A tearless sob escapes me and the truth behind those words stirs something inside. “But... you said you never loved me.”
“That was the biggest lie of all,” he breathes out, right before his lips slam down onto mine with ten years’ worth of longing behind them.
I don’t kiss him back at first, my head still not caught up with the feelings of my heart. His fingers run through my hair, making me moan and my mouth opens, giving him access to flick his tongue against mine. That’s when I lose the doubt clouding my mind and I pull him impossibly closer.
He pulls away slightly to trail light kisses across my jaw and my head automatically rolls to the side, giving him access to the sensitive skin below my ear.
My breath hitches as he pulls my earlobe between his teeth and gently sucks on it, leaving me wanting more when he pulls away.
“Tris…” I plead, although I have no idea what for.
“Beautiful,” he murmurs. “So goddamn beautiful. Inside and out.”
I see him smile before his lips are back on mine and his hands are traveling over my body like he’s committing every dip and curve to his memory.
His hands wander under my tank, brushing the soft skin under my breasts as he pins me with his hips to the willow tree. There’s no doubt how much I affect him as I feel his hardness press against my stomach.
“Tell me to stop,” he whispers. “And I will.”
I don’t answer him with my words, instead I push my hips up toward his, silently telling him that I want this; that I need this.
He groans, his hands moving down and pulling the soft material of my flowing skirt up, his hand running along the inside of my thigh before his fingers brush against the soft material of my panties.
My head falls back with a soft thud as he grabs them and yanks them from my body, the sound of the material ripping making me pant with need.
“Harm...” his voice rumbles against my neck before he dips down, pulling the strap of my tank off my shoulder and taking the cup of my bra with it.
“Oh, God,” I moan.
“Just me, sunshine,” he says, dipping his head and taking the pink bud of my nipple into his mouth and sucking.
“I—”
I’m cut off as his fingers whisper along my core, running over the sensitive nerve endings.
He continues his assault on my breasts, driving me crazy as his skilled tongue moves in time with his fingers. It’s too much to handle, too many sensations all at once. I want to push him away and pull him closer all at the same time.
One of my hands wanders to his jeans as my other hand cups the back of his head. As soon as I feel the button on his jeans, I pop it open and undo the zip as his fingers move faster, causing me to lose my concentration for a second as a slow burn starts flowing through me.
I dip my hand into his jeans and underneath his boxers, feeling his hardness against my palm, making him groan as he dips his head into the space between my head and my neck.
His breath floating across my skin has me on edge, and I know that at any second—
“I’m so close,” I moan. “Please…”
His fingers move faster, my back straightening as sparks fly and I shout out his name, the loudness echoing around the empty, vast space.
My head leans back against the tree, my mouth forming a perfect O as my orgasm rips its way through me. My body feels like it’s on fire and my skin prickles with so many sensations that I can’t keep track, but it’s not that that has my heart singing. It’s when his head lifts, his eyes connecting with mine; I see it then, I see the truth that I should have seen all along.
His eyes ask for silent permission and I answer him by hooking one leg around his waist. He grips my thigh and lifts the other one, fumbling about with his jeans before he positions himself and pushes inside of me slowly.
I feel every single inch of him as I grit my teeth against the pinching feeling that it causes.
“You’re so fucking tight,” he moans.
I nod my head, not wanting to tell him that it’s been a long while since anyone went there.
He pushes in and out slowly, letting me get used to the size of him before pulling back, locking his eyes with mine and holding the side of my neck.
“I love you,” he says, his voice breaking as he moves inside of me.
I swallow, my eyes misting over as I place my hand on his cheek, the stubble rough against the softness of my palm. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.”
He brushes his lips against mine while grinding his hips into me, pulling me impossibly close. We stay still for a beat, breathing each other in and basking in the moment before he pulls away, wrapping his arms around my back and holding me to him.
He picks up the rhythm, breathing heavily into my ear, making me grasp onto his hair. I thread my fingers through it and use it as an anchor, all the while the heat starts to build between my thighs for a second time. I know I’m about to tip over the edge again.
This is all I’ve ever wanted: to be back in the arms of the man I love. Feeling the raw passion that’s been missing for the past ten years.
He peppers kisses back over my jaw and looks into my eyes, not breaking the connection as he moves faster, conveying everything he doesn’t need to say with one simple look.
“Never again,” he murmurs. “I’m so sorry, Harm. I promise I’ll never leave again.”
He rests his forehead against mine and his admission only intensifies the release that rips through me, touching every part of my body.
“I love you, too,” I whisper in his ear as he moans my name, stilling inside me.
We stay clutched against each other, neither one of us willing to break the connection. I want to stay in this bubble forever, just him and me, no-one else around to interfere. But I know that can’t happen, so I pull away, expecting to see regret in his eyes, but all I see is love reflected back at me.
He pulls out, letting my legs down gently and keeping his hands on my waist to steady me. I don’t think my legs have felt this shaky since… the last time we had sex.
He buttons up his jeans and lifts his hands up as I pull my tank and bra back into place, his hands brushing over my hair and cupping each side of my face.
