“I’m…” He pulled his gaze away from me and glanced around the room.
“Now,” I demanded, and bit back my nerves. “Please.”
“Excuse me, momentarily,” he said as he walked around the large table and towards the door.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Rhodes,” Melissa said behind me. “I tried to stop her.”
Cole waved her off, and his eyes met mine. “It’s fine,” he said, and I could see that he was scanning my face. “We’ll be in my office if anyone needs me.” He laced his fingers around my arm and guided me to his office. His scent invaded my senses as I forced myself to think clearly.
Shutting the door behind him, I stepped into his office. My hands trailed along the wood of his desk as I walked around it. The cold surface cooled the rage that boiled deep inside of me.
“Katherine,” he whispered from behind me. “What are you doing here?”
I snapped my head up remembering why I was here. “You’re marrying Devon.” I said it as a matter of fact.
“What? No!” He shook his head.
“But you were with her.” I closed my eyes. “At the Poverty Gala. You two were in each other’s arms.”
“What does it matter?” He crossed his arms. “You’ve ignored me for God knows how many weeks now.”
“So when I didn’t answer, you moved on to someone else?”
“That’s how life works. I’m tired of being your dog.”
“You’re not—”
“But I am,” he interjected, and I could see the anger in his eyes. “You kick me around and ignore me. What did you expect me to do?”
I ran my hands through my hair. “I don’t know why I came here.” I shook my head and hoped that my tears stayed inside. I stumbled and rested my hand on his desk.
“Are you…drunk?”
“Why does that matter?” I retorted.
“Katherine—”
“No!” I raised my hand to stop him from moving closer. “You don’t get to have an opinion about this. You’re my dog, remember?” I moved past him, but his hand coiled around my upper arm and he held me in place.
“Is it the case? Is it Evan’s case that is making you like this?” he said quietly. “Is it triggering what happened to you in the past?”
I yanked my arm away from his grasp. “I don’t give a fuck about the case.” I looked up at him. “Have a great life, Cole. I hope you and Devon are happy together.” I stumbled to the door and yanked it opened. I heard him call out for me, but I didn’t look back.
When I stepped outside, the warm air caused a coat of sweat to form on my skin. I could hear my heart humming in my chest. Pulling my phone out of my bag, I called Victoria. The phone rang once, and she answered with her monotone greeting.
“Victoria? It’s Katherine?” I said, cutting her off mid-sentence.
“Oh, hi. Is everything okay?” her sweet voice greeted me. “You haven’t been in for a few days. I was getting worried.”
“Just fine.” I closed my eyes. “Please let Howard know that I quit and that I won’t be coming back to the office,” I said in one long breath and hung up the phone.
9
Cole
We were a few days away from choosing jurors, and I was buried in paperwork when I heard a familiar voice.
“You look like crap,” Lila said, stepping into my office. She pulled the chair out from in front of my desk and sat back.
“Thanks,” I replied. “What are you doing here?” Lila and I weren’t friends, so I knew this wasn’t a casual check-in.
“You showed up at my job unexpected, and now I’m returning the favor.” She shrugged and sat back on the chair. “This is a nice office.” She looked around and her eyes gazed out the glass wall behind me.
“Lila, thank you for stopping by, but I have a ton of work to do—”
“I heard through the grapevine that you weren’t your usual self.”
I closed the file and sat back. “Caleb isn’t the grapevine. And I’m fine.” My fist balled on my desk. I wasn’t fine. Not in the least bit. A few seconds passed before I asked, “Have you spoken to her lately?”
Her smile faded, and she shook her head. “No. She’s closed herself off to me completely, so I’ve been staying busy and letting her have her space.” Her eyes glassed over.
“And Ben?”
“He hears from her once in a blue moon, but it’s always a text. She won’t talk to us anymore. Whatever she’s going through she needs to figure it out herself.” She gave me a sad smile.
“What is she going through?” I demanded. “The girl I met is not the girl who stormed into my office the other day.”
“She was here?”
“Yeah.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “She asked about me and Devon.”
“Ah.” Lila nodded. “I saw the newspaper article, Katherine had it tucked inside her purse. Are congratulations in order?” she teased.
“No. Devon and I are just friends.”
“Did you tell Katherine that?”
“No. I let her think whatever the fuck she wanted. I’m tired of being kicked around like a dog.”
“She doesn’t mean to treat you like that. She’s going through something.” Lila cracked her neck and pinched her shoulder.
“And was it that?”
“I’m trying to figure it out. I have my assumptions but no concrete proof.”
“You should’ve gone to law school,” I retorted.
“I hate lawyers.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
Lila sighed and stood. “Just give her space.”
“Lila—” I paused and looked up at her. “I’m certain she was drunk when she was here.”
“Yeah, I know.” She swallowed. “She’s been drinking a lot lately.”
“Should I be worried?”
“Not yet.” She gave me a soft, reassuring smile. “I’m working on figuring this all out.”
“Let me know when you do.” I said, and she left my office. When she was gone, I had a gut feeling that Lila wasn’t telling me the whole truth.
