by Nora James
They were going to be safe. Lara should have felt nothing but overwhelming relief. But her head was pounding and an incredible fatigue overtook her. In fact, she couldn’t think at all anymore.
She leaned against the window. She took in the flat-roofed concrete dwellings and the sand dunes that sparkled in the blinding sun, wondering whether she would ever come back to Negala.
She closed her eyes. Despite the screaming engine noise that reminded her of a giant lawnmower and the regular whooshing of the blades cutting through the air, she sensed a drop in consciousness, like falling down an interminable black well, as she slipped into a deep sleep. It was the kind of slumber she’d never had before, so completely irresistible. It was like disappearing into quicksand.
She wondered if she’d ever wake up.
XXIV
Jack felt dizzy and it wasn’t from the blood loss. He was literally worried sick. He had always hated hospitals, but this was the first time in his life he’d had any physical signs of anxiety. The weight in his stomach, his sore, tense neck, and a very annoying left eyelid that kept twitching were too many reminders of his humanity.
He had been waiting for close to an hour for the doctor to come and talk to him, an hour that had seemed like three. He wanted to barge into the room and grab the physician by the collar, and was listing all the reasons why he shouldn’t, when a slender man in a white coat came up to him.
“I’m Dr Bakhar,” he said, his thick North African accent turning the simplest of phrases into a rhythmic tune. “How are you feeling?”
Jack pursed his lips. “Never mind about me. How is she?”
The doctor smiled. “She will be fine. She has relatively mild concussion. The scans were all clear. There is no bleeding to the brain. She will be sleepy but that’s nothing to worry about since there is no damage to the brain.”
Jack felt his whole body relax and he put his hand on the doctor’s arm. “Thank you. You have no idea how relieved I am. I’m sorry if I sounded a bit abrupt before.”
The doctor nodded. “It is perfectly normal to be worried for your wife.”
Jack didn’t correct the good doctor. Lara wasn’t his wife, but he certainly liked the sound of it. Besides, he wanted to be able to sit by her side and hold her hand until she woke. He didn’t mind pretending they were married. Didn’t mind at all.
Jack was still worried, though. “Is she well enough to travel? It’s quite a long flight.”
“That should be all right. If she develops any of these symptoms you will need to take her to a hospital as soon as you arrive.” He handed Jack a list. “She might be confused for a while. There could be things she doesn’t remember. And she will probably need to sleep a lot, too. Otherwise, she should be fine.” The doctor patted Jack’s arm. “Go and see her now.”
Jack jumped to his feet and leapt towards the room where Lara lay. A sharp pain jolted up his leg, radiating into his back, and stopped him in his tracks. He had forgotten all about his injured calf, too busy worrying about Lara to think about himself.
He stood still for an instant, looking down at his bandage as he caught his breath. He started off again, this time slowly limping across the corridor, and knocked on the door.
There was no answer, so he opened it a little and slid through. The room was dark, the blinds shut. There was just enough light to tell Lara’s eyes were closed. To see her there in a hospital bed, her tousled hair swept across the pillow, without makeup or fancy clothes, only made him want to protect her more.
He felt like taking her in his arms, making sure she was warm, and whispering in her ear that everything was going to be just fine. He wanted to kiss her over and over and feel her heart beating against his.
He couldn’t do any of that.
But he could be near her and he would savour every moment. He pulled up a chair and sat by her side. His gaze followed the outline of her face, every fold, every little imperfection, and he saw beauty in all of it.
Lara stirred in her sleep. As she turned on her side her arm fell out of the covers, dangling to the left of the mattress. Jack took her hand and gently put it back on the bed, and once it was there he didn’t want to let go.
He held it, as if he really were Lara’s husband. Deep down, he knew that was what he wanted. He wanted Lara, not just for fun, not for a night, a week, a month. He wanted her in his life, day after day, until the end of time. She was married to someone else, someone who didn’t seem to deserve her. It wasn’t fair. Why had she been brought into his life, this woman who was absolutely perfect for him, if he couldn’t have her?
