by T. A. Chase
Without consciously making a decision to comply, he nevertheless found himself glancing at the mirror. He was the masculine version of his mother, the former Bollywood actress. It was plain to see.
He’d also inherited her ease at speaking in front of people, but had hoped to do so in front of a classroom, not on a set. He had her sense of rhythm, but would rather use it on a dance floor with a partner than in a musical production. What he hadn’t got from her was her love of the fast-paced, glamorous lifestyle and the drive to have public success at all costs.
Try telling that to her, though.
“You are a beautiful and talented young man, and I have allowed you your little adventure off at school.” She abruptly switched topics. “Do you know that there was a photograph of you in one of the papers today?”
That surprised him. The ever-present photographers and reporters had been scary to him as a kid, and now that he was an adult, he’d found no reason to change his mind. The only respite he’d ever had from that intrusion was here at university. Somehow he had flown under the radar away from his famous mother’s side, and he loved the quiet. The peace. Feeling like he was just one of the crowd.
He could turn it on and work it when he needed to. But it was always an effort. And now, as always, it was a creepy feeling to realise that someone had been observing him when he wasn’t aware.
“Raji!”
“Sorry, Maa. What were you saying?”
“This…fraternisation with that cricket player has to end. Now.”
His heart nearly stopped beating, then sped in his chest. His eyes flew up to Ajay, who was by now awake and watching him with a slight smile, looking rumpled and sexy and…
He carefully asked, “What do you mean?”
His maa gave a very unladylike snort. “You know exactly what I mean. I’m not going to go into the salacious details with you. Thankfully you weren’t doing anything too outrageous in the photo—at least the published one, and I have my contacts looking into securing the rest of the negatives—but I’m your mother. I can tell by your expression that you feel more than friendship for this low Singh creature, and it will stop right now!” By this time, her voice and its volume had risen to the point where Rajan winced. Ajay’s expression changed, too, and he sat up and swung his feet off the side of the bed, looking concerned. Rajan’s knees weakened and he dropped gracelessly to sit on the end of his bed.
“Now. This is what’s going to happen. I’m sending a car for you. It should be there in a half hour. You will be packed and ready to go. The agent I have picked out for you is coming there to ride back with you and go over the details of the audition we have arranged.”
“But, Maa, you can’t just—”
“I can do what I want, Raji. I am your mother. I pay your bills, and what I want is what’s best for you. You are wasted there, and you are making bad decisions on your own, as evidenced by your flagrant disregard for propriety with that deviant. Be ready to go, Rajan.” She hung up and Rajan was left sitting there with the receiver in his hand, stunned beyond words.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Ajay was kneeling between his legs, running his hands up and down his arms.
“I have to go.”
“Is your mother okay? What happened?”
“I… I’m going home. Maa has arranged an audition for me.”
He watched as the caring concern in Ajay’s expression morphed into wary disbelief.
“An audition? For what? She needs to stop living her life through you, Raj.” Ajay grew angrier with every second that passed. “And you need to stop letting her!” His stormy expression was bad enough, but the bit of a sneer that appeared then, as if he were disgusted with him, took Rajan from stunned to pissed off in a moment.
He gave Ajay a shove then stood. Ajay also rose and loomed over him.
“You know nothing about familial ties and respect. My maa has done everything for me!”
“Ha! Everything for her image, you mean. You need to be a man, Rajan, and stop letting that woman dictate your life. An actor? Are you joking? You hate that shit.”
Rajan pressed his lips together, since he couldn’t disagree with that. His head whirled as his two worlds collided and he nearly broke at the impact. “We were seen,” he managed, feeling ridiculously close to tears.
“Seen? Doing what? You won’t even touch me outside this room. Seen. That’s a laugh. You’re my ‘best mate’.” Rajan could hear the snide emphasis. “If we do things together, it’s to be expected.”
