by Kitty Parker
"How was the drive?"
"Too long," Jamie replied with a pout.
I ruffled his hair. "When you're older, six hours won't seem like such an eternity."
A pair of hands suddenly covered my eyes.
"I don't feel like guessing."
"You're no fun."
"I'm just lazy." I turned around to face a pout identical to the one Tully always used to manipulate me. Smiling, I gave Mr. McFadden a hug.
"My turn!" Mrs. McFadden bodily shoved her husband out of the way and wrapped me up in her arms. "It's been way too long since I've seen you, Evie! Now, any idea where that son of mine is?"
I shrugged. "Hockey practice?"
She placed a hand over her heart melodramatically. "And not even here to greet his own parents!"
Mr. McFadden rolled his eyes at his wife's theatrics. "I'm sure he'll be done soon, Fiona. It's already six."
I felt a hand on my shoulder. Mildly startled, I turned around to meet the deep blue eyes of my boyfriend. I'd almost forgotten that I'd invited him over.
"Your family?" he asked.
"Yeah, and the McFaddens," I replied. "When did you creep up here?"
He grinned. "Was I really that squeaky?"
WTF?
"Squeaky?" I repeated.
"Yes, squeaky, like a spy."
I nearly choked on my laughter. "I think you mean 'sneaky,' not squeaky."
"It is good that I have you around to correct me, then, yes?" He dropped a tender kiss on top of my head. We'd been dating for a week, and so far things had gone well.
"Ah, and who is this?" my mother inquired with a knowing smile.
I blushed as all eyes turned to me. "This is Mischa Ivanov… my boyfriend."
My father raised an eyebrow at me. I usually told my parents about things like this, but I'd been too busy to call them.
"I am very pleased to meet you." Mischa offered his hand to my father, who shook it.
"Likewise," he replied. "I'm Evie's dad."
"And I'm her mom." My mother shook Mischa's hand next.
"It is wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Kaiser."
She chuckled. "Oh please, call me Helen, dear."
Suddenly, Jamie jumped in between them and stuck out his hand. "Hi!"
Mischa grinned and shook it. "You must be Jamie. Evie has told me a lot about you."
"Sweet accent!" he exclaimed. "What is it?"
"Russian."
My little brother's eyes lit up. "Cool!"
I rolled my eyes. And here come the questions in three, two, one…
"Do you eat stroganoff and borscht all the time? Do you have a bear? Are you in the mafia? Do you get to wear one of those furry hats?"
Mischa tried to contain his laughter. "Sometimes, I wish, definitely not, and only in the winter."
Jamie gazed up at him in awe and admiration.
At least my brother seemed to approve of my boyfriend.
I turned my attention to the McFaddens, who had been watching the little display with amused grins. "Mischa, these are Tully's parents."
He shook both of their hands. "I am happy to meet you both. Your son is a wonderful hockey player."
Mr. McFadden puffed out his chest with pride. "Thank you. Taught him myself when he was just a kid."
Thus began the small talk. Tired of standing around outside of my dorm, I ushered everyone inside and into the central common room. I was just starting to get bored when Tully decided to make his entrance, still damp from his post-practice shower.
Making a beeline for his mother, he engulfed her in a bear hug. "Mom!"
"Oh, Tully, I missed you so much!" she squealed, smothering his face with kisses. "How dare you be at hockey practice when your parents get here!"
He chuckled. "Sorry."
"Hey, Tul," Mr. McFadden interrupted. "How about a hug for your old man?"
Tully grinned as his father embraced him. "Hey, Dad!"
My mother cleared her throat in a very purposeful way.
"Helen!" Tully exclaimed, coming over to hug each of my parents. "Will!"
Yes, my grandparents had indeed named my father William Kaiser. They had a pretty off-color sense of humor. I'd always suspected that they were just trying to piss off Great Grandpa George, who'd been a World War One veteran.
Tully emitted a little yelp of surprise when Jamie suddenly attached himself to his legs. My little brother had always looked up to the big boy next door.
