confidence has taken a brutal bashing is an understatement. I was never ashamed of being a club girl while I was at the club. I was proud of who I was and what I was doing there.
But now that I’m out of that environment, I can see why the outside world perceives club girls so badly. The media showcases them as something lowly and nothing more than a common whore. That’s what the Australian media is painting me as right now, and all it’s doing is bringing Danger’s reputation and Recoil’s name into the dirt. I can’t have that. So I’ll bring all the spotlight onto me and I’ll suffer the consequences while Recoil continue to strive to make it. I won’t see Danger hurt over my past. I can’t. I chose that life and now I need to suffer the consequences of my actions.
I just hope my tough exterior can hold out longer than my flimsy interior is doing, because right now I want to burst into tears. But I won’t, not in front of the media. I won’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they’re breaking me and my h
eart. I know my feelings for Danger are stronger than anything I ever felt for Steel at the club, and honestly, I don’t see my life without Danger in it. I just hope he can forgive me and one day I can go back to him. But that option doesn’t look like a possibility right now.
My plane lands and I take a deep breath as I depart the 747. The air hostess smiles at me complimenting me on my hair. She obviously doesn’t know who I am, but some of the passengers have been staring at me and sending me knowing glares. It’s been an uncomfortable ride, but I’m just glad to be back home. I’m going to live with Mum and Stuart for a while. Mum saw everything which only upset me more. She was, of course, supportive. She knew everything that happened at the MC and the strip club, she just never wanted me to be outed like that. But I know she’ll be happy to see me, even if it’s under these shitty circumstances.
Walking through the airport my muscles are tense. So far I’ve avoided any cameras or reporters but who knows what might be waiting outside or even at the baggage claim. I step onto the escalators and look down, my body tenses instantly as I see around five paparazzi waiting. Pulling down my sunglasses, I breathe heavier in annoyance more than anything else as they start photographing me. The other people on the escalator start looking around in wonder. I shield my eyes from the bright flashes as I get to the bottom, and they start firing their questions at me while I try to walk past them to baggage claim.
“Lunar, are you ashamed you brought the band into disrepute?”
“Lunar, have you left Danger for good?”
“Will you return to the Satan’s Savages and be their club whore again?”
My body tenses at the last question, and I turn to the man who voiced it and glare at him even though he can’t see me through my glasses. “I won’t ever be returning to the club. My days there are over, they have been for a while. I’m not that girl anymore, and you would do well to remember that,” I say. I spot my mother and brother, who’s wearing his head muffs, but I’m worried that with all these paparazzi following me and the cameras, it will only frighten him. He can be sensitive to not only crowds but lights and noise.
“Mum, get Stuart out of here,” I call out.
She nods as one paparazzi turns around and looks right at Mum as she grabs Stuart, who’s looking this way and spots me. His eyes light up and he rushes forward awkwardly toward me, and I shake my head.
“Stuart, no,” I call out as Mum runs up behind him.
His arms reach out for me and I rush up to Stuart, wrapping him to me tightly, trying to shield his eyes from the inevitable camera flashes.
“Alise, you home. I miss you, sissy,” he says.
My chest tightens and I can’t stop the tears from cascading down my cheeks as the cameras all turn flashing like crazy.
“No, stop!” I scream as Stuart starts to moan grabbing a hold of me tightly. “Please stop! He has autism. This is frightening him,” I beg.
He screams out and starts lashing out. I grab his hands trying to hold him back while Mum rushes up. We try to restrain him as he yells and screams crying hard while the cameras force up into his face.
“You fools, can’t you see he’s disabled?” Mum yells.
Stuart drops to the floor kicking and screaming while clawing at his eyes and ears, as the paparazzi continue taking photos and yelling at us.
“This is gold! Your brother is just a looney as you are, Lunar!” one of the assholes says.
I look at Mum, and she shakes her head glaring at me in a warning as she comforts Stuart, but my rage is too far gone. I stand up clenching my fist and throw it forward connecting with his jaw. He slumps to the side dropping his camera, and I stomp on it and yell loudly in frustration as I pound forcefully on the camera endlessly until it’s nothing but mess.
“You fucking psycho, I’m going to have you charged!”
“I don’t care! Just think of the psychological damage you’re doing to my brother, and then see if I care about being charged! All I care about is getting him out of here and calming him down after you lot have put him into this state, you fucking assholes. I hope you’re proud of yourselves!”
They all look down at Stuart who’s on the floor rocking back and forth crying into Mum’s chest. His ear muffs are broken and his ears are bleeding. He has scratches on his face, and I can’t help but let out a small sob as I look down at him.