“She knows. Somehow she knows.” He spun away, no longer able to meet Ajay’s angry stare. “I have to pack.”
“Pack.” The word was flat and not a question.
He nodded, devastated and feeling more alone than he ever had. Rajan hadn’t realised how dependant he’d become on Ajay’s friendship until it was wrenched away.
“She’s sending a car. It will be here in about twenty minutes.”
“Then we don’t have much time.”
“For what?”
“This.” Ajay took him by the shoulders and not-so-gently manoeuvred him onto his bed then flipped him over so he was on his back, breathlessly watching as Ajay ripped his pyjama bottoms off before doing the same with his own.
His cock was already plumping against his abdomen when Ajay landed on top of him, knocking his legs apart with his strong thighs to make a cradle for him then settling down against him. Their erections were nestled side by side and Rajan groaned at the heavenly feel of Ajay’s muscular form, still warm from sleep, meeting his from chest to feet.
“Raj…” Ajay took his mouth in a desperate kiss, thrusting against him with little finesse but oh, it was so good.
He gave himself over completely, allowing Ajay to set the pace and tried to block out the welling grief. This would be their last time together. He knew it, and as Ajay drew back to gaze into his eyes as they came together, Raj knew that there would be no other man for him. Ever…
The driver put the car into park and with a start, Rajan realised that while he’d been immersed in the past, a few minutes had slipped by and they’d made it to the café. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself.
After that incredibly poignant moment, Ajay had not spoken another word to him.
He’d dressed and left the room. Rajan had packed in a daze and when Beni Sharma had arrived to pick him up, he’d followed him without protest into the life he now led.
The door was opened for him and he stepped out. Rajan tipped the driver. “You needn’t wait. I’m not sure how long I’ll be, so I’ll let the company know if I need a ride later.”
The man thanked Rajan and left after promising to come back if he changed his mind.
The café looked to be bustling with groups of students and a few families. He walked through into the courtyard to try to find an empty table, and managed to locate a small, out-of-the-way one that was likely unclaimed because there was only a single chair. He glanced around until he found an empty chair, and commandeered it with a hopeful smile at the ladies at that table, who giggled in return and waved their assent.
Settling into his seat, with his back to most of the crowd to try to preserve his anonymity, he waited to be served…and waited for his past to meet the present.
Chapter Five
Ajay stared down at his phone. He couldn’t believe he’d just missed Raj, though he wasn’t sure he would’ve approached the man if Raj had still been in the club. He might have stayed away, not wanting to force Raj into acknowledging him, since he’d had no indication Raj was ready for the great ‘coming out’.
Neel returned to their table, a smile on his face. Ajay studied his friend. Having known Neel for five years, he’d grown to recognise when the man was up to something.
“I thought you went to the bathroom. Did you hook up with some hot guy while you were in there?” Ajay bumped Neel’s shoulder with his, and leered at him.
To his surprise, Neel ducked his head and blushed. Holy crap! Had Neel really
got down and dirty in the men’s bathroom with some stranger? That didn’t sound like his friend at all.
“You know I was just kidding, right? You didn’t really do that?” Ajay worried that Neel might have done something stupid. “I don’t recommend that course of action, Neel. You could end up in a lot of trouble if you pick the wrong guy.”
“Don’t worry, Ajay. I didn’t do anything that stupid. I’m not out, so do you honestly think I’d try to pick up some stranger in the men’s room?” Neel rolled his eyes.
“Then why were you blushing?” Ajay glanced down at his phone when it beeped again.
You know Café Pringa? Meet me there?
Café Pringa wasn’t very far from the club. Neel and Ajay stopped there once in a while on their way home. It would be a good place for him to meet Raj. The people there tended to be very easy-going, and didn’t bother them. Of course, while they were well-known, they weren’t as big-named as Raj.
Ajay had to leave. He didn’t want to make Raj have to sit at the café for too long.
See you in ten.