Just as that thought sent a shiver of disappointment down his spine, Lara opened her blue eyes without warning and stared at him. It took him by surprise, so much so her hand was still in his when she sat up in bed.
He let go of her, blurting out an explanation. “Your arm had fallen to the side of the bed. I was putting it back.”
“Oh.” She seemed embarrassed, as she brushed her hair off her face and tried to tidy it with her bare hands. Jack wondered whether it was more about her appearance or the fact he’d held her hand.
He crossed his arms. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired, I guess. Did they find anything with the scans?”
He shook his head. “It’s all OK. You have relatively mild concussion. No bleeding of the brain, so that’s excellent news. The doctor said you’ll be fine. You might forget a few things. You might be sleepy, too. Other than that, you’re in perfect shape.”
She rubbed her forehead. “That’s great. I don’t think my poor mother could cope right now if anything bad happened to me.” She smiled at him, but he could tell she was forcing herself. She must have still felt out of it.
“Can I get you anything? A drink? Some food?”
She shook her head. “Is it safe for me to fly?”
“Yes. The doctor said so. I’ll have to keep an eye on you and if you get any of the symptoms on this list, it’s back to hospital when we get there.” He waved the sheet of paper in front of her. “Martin’s gone to find out when there’s a flight.”
“How did this happen?”
Jack had been told she might be confused, might have trouble remembering things, but the question still startled him. “How did it happen?” he repeated, to make sure he’d understood.
“My head.” She closed her eyes, frowning.
“You bumped it on the dashboard, when we left the presidential palace.”
“Oh, that’s right. I bumped my head.” She sighed. “So can we go now? I really want to go home.”
“Well, yes. We’re waiting for Martin to come back with flight details. If there’s no flight out tonight we’ll have to stay in Rabat.”
She looked at him with what he thought was longing in her eyes, probably longing to be home, with her husband, he reminded himself. Or was it worry? “We’re safe now, and you’ll be back in your own bed before you know it.”
The door swung open. Huffing and puffing, Martin entered, holding a sheet of paper.
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Ever heard of knocking?”
“It’s a public place.” He cleared his throat. “There’s a flight in two hours and ten minutes. We’d have to be at the airport in an hour. We can make it if we don’t dilly dally. And there’s a connection in Paris we might manage. It’ll be tight, but if the plane from here isn’t delayed we can make it. Otherwise it’ll be tomorrow.”
Martin was unbelievable. How hard was it to ask Lara how she was feeling? Jack shook his head and looked at Lara apologetically, even though he wasn’t to blame for Martin’s lack of empathy and etiquette.
Martin must have read his mind. He pursed his lips. “By the way, how are you feeling, Lara? The nurse told me you were fine.” He glared back at Jack. “That’s why I didn’t ask straight away.”
Lara smiled. “I’m OK, thanks. Even better now I know we’re flying out today.” She sat up and stretched.
Luckily she was still in her silk b
louse and pants. Or perhaps that was unlucky for Jack? He longed to see her pale skin, would have loved to delight in its creamy glow under different circumstances. When she’d come into Emergency there hadn’t been time to change her clothing before the scan, though, and she’d been rushed through between scheduled patients. Just as well really, as discovering a little more of her body really would have been torture for him and made Lara self-conscious, no doubt.
She slipped on her shoes. “I still feel tired. In fact, I feel like I haven’t slept for weeks.”
Jack passed her handbag. “Are you sure you’re well enough to go?”
“Absolutely. A bit fuzzy around the edges, that’s all. All I want to do is sleep, but I can do that on the plane. If you see me dozing off before I get on it, though, wake me, won’t you? I can’t afford to miss it.” She chuckled, then looked down at his leg and her smile turned into a questioning frown. “You’re hurt?”