“Fucking bastards,” I murmur, as they all slowly put their cameras down and security finally decides to come over and intervene. They pull the paparazzi away from us as another man helps Mum lift up an inconsolable Stuart.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks as I look at Mum. “I’m so sorry.”
She pats my shoulder. “Not your fault, honey. Let’s get your bag and get him home.”
I quickly grab the last remaining bag from the carousel, which is of course mine, and run outside with Mum and the nice man carrying Stuart. Luckily he’s a big bloke because Stuart although skinny, is not short considering he’s sixteen years old. We put Stuart in the car and he’s calmed down enough to be in the sleepy phase now of his meltdown. We buckle him in, and his head falls to the side in his sleep coma and I relax knowing he’s a lot calmer now than he was inside the airport.
“Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t there to help us,” Mum says to the nice guy.
“My pleasure. My five-year-old daughter has autism, so I know all about it. When I saw what was happening I knew how to help.”
“Well, thank you again. Can I give you some money or something for your trouble?” Mum asks, and I smile.
He shakes his head. “No, of course not. He’s had a hard day, poor kid. Just get him home and look after him, that’s payment enough.”
I smile at him and he smiles back. “Thank you,” I say and he nods then turns to walk away.
Mum and I slide into the car, I turn back looking at Stuart with his mouth agape and soft snores echoing from his throat. I smile knowing at least now he’s not in pain. Turning back as Mum starts the car, I slide down in my seat.
“I wish I’d never met Steel,” I murmur, and Mum exhales and pats my leg.
“Honey, you can’t say that. The club was a big part of your life. And while it may feel like they fucked things up for you right now, if you weren’t in the club you wouldn’t have met Danger in the first place.”
Tilting my head, I nod. She’s right, if I wasn’t working at Strapless as a stripper our paths would never have crossed, and I would just be another girl listening to him on the radio wishing I knew him.
“I was having so much fun on tour with the band. I guess I’ll need to focus all my energy into the gala now… that’s if the foundation is still alive after everything. I’ve already had countless emails of businesses pulling out since the news went live about my past. So I’ll have to work doubly hard on finding new investors and donors if that’s even possible at this stage. My advisors have informed me that it would be best to appoint an interim director of my foundation until all the drama surrounding me being associated with the Savages has subsided. Once that settles and we have investors back on board, then I can step back up into the director’s role. Technically, I am still the director, just a silent one but this could all still fall in a heap, Mum.”
She glances at me and exhales. “It might fall in a heap, but you have to try everything in your power, honey, to keep this thing going. You’ve put too much effort into this foundation to let it fall to the wayside now. You can do this, Annalise. I believe in you. You’re stronger than you know.”
Nodding, I grab her hand and she squeezes mine in comfort then pulls out of the parking space and heads for home. I turn facing the window and watch as the streets of Adelaide pass me by. The summer sky is bright blue littered with fluffy white clouds. The sun shines so brightly the rays of sunlight sparkle down on the crisp green trees with their leaf tips slightly burnt. Everything looks so fucking beautiful and like the world should be a happy place. And yet, I feel like a
haze of ominous black clouds are hovering around me. Surrounding me in darkness, consuming me from the outside in, swirling around all my organs, squeezing them so tight that everything feels like it’s struggling to function. My heart is battling to function, to beat, to pump blood to supply my lifeforce which makes me feel like I’m fading, fading into obscurity and I hate it and it’s swallowing me whole. It makes me think of Danger and how he’s coping. I just hope things between him and Nate don’t escalate now I’m gone.
DANGER
THREE WEEKS LATER
The last three weeks without Lunar by my side have been hell. I’ve been drinking more, fighting with Nate more, and I feel like my performance is lacking. We said we would talk when she left, but we’ve hardly spoken at all. I feel like she’s been distancing herself from me for the good of the band, but she doesn’t need to do that.
I still need her, but I am wondering if she needs me anymore?
Well, hopefully, I’ll find out soon, because I’m on my way to her gala. Recoil is playing, so I’m bound to see her there. I’m so glad that I’m finally going to be in the same room as her. I have a feeling things might be a little awkward, but even just being near her will give me a rush. I miss her so fucking much and the tension has been weird. When I do manage to talk to her she’s distant. I fucking hate it. I hate that she feels like she has to protect me from herself. I wish there were something I could do, I wish I knew what to do, but no one is helping besides maybe Effa who I’ve been spending more and more time with over the three-week break.
We’ve been working on the duet, and with Lunar gone all I could think about was her. It opened the lyrical floodgate and the words came easier knowing how I feel. But it isn’t easy to write about someone you’re not sure cares about you the same way anymore. Either way, this song is bound to be a hit once we finalize it properly.
“You know she’s going to be there, right?” Ryan asks sitting beside me.
Nodding, I take a deep breath and rub the back of my neck. “Yeah.”