by Mary Calmes
“No matter what, I’ll never leave you, you know that.”
“But you might if I scare you bad enough or do something really stupid, so before that happens, before I lose it, I wanna talk to somebody.”
I bent my head forward, and we stood there, foreheads pressed together, noses touching, quiet and just breathing each other’s air.
“I’m never gonna take pills or shit like that, I just won’t, but maybe I can learn to get myself unfixated when I do that or realize that you being a nice guy and people wanting to touch you really has nothing at all to do with me.”
I smiled, so content with him there.
“I know you, I trust you, and so I need to stop being such a spaz.”
“I don’t love the jealousy, but I love you enough to overlook it.”
“Yeah, I know, but you shouldn’t have to. I mean, what the fuck?”
I chuckled, kissing his nose before letting him go.
“And you’re gonna go with me? To the therapist?”
“Of course,” I assured him. “You know I will.”
“And tomorrow at lunch, will you take me to see Kady’s old restaurant?”
“I will.”
“And can I go with you when you tell April the good news?”
“Yes, you can.” I smiled at him because he was getting so excited and lighting up, just glowing he was so happy.
“You know I’m sorry for everything that happened, right? I mean, I’m sorry about Benji and Adrian, but that guy Kady, he was bad news, so I’m glad he’s not around to try and hurt you.”
I nodded.
“I just, out of all this shit, I feel like we’re still us, you know? We’re Trev and Landry, and we’ll always be okay because we always have each other.”
“Yes, we will,” I told him.
“Yes, we will,” he repeated before he released a deep breath. “Now seriously, I need to eat. I’m frickin’ starving. Get in the shower; you reek. I’ll start making calls.”
“What?”
He nodded, wincing. “You smell, but you’ve gone almost two days without a shower, it’s really not that surprising.”
“Nice.”
He shrugged as I turned toward the bathroom.
“I’ll hurry.”
But he wasn’t listening; he was already on the phone.
BREAKFAST was nice. Our friends all gushed over Landry, kissed the boo-boos on his face, and told him how brave he’d been and how strong. They were all in awe of him, and he ate it up—the looks on their faces, the way they all had to touch him, and of course, the hugs and the petting. Landry loved to be smothered in open displays of affection. He was basically floating on cloud nine.
Back home, I told him to go take a nap, but he didn’t want to. I told him if he did that I would watch his shows instead of mine that evening. Since his were all frou-frou girl shows and I watched the History Channel, he was cackling as he went to lie down. I was sure the snickering was what it sounded like when you made a deal with the devil.
I was right, though, he needed to sleep. I didn’t want to leave in case he woke up, so I called for deep-dish spinach pizza, his favorite, and had it delivered. He woke up yelling for me, which he did sometimes.
“Hey,” I soothed him as I walked into the room. He looked so good with soft eyes, bedhead, and his face flushed with heat from being under the down comforter. He was just staring at me, mouth open, like a fish. “You okay, baby?”
There was no change, no signal that he heard me, no sign of life, and I started to get a little worried. “Love?”
“I had a dream about Robbie Stone’s party.”
“Robbie Stone.” I took a breath of relief. “What made you think of him?”
“You guys used to be friends.”
“Yeah.”
“But you stopped being friends because of me.”
“No,” I assured him, even knowing it was a lie. Robbie and I had absolutely parted ways over Landry Carter.
“Yeah, ya did.”
“We didn’t, but who cares.” I wanted to move on. “Tell me why you were dreaming about him.”
“Not about him, about that party we went to.”
“Okay. Why?”
“I dunno.”
But I had an idea. It was the last time the man had felt powerless, and being kidnapped had reminded him. “That was right after we started dating.”
He nodded.
WE WENT together, like our fifth time out as a couple, and Kent Jeffries, a guy I had never liked, came up to us as we were standing with Robbie and his date for the evening, some underwear model who was walking around in leather chaps and nothing else.
“Did you know that your boyfriend gave me a blowjob?” Kent said to me instead of hello or kiss my ass or anything else.
And it wasn’t that I couldn’t handle people saying crass, lewd, crude, or obnoxious things to me, it was more that he said it to purposely embarrass me and make Landry feel cheap. I was instantly furious, and I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Kent smirked at me. “And he wasn’t even that good.”
“Oh yeah?” Robbie scoffed. “When was this, stud?”
“I dunno, like, what, a month ago at that party at Drake’s.”
The same infamous party where I had seen my boyfriend on his knees as well.
“Oh.” Robbie laughed, slapping Kent’s face gently. “That’s where you were.” He looked at Landry. “I knew you were in the back givin’ head.”
I grabbed Landry’s arm and walked him away, through the lounge, and out onto the patio of the club. There were tiki torches everywhere and those portable heaters, because it was October in Detroit and it was cold outside. I didn’t stop until I got to a dark corner. I pushed him up against the wall and stood in front of him. He wouldn’t meet my gaze, so I tipped his head up with my fingers under his chin. I was surprised at how wary he looked, his fox eyes, wild and bright and angry, staring at me.
