by Krysta Scott
Adelaide pursed her lips. Nikki’s statement riled the woman, but then she caught the slightest twitch at one end of her mouth. Adelaide didn’t like her choices any more than Nikki and her cold glare reminded Nikki she was nowhere near out of the dog house. Hell, she most likely never would be.
She had to change this nightmare, and pray she could still the dark tremors that pursued her afterward.
“Fine,” Adelaide finally said. “Your grandfather will be the portal. Do you have a handler?”
“No.” What the hell was a handler? She held her tongue.
“Garrett will be your handler.”
Nikki glanced at the man next to her. From his startled stare, Adelaide had taken him by surprise. “I’m not a handler,” he said.
Given that Garrett had explained in excruciating detail that his job was to hunt her down and eradicate her powers, he didn’t seem the best candidate. She’d prefer a handler who wanted her safe. But Garrett had brought her here to help solve her problem. That, at least, was a vote in his favor. Later, there would be consequences. Right now, they were on the same team. Her heart ached at the thought. It would be nice if they were always on the same team. Maybe, after this was over… No, she couldn’t think about the future. Not when Lori’s existence loomed in front of her. Lori was the most important consideration. No matter what it cost Nikki.
“Nevertheless, that’s what you’ll be.” Adelaide was saying. “She needs a handler while she travels that deeply into the mind of others. You may have to pull her back.”
****
Nikki prayed she had everything deep casting required. She placed the day’s newspaper on her night stand. Armed with her grandfather’s ring shoved snuggly onto her thumb, she looked to Garrett for further instructions. All her nerve endings were on edge. Tingling static, staccato rhythm. She itched to begin. Anxious about the outcome. She whispered a silent prayer her instincts would serve her well.
“Are you okay?” Garrett watched her with a troubled grimace. His brow furrowed, forming deep lines at the center of his forehead. His jaw set so tightly, his muscles twitched. He was nervous.
Nikki looked into Garrett’s concerned eyes. “Yes.”
“Are you ready?” he asked softly.
How amazing things had turned from him wanting to eradicate her mind to wishing her a safe journey. She wasn’t used to people having such an amorphous quality. They were usually just what she initially believed, but Garrett no longer resembled the spoiled, oily man from her first impression. Had that only been mere days ago? Now he was the hero. Someone she could rely on. Someone she could love. She pushed away the intrusive thoughts and concentrated on his words.
“Don’t do anything rash,” he coached.
“Really?” A rough laugh burst through. “I thought that was exactly what I was supposed to do.”
“Nothing is worth your death.”
“Look at you being so protective.” She nudged his forearm playfully. “That’s so unlike you.” She spoke seriously. “I beg to differ with you. Lori Hanover is worth that and more. And I will do anything to get her back.” Nikki lay down taking confidence from her grandfather’s solid silver ring. It was just old enough to tap the ancient parts of his mind. To take her back to where it all began.
Garrett drew his hand through his hair less confident than she had ever known him to be. “What if I won’t remember you?”
“I’ll find you,” she said with more surety than she felt. She caressed his face. Not remembering the last few days was much more daunting than her task at hand. If she forgot, what would happen then? She’d gained so much. If it wasn’t for Lori, she’d grab her future in a vice grip and never let go. But Lori was gone. Nothing should be more important than that.
“You’d better find me,” he said gruffly. He bent down and kissed her full on the lips. His touch tingled, sealing her resolution to make things right. “Now. Let’s get to work.”
Jocularity with a tinge of sadness filled every word. He thought she was going to leave his life. Sadly, she couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t. From what Adelaide said, no one had ever ventured as deep in the mind as she was about to go. No one knew for certain what would happen. Or if she would be successful. There was every possibility that her mind would not be strong enough to do this task. She could die. Nikki swallowed as the burden of her task squeezed her chest.
But the thought of Lori erased through time propelled her onward. She closed her eyes and drifted into the familiar dream world. She found her grandfather’s slip stream and flew through it.