“I’m never letting you go now, Harm.” I swallow, nodding my head. “I mean it. This is us now. You, Clay, Izzie, and me.” His eyes flash. “That’s if… If you’ll have us?”
My eyes tear up at him wanting me to be there for them all. “Have you?” I ask. “You already had me.”
Ed Sheeran—How Would You Feel
Andrew Ripp—When You Fall In Love
Yiruma—River Flows In You
I steady the ninth candle in the pink icing as it nearly falls, chuckling to myself before walking out into the backyard of the smaller house we moved into two and a half years ago.
“Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to, Izzie. Happy Birthday to you.” Everyone sings along and cheers for the birthday girl.
Nine today. I can’t believe it.
Izzie jumps up and down in her seat as she blows out each candle.
“Did you make a wish, pumpkin?” Tris asks, walking over to me but directing his question at Izzie. “Here, go to Mommy.”
He passes over an over-excited Frankie who pouts as he tries to reach for the cake before we can cut it. “Not a chance, bud. That’s your sister’s.”
“Want it!” he shouts, making everyone laugh.
When I went to the hospital one Sunday and “Baby F” wasn’t there anymore, it broke my heart that I would never get to cuddle him again, that I’d never see his little face and look into his big brown eyes. I couldn’t imagine a life where I wasn’t holding onto him and keeping him safe.
But it didn’t end there. A lot of serious conversations later, Tris and I decided we weren’t going to let him stay in the system a minute longer. We had a long battle with the legal system, but he was finally ours. And soon I
zzie and Clay will be mine—legally—too.
The decision wasn’t an easy one to make regarding Clay and Izzie. When Tris first approached me about adopting the kids, there was no doubt in my mind that it was what I wanted. But I was worried that they’d think that I was trying to replace Natalia. Much to both of our surprises, when we sat the kids down and told them that I wanted to adopt them, Izzie didn’t even bat an eyelid, running and hugging me like it was the best news that she’d ever heard. Clay was cautious at first, but he soon warmed up to the idea when we explained the situation more.
I walk over and sit beside Clay on the sofa with Tristan on the other side of him.
“I would never try to take your mom’s place, Clay.” I look up at Tristan who nods slowly at me, giving me the go-ahead to say what we talked about. “Your mom was actually my best friend when we were in college.”
Clay’s head snaps toward me. “She was?”
I nod gently. “She sure was. Your mom was an amazing, kind-hearted person, and I will never take that away from her. I… I want to give you everything you deserve. I want to be there for you when you need someone to listen to your stories and when you need someone to rant to when your dad is being a big stinker.” We all chuckle. “But most of all, I’d like to be your stand-in mom, if you’ll let me?”
He seems to think for what feels like forever before looking between Tris and me. “I… Yeah, I think I’d like that.”
That was a little under a year ago and the legal things still aren’t finished, but I’m hoping it won’t be long before we can make it official. It’s a formality really, I’ll always see them as mine regardless of whether a piece of paper says it to be true or not.
Clay saunters over and stands beside his nana, looking more and more like his dad as the years go by. His light brown hair has started to lighten up into the same sandy-blond as Tris’s and at the age of nearly twelve, he’s shot up and nearly matches my own five-foot-five height.
He dips his fingers into Izzie’s icing and sticks them in his mouth.
“Hey!” Izzie pouts.
“Clay, wait until your sister has cut the cake,” I say with a smirk.
He rolls his eyes. “Fine. Hurry up then, Izzie.”
I giggle as Tris helps Izzie cut the cake. “Dad, I’m old enough to cut it on my own now.”
She’s nine going on nineteen I swear, but her attitude only makes me giggle, especially when Tris doesn’t know what to do with it.
“Here, I’ll take Frankie. Looks like you have your hands full there,” Mom says, taking him out of my arms and ruffling his golden muss of curls, placing him on the floor and guiding him over to the sand pit with Charlotte walking alongside her.
“Wouldn’t want it any other way,” I mutter under my breath, smiling at all of my friends and family. After all of the pain we’ve all suffered, we deserve to be this happy.
I sigh when Tris’s cologne invades my senses as he wraps his arms around my waist from behind, and kisses my cheek. “I hope that’s a happy sigh.”
I chuckle and wave over at Ed as he talks to my mom’s new boyfriend. “Of course it’s a happy sigh. The kids are happy and healthy, we’re living in my dream house, and our friends and family are happy and healthy too. But most of all…” I turn in his arms and hook my hands behind his neck. “We found each other again.”
His gray eyes sparkle as he dips his head and kisses me softly. “I love you, Harmony Carter. Always have, always will. You’ve etched your way over every piece of my heart.”
It may have taken a long while and we may have had to work through all of our problems, but we did it together.
“I love—”
“Dad, Mom, look at what Uncle Nate has taught me!” Everyone freezes at Izzie’s words and Tris’s arms tighten around me as we watch her do a front flip on the trampoline. She lands it perfectly and grins, looking around at us all. “Did you not see? Do you want me to do it again?”
Tears prick my eyes and I swipe at them when they fall. “No, sweetie. We all saw the first time, it was amazing. But be careful.”