“Look,” he started defensively. “If you’re pissed that—”
“Shut up,” I cut him off, and those eyes of his got huge. “I don’t give a shit what you did before I took you home.” My voice was low, and there was a chill to it that I didn’t want him to think was directed in any way at him. “It has nothing to do with me.”
He nodded slowly.
“All right?”
His eyes searched my face. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“You sound like maybe you’re not.” His voice was cautious and hopeful at the same time.
“Because I’m so fuckin’ pissed at Kent that—” I couldn’t even think straight. “—that I just wanna walk back in there and break his fuckin’ face!”
“You promise you don’t care?” he asked me, and I could hear the catch in his breath, the crack in his voice that let me know he was terrified.
“Yes, baby.” I took a deep breath, trying to make my voice soft as I put my hands on his face and looked into the dark blue-green eyes. “Never doubt it.”
“’Cause it’s gonna keep happening.” His voice rose, getting more guarded and more defensive with each syllable he uttered. “I mean, I’ve slept with so many guys that there’s no way that we won’t keep running into—”
I pinned him to the wall when I leaned in and kissed him. It was one of those moments where I just knew I could lose him right there if I screwed up. There was no recovering if he felt for even a second that I thought he was trash. He had to know that to me, he was everything I could have ever hoped for.
His hands were like claws on my zippered roll-neck sweater, he was holding on so tight.
My body pressed to his, my knee wedged between his thighs, I broke the kiss and bent to the side of his neck at the same time my hand went up under the skintight silk shirt he was wearing to the button of the low-rise jeans. I didn’t work it open, just ran my fingers over his flat, smooth stomach, teasing, letting him anticipate what I wanted.
He shuddered
against me. “Trevan, please,” he moaned.
I leaned back and looked into his eyes, which were swimming with tears. “You’re mine,” I told him, kissing each of his eyes before I looked at him. “No one gets you anymore; no one touches you anymore. Right?”
He nodded, and I felt his heated breath fan over my face. “Put me up against this wall.”
“No.” I shook my head. “No one sees you but me. No one hears you but me. All of you, your skin, your smell, your cum, all of it is mine, and especially your voice when you scream my name.”
He looked indignant all of a sudden, and I almost broke down right there. If the man was annoyed, he was good. “I don’t scream.”
I just stared at him. “You’re kidding.”
“I don’t.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I don’t,” he insisted even as his head bumped against my shoulder, his face buried there as his arms wrapped around me tight.
“Fine, you don’t. I love you.”
“I know you do, and I’m so thankful.”
“Don’t have to be thankful, it just is.”
“I could thank you in the car,” he said evilly, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “If you park, I’ll blow you.”
“How ’bout I blow you in the car,” I offered, both hands taking hold of his tight firm ass.
“Oh God, Trev, stop teasing me. Just take me home and fuck me.”
“Are you sure we can leave?” I pretended to be uncertain, biting my lip for effect. “I mean, coming to this party was your idea. I didn’t even want to show up and you gotta work early in the morning, but you were like, he’s your friend, we should go.”
He laughed at me. “Yeah, we can bail.”
We walked back through the lounge together, me leading, Landry behind me with a hand fisted in the back of my sweater. I sent him to get our coats, and when I turned to look for Robbie to say goodbye, Kent stepped in front of me, laughing, barring my way.
“You know, Trevan, you—”
My anger came roaring back. “Fuck you, Kent,” I spat at him, instantly furious all over again.
His jaw clenched as he put a finger in my face. “Listen, Trevan—”
“Just stay the fuck away from me and don’t even look at Landry,” I cut him off.
I got the two-finger poke in the chest then. “Fuck you, Trevan. I—”
“How come all you got was a blowjob, Kent? You weren’t good enough for him to fuck?”
“You conceited prick.” His face was starting to splotch red.
“You don’t get fucked much, do ya, Kent?”
He shoved me.
“Oh sorry, I forgot about the rent boys. You gotta pay to play, huh?”
Second shove, harder this time.
“I bet you gotta pay a lot.”
“Fuck. You.”
I laughed at him.
“You sonofabitch!” he roared and hit me.
I let him because my father always said the other guy had to be allowed to throw the first punch. You got in trouble if you started it, just like you did when you were in the fourth grade. The cops always questioned witnesses and asked the same question, “Who hit who first?” So he caught me under my ear, half on my jaw and half on nothing. With my adrenaline pumping, I didn’t feel anything. I heard my father’s voice in my head, instructing, and I raised my left hand to protect my face, dropped my right shoulder, and came straight up. I got him under the jaw, which was more luck than anything else, and he went down hard. People don’t sink slowly to the floor like they do in the movies, they just drop instantly. I had to step back as his face landed on the toe of my hiking boot.
“Oh shit,” I heard Robbie swear behind me.
“What the hell happened?” Landry asked, coming up behind me, his arm wrapping around my neck.
“I dunno,” I said with as much astonishment as I could manage. “He just came at me.”
“What?” Robbie yelled, crouching down beside Kent, who was already stirring. “You’re so fulla shit, Trevan.” He looked up at me. “What’d you do?”