She wasn’t alone. Another presence skulked around the edges of the stream. Someone was following her. It wasn’t Garrett. As her handler, he stayed behind, awake.
Nikki glanced around but didn’t see signs of another entity but she felt his presence. A sinister nuance of the danger ahead.
Suddenly, her grandfather appeared and the atmosphere melted into a state of calm.
“Hello.” He grinned. Satisfaction marred his features. “Are you ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” And she was. Nikki’s essence hummed with an unknown need to get on with it. She wanted to go back as far as possible regardless of the consequences. It was time.
“Step through here.” He motioned to a mahogany door.
She opened it and they both stepped through. “I can only go so far but I might be able to guide you to the access point,” Songe said.
She followed her grandfather, fascinated with the images of his past.
Her grandfather slipping a package to Nikki at the courthouse. Their first meeting in the diner. His voice warning her to get out of Amy’s consciousness before the gun butt came down on her head.
Then, the images of her grandfather dream casting in her mind. Wiping out all traces of her memory to the past. Willing her to believe the Angeluses were her biological mother and father. Warning them to never reveal the truth. Her grandfather had been near her the whole time turning her life into a web of lies all so she could one day do this. Nikki closed her eyes. These pictures could only hinder her efforts. She must succeed. It could not be for nothing.
Songe pulled up. “Here.” He pointed to an access point. “Start here.”
Nikki stepped where he indicated. The feeling of someone tethering himself to her refused to dissipate. But her grandfather seemed unaware of the presence. Surely, he was skilled enough to sense an unwanted intruder. She shook off the paranoia and rolled her head to dispel some of the tension. Having to perform such a task, knowing every step forward could lead to her death was trying.
“I can do this. I will do this.” She hugged her grandfather then pushed further into her grandfather’s mind leaving him behind in the mist of his past. She ventured deeper and saw his decision to create and protect the Shadow Dancer. He’d been very aware of her talents from the time she was in her mother’s womb. He accessed her mind while she was developing to ensure her position as the most powerful dream caster born.
Which begged the question, if she was the most powerful, how was Parker so powerful?
Something made him dominant. Where was the link? She had to find a way to neutralize him yet again. Pain threatened to overwhelm her. She shoved it away and forged on.
Nikki accessed the Hanovers’ early mind through the portal her grandfather showed her. The mess she made materialized before her.
Yet, the angle was different. A mass of interwoven chords. Twisted. Tangled. Ugly. She began the long process of unravelling it.
She worked on unweaving the knots of time until she happened upon her first scene. Parker crying. I’m sorry son. Just as she started to leave, a psychic wind whipped around her stinging her cheeks and ears.
No.
Parker. She shouldn’t have doubted her instincts. He followed her to the very depths of his history. Right where he could gain control.
“What do you hope to accomplish, Parker?” she demanded.
He emerged before her. “I won’t
let you take my powers away,” he hissed.
His eyes blazed so hot they glowed. Never mind me. Go find yourself. Familiar pressure tightened around Nikki’s chest. She shoved against it but her strength ebbed.
Parker’s will burst into her, shifting and splitting her objectives.
“No.” She pressed her palms against her head. “You shouldn’t be able to push me.”
“They didn’t tell you, did they? Going this far weakens you.”
“Then you should be weaker, too.”
He tossed his head back and laughed. “I didn’t expend any energy. You did.”
Now go.
She plummeted backward flailing down a large hole. Darkness swallowed her. She grappled for something to grab on to. There was nothing but the wind whistling in her ears. A free fall through space. She tumbled on the ground. Slowly she crawled to her feet.
She found herself in a church where a funeral party was receiving mourners. Nikki’s fist went to her mouth. Her twelve-year-old self stood next to her mother hugging a rag doll to her chest. Nikki’s throat closed, choking back tears. I remember. Letting go of the present, she succumbed to the memory of her younger self at her sister’s funeral.