She beams and starts jumping again, breaking everyone’s trance. Tristan furrows his brow but it turns into a smile as he looks at me.
“She—she called me Mom,” I stutter.
He nods and pulls me into his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head. “She sure did.”
I bring the car to a stop, staring at the black gates that have haunted me for such a long time. Only three years ago, I wouldn’t have come here in the daylight, preferring to be here in the darkness of the night.
It’s different now though, so very different, because as I turn my head toward the passenger seat, I’m met with a pair of honey eyes and a soft smile.
“Ready?” she asks, reaching her hand out and squeezing my forearm gently.
“Yeah,” I reply, smiling and pushing the door open before sliding out of the car.
I open the back door and let Clay and Izzie out while Harmony gets Frankie out of his car seat.
I hold my hand out for Izzie as Clay comes to stand beside me. He’s at the age now—the start of his pre-teens—where giving affection isn’t the “cool” thing to do. I remember those days well, but as he comes closer and reaches for my hand, I can’t stop the lump forming in my throat and the smile spreading across my face.
Harmony walks beside us, holding a sleepy Frankie as we walk up the long path, heading for Natalia’s headstone.
This isn’t a lone thing now, I don’t have to suffer in pain and regret on my own anymore. Now I have my whole family who comes with me and helps me deal with my emotions one day at a time. But the most important thing that I’ve learned is to celebrate Natalia and her life instead of being in despair and mourning for her loss. She left her mark on the world with Clay and Izzie, and I have no doubt in my mind that they’re going to be some of the best marks left on this planet.
We stop at the headstone and all take it in turns to catch her up with what’s going on in our lives at the moment. We come often now, but every day, this time of year, we make it about us all coming to visit her at the same time.
Once everyone has taken their turn, I step forward, touching the top of the headstone.
“Hey, Nat.” I smile, looking up at the flowering, pink blossom tree that sits behind her. The flower buds opening and soaking up the sunlight that is streaming from the sky. “Things are getting easier,” I tell her, looking behind me and seeing Harmony chase Frankie as he tries to run off. “Well…” I chuckle. “As easy as they can be with a three-year-old running around and terrorizing everyone and everything in his path.”
Izzie laughs at something Frankie says and she takes his hand, running away with him.
“Isabel Carter,” Harmony reprimands. “Don’t you dare run across that grass.” Her words are at complete odds with the smile on her face and I can’t help the grin that lifts my lips and crinkles the corner of my eyes.
I turn back around, staring at her headstone. “So many things have happened these last few years, Nat. But the most important thing is how Clay and Izzie are coming along. Clay stopped using his nightlights a couple of months ago.” I swallow against the lump in my throat. “I’m so proud of him. You’d be proud of him.”
“Daddy!” I spin around at the sound of Frankie’s voice. He comes barreling toward me, his golden-blond curls bouncing on his head as he runs away from Izzie and Harmony who are chasing him. I crouch down, catching him and holding him in the air before they get to him.
He giggles, throwing his head back and then wiggles in my arms to be let down.
I place him down on the grass and he frowns, looking at all of us and then at the headstone before he waddles toward it. “Mama?” He points at Clay and Izzie.
“Yeah,” Clay says, his throat noticeably deeper than it was only a few weeks ago. “That’s my mom.” He steps forward, crouching down behind Frankie. “She looked like Izzie.”
Frankie turns his gaze back to I
zzie, his little mind not quite processing it. “You wuv, Mama?”
Clay brings his hands around Frankie, letting him lean back against him as he whispers, “So much.”
“Where?” Frankie asks, his hands coming up on either side of him in a shrug. I watch their interaction, the lump in my throat getting bigger as Harmony sidles up next to me, placing her hand in mine and leaning against me.
“Up there,” Izzie says, stepping forward and kneeling down on the grass next to them as she points up at the sky.
Clay turns his head toward her, a sad smile on his face as he brings his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him.
“Look at them,” Harmony whispers. “Our family.”
“They are,” I reply, my voice hoarse. I bring her hand up to my lips, placing a soft kiss there and clearing my throat, trying my hardest not to break as I watch my three kids.
Clay plants a kiss on the top of Izzie’s head, pulling her closer as a tear falls, tracking down her cheek.
“Sky?” Frankie asks.
“Yeah.” Clay lets him go as he wiggles in his hold, leaving Clay and Izzie sitting in front of Natalia’s headstone, holding onto one another—leaning on each other—something that took me way too long to do with Harmony.
He waddles toward the headstone, looking at it and then the sky. “Wuv you,” he says, leaning forward, his bottom in the air as he kisses the headstone.
The tears that I’ve been holding back break free as he walks back toward Clay and Izzie, trying his hardest to wrap his hands around their necks as he comforts them.
I let go of Harmony’s hand, putting my arm around her shoulders and wiping away the tears running down her soft cheeks before pulling her closer.
“I think…” My voice breaks so I clear my throat, trying a second time. “I think now is the perfect time.”
“Perfect time?” Harmony asks, pulling away.
Izzie and Clay stand up, Frankie inside Clay’s arms, his arms still around his neck.
Etching Our Way (Broken Tracks Series Book 1) Page 41