As I shrugged, the bartender vouched for me, as did three women crowded around the bar, Robbie’s friend Dan, and some other guy I didn’t know. They had all seen it; Kent had thrown the first punch, attacking me without provocation. When the manager and the bouncer showed up, they told Robbie that Kent would have to leave the club. Attacking me would not be tolerated. They asked if I wanted them to call the cops. I said that getting him out was good enough. They seemed very relieved.
Kent was surly when they got him to his feet, and he shouted at me as he was escorted from the club. I waved just to be a dick. He lunged like he was coming after me, but the bouncers were big. There was no way he was getting anywhere near me.
Landry put an arm around my abdomen, breathed against my ear. “What’d you do?”
“Me?” I was the picture of innocence.
“Trev.”
“I dunno what you mean.”
He chuckled low and kissed the side of my neck. “It was over; why would you bait him?”
“I didn’t.”
“Of course you did. Why?”
I took a quick breath so I wouldn’t yell. “He shouldn’t have said a fuckin’ word about you.”
“You’re very protective.”
“You’re mine.”
“And I love that, I do, but you cannot go around defending my honor.”
“The fuck I can’t.”
Robbie, who had followed Kent and the bouncers outside, reappeared, grabbed my arm, and walked me over to the couches. He shoved me down on one of them and waited.
I sat there and looked up at him as Landry took a seat beside me. “What?”
“You’re going to have a bruise on your face.”
“Probably.”
“Christ,” he grumbled, shaking his head. He was staring at me like he had something to say, stalling for whatever reason.
“I’m gonna go get some ice,” Landry said, quickly so I had no time to argue with him before he was gone.
Robbie watched him leave, and then his eyes were instantly back on me. “You’re so stupid,” he snapped at me, his voice changing to a sharp whisper as he gestured after Landry. “He’s pretty, Trev, I’ll give you that, but to move him in like I heard you did, what the fuck, man?” His face said even more than his words about how distasteful he found the whole idea.
“He belongs to me,” I told him.
“Are you fuckin’ kidding?”
“Do I look like I’m kidding?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” he groaned loudly. “The man is a piece of fluff; there’s no substance there at all. And for you to waste your time and energy on him is just so fuckin’ ridiculous I don’t—God! You’re such an idiot!”
“Are you done?”
“He’s not good enough for you,” he half shouted at me. “You deserve someone better!”
“There’s no one better, and if you’re my friend then you accept him just like everybody else has.” I smiled at him. “C’mon, man, my mom’s crazy about him, you will be too.”
“I can’t,” he said seriously. “I can’t watch you throw your life away on trash.”
“Okay,” I told him flatly, because I knew right then, at that moment, that we had ceased being friends, because he obviously didn’t know me at all.
“I’m back,” Landry announced before he sank to his knees on the couch. He slid into my lap, his long legs folded on either side of me as he straddled my hips. “I got some ice, baby.”
I smiled up at him as he put the sealed Ziploc bag on the side of my face, his other hand on my cheek, his fingers stroking my skin.
The way he was looking at me—his eyes so soft, the gentle, careful way he was touching me, the caressing sound of his voice—was all a little much, as my adrenaline had died down. I shivered hard.
“You all right?” He shifted in closer to me, his legs tightening.
I slid my hands over his thigh
s, loving the feel of him. I forgot all about Robbie, and when I looked up for him, he was gone. But that was okay. It didn’t matter. I was in love with Landry Carter, and my real friends, the ones who shared my life with me, they understood, they got us together, and even if it had started out as something they were unsure of, they trusted me and my judgment.
“Let’s go home,” I told him, hands on his face, his beautiful face, as I bent him toward me and kissed him.
“Whatever you want.”
So I pulled Landry along after me and then put my hands on his shoulders and steered and pushed him all the way out of the club. Outside on the street, I draped an arm back over his shoulder before I eased him in against me.
“Ask you a question?” He smiled at me as we walked.
“Sure.”
“You love me, huh?”
I grunted because it was a stupid question.
“Did you love anybody before me?”
“No.”
“And if I die, will you love anybody after?”
“You won’t die,” I said flatly.
“But if I did.”
“Only you, Lan.”
He nodded, pleased with the answer. “You promised, right, the night we met. You’re gonna love me forever.”
“Yes. I promised.”
We were silent then before I realized he was humming softly, and I turned to look at him.
“So, what’re we gonna do when we get home?”
I just looked at him.
He blushed and it was so cute, and other people might have thought he was sweet and innocent, but between the bedroom eyes and the hint of a smile, I got that he understood me and where my brain had gone.
“If you’re lucky, I’ll let you out of our bed before the weekend,” I told him.
“Who says I wanna be?” He chuckled and the sound made me sigh.
I was so in love with him. I told him.
“I know,” he said smugly. “I love you too, Trev.”
“TREVAN?”
I looked back at Landry in the present. “Sorry, I was thinking about that party, since you brought it up.”
“No one ever fought for me before you.”