by Sofia Grey
“Let’s talk over dinner. I’m starving.” Holly ignored my sugar-sticky face and went to check on the food. I leapt up to help, and while the guys chatted, we served up bowls of the chili. I’d decorate the cupcakes later. Maybe.
I wondered if I’d be like an outsider at the table, since I barely knew the others, but Holly was skillful at keeping the conversation flowing on light topics, and soon Zack was regaling us with tales of mess-hall nonsense. I felt as if I belonged, and that made me nervous.
This thing with Jasper, wonderful as it was, could only be temporary. He’d be leaving soon, and I’d be relegated to history. His rebound fling. I couldn’t afford to get comfortable. What if I stayed friends with Holly? And then ended up like Steph, the girl with the crush? Someone to be turned away from the house when Jasper came home?
I pushed the chili around my bowl, my appetite gone. To give my hands something to do, I picked at a bread roll, but when I tried to eat some it stuck in my throat.
“You okay?” Jasper put his hand on my shoulder, concern in his eyes, as I coughed.
I nodded. “Fine. Thanks.”
I had two choices. I could be miserable, or I could enjoy my brief time with him. The choice was obvious.
Chapter Thirty-two
Jasper and I walked slowly back to my rental after dinner. I enjoyed the feel of our linked hands, his grip warm and sure.
“I’ve a new goal,” he said, his words soft in the darkness. “I want to ditch the stick when I leave. My physio reckons, with the right exercises, I can build up the muscle strength again.” He huffed a gentle laugh. “Not like I don’t have access to the right equipment.”
I didn’t know how to reply. Should I be pleased he was looking forward to leaving? I wanted him to be well and happy. “That’s great. Why didn’t you mention it at dinner?”
“Eh, Hol’s not happy about me going. She backpacked all over Europe and then landed a cool job in London, but she doesn’t want me to do the same.”
I unpicked his words inside my head. “Have you asked her why?”
“She worries about me. Come on. I’m not a kid.”
“You’re her little brother.”
“I need to do this, Caitlin. I need a fresh start.”
I understood that, and I squeezed his hand tighter. “Will you miss your dogs?” Will you miss me?
“Yeah. I’m not looking forward to that, but Hol will look after them.”
I wanted to keep him talking, to bind him closer to me. “Where will you go, in Europe? Do you have fixed plans, or are you going to travel where you feel?”
“I’m gonna start in London. I’ve got friends there I can crash with for a couple of weeks, and I’ll figure out the next step. Flights to Spain are dirt cheap, and that’s supposed to be awesome for backpacking. I may pick up some work grape-picking in Italy or France. I want to go to Venice too. And Paris.”
“Why Paris?”
“Why not?” He sounded upbeat. “How about you? Have you seen much of the world?”
“I’ve never travelled.”
“Not even to Oz or Fiji?”
“Nope. I don’t have a passport.”
“Seriously?”
“I come from Levin. Small-town living at its best. Our family holidays were camping trips to Rotorua. I only went to Auckland for the first time a couple of years ago.”
“How did you like it?”
“Honestly? I hated it. Too crowded. I sometimes wonder if I should try to move my business up north, but I doubt I will.”
“Don’t you ever feel curious about what’s out there?”
Did I? “Not really.”
“Is there nowhere you’ve ever wanted to go?”
“The U.S. That’d be on my bucket list. I have a hard job, grasping how huge the country is, and how tiny we are in comparison. Maybe one day I’ll go there on holiday.”
“It’s on my list too. I want to drive Route 66.”
We reached my cottage, and I unlocked the door and let us in. My other hand was still linked with Jasper’s, and he made no move to let go, but I tugged myself free. While he stood and watched, I closed blinds and curtains, switched on discreet lamps, and pretended I wasn’t nervous.
I wasn’t made for seduction. I didn’t know where to start. The confident, laughing me of a few hours ago vanished, smudged out by a conversation that only reminded me how different we were.
“Hey.” Jasper caught my hand as I bustled past. “If this is a problem...”