Now how was he going to get away from Neel? Should he tell him the truth or fudge it so Neel didn’t know the whole reason why he was ditching him?
He stared out of the gyrating crowd, trying to decide what to do. Finally, he realised that no matter how much teasing he would get from his friend, he couldn’t lie to Neel.
“Hey man, I have to get out of here.” He started to stand.
After grabbing his arm to keep him from leaving, Neel frowned. “Why are you leaving already? I thought this club would be great. Oh hey, I think I saw Rajan and his girlfriend here when we first arrived. You should go over and congratulate them on their engagement.”
Ajay removed Neel’s hand from his arm, and shook his head. “I’m not going to bother Karishma, and it would be very awkward since she doesn’t know me. It doesn’t matter anyway, because I’m leaving to meet Raj at Café Pringa for some chai.”
“What? You’re going to meet him? I thought you hadn’t talked to him or anything. I know you said you were going to call him, but when did that happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Ajay backed away from Neel, who had jumped to his feet and was uncharacteristically crowding in Ajay’s face. Neel had never reacted this way to Ajay talking to anyone before “I didn’t think it was that important for you to know I talked to Raj. We’re just meeting for chai, Neel. It’s not like we’re going on a date or anything.” Ajay took a few steps back, trying to put space between them.
“Of course, you couldn’t date him. Rajan isn’t about to come out of the closet for a lover, not now when he’s at the top of the Bollywood world,” Neel commented.
“What’s your problem, Neel? I’ve never seen you act this way. If I’d known you’d do this, I wouldn’t have told you the truth about where I’m going. And what do you mean out of the closet? I never said that Rajan was gay.” Ajay shook his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the stadium for practice.”
He shoved his way through the crowd, not really paying attention to who he ran into or if anyone was snapping a picture of him being rude to the dancers. What he wished for the most at that moment was to get out of the club and away from Neel.
Once he was outside, he flagged down a cab, then climbed in. He told the driver to take him to Café Pringa. As the vehicle pulled from the kerb, he spotted Neel bursting out of the club. Ajay grimaced at Neel’s crazy actions. There was something going on with his friend, but Ajay didn’t have time to figure it out.
All he wanted to focus on was being able to see Raj in person for the first time since that unfortunate argument. Ajay rested his head against the cool glass of the window, and admitted to himself that he probably could’ve seen Raj a long time ago, if he’d returned any of the messages Raj had left on his phone. His stubborn pride and fiery temper had made it impossible for him to say he was sorry.
With age came maturity and a certain amount of wisdom, and Ajay was finally ready to face the mistakes he’d made in the past. Maybe when he did that, he’d be able to move on and find something good in his future, though he doubted that whatever was waiting for him would be better than the perfect relationship he’d let slip away when he was young and foolish.
The cab stopped in front of Café Pringa, and Ajay sat, staring at the late night crowd.
Did he have the courage to step out of the vehicle and go face the man he’d never forgotten?
Could he find the strength to ask for forgiveness?
Raj had to have some kind of fondness for Ajay, if Ajay could use Raj’s actions of calling him back and agreeing to meet him as evidence.
“Are you getting out, sir?”
The driver’s question jolted Ajay, and he nodded. After paying the man, he shoved open the door, then climbed out. His phone beeped and he looked down to see a text.
Are you here yet? Found a table outside in the corner.
Ajay could lie and say he’d got caught in traffic, or something had come up and he wouldn’t be able to make it. He stared at the words as they shook slightly from the trembling of his hand. No. He wouldn’t do that. It was time to face his past, and hopefully regain a friend who had meant far more than anyone else ever had.
Yes. just arrived. will find you.
He hit send then walked into the café.
A few of the customers at the café appeared to recognise Ajay as he walked through, but no one tried to stop him. He was thankful for that, since he wasn’t sure he would be able to make polite conversation, knowing who waited for him out on the patio.
