I squat beside the couch so I’m eye-level with her. Once I’m close enough, I notice the faint bruises under her eyes, the exhaustion cloaking her face, even in sleep. Her short, dark hair is falling over one of her eyes, and I have to physically restrain myself from reaching out and pushing it behind her ear. What in the hell is wrong with me?
Shaking that thought away, I grab her hand and give it a little squeeze. She doesn’t move, her eyelids not even fluttering. Knowing I won’t be able to wake her, short of me tossing ice water on her face, I bend and lift her easily from the couch. As I walk down the hallway toward her bedroom, I force myself to think of a thousand different things other than how her body feels pressed against mine. How her legs feel under my arm, under my hand. How sweet the scent of her shampoo is and how she presses her face into my chest, trying to get closer.
Though it’s not me she’s trying to get closer to. She’s subconsciously reaching for something—or someone—and it’s definitely not me.
Once I get her on the bed, I turn on her bedside lamp, then take her shoes off and toss them to the side. Even that simple act has me thinking of all the other items I’d like to remove from her body, and just like that I’m hard as a rock. Closing my eyes, I hiss out a curse and shake my head, pissed at myself for thinking this shit and pissed at my dick for being happy about it.
Once I’ve talked my cock down and have myself under control, I try to shift her so I can get the covers out from underneath her. She finally rouses and turns toward me, her eyes fluttering once before she bolts upright, her forehead knocking me right in the chin.
“Jesusfuck!”
“Ow!” she groans as she presses her fingers to her forehead. “Jason? God, you scared the shit out of me! What are you doing in here?” She glances around the room, then down at her clothes before she checks the time. “It’s almost nine? Shit, I have to get Haley ready for bed. I must’ve fallen asleep.” She moves to get up, but I stop her, dropping on the end of her bed as I rub my chin where she whacked me.
“It’s all right. I took care of it.”
She snaps her head toward me, her eyebrows raised. “You did?” At my nod, she asks, “How long have you been here?”
“About an hour.”
Her mouth drops open. “An hour? Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“Could I have woken you up? Besides, I figured there was a reason you were passed out on the couch, so I thought I’d let you sleep. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“God, I am failing left and right today,” she says as she falls back on the bed, her head on her pillow. The defeat bleeding into her voice is unmistakable.
“What do you mean you’re failing left and right today?”
“It’s nothing.”
I raise an eyebrow, staying silent as I stare her down. We’ve played this game before, and I always win.
With a huff, she says, “I was late getting Haley from daycare . . . again. Melinda says if it happens anymore, she’s going to start charging me the tardy fees. And it’s not even the money, you know? It’s that I can’t even get there to pick Haley up in the first place.” She shakes her head, her arm going over her eyes. “I just feel like such a failure since Cade left. And I love that he went—hell, I pushed him to go. I didn’t want him here anymore, not when he had that amazing opportunity. But . . . it’s hard. I mean, I fed Haley frozen chicken nuggets for dinner tonight because I didn’t have time to cook anything decent. Last night was boxed mac and cheese. The night before, Spaghettios. Meanwhile, Cade always had dinner worthy of a five-star restaurant ready for us every night.”
“Cade’s a chef, Tess.”
She drops her arm to the bed as she looks at me again. “Doesn’t matter. Every day, I feel a little worse about how I’ve been handling—or not handling—everything since he left. One of these days I’m going to wake up with a World’s Shittiest Mom trophy next to my bed.”
“Oh, Jesus.”
“Don’t ‘oh, Jesus’ me.” She shoves her foot into my thigh, kicking me lightly. “I’m telling you how I feel. You don’t get to poke and prod and push me to open up and then roll your eyes when I finally do. You wanted it, so you get the full brunt of it now.”
I concede with a nod. “Fine. What else?”
She blows out a deep breath, her eyes on the ceiling. “I was just blind to everything he did for us, I guess. Which makes me a shitty sister on top of everything else. I feel like such an ass.”
I roll my eyes—can’t help it. She always was one for dramatics. “You’re not an ass, Tess, or a shitty sister. And you’re sure as hell not a shitty mom. Yeah, Cade did a lot when he was here, but you had one-hundred percent of the responsibility heaped on you in a week when he was suddenly gone. Give yourself some time to acclimate.”
“I maybe could’ve bought that back in June or even July, but it’s been five months, Jason. Five months. I should have my shit together by now.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You do a hell of a lot more than I ever could. It took me forty-five damn minutes just to get Haley in her pajamas and get her teeth brushed.”
“Yeah, she needs a lot of direction at bedtime,” she says with a laugh. “Thanks, by the way. She didn’t give you any trouble, did she?”
“Nah, she’s a good kid, Tess.”
She smiles, the kind that lights up her whole face, and once again I’m struck by how fucking gorgeous she is. I don’t know when she went from being annoying Tess, younger sister to my best friend, to being this . . . hot, amazing woman who I’d rather not be related to any of my friends. It would sure make these near constant and almost always inappropriate thoughts easier to handle.
“Thanks, I think so, too.” She yawns, stretching out as she tucks her feet between my thigh and the bed, and the easy physical affection between us is just another reminder of why I need to get my shit together and stop thinking about her in my bed. “Why’d you come over, anyway?”
The reminder of what happened before I came over is like a bucket of ice water over my head. Closing my eyes, I groan and scrub a hand over my face.
“Uh oh . . . only one thing gets the always unshakable Jason that frustrated. Dinner at your parents’, huh?”
“Yep.”
“What happened now?”
I lie back on the bed and prop myself up on my elbows, turning my head to her. “They gave me an ultimatum. I have ’til the end of the semester and then they’re cutting me off.”
Her mouth pops open as she stares at me. “Seriously?”
I nod. “They found out I’ve got enough credits to graduate if I’d just declare a major, so they’re not buying my bullshit anymore. No more stipends, but of course I’ll get a paycheck just as soon as I take my place next to dear old Dad.”
She’s quiet long enough for me to raise my eyebrow at her in question. When she still doesn’t say anything, I ask, “What’s with the silence?”
“I don’t know . . .” she says, hesitancy in her voice, then waves her hand while shaking her head. “Nothing, never mind.”
“Jesus, Tess, just spit it out.”
“I just . . . I don’t get you. I mean, you’ve got this amazing job waiting for you after graduation, one most people fresh out of college would kill for, where you’ll probably make three times what I could ever even hope to make, and you’re moping around like a petulant child. What gives?”
“Look, I know how good I have it, okay? And I feel like a selfish asshole for not being grateful for it. But how would you like it if your whole future had already been mapped out for you from before you could even walk? It’s a lot of pressure. And not only that . . . What they want me to do? Being the vice president of a financial investment company? It’s not me. I hate that shit, you know that.”
“I do . . . But it’s not so bad. Have you talked to your dad about maybe doing a different job within the company?”
I shake my head. “Nope. No way he’d go for it. It’s all or nothing with him. He doesn’t know the meaning o
f the word compromise.”
“So you’re total opposites, then, huh?”
“When you start comparing me to my father, that’s my cue to leave.” I move to get up, but Tessa laughs, pressing both her feet on top of my thigh to get me to stay put.
“You’re nothing like him, not really. But you are stubborn. Which is why I’m so surprised you’re taking this lying down. Just try it. What have you got to lose? He might surprise you.”
Or he might prove every thought I’ve ever had of him right, and I’d be back at square one.
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