The problem was all me. I pushed down my anxiety and fixed a smile on my face. “I’m glad you’re here. I just feel a bit... well...” I groped for the right word and missed.
He pulled me closer, his eyes gleaming. “Horny? ‘Cause I can help with that.” He released my hand, slipped his arm around my waist, and eased me against his body. A dusting of sugar clung to his scruff, and I was transported back to Jasper’s kitchen and how we played with the frosting.
My pulse quickened, and I gazed at the way his eyes crinkled in the corners.
“Welcome back,” he whispered.
I draped my arms around his neck and rose up for his kiss. He tasted of chili and a hint of tequila icing, with a whole lot of heartbreak mixed in. Jasper was going to trash my heart far worse than Bruce did, and that was crazy.
And why was I thinking about my ex?
I needed to learn to switch off my brain. To live in the moment.
“I know it’s early,” said Jasper against my mouth, “but I think we should go to bed.”
It sounded like a fine idea.
*
With Jasper, it was all about firsts. First time I enjoyed sixty-nine. First time I came on a guy’s tongue. First time I felt truly sexy. No matter how this played out, I’d be able to look back with a smile on my face. Jasper made me come alive.
I expected to ride him again, but after he fitted the condom, he pulled me down to lie beside him.
“I want to try something new,” he said. “Stay on your back, and lift your leg over mine.” He maneuvered into position on his side, cock nudging at me, seeking entrance. One push, and he was inside.
God. He felt deep from this angle. Freaking amazing.
Jasper stroked my face, his thumb rasping across my cheek. “Yeah,” he whispered. “This is gonna be good.”
The wildness was leashed for the moment. His pace was steady and controlled, each thrust unravelling me further. I’d already come once tonight, and felt another orgasm building, but Jasper kept me on a knife’s edge, refusing to hurry until he was ready.
The way he screwed up his face, digging his teeth into his lip as he came sent shivers of satisfaction down my spine. I’d never tire of watching that. I’d never forget our time together.
*
Jasper went home in the morning, to grab a change of clothes, and then we set off for the gym together. I didn’t mind that Cindy would be there later, and I didn’t even stress when Jasper took her through a long exercise routine. His smiles for her were bland and professional. Nothing like the way he looked at me.
I sang along to the background music and baked snacks for the gym clients, sold them all by lunchtime, and had to make a second batch for the afternoon. If this level of demand kept up, it could be a business in its own right. Not for me, though. I wanted to get back to Wellington at some point.
On Tuesday night, we went out for pizza with Holly and Zack. In a rerun of the previous week, Steph appeared and made a beeline for our table, and Jasper groaned. “Not again. Should I get rid of her?”
“It’s okay.” Zack stood. “I’ll talk to her. She’s my problem, not yours.”
We watched as he walked up to the girl, put an arm around her shoulders, and led her into the courtyard at the back of the bar.
Holly fiddled with her water glass. “Do you think I’m being mean to her?”
“Not even a tiny bit.” Jasper was firm.
Zack came back a minute later and dropped an affectionate kiss on
Holly’s lips. “If she hassles you again, let me know. ‘Kay?”
“Hey, there’s Sam.” Jasper waved to someone, and then turned back to me. “Sam’s buying my share of the gym. He’s also your temporary landlord. He owns a bunch of rental properties.”
It was the scruffy-haired guy I saw last time we came here. He greeted the others, and then shook my hand with a warm, dry grip. “Good to meet you, Caitlin.”
When pressed, he joined us at the table, and the conversation flowed again. Somebody mentioned Cindy and her Hollywood Producer, and the tramp they were taking with my dad. Sam frowned and flicked through something on his phone. “There’s a storm front moving up the country. Does your father keep a close eye on the weather?”
“Yes. Of course.” I felt compelled to defend him. “He’s been leading tramps since I was a kid. He knows the Tararuas like the back of his hand. It’s only a one-nighter, and they’re staying in a hut. He’ll keep it safe.”
