by T. A. Chase
Even if it’s just to their best friends. Drivers, bodyguards, housekeepers. Shit like that gets out. Just end it, Raji. If you want, we can talk to Beni about slowly cooling the public relationship. But not in a big shocker, and not right after all this with your mother. And especially not going right into shooting and all the publicity for the upcoming film. God, what a nightmare that would be. The fucking studio would crucify us. They’re counting on our coupledom, yeah? I’m not going to be the one to fucking go there.”
Rajan absorbed everything she was saying. It made sense. He was relieved that Karishma hadn’t had any illusions about the true nature of their relationship, and that last night hadn’t been a grave insult to her. But she was right. Things almost always got out.
They wouldn’t in this case, though. Media sensationalism aside, to the world Rajan and Ajay were just friends.
Ajay is out. People know he’s gay. It would just be a matter of time before they’d suspect.
Yes, but that’s all it would be. Suspicion. No one could prove anything. This place is like a fortress. And Mrs Mehra and Neel wouldn’t do that to Ajay.
“Look, Raji. I can tell you have a lot on your mind, so I’ll let you go. Try not to go all crazy. Okay? Where are you anyway?”
“A friend’s,” he answered automatically.
“Who? Oh, never mind. I don’t really care. Just be careful. And try to get some rest, okay? We do have a film to shoot eventually.”
“Thanks, Karishma. For the advice and for being a good friend.”
“Yeah, well. Take care. And fucking text me next time you decide to run away. I actually could have used your car yesterday. Mine’s in the shop.”
Rajan laughed, the tension broken. “Feel free. You know I hardly use it. Just don’t wreck it. Beni has the extra set of—”
“Yeah, already have them,” she cut him off smugly. “In it right now.”
“Don’t drive and talk on the phone in my car!”
“Bye!”
The line disconnected, and Rajan dropped the phone to his lap.
Well, that went well.
A movement in his peripheral vision caught his attention, and he turned his head. From this balcony on the side of the house, he had a partial view of the courtyard and driveway in front.
He frowned, not recognising the car. But the movement was Neel pacing next to it. Had he not left?
He watched him walk to and fro, appearing upset, or as though he was having an internal debate. He looked down at something in his hand, a piece of paper maybe, then looked all around him, before scanning the house.
Rajan waited for him to notice him lying there, but he didn’t seem to. Probably between the sun in his eyes and the wrought iron balcony railing separating them, he wasn’t visible from down below.
Neel finally seemed to make a decision—he strode up to the front of the house. Raj leant forward as he disappeared from sight. He waited for the sound of the door opening…but nothing.
Puzzled, he watched as Neel reappeared and climbed into his car.
Well, he doesn’t need to leave. He can come back in even if Ajay isn’t here.
Rajan rose and walked out of the study to the nearby foyer and whipped open the front door. Neel’s car was just making a turn-around in the courtyard, preparing to drive down towards the gate, but a flutter of motion below caught Rajan’s attention before he could wave Neel down.
He stooped to grasp the note before it blew away.
His heart started thumping wildly. No, it can’t be. He unfolded the note and there before his disbelieving eyes was the same handwriting as had been on the napkin at the club. It was unmistakable—he’d stared at it often enough to know.
I’m so sorry about your mother’s passing. I didn’t mean to scare you. You don’t have to worry anymore. You won’t hear from me again.
Through his shock and mounting fury, he noticed that Neel was almost to the gate. Fuck that. He started running across the courtyard and down the drive. “Hey!”
He could tell the moment that Neel must’ve seen him in his rear-view mirror, because the car stopped abruptly. The driver’s side door partially opened before it was closed again, Neel evidently having reconsidered getting out of the safety of the vehicle.
Rajan reached the side of the car, and pounded his fist on the window. “Get out.”
Neel held his hands up in a surrender pose. He looked…not frightened but devastated.
Rajan knew the feeling.