Twelve-year-old Nikki pressed a hand against her throat, trying to hold back the sourness churning her stomach. Sunlight filtered through stained glass windows, casting multi-colored shadows on ebony pews. Her nausea grew. The greens, blues, and reds that she and Cassie used to skip through on church days were no longer fun. Now, they twinkled like evil demons threatening to devour anyone brave enough to step close to her sister’s small coffin adorned with a spray of colorful flowers on top of the bottom half.
“No one should lose a child.” A woman hugged her mother, who was frozen with grief. “At the young age of nine.” She shook her head in sympathy. “It was God’s will.”
Nikki edged closer to her mother and grabbed her hand, watching the long line of people move past. Her mother nodded to their words of comfort, but nothing in her face indicated her belief in those words. Nikki didn’t believe them either. What kind of God would snap his fingers and make her baby sister die? How could he kill someone as sweet as Cassie?
Another stranger approached and swept her mother up in a bear hug before turning to Nikki’s father. “I’m so sorry. God must have wanted an angel in heaven.”
That made everything better. Nikki forced herself to remain still, but everything inside ached to scream. God didn’t need another angel in heaven. Her sister was destroyed by something evil, and God hadn’t stopped it. He hadn’t protected Cassie.
Nikki wanted everyone to quit saying stupid things. They didn’t help. She wanted them to leave what was left of her family alone. Her body quivered with stifled anger. There was no fair explanation for what happened to Cassie. She was fine one minute and rushed to the hospital the next. No one gave Nikki a good reason why she died.
Nikki clung to her mother’s hand and clutched Cassie’s favorite cloth doll in the other. Her mom squeezed back, but her focus was on each person who walked by, nodding after each silly statement. Nikki avoided eye contact with her father. He stood on the other side of her mother. Since Cassie’s death, he had been looking at her funny. She would catch him staring in a way that made her insides curdle. It was an accusing glare, as if she had caused the condition that took Cassie away. But how could that be? Cassie died of an infection in the brain. Whatever that meant.
Nikki stayed clear of her father’s line of sight. She didn’t want to do anything to make him angry. She didn’t want him to notice her. She just watched in silence as everyone went by telling her parents how sorry they were. Lies, all lies.
A tall thin man with short brown hair, speckled with gray streaks, worked his way up the line. All the screeching that warred within her body stilled. She had seen those long strides before. But where? His dark blue suit looked familiar and she couldn’t shake the feeling he didn’t belong there with her relatives. He was as out of place as the amused glint in his blue eyes. He turned his gaze on her.
She looked away.
“I’m so sorry.” Another person lied to her parents. “She’s in a better place.”
How was a big hole in the ground a better place?
A shadow loomed over Nikki’s younger self. She glanced up at the man. He squatted before Nikki.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” His gentle voice was different from the others. Honest. Direct.
She shook her head, but she kind of did. Where had she seen him before?
“That’s okay.” He placed his hands, one on each shoulder. “It was a long time ago. I want you to know everything will be all right. I promise.”
His blue eyes were kind. Trust filled her. She believed him. Though she couldn’t say why. He stood and greeted her mom.
“Thank you for coming, Mr. Songe.” Her mom held out her free hand to him. “It’s comforting to see so many…friends here today.”
“Just wished to pay my respects. I’m sorry for your loss, Mrs. Angelus.” He turned to her father. “Mr. Angelus.”
Her father grunted a harsh guttural sound. Dad didn’t trust him. Nikki edged behind her mother, her hold tightening on her mother’s hand.
“I know it’s difficult to lose a child. But grace will come when you need it.” Mr. Songe didn’t even acknowledge her Dad’s rudeness. Nikki stilled the twitch on her lips. Smiling would be inappropriate. She withdrew her hand from her mom’s. She didn’t want to embarrass her by laughing. The almost laughter died in her throat as she glanced over at the small open coffin. Nikki was drawn to it. The last remnant of a life no more.