Jack nodded. “Luckily it’s quite superficial. You don’t remember?”
Martin looked at Jack and burst into raucous, mocking laughter, holding his belly. “Wasted effort, hey Jack?”
Lara moved her head backwards, extending her neck. “What do you mean?”
“Ask him.” Martin nodded towards Jack.
Jack stepped forward, until he could feel Martin’s breath on his face. “I know what you’re insinuating and you’re wrong.” He wanted to be more explicit. He nearly added he was warning him, that it was time to stop, but he thought of Lara. He didn’t want to embarrass her or cause her stress. She’d had her fair share of it lately.
Lara came closer, examining the two men. “What’s going on? What are you saying, Martin?”
Martin straightened his shirt as he pulled away. “Nothing. I was just joking. But someone has no sense of humour.”
Jack grunted. If there was a person in the room who lacked a sense of humour, it was Martin. He wasn’t funny at the best of times. Now, he was just looking for an excuse, a way out, to look like the decent guy that he wasn’t. Jack could have crushed him there and then, but it was better, for Lara’s sake, to let it go. Again. He took a deep breath.
Jack put his hand on Lara’s back. “What can I do for you? Does anything need packing?”
“No, thanks. My bag’s there. I haven’t unpacked anything. I’ll just freshen up, if that’s all right, and we can go.”
After Lara had signed a few forms they left the hospital quickly, squinting in the bright light as they walked through the entrance doors. Just outside the hospital there was a comfortable coach that travelled to and from the airport every hour, stopping on its way at a few big hotels. It was solid enough to make them feel secure in the middle of the chaotic traffic, and the next one was due in just a few minutes, so it won over a taxi.
They climbed into the coach, Jack grunting a little with pain as he pushed on his calf, and sat in the worn velvet seats. He looked through the window at the intense blue sky, the gleaming white city. They passed a minaret with its intricately detailed arches, stalls of oriental slippers and bright leather pouffes and then ochre coloured ramparts which enclosed mysterious gardens.
When Jack turned to point out some Roman-looking ruins to Lara, he saw she was fast asleep, snuggled up against the comfortable grey velour seat. He couldn’t help but smile at her. She made him want to, every time he saw her. It was like looking at an angel.
He thought of her hand, how right it had felt in his, as if it had belonged there. What was he going to do about her? What could he do? She was married. They were work colleagues. Yet in his heart he knew he had to find a way to be happy again. He couldn’t live constantly yearning for something he couldn’t have. It hurt too much.
The coach arrived at the airport and pulled into a reserved bay, the brakes squealing. The driver announced their arrival into the microphone in Arabic, French and broken English. Lara sat up.
“We’re already there?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.
“Funny how time flies when you’re dreaming.” Jack stood and offered Lara his hand to help her up.
“I’m all right, really,” she said without taking it.
They queued with the other passengers and got off, out of the air-conditioned bus and into the still, warm early evening air. Martin, who wasn’t far behind, joined them and they made their way to the check-in counter.
Lara waited her turn behind Martin at the business class counter. “I feel like I’m forgetting something.”
“Well it’s not your bags. We left with the shirts on our backs.” Jack smiled at her.
Lara shrugged. “I don’t know. I feel I’ve forgotten something.”
“The doctor did say it was normal to feel a bit confused.”
“I guess that’s what it is.”
Check-in was simple, the way it always was in business class. They strolled down the gangway to the plane and found their seats. It wasn’t long until the cabins were locked and the engines roared in preparation for take-off.
A few minutes later the plane was flying steadily. The “fasten your seatbelts” sign was turned off and Jack was sipping a drink and nibbling peanuts. Martin already had his nose in a book.
“I’m not hungry,” said Lara, pushing aside her packet of nuts. “I think I’ll just have another rest. I can’t believe we’re going home.” She smiled.
Jack nodded. Yes, they were going home. Home where he wouldn’t see her anymore. It had been hard enough last time.