“Okay.” Sam nodded. “I’m on call for SAR this week.”
Holly looked blank.
“Volunteer search and rescue,” he clarified. “And I’d rather stay at home than go into the hills.”
“He carries a beacon,” I said, “and completes all the plan sheets and intention forms.”
“Huh?”
Sam chuckled at Holly’s baffled expression. “I guess you’ve never been tramping. The beacon is like an emergency button. It sends a distress signal to the SAR headquarters.”
“The only walks Hol likes are up and down the high street,” said Jasper with a smirk.
“Cheeky.” She pretended to punch him, but he dodged.
Zack laughed, but then turned to Sam. “I’m staying at Hol’s for a couple days. If you get an emergency call out and need help, give me a shout. My unit did a ton of exercises in the Tararuas before my last deployment.”
“Thanks,” Sam replied. “I hope I don’t have to. It tends to be more of a weekend problem, with tourists not realizing how fast conditions can change.” He flashed me a smile. “The serious trampers go midweek.”
*
Jasper came back to my cottage for the night. I could get used to this.
I wouldn’t allow myself to.
Snuggled together in bed, tired and sated, Jasper sounded more awake than I expected. “When does your lease run out on this place?”
“Saturday. I have to be out by noon.”
“And then, what? You going to commute from the city every day?”
“Yes. It’s what thousands of people do, only the other way around.”
“I guess. And you’ll find new premises soon.”
Thanks for the unwelcome reminder. “I’m sure I will.” The needy part of me wanted to cling to Jasper, to nudge him into offering more, but he wouldn’t. This was all I could have of him.
Chapter Thirty-three
I needed to slip out for groceries on Wednesday afternoon. Not only were my slices and muffins selling as fast as I could make them, I’d also picked up two orders for cupcakes. At this rate, I’d have to ask Deanna to come and help, though it was also her week off. I grabbed my wallet and headed out, to the little courtyard of shops near the gym.
I didn’t expect it to be raining. The weather was beautiful this morning, but not any longer. The clouds hung low in the darkening sky, and I toyed with the idea of dashing back upstairs for my jacket, but decided against it. I didn’t have far to go. When I looked at the hills in the distance, they’d vanished into the mist. Poor Cindy. I smirked. Drizzle here translated into heavy rain up in the Tararuas. And this was why I hated tramping.
Twenty minutes later, when I trudged back up the stairs to the gym, I was soaked to the point of needing to borrow a T-shirt. As I towel-dried my hair, Sam’s warning nudged at my memory. Nah. Dad would be fine. He was one of the people on call for SAR in the busy summer months. I never worried about him before, and there was no need to start now. I turned my attention to the first cupcake order and started mixing the batter.
Jasper came to find me. “How late are you staying?” he asked.
“I could do with another hour, to get this batch finished. How about you?”
He shrugged. “I can leave whenever. Do you want to go out for dinner? Get takeout?”
It was so lovely and domestic, like we were a regular couple. “I could cook, if you’d like. Go back to the supermarket and pick up some chicken fillets. We could have fajitas or enchiladas.”
“Mm hmm. You cook as well?” He opened his eyes wide.
I gestured to the baking. “Well, duh.”
When he stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, I wanted the moment to last forever. “I would love whatever you want to cook for me,” he murmured. “I eat almost anything.”
“Almost?”
“I draw the line at grasshoppers.”
“That’s probably for the best.”
His chuckle reverberated through me, and then he squeezed tighter. “Don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Let’s blow this thing, so we can go home.”
If he kept saying things like that, he’d wreck me. I dug for a teasing tone. “Is that another movie quote?”
“Oh Caitlin. Not you, too? Holly had never watched Star Wars until Zack asked her to. That was a quote from Han Solo, my hero.”
“Star Wars.” I pretended to think about it, but it was an excuse to be held by Jasper for a minute longer. “That the one with the aliens in it?”
“You’re joking, right?”
“Maybe.” I twisted in his arms and dropped a playful kiss on his nose. “Help me clean up? I can finish these tomorrow.”