"Heya, squirt!" Tully chuckled as he lifted the little boy into the air and spun him around. "Ya miss me?"
Jamie nodded vehemently. "Uh huh."
Tully smiled as he set my brother down. "Aw, I missed you, too. Hey, Eves." He stiffened slightly when his eyes met my boyfriend's, but he hid it quickly by ruffling Jamie's hair. "Mischa."
Though Mischa pretended he didn't notice Tully's reaction to his presence, I could see the brief pang of hurt flash through his eyes. I sighed. Tully and I would need to have a talk later on.
"So, who's up for dinner?" my father asked. "Our treat."
Tully's eyes lit up, all negative thoughts of Mischa seemingly forgotten.
"Me!" Jamie cried, sticking his hand up into the air.
I rolled my eyes. Boys and their food…
* * *
After dinner/the interrogation of Mischa, my family and the McFaddens bid us all goodnight and headed back to their hotel. They all seemed to approve of my boyfriend. Tully, however, was still acting as though Mischa were involved in some sort of Russian espionage. I'd had enough. I went to have it out with him as soon as our families had left.
Amory answered the door when I knocked. "Hey, Eves. Family gone?"
"Yeah, went back to the hotel," I replied. "Tully there?"
He nodded. "On his computer."
"I need to talk to him. Alone."
Amory raised an eyebrow but left the room obediently.
I closed the door behind me with a soft click as I entered the room.
Tully didn't look up from his laptop, almost as though he knew why I had come.
"Tully."
He sighed and turned to face me. "Hey, Evie."
There was no sense in beating around the bush. "Stop being a douchebag to my boyfriend."
"Why?" he asked, not even bothering to deny it.
I planted my hands on my hips. "Because I asked you to. Isn't that enough of a reason?"
He gave me a look.
I sighed. "Tully, you're not an asshole, so stop pretending to be one."
"But I don't like him," he retorted.
"So what?" I threw up my hands in frustration. "You can't go around being a jerk to everyone you don't like. Then you'd just be… well, a jerk."
"Eloquent. Very eloquent."
I glared at him.
"Why him, Evie?" he whined.
I rolled my eyes. "Because he asked me. And I like him."
"But he likes Putin," Tully pointed out. "And need I remind you of the Russia-Georgia thing last August? You can't tell me that's not sketchy."
"Are you kidding me?" I shouted, smacking my hand against my forehead. "You don't approve of my boyfriend because of his country's political situation?"
"That's a legitimate reason," he insisted, sounding almost as though he were trying to convince himself instead of me.
"You make it sound like I'm dating a fucking terrorist! There's nothing wrong with Russian people. It's not like Mischa has anything to do with whatever's going on over there anyway. And just because I don't like Vladimir Putin doesn't mean I can't respect my boyfriend's views. I datedAmory for crying out loud!"
Tully opened his mouth to respond, then stopped and thought for a moment. "Good point, well made."
That calmed me down. "Thank you. Now will you please be nicer to Mischa?"
He just scowled at me.
"For me?"
He thought about it for a few moments, then sighed. "Fine. I'll give him a chance. But that doesn't mean I like him. And if he hurts you,
I'm going to kick his ass all the way back to Moscow."
"St. Petersburg," I corrected.
He shrugged. "Whatever."
* * *
"What are you supposed to be again? Hey!" I protested as Elena squirted me with her water pistol.
"I'm a dark and stormy night! Get it?" She gestured to her all-black attire.
"Creative."
"Just don't squirt me in the head," Elizabeth requested as she cut two eye holes out of a paper bag. "I don't want this thing to get all soggy and stuff."
Elena raised an eyebrow. "You're wearing a paper sack on your head?"
"I'm the Unknown Bone," Elizabeth tried to explain. "It's a band thing…"
"You're not bringing your actual trombone with you, are you?" I asked.
Her eyes widened. "To a Halloween party? No freaking way. I cut one out of paper and I'm just going to tape it onto my shirt."
"To your Hawaiian shirt," I corrected, poking at Elizabeth's chosen top with a grin.