Stepping into the outdoor area, Ajay glanced around, searching the mass of people for Raj’s familiar face. When he didn’t see it, he pulled out his phone.
Where are you? I don’t see you anywhere.
Ajay looked around for him again. Suddenly there was a hand in the air, gesturing at him, and he smiled. Yes, that was Raj. Ajay remembered all the times Raj had made that same hand flapping wave when they had been at university, trying to find each other in big groups of students.
He wound his way through the tightly packed tables, doing his best not to make eye contact with anyone. Raj’s attention had been diverted by his phone, so he was looking down when Ajay approached. When he reached the farthest table from the entrance of the café, he paused. It was the moment of truth, and Ajay’s heart threatened to beat from his chest.
Breathing deep in order to calm his pulse didn’t work as he filled his nostrils with Raj’s musky scent. Bloody hell! Why had he thought he could control his urges when so many of his nightly fantasies featured Raj?
Ajay closed his eyes and cleared his mind. Raj wasn’t gay, or at least that was how he wanted to live his life, and Ajay had to accept that. At this moment, he would accept what fate had seen fit to return to his life. Finally ready, he reached out and laid his hand on Raj’s shoulder.
When Raj stood, then turned to face him, it was like Ajay had been punched in the gut.
All the pictures Ajay had looked at hadn’t done Raj any justice. Age had brought a new level of stunning beauty to Raj’s face, and even through the exhaustion and thinness, Ajay saw the gorgeous looks that drove Raj’s female fans wild.
“Ajay,” Raj said softly. “It’s wonderful to see you.”
Ajay swallowed before smiling. “I can’t believe we’re here together, Raj. You don’t know how many times over the years I wished this very situation would happen.”
Raj wrapped Ajay in a quick one-armed hug, slapping his back like guys do while greeting friends. Ajay couldn’t help but wish for something more. A brush of lips over his cheek or even a tighter embrace that brought their bodies closer together.
Stop being silly. You’re in public, and while no one has approached, they all know you and Raj are here. Someone is probably taking a picture of you right now.
Ajay stepped away, then circled the table to take the seat across from Raj, allowing the man to return to his chair. He signalled to the waiter, wh
o rushed over.
“I’d like a chai, and whatever my friend would like.”
“Black tea, please.” Rajan studied him from across the table, a small smile teasing his lips. “You look well, Ajay. Keeping fit, I see.”
“I have to. Can’t be a good batsman with a gut.” Ajay patted his flat stomach. He ran his gaze over Raj. “I think you’ve missed a few meals and a few nights’ sleep, Raj. Your agent should be making you take better care of yourself.”
A hint of something like disappointment sneaked into Ajay’s previously admiring gaze, and just as quickly Rajan’s mood changed from warm to a bit defensive. God, he was tired of his appearance being the only thing that mattered to everyone. He sighed, trying to shake the sudden vulnerability. Ajay was probably only concerned about him, and that wasn’t a bad thing. He needed to stop being so petty.
He shrugged and tried to set Ajay’s mind at ease. “I’m doing okay. Just need to gain a bit of weight back. I had to lose a bunch for my last role.” To prove the point, he looked around for the waiter. “I’m going to grab a menu. Oh, but you’ve already eaten. With Neel,”
he finished, trying not to sound ridiculous.
Rajan wasn’t sure why he cared about who Neel was or how he fitted into Ajay’s life.
He wasn’t Rajan’s. Not at all. Not anymore.
“Bloody hell, can Neel eat. He says it’s because he burns so many calories playing cricket. I think he’s just a pig.” Ajay chuckled. “But he’s a friend, so I let him eat me out of house and home sometimes.”
“House and…” His eyes widened. “Do you two live together?” And is he gay? Rajan tried to sound casual, when inside he was burning at the idea of Ajay in a comfortable domestic situation with some guy who evidently wasn’t skin and bones like him.
You liked living with me once upon a time…until you couldn’t stand the sight of me anymore.