“Get out,” he repeated in a low growl.
Neel nodded, a defeated expression on his face. “Let me park again. I swear I won’t go anywhere.”
“Fine.” Rajan turned and stalked back towards the house, suddenly aware of his bare feet and pyjamas. He went back into the house and waited impatiently for Neel to come inside.
Neel? Neel had been his stalker? Rajan couldn’t fathom the how or why of it, but the evidence was clear. Rajan felt as betrayed as he might have been if it had been one of his own closest friends.
Ajay was going to be heartbroken to learn of this side of his ‘best friend’.
“Please don’t tell Ajay.”
Rajan sent him a scathing glare. “Give me one good reason not to.”
“Oh, man. I never meant for this to scare you. I didn’t mean anything bad by it. Honest.
I just… I had no idea how you had taken it until we talked this morning. I mean, I wasn’t trying to threaten you. I…”
“What the fuck—” Rajan cut himself off, glancing towards the kitchen. “Come into the study,” he demanded.
He led the way in and closed the door for privacy. He leant back against the edge of the desk, facing Neel head on. “What the fuck did you think you were doing then?”
Neel looked miserable. He shook his head silently.
“Well, then I’m going to have to tell Ajay about this.”
“No! Wait! I… Fine, I’ll tell you.” Conversely, as soon as he said the words, he clammed up again. All he could seem to do was shake his head.
It suddenly came to Rajan in a rush. The only thing this could be about, the only thing that could drive a man to such lengths…
“You’re in love with him.”
Neel’s eyes widened and he gaped at Rajan.
But he didn’t say no.
“You are. You’re in love with him, and you’re jealous. That’s why you kept trying to push me towards Karishma.”
“Oh my God…”
“It’s the only thing that makes sense.” Rajan didn’t know whether to continue being pissed off or feel sorry for the poor bastard. “The first message came right when he got in touch with me. You…what? Heard him talking about me and freaked out? Sneaked into his caller ID and called me?”
Neel’s face went bright red, and Rajan was seriously worried that he might have a heart attack right there on the spot. And he still wasn’t denying a word Rajan said.
“That was probably an impulse. But the club? You followed me there?”
“No! Well…not really.”
“Which is it?” Rajan wasn’t going to put up with any prevarication at this point.
“I was just out to dinner with Ajay and…”
Rajan frowned as he tried to think back. “But we hadn’t talked at all about our evenings that night. He had no idea I was going there.”
Neel’s voice was raspy when he confessed, “I saw where you were on Twitter. So I made sure we went there. I just wanted to see you in person. But, then you were getting ready to walk out the door… I’d been signing the bill for a round and before I knew it I’d…written that note. I wasn’t even sure what to do with it, hand it to you maybe? Then you walked right by me and all the fans were pawing at you, so I shoved it in your pocket.”
“Twitter?” Rajan shook his head. “I don’t even have a Twitter account.”
“Yeah, but a lot of your fans do. And Karishma. And your agent.”
Oh my God. “That’s how you knew about the flowers then.”
Rajan stared down at the floor for a few minutes, and Neel seemed more than happy to not talk while Rajan gathered his thoughts. “You had no idea how menacing those notes came across.”
“Man, I am so sorry. I really didn’t know. I didn’t mean them to sound that way at all.”
Neel’s sincerity shone in his reddened eyes. “Especially the bit about your maa.” He swallowed heavily. “I didn’t know she was sick, dying. Had no idea. Oh fuck, I would never have said that. I just meant ‘rest easy’ like, you know, be happy. Not…”
Rajan had to put him out of his misery. “I know. Now, I know that. At the time, it was… Well, it was awful timing.”
“I’m so sorry—”
“Fine. You’re sorry. Do you have any idea how unsafe I felt? And Ajay. How do you think he’ll feel to learn about what you did?”
In a surprising move, Neel dropped to his knees in front of him. “Rajan, please, please don’t tell Ajay about this.”