"It's a band thing…"
I shrugged. The three of us were in my room, getting ready for a night of tricks, treats, and skanky girls using the whole costume thing as an excuse to wear as little as possible. Compared to my friends, I was honestly starting to feel uncreative in my Queen of Hearts dress.
"What's Mischa going as?" Elena suddenly asked.
"I don't know," I replied. "He wanted it to be a surprise."
Elizabeth started to draw a face on her paper bag with a black sharpie. "Is Tully still on his case?"
"Nah, not as much. I kind of chewed him out last weekend and he told me he'd try to be nice. He still doesn't like him, though."
"Figures."
"How's Amory taking it?" Elena inquired.
I chuckled, remembering the conversation I'd had with him. "He's cool with it. He did give Mischa the whole 'break her heart and I break your face' speech, though. Except he's Amory, so it was more like "break her heart and I pull some strings to get your visa revoked.'"
Elizabeth snorted. "He would."
"You totally fancy him," Elena teased.
Her eyes widened. "What!? I do not!"
"Do too."
"Do not!" she denied. "He's a tool."
"You want to have his babies," I chimed in.
Elizabeth was getting more flustered by the second. "Ew! No way! That douchebag shouldn't be allowed to reproduce at all!"
Elena raised an eyebrow at me. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
"Indeed she does," I agreed.
Elizabeth scowled at us. "I don't like him, okay? End of discussion."
Elena shrugged. "Alright then. Whatever helps you sleep at night."
I was just putting the finishing touches on my makeup when a referee and Mr. Monopoly, better known as Tully and Amory, strolled into the room.
The former leaned against the doorframe, adjusting his dark glasses. "You guys almost ready?"
"What, are you going to give us a penalty for stalling?" Elizabeth asked sarcastically. "What's with the sunglasses?"
"I'm blind." He held up the white cane in his right hand. "Get it?"
I grinned. "Clever."
"Why thank you." He puffed out his chest proudly.
I gave Amory a once-over. "Nice costume. It suits you."
He raised one bushy white eyebrow at me. "I think I'll take that as a compliment."
"Come on, you guys, let's go!" Tully whined impatiently.
I rolled my eyes at him, nonetheless following his lead out the door. "You sound like my brother."
"It worked," he pointed out as we left the dorm.
On the way down towards Collegetown (a friend of ours was hosting the party in her house), we passed numerous groups of students out celebrating the holiday. I scrunched up my nose in disapproval at a gaggle of giggling sorority girls dressed up as playboy bunnies of various colors.
"Seriously, what is this? Be-as-skanky-as-humanly-possible Night? Whatever happened to witches and vampires and stuff?"
"Says the Queen of Hearts," Amory mumbled.
I scowled. "My dress isn't skanky."
"It isn't scary either."
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, 'cause the Monopoly dude is so terrifying."
"At least I'm not so hideous that I have to wear a paper bag on my head," he retorted.
Although I couldn't see her face, I could tell that Elizabeth was hurt by that comment.
"Off with his head!" I declared, pointing an accusatory finger at Amory.
Elena gave him a prolonged squirt with her water gun.
"That was a low blow, man," Tully commented.
Amory just grunted.
By this point we had reached the Straight, where Mischa had agreed to meet us. I almost didn't recognize him when he approached me. He was wearing a white collared shirt and a tie covered by some sort of bluish military uniform, complete with medals on the left side of his chest. His hat was the same shade, adorned with golden embroidered leaves and a red star in the center with a hammer and sickle.
"What on Earth are you supposed to be?" I asked him, taking a closer look at one of the medals.
He grinned. "A KGB officer. Your friend is always saying that I am one, and I thought it would be funny."
Tully looked down at his feet sheepishly.
Chuckling, I wrapped my arms around Mischa's neck. "Very clever," I mumbled, my lips a hair's breadth away from his.
TWEET!
Tully blew the silver whistle that hung around his neck. "Penalty, number nineteen, Evangeline Kaiser. Two minutes for roughing."
I glared at him. "Penalty, number twelve, Tully McFadden. Two minutes for interference. Aren't you supposed to be blind, anyway?"