*
An hour later, we’d changed our minds about dinner and bought the makings of a Thai chicken curry instead. Jasper stirred a pan of fragrant coconut-based sauce, while I chopped spring onions and coriander. Rotis warmed in the oven, and we had beers chilling in the fridge.
Jasper cued up Star Wars on my laptop, courtesy of Netflix, although I wasn’t sure how much we’d watch. If I were a betting girl, I’d put serious money on us going to bed long before Luke ever saw the Death Star.
A rattle at the door startled me.
It was Holly. She burst in, dripping wet, and pulled me into a hug. “You’re not picking up your phone.” She released me and turned to Jasper. “Neither are you.”
The noise of the extractor fan running had drowned out the quiet chirp of my phone, in the depths of my bag. I went to retrieve it. Three missed calls from an unknown number and one from Mum. My heart lurched.
“What’s up, sis?”
Holly ignored Jasper, and took my hand, to lead me to the sofa. “Sit down, Caitlin.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but my knees were wobbly. “What’s happened?” My voice came out as a croak. I was aware of Jasper sitting beside me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “Holly, tell me.”
“Sam called Zack, to help with the search and rescue.” She took a quick breath and composed herself. “It’s your dad. He set off the transponder.”
That was why Mum called. I fumbled with the phone and dialed her number. My brother Iain answered. “Caitie. Mum’s been trying to call you. It’s Dad.”
“I know. I heard. What do you know? What’s happened?”
“We don’t know much. He activated the beacon before six, and SAR are mobilizing. They wanted to send in a chopper, but the weather is bad, so they’re going on foot.” He paused, and there was a rustling noise. “Mum says they were due to make the hut well before dark. It might be a mistake. He’s probably sitting in front of a warm fire, in no danger at all.”
“That’s unlikely. Those things don’t go off by accident.” Rain hurled itself against the window as I spoke. “Call me the minute you hear anything.”
Jasper and Holly stared at me. I clutched the phone to my chest and tried to find something to say. Nothing came out.
“They’ll find him.” Jasper sounded reassuring. “Zack runs exercises there all
the time, and Sam’s being doing SAR as long as I can remember.”
The pulse boomed in my ears, and nausea threatened, but I held it down. “He wouldn’t set off the transponder for something trivial. Not my dad. He’s not a novice.”
“There are all kinds of reasons why he might call for help,” said Holly, but she didn’t sound convinced.
I looked at the wildness of the night outside the windows and wondered how it would be up in the hills. If they were above the tree line, there’d be no shelter.
Another thought slammed into me like a wrecking ball. What about Jasper? While I panicked about my father, his ex was in the same group.
“You must be worried about Cindy,” I said.
He shrugged. “She acts like a flake, but she’s not stupid. She’s fit and strong, and not prone to taking risks. I’m wondering if her Hollywood guy got them into trouble.”
“Zack will update me when he has any news,” said Holly. “While they have cell-phone reception, that is. He says there’s no signal once you get up the tracks. I got your number from your website, in case you wondered.”
I shivered, and Jasper hugged me closer. “Have faith, Caitlin. Sam knows what he’s doing. Zack too. There’s nothing we can do but wait.”
“I hate feeling so powerless.”
“Yeah. I know.” He sighed. “I wish I could join them, but I’d be in the way.”
“It’s going to be a long night,” said Holly. “And I’d rather not be on my own. Should we all go back to our place?” She lifted her head and sniffed. “Is that something burning?”
“The curry,” Jasper and I said together.
I reached the pan first. I caught it before it was ruined, but I wasn’t hungry any more.
Chapter Thirty-four
I couldn’t settle down. Having to sit and wait for news was the suckiest thing ever. There were so many things that could have gone wrong for my dad. Anything from someone suffering hypothermia to a fatality. What if he never came home? No. I wouldn’t think like that. Despite his aura of calm, Jasper had to be worried about Cindy, and Holly was visibly anxious about Zack.