“Tell me about what?”
Chapter Fifteen
Neel and Raj twisted around to face Ajay, and the shock on their faces puzzled him.
Studying them, he noticed that along with shock, there was anger on Raj’s face, and guilt on Neel’s.
What happened while I was gone?
He could almost feel the weight of secrets in the room, yet he didn’t think either man had lied to him. They barely knew each other anyhow—what secrets could they possibly share? Ajay looked at how Raj stood with his arms folded over his chest, like he was trying to protect himself from something. Neel was kneeling in front of Raj, almost in a supplicant position.
“Why the hell are you kneeling?” It almost looked like…but no. He motioned to his friend. “Did you lose a contact or something?”
“No.” Neel scrambled to his feet. “I…tripped.”
Snorting in disbelief, Ajay moved farther into the room. “You tripped? Over what?
Your own two feet?”
Neel looked over at Raj beseechingly, like he was asking for help or needed permission to answer him. Raj pursed his mouth, and Ajay watched as Neel’s gaze dropped to study the plump lips that Ajay had kissed last night.
Uneasiness rippled through Ajay, and he started putting two and two together. Neel had started acting weird around the same time Ajay had reconnected with Raj. That night when they’d wound up at the same club as Raj most likely hadn’t been a coincidence after all.
And all those comments Neel had made about Raj being engaged to Karishma…
He was jealous.
“Bloody hell, Neel! Why didn’t you tell me?” Ajay said, going over to punch Neel on the arm.
“Tell you what?” Neel asked slowly, staring at him like he’d lost his mind.
“I should’ve guessed, man. I’m sorry. If I hadn’t been so caught up in my own problems, I would’ve been there to help you deal with it.” Ajay grinned over at Raj. “Though I have to admit I’m not surprised.”
Raj had a matching ‘he’s gone crazy’ expression on his face, and Ajay winked at him.
“I’m not sure you have any idea what’s really going on here.”
“Sure I do, Raj, and now that I know, I can help Neel. He needs to be encouraged…well, sort of helped along. He can’t have you, of course, but I’m sure we can find another Bollywood actor he could crush on while he slowly works his way out of the closet.”
“Oh my fucking God, you think I have a crush on Rajan?”
“You think he has a crush on me?”
The two men spoke incredulously at the same time, and Ajay laughed.
“Sure. It’s so obvious. All those comments about you and Karishma getting engaged and him stalking you like a fangirl, even going to the extreme of following people you hang out with on Twitter and Facebook.” Ajay shook his head, and clapped Neel on the shoulder.
“I should have seen it, my friend, but like I said, I was busy.”
“It’s not me he has a crush on,” Raj said as he glared at Neel.
Ajay frowned, looking from Raj to Neel and back. “Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if he had pictures of you hanging up in his room like teenage girls do with their celebrity crushes. Come on, Neel, spill it. You do have the hots for Raj.”
“No, you fucking idiot!” Neel yelled, and Ajay took a step back. “It’s you, all right?
You’re the one I’m attracted to, and I did something really stupid, okay?”
To say Ajay was shocked put it mildly. He felt his jaw drop open and he couldn’t stop blinking. It was like Neel had hit him upside the head with a bat.
“Me? You’re attracted to me?”
I never saw that coming.
Raj looked back and forth between the two friends. “I’ll let you guys talk.” With a slight squeeze to Ajay’s shoulder as he walked past, he left the room, closing the door behind him.
Staring at Neel, Ajay didn’t know what to say. To find out his best friend had secretly desired him wasn’t something Ajay’d ever thought he’d have to deal with.
“Wait a minute. Feeling that way for me drove you to do something stupid? First of all, I want to know what you did, and second of all, why am I not surprised it was stupid?”
Neel hunched over, his shoulders drawn up to his ears. “I panicked, okay?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Neel. I’m going to get us each a drink, then when I get back, you’re going to explain this to me. I want to hear everything you did, and how Raj fits into this whole thing.”