Slipping away from the crowd, Nikki walked up the aisle to the front of the church where her sister lay. She slowed her steps as she neared, wanting to shut her eyes, but unable to make them close. It wasn’t right. Cassie should be at home playing with the doll Nikki clutched tightly to her chest. Not here, where people spoke softly and cried.
But she was there, still and quiet. Soft brown curls gently framed Cassie’s face, her eyes closed as if she were resting. Her mother called it the “forever sleep”, but Cassie wasn’t breathing. She was still. So still Nikki couldn’t believe her sister had ever drawn a breath. Appearing, instead, like a doll in a cradle.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I wish I could wake you up.”
Tears streamed down her face. In her mind, she saw Cassie lowered into the ground—a dark hole that would forever separate the living from the dead. She swallowed the burn at the back of her throat. This was the last time she would see her sister. Life was so unfair.
A strong hand gripped her shoulder. She turned. It was Mr. Songe. He gazed at her so intently it creeped her out. A moment ago, he’d felt like a friend. Now she just wanted to escape his grip.
“There’s no need to be afraid of me, Nikki.”
She shook his hand from her shoulder. He made no move to touch her again. “This is part of your journey. To become what you were meant to be. If you do what you must, someday, you may be able to right this wrong.”
“That’s impossible. No one fixes the dead.” Fresh tears welled, and she turned back to her sister’s casket.
He gave a low chuckle. “Not all is as it appears, Nikki. Not everything they tell you is the truth.”
Nikki frowned after him. Soon, Cassie would be in darkness and would never be able to return to the light.
“I can’t leave you alone in a box without something to keep you safe.” Nikki put her hand on the edge of the cold wooden surface and placed the doll next to Cassie’s face. “Your doll will stop the monsters. Goodbye, Sissy Boo.”
Nikki jerked herself from the memory, sobs wracking her chest. As a child, she hadn’t understood her sister had died of Pneumococcal Meningitis. She did now and another certainty came with her comprehension. Her mother was so frazzled because Songe used her mind as a training ground for Nikki. It’d sapped her mother’s ability to reason. She’d missed how sick her youngest
was until it was too late.
Another death Nikki was responsible for. Maybe not directly. But it was because she existed. Nikki dropped to her knees filled with remorse. Tears streamed down her cheeks. The weight of her missteps pulled her deeper into the well of sorrow. If she hadn’t been there, Cassie might still be alive today.
A jolt of realization shot up her spine. Parker was using these memories to paralyze her. That she couldn’t allow. She stood screaming at the emptiness. “Fuck you, Parker. When I find you, I will squash you like the worm you are.”
Nikki sent out feelers in all directions. She sensed his presence again and took off after him. She found him standing over his mother. His hands around her neck. “You won’t hurt me again. I can kill you here.”
Nikki thrust out her hand and yanked him off the weeping woman. Parker’s mother cowered in his shadow, arms raised to fend off another strike. Nikki had never touched Parker before, but the force of her will dragged him to the ground. She lifted her foot to stomp on his head but he was too fast and grabbed it, knocking her backward. Then he was on her, crushing her windpipe with his arm. She clawed at his arm, gasping for air.
“I told you not to mess with my family.”
She closed her eyes shielding herself from his influence. He might kill her, but she wasn’t going back to the time of Cassie’s death.
“Look at me.” He bit out.
She squeezed her eyes tighter, shoving at his arm trying to pry herself loose. She kicked her feet but they met dead air. Stars exploded behind her eyelids.
“Look. At. Me.” A sharp slap stung her cheek. Pain seared down her neckline. Her eyes shot open and she found herself staring into the gaze of a madman. Go back further.
Pressure leaned against her body before she could muster the strength to fight back. Parker disappeared.
She materialized on cold linoleum, staring up at a dim light fixture, gasping for air. A mewling sounded to her right. She rose on her elbows. A small child of three pushed against a door. The child was too small to reach the door knob. Her lips trembled as tears fell.