Friday afternoon, I walked into the courtroom. “Hey, Howard,” I said and laid my briefcase on the desk.
“How's it going, Hunter?” Howard said and shook my hand.
“Well.” I nodded. “Can't complain.” I looked back at his team of associates behind him. Missing from the group was Katherine. “Is this the usual team?”
“Yeah, that's all of them.” He massaged the back of his neck and looked down at the piece of paper the clergy handed to us.
“A little slim don't you think?” I teased. “Do you think you'll have a chance of beating me at this one?” I joked hoping that he took the bait.
“No, we're just down one.” He put the paper down and opened his briefcase. “Katherine, my intern for the summer, quit the other day.”
My eyes snapped up at him. Had I heard him correctly? “What?”
“Yeah.” Howard nodded and took a sip of his coffee "It’s unlike her. She's very responsible, best in her class, and was a true asset to this case. She's the one who found our key witness.”
“I'm sorry, Howard,” I said. He was right—Katherine had gone through hoops to find anything to put Evan behind bars. I’d imagined she’d be here hand picking every juror who would find Evan guilty.
And instead, she had quit. Angered boiled inside of me, what the hell was going on with her?
After the jurors were picked and court was adjourned, I walked out of the courtroom and directed my driver to head straight towards Katherine's apartment. My fist banged on the door until my knuckles were in pain.
“Geez! Have you ever heard of a doorbell?” Lila bitched as she pulled the door open.
“Where is she?” I said pushing the door further and stepping in.
“She's working,” Lila complained and stretched her arms above her head.
“No, she's not,” I said through gritted teeth. “She quit her internship earlier this we
ek.”
Lila closed her eyes, and she sighed with exhaustion. “Fuck.” She dragged out the word.
“What the fuck, are you not telling me?”
Lila’s hands massaged her scalp, and she chewed on her inner lip. “I think she's using again,” she said in one quick breath.
“Wait, what do you mean using?” My head spun as I tried to wrap my brain around what she had just said.
“I'm almost certain that Katherine is popping pills again.”
I tugged at my hair as I tried to remember all the times we were together. She was different during pre-trial. She was drunk when she showed up to my office. But she didn't seem high. “How do you know?”
“This isn’t her first time.” She shrugged and walked over to the couch. “She's irritable—she’ll snap for any reason.” I moved and sat on the chair across from her. “She hasn't touched the ice cream in our fridge in weeks, and she spends the weekend locked up in her room. And she keeps scratching her skin like she has fleas.”
“What are you going to do?” I rested my elbow on my knees. “Is this why you came into my office asking me if I had seen her?”
Lila shrugged.
“What are you not telling me, dammit?”
“I’m overprotective of her, and I’m hesitant about your relationship with her, but from what I can tell, you really care about her—”
“I do.”
“When we were in college, Katherine saw her stepfather with another child at a playground, and it triggered old memories.”
“I know. She's told me.”
“Well, she spiraled downward after that, and her attitude was the same as it is now. She wasn't doing well in school, and the excessive drinking knew no limit. The only thing that’s different is the random sex.”
“Sex?” I cocked my head.
“Katherine used it as a coping mechanism.” Lila sat back on the couch and massaged her temple. “The only reason why I'm not 100% certain that she is using this time is that she’s either at work or home all the time, and no one is with her. She's not seeing you, so she's not using you for sex, but that's her usual MO—ditch class, get high on oxy, and then have inappropriate sex with a random guy.”
I winced at the last admission. “What do you think caused this?”
“I don't know. I called my mom, who is a shrink, and asked her about it. Based on what I've told her she believes Katherine is suffering from PTSD, and that something or someone triggered it. I don't know if it was the case and its similarities to her life. But I believe she is using again.”
“Have you gone through her stuff?” I stood, determined to get to the bottom on this.
“No.”
“Have you confronted her?”
“No!” She slapped her thigh. “She won't come out and tell anyone, and you never accuse an addict.”
I exhaled at her last word.
“That's what Katherine is, Cole. She’s a recovering addict, or at least she was.”
“Fuck this. I'm going through her shit.” I tossed my hand in the air and started walking down the hallway.
“And do what?” I heard her voice behind me. “Go through her drawers, her purse? This isn’t her first time. She knows how to hide it from me.” Her voice was calm. “Do you understand that any shred of love that she has left for you will vanish if you invade her privacy? You need to let her come to you. She's going to have to hit rock bottom and ask for help.”
I turned to look at her. “I can’t sit here and wait for her to hit rock bottom.”
“I know, which is why I'm here. I'm forcing myself into her life whether she likes it or not. And now that I know she's quit her job, I will keep a bigger eye on her. But you can't hover over her. That's only going to push her away. Whatever triggered this, we’ll figure it out and help her get sober again.”
“What do I do?”
“If she comes to you, just be there for her.”
“That’s a big ‘if’. I let her think I was with Devon.”
Lila slapped me across my shoulder. “You’re an ass. That’s probably why she quit her job.”
“You think?”
“Yes, maybe, I don’t know.” She turned around and headed back towards the living room. “Katherine loves you. She’ll show up again, and when she does do not mention our suspicions or you’ll send her running.”