"I could, uh… smell you two about to kiss?"
I gave him a look. "Right. Whatever, let's just go." I linked my arm with Mischa's and continued walking.
"I love your costume," he whispered in my ear. "Ti takaya krasivaya."
I smiled, having learned the meaning of that particular phrase: 'you are so beautiful.' I reached up and pecked my boyfriend on the cheek.
After five more minutes of walking, we reached our destination. We split up as soon as we had reached the threshold, Elena and Elizabeth heading for the dance floor, Amory finding someone else he knew, and Tully wandering off God knows where. Shrugging, I took Mischa's hand and pulled him into the kitchen. We began to browse through the alcohol supply.
"Any non-crap beer?" I asked.
He poked his head into the fridge. "I do not see any. Only Keystone Light."
I gagged. "That stuff makes me want to hurl."
"There is half a bottle of chardonnay," he informed me.
I perked up. "Sweet."
Grabbing a red plastic cup from a stack on the counter, Mischa poured me some of the wine before getting some for himself.
"Ura!" he toasted me, raising his cup and tapping it against mine.
I grinned. "Cheers."
After we'd finished our drinks, we made for the dance floor. It was almost strange having a guy to dance with for every song (not to mention one dressed as a communist secret police officer). It wasn't that I didn't want to dance with Mischa. He was my boyfriend after all. There was just only so much intimate contact I could take in one sitting without freaking out. I was almost at the point of needing a break from the intensity when Elizabeth and Elena turned up.
"Dude, there's a haunted house in the basement!" Elizabeth exclaimed, shouting to be heard over the music (the Ghostbusters theme song; I definitely approved).
I shuddered. I hated haunted houses.
Elena poked my arm. "D'you want to go check it out?"
I bit my lower lip. "Can we not? I really don't like haunted houses. I hate it when stuff pops out at me."
"What if I promise to protect you?" Mischa suggested. "I will hold your hand the whole time."
"Please?" Elena begged, giving me puppy eyes.
"Fine," I sighed. "But if I have a heart att
ack and die, I'm totally going to become a ghost and haunt you."
My so-called friends led the way over to the stairs heading to the basement. A creepy looking girl in a black dress stood next to the doorway, beckoning passersby to enter.
I looked down the stairs. The bottom was pitch black.
The four of us began to descend into the darkness. Shivering, I grabbed Mischa's hand.
He gave me a reassuring squeeze.
When we finally reached the floor, we turned to the right and began to head down a makeshift hallway constructed from large pieces of plywood. Someone had really put a lot of effort into it and a part of me appreciated the dedication. The rest of me was just freaked out.
There was a moan. A strobe light went off to our left and we watched as a mental patient strapped into a chair was electrocuted.
I immediately buried my face in Mischa's chest. Anything having to do with haunted or sadistic insane asylums in particular got to me more than other things.
Mischa rubbed my back and whispered soothing Russian words in my ear as we moved on. Our path was blocked by a corpse. Wrinkling up my nose in disgust, I made to step over it, but its hand suddenly shot out and grabbed my ankle.
I screamed bloody murder, kicking my leg free and essentially leaping into my boyfriend's arms out of fright.
Mischa calmed me down and set me back on my feet before bending down to speak to the corpse. "That was, as you Americans would say, adick move."
When the corpse made no move to reply, we resumed walking. I'd gotten ridiculously jumpy and I began to wonder if Mischa still had any circulation in his hand.
Suddenly, a crazy guy with wild curly hair and a huge chainsaw leapt out right in front of me, laughing maniacally.
There was no time to think. My reflexes got the better of me.
Chainsaw Guy let out an anguished yelp as my foot connected with his crotch. Dropping his weapon, he collapsed to the ground, curling up into a fetal position.
It was then I remembered that these were actual people.
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" I frantically apologized, kneeling down to help the guy I'd just kicked.
"Damn!" he cursed, cupping himself and wincing in pain.
"Oh shit. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear! I lost control of my reflexes."
Chainsaw Guy opened his eyes and looked up at me. "Evie?"