Neel nodded, and sank down onto one of the chairs Ajay had in his study. After stalking over to the side bar, Ajay poured them each a highball of whisky. He didn’t normally drink alcohol, but something told him he was going to need it to get through what Neel had to say to him.
He carried the drinks over to Neel, then held one out for him. Neel grabbed one before downing half of it in one swallow. Ajay took possession of the other chair, sitting then leaning back to stare at his best friend.
“Start from the beginning, Neel, and don’t leave anything out,” Ajay told him. “I think this story is going to be interesting.”
Ajay didn’t know how to feel about what Neel had confessed, but good or bad, he needed to know the rest of it.
“I don’t really know where to begin.” Neel stared into the amber liquid in his glass.
“I’ve been attracted to you since you joined the team.”
“You liked me as more than a friend for five years? And you never once said a word.
Did you think about telling me or were you going to go on the rest of your life loving me from afar?” Ajay took a drink of his own.
“I thought about telling you shortly after we started hanging out together. Then some guy tried to pick you up at a club we were at, and you shot him down. When I asked you why, you said you were never going to waste your time on another closet case again.” Neel sighed. “I can’t come out because of my parents. So I thought we could just stay best friends, and do shit together. Almost like a couple, but without the sex.”
Ajay had seen Neel naked, and while he would freely admit Neel was—in fact—drop dead gorgeous, Ajay had never wanted to fuck him. Yet all those times he’d gone out to the clubs, and over to Neel’s parents’ house for dinner, had Neel seen those as dates when Ajay had simply thought of them as things friends did together?
“Honey, I love you like a brother, but I don’t want to sleep with you.” Neel cringed, and Ajay reached over to pat him on the arm. “I’m sorry, if that hurts you, but I have to tell you the truth. I’ve never seen you as anything other than a friend.”
Neel jumped to his feet, then started to pace. He waved his hands around, threatening to spill his whisky as he talked.
“I’d hoped you would eventually come to see that I was the right guy for you, but I guess deep inside I always sensed there was someone else who held your heart. Someone who’d hurt you enough that you didn’t want to fall in love agai
n. Then you started talking about Rajan Malik, and I saw the look on your face… Everything sort of fell into place for me.
I knew I had to stop this from happening to you again.”
Ajay wasn’t quite sure what Neel was talking about. “Stop what from happening again?”
Neel swung to face him. “You were going to fall back in love with Rajan, and he was going to break your heart because there’s no way he’s ever going to come out of the closet. I wanted to let you know I was the right guy for you. So I tried to convince Rajan to stay with Karishma.”
“How did you do that?” Ajay couldn’t wait to hear what brilliant plan Neel had come up with. His friend was a great batsman, but he had the sense the gods gave a cow. Cows might be sacred in the Hindu religion, but even Ajay knew they weren’t the smartest creatures on the planet.
“I sent him anonymous messages. I got his number off your phone one day when you left me alone in the study, so I called him. Then I stuffed a note in his pocket at the club we were all at.” Neel hung his head.
“You did what? That was the night you acted all weird.” He remembered. “It was because I was meeting up with him, and not because some girl was hitting on you.” Ajay shook his head. “I can’t believe this, Neel. What the hell were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking, all right,” Neel continued to stare at the floor. “Then I sent him a note about some flowers he’d given Karishma, and one about how staying engaged with her would make his mother rest easier.”
“Oh, Neel,” Ajay groaned. “How could you?”
Neel dropped to sit on the chair again, bracing his head up with his hand. “I know, right? Complete mental breakdown or something. I should’ve known better, even if I hadn’t known how sick his mother was. I should’ve never sent the first note to begin with. I’m an idiot.”
Ajay took Neel’s empty glass from him, then went over to refill it. He took that time to think about everything his friend had told him.
“So does Raj know it was you?” he asked as he returned the drink to Neel.