I could do that.
All I needed to do now was wait for her to come to me.
10
Katherine
One Month Later
Sweat coated my skin. Peering through one open eye, I looked around the strange room.
Where was I?
I blinked again and realized I was in my own bed. I sat up on the bed, and tried to wrap my brain around the past few hours.
Nothing.
The last I remembered, I had been sitting at a bar on the West Side. I had failed, yet again, to use someone for sex, and I had wandered over the Brooklyn Bridge, letting the effects of the oxy take control.
It was Saturday.
Maybe.
Ben: Don’t forget brunch today.
It was the third text message Ben had sent me in the past forty–eight hours. I hadn’t seen him in months. Three, to be exact. I needed to distance myself from them—Ben and Lila. Surrounding myself with them would only be a constant reminder of what had happened.
I turned the water faucet off and wiped my face with the towel. The reflection in the mirror was a stranger. I didn’t recognize myself. My blonde hair was dirty and brittle, the dark circles under my eyes had become permanent marks on my face, and my cheekbones were more defined.
The medicine bottle sat on top of the sink, my attention averted by it. As part of my daily routine, I twisted open the lid and took out a white capsule. The cold water ran from the faucet again. Popping the pill in my mouth, I lowered my face to drink the water.
Anticipating the effects the opiates were going to have on my body, I closed my eyes and inhaled hoping that it would hit my blood stream sooner. Taking a few during the day helped me function and three at night kept me numb so I could enjoy the high enough to sleep three hours or so.
Feeling exhausted, I wrapped my hands around my hair and tossed it up into a bun. It would have to wait another day before I washed it. I grabbed black eyeliner from my makeup bag, smearing it under my eyes. This was as presentable as I was going to be.
After I was dressed, I found my purse under my comforter and locked the door behind me. The hot humidity of the mid-September air made it almost impossible to walk, but the subway would be hotter, crowded, and with the stench of garbage. This had been the hottest summer in recorded history, and I was looking forward to the autumn months. Left with no choice, I pulled a cigarette from my purse and lit it up as I walked.
Ben sat next to the window of the small bistro he’d suggested. When he spotted me approaching, he waved vigorously at me to come in. I took a deep breath before I pulled the main door open. The brisk air hit me at once, cooling the sheen of sweat covering my skin.
“Baby girl!” he shouted, walking towards me with his hands out.
A fake grin masked my face. “Hi, Ben.”
His arms wrapped around my waist, hugging me tightly. “I’ve missed you, Katherine.” His nose moved to my hair, inhaling the smoke. “Are you smoking?” His hands dropped to his sides as he waited for me to respond. I looked up at him and shrugged my shoulder before I nodded.
“It’s too soon, and I’m not in the mood for a lecture.”
“Fine. I’ll drop it for now because I’ve missed you so much. Come. Let’s sit. We need to catch up.” He dragged me by my hands to our table. There was nothing to catch up on, nothing I wanted to know about his life. It would all feel like a slap to my face.
The waiter appeared, handing me a menu and setting Ben’s Bloody Mary on the table. “Would you like something to drink?” the waiter asked.
“I’ll have the same, thanks.”
An awkward
silence surrounded us as my gaze followed our waiter to the bar. I watched as he asked the bartender for my drink before I turned my gaze back to Ben. He looked at me, studying my facial features. I noticed his dark chocolate eyes soften, and a sad smile appeared on his face. Pity. Sorrow. I couldn’t tell. It had been so long since we’d sat like this that I could no longer read his thoughts—know what he was thinking without having the words exchanged between us. It wasn’t like before, but whatever it was he was feeling, I couldn’t stand to look at it. The pain in my chest that I had avoided on a daily basis had returned.
I flipped open my menu and focused on what I was planning to order. “Are you … okay, Katherine?” he asked.
I swallowed that golf ball sized lump in my throat and looked at the menu. “Peachy keen,” I lied. No part of me was okay. I was damaged goods, and he knew it. I had no plans for the future. Hell, I had no plans for later that day. I was choosing to live my life as I go. My foot began to tap on the laminate floor as I tried to focus on the words that were written on the menu. “How’s Jon?”
“We broke up.” I looked up at the menu and over to Ben. “I wasn’t ready to tell my mother about him.” I nodded understanding that my best friend had never come out to his mother.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Peachy keen.” He laughed and a smile grew on my face. “Are you feeling well? You look like you’ve lost quite a few pounds since the last time I saw you.” He reached for my hand, but I pulled it away instantly. This was brunch, not a therapy session.
The waiter returned, setting my drink before me, and I took a big gulp before I bit on the olive. “I’m fine. What are you ordering? I’m starving, and if all you’re going to do is ask questions about how I’ve been, I can go somewhere else to eat.”
“I’m worried about you, Katherine, that’s all. You’ve changed. You don’t call or keep in touch, and you’ve canceled brunch with me four times over the past three months.”
I closed the menu on the table in front of me and crossed my arms over it. “Ben, I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself. I just don’t want to be bothered by anyone.”
Redemption (Savior Seires Book 2) Page 5