He had thought of her so often, had missed her so much. He had hoped so many times he would bump into her at the office. It hadn’t happened and he’d had no plausible excuses to go and see her. He’d dragged himself around with a heavy sadness.
This time was going to be worse. He needed her more now, more than ever, but he probably wouldn’t see her at all. She’d probably take some time off to rest, to be with her husband. How he hated that thought! He covered his eyes with his hand. And Jack, well, he’d more than likely be sent off to Mexico on the new top-secret high-priority project. Knowing the CEO, he could be posted there immediately and indefinitely.
A lump formed in his throat as he listened to her breathing softly in her sleep. No, once they were back he wouldn’t be seeing Lara Beckham any time soon, no matter how much he longed for her.
Not unless something drastic happened.
XXV
Jack ran his fingers through his hair. The sleepless nights were starting to take their toll. Lara hadn’t returned his phone calls and he hadn’t bumped into her at the office.
Had he said something to upset her? Had he offended her? He’d just wanted to have coffee with her. He knew she was married and he’d never have crossed the line. Was wanting to see her smile that wrong?
Work had been a nightmare, too. Martin had been promoted to General Manager, Commercial. It was a better sounding title than Commercial Manager, but that was all. According to the grapevine—which generally turned out to be pretty accurate— there had been no pay rise to go with it. The job description hadn’t changed much either, apparently.
At first, the promotion had made Jack smile. Martin had puffed out his chest, walking around like a rooster in a hen house. If it got rid of the man’s insecurities, Jack figured it had to be a good thing.
A few days later it had been a different story. Martin had started bossing Jack around when really they shouldn’t have had much to do with each other. Technically, Exploration was part of the Commercial Division. Jack was now a level 9 while Martin was a level 10. It hadn’t taken Martin long to point that out.
Although a few more months of saving a big chunk of his salary wouldn’t hurt, Jack could have quit there and then if he’d really wanted. Starting his own business was more and more appealing each day and now he just about had the capital he needed to do it. But if he did, what would be his chances of seeing Lara again? Close to zero.
How he longed to go on another trip with her! Despite the diseases, the heat and the corruption, Negala would be such
a blessing now. The days they’d spent there together had been the best of his life.
Granted, they’d been in danger. They’d been shot at, he’d taken a bullet and Lara had suffered concussion. And what a wasted effort the coup had been! It had failed and President Mogu was still in power. But Negala had brought Jack closer to Lara than he would have been anywhere else in the world.
There, he’d had the chance to discover just how lovely she was, not only on the outside, but inside too. She had turned out to be the woman of his dreams: smart, charming, down-to-earth, fun. She had faith in humanity and a heart of gold. There was nothing he’d change about her.
Nothing except her being married. More precisely, married to another. He could tell it wasn’t a good marriage. She deserved better, much better. If one day she would have him he’d treat her like a queen, love her more than himself.
The shrill ringing of the phone suddenly brought him back to the reality of work.
“Cheryl here. Alan wants you in his office right away.”
“What’s it about?”
“He didn’t say, I’m afraid.”
A notebook in hand, Jack hurried down the corridor. Alan expected the CEO treatment at all times. He didn’t like to be kept waiting.
Jack was about to knock on Alan’s slightly open door when he was stopped in his tracks, frozen like a cartoon character, by a fragrance. A fragrance not too strong, but mesmerising and impossible to forget, just like its owner. His heart raced. It was Lara’s perfume. She was there!
He stood still a second longer, fists clenched. Hidden in his office well away from the Legal Department and with no reason to contact Lara except when the Negalese project heated up, he only ever seemed to see her when they were in Negala together. He had been waiting for this moment for weeks. He was going to have to be professional and focused in there, when all he really wanted was to throw his arms around her—there was no chance that would happen. But a furtive glance from her, a quick smile, he could hope for that much